Chapter 25 The Dead Cat Dice
“Are you comfortable, Mr. Bitterly?” Grace began.
“Of course not. This is just a trap, a kangaroo court. You’re using my illness as plausible evidence that I intended to infect others.”
“No, Mr. Bitterly, it’s evidence that Miss Obscurity didn’t. As you’ve said, you’re not on trial here, so any evidence can only be for or against the accused. But what about your secret employment by the City? Do you deny that?”
Bits smiled. “I never told anyone, but I was doing the same as Obscurity, playing Pinch for a sucker when all the time I was a double agent.”
“However, Mr. Bitterly, unlike you, Obscurity could hardly be described as ‘one of our regulars.’ But you did take the money Pinch offered you? You took and spent it?”
“Yes, I did. And I might add that it contributed to my cover. Obscurity should have done the same if she was really trying to fool Pinch.” As he spoke, Bits absently rubbed the sleeve of his tweed jacket. “How does this relate to the charges against Obscurity?”
Grace ignored the question. “Your illness causes you to resort to a special diet, doesn’t it?”
Bits blinked. “Everyone who knows me knows that.”
“You avoid cooked meat?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Are you a vegetarian, Mr. Bitterly?”
Bits folded his arms. “I’m not going to answer irrelevant questions. Your Honor, I object to this whole line of questioning.”
“Counselor?” Dignity said.
“Your Honor, the defendant has not been formally accused about a certain matter, but it has been touched on. I mean the mystery of the dead cat Dice. Since getting that cleared up would contribute to the general lightening of suspicion toward my client, I ask to be allowed to pursue this line of questioning.”
Dignity pondered this. “Considering the turn this seems to be taking, would we do well to have sick bags handy?”
“It’s a consideration, Your Honor, yes.”
“Well, go ahead anyway. Objection overruled. Um, but first I want all children under twelve cleared from the court.”
As Humility began to usher out the complaining children, Reason raised a hand. “Your Honor, I ask permission to allow Peace to return to the courtroom shortly for a specific purpose in cross-examination.”
“If you’re sure she’ll be all right, Counselor, then you have permission. Grace, you may proceed.”
Grace and Bits faced each other.
“Does your special diet consist of raw meat, Mr. Bitterly?”
“No, it does not.”
“You don’t ever eat raw meat?”
“Maybe a little sushi, that’s all.”
“You did not kill the cat Dice?”
“Certainly not!”
“Or eat him?”
“This is outrageous! Your Honor, I object to this deeply slanderous line of....” Bits paused and seemed to shrink down in the box. He rubbed his arms. “This confounded itching is keeping me from expressing myself. I object, that’s all.”
“I’ve already ruled to allow this line of questioning,” Dignity said. “Grace?”
“Your Honor, I’m not prepared here and now to prove this,” Grace said. “But the third stage of squamatitis, besides resulting in remarkable, short-lasting physical transformations, also intensifies the sufferer’s lust for raw meat. Am I correct, Reason?”
“You are,” Reason said with her finger on the text.
Grace nodded and continued. “This leads in some cases to the slaughter of animals for their meat; and yes, documented cases exist of house pets being sacrificed. I would hesitate to explore a further possibility if the safety of Grace House’s younger inhabitants were not at stake.”
“Your Honor, these are wild, fantastic innuendoes,” Bits said.
“Be silent,” Grace said quietly, and Bits was still. “Case studies also exist,” he continued, “in which the third stage of squamatitis has resulted in the murder and cannibalization of children. Some squamatitis victims have deliberately sought out households with children and pets, so as to have a food supply. So let us be on our guard.” The court was quiet. Grace turned away from Bits. “The witness is lying, Your Honor. I have no more questions.”
As Grace sat down, Dignity looked down at the poet. “Bits, considering the turn things have taken, you should have a chance to say whatever you want before cross examination.”
Bits shuddered. “This kind of slander and irregularity would never be allowed in a City court, but I’m not afraid of the Ambassador’s smears. You, Your Honor, will not join in this witch hunt, because you know what evidence is. Am I a monster, a cannibal? Hard evidence doesn’t connect me to the death of a beloved family pet or to any other crime. I have the misfortune to be sick and contagious, but that doesn’t prove I deliberately tried to infect anyone. My role as a double agent I’ve already explained, and if the court is ready to accept Miss Obscurity’s bare word about such a thing, then in all fairness it had better accept mine.
“Finally, these last, desperate accusations of the defense counsel are offered with no more evidence than that some squamatitis sufferers have done such things. That’s no evidence at all that I did, or even that I’m in the third stage. I certainly am not in the third stage. So, Your Honor, I’m going to just walk out of the trap. The ill are persecuted, aren’t they? I’m used to it. But despite this smokescreen of accusations against me, you’ve been offered not one solid reason either to shift suspicion toward me or to exonerate Miss Obscurity.”
Dignity made a note or two. “Your points are well taken. The court notes that you are not on trial, and that we still have to decide the fate of Miss Obscurity.” He looked to his cousin. “Cross examination?”
“Yes, Your Honor.” Reason approached the witness box. “Well, Bits, it’s my duty as a prosecutor to follow the evidence where it leads me. I began to doubt you, but Grace’s line of argument seems to have come to a dead end, just as you say. We’re talking a lack of evidence.”
“Thank you, yes,” Bits said, and he began to brighten.
“Nevertheless, Bits, I believe it would be for the best if we remove every shred of doubt concerning your innocence. Therefore, Your Honor, the prosecution proposes a simple test that will clear Mr. Bitterly of all suspicion and so expedite your verdict concerning the accused.”
“What test?” Dignity said.
Reason turned and looked toward the door at the other end of the room just as it opened. Peace entered and walked slowly forward, holding in her arms a cat. She came to Reason and looked up at her.
“I found Slice under Goodness’ bed,” she said.
Reason smiled at Dignity. “Permission, Your Honor?”
Dignity also smiled. “Go ahead, Counselor.”
Reason took the limp, gentle cat and brought him near Bits. “This is the late Dice’s brother,” she said. “Since Slice is the same age, he’s every bit as fresh and succulent as Dice was, I mean to whoever or whatever ate Dice.” She held the cat closer to Bits. “Juicy, that’s what I’d call him. Mouth watering.”
Bits turned away with a shudder; he rubbed his arms and legs. “This itching is killing me,” he said. “I have to leave the courtroom, Your Honor.”
Dignity shook his head. “You stay right where you are.”
Reason put the cat down on Truth’s table, where her husband accepted him with a smile and a head rub. “You’re looking a little green, Bits,” she said, “but let’s try one more experiment before you go.”
She beckoned to Peace, who still stood by, and brought her to stand at the rail of the witness stand.
“Are you OK?” she whispered to Peace.
“I’m OK, Aunt Reason.”
Bits had faced back around when Peace came near, and now he was staring at her. Reason lifted the little girl’s arm to the rail. “Peace is juicy too, Bits. None of that str
ingy cat meat here.” She pulled up Peace’s sweater sleeve. “See how plump and white her arm is? Does that do something to you?”
“Quiet, you stinking fiend!” Bits croaked.
He was green indeed now, more than seemed possible for a human being. His hand spasmodically clutched the rail just inches from Peace’s arm, and Reason drew the little girl back. Bits’ hand on the rail was flaking, splitting, erupting into scales. Everyone in the room stood up as Bits’ form twisted and rearranged itself until, after a minute, a man-sized lizard sat in the witness box, clad in the remnants of corduroy slacks and checked tweed jacket. With Peace clinging behind her, Reason continued to back away.
The lizard lounged in the chair and grinned, showing inch long teeth. It spoke in Bits’ voice. “Ah, my love. ‘When we two parted, in silence and tears....’ Only Byron truly understood these things, don’t you agree? Just because you dismissed me years ago, didn’t mean I could release you. Nothing stood between us even then, nothing that doesn’t pass away in the course of things. Time devours mortal flesh. With a little more secrecy, a little more tact, I would have had you.”
“Devoured me, you mean,” Reason said.
“Don’t split hairs, dear. You belonged to me. I had every right. Aesthetics called for it. The sensitive should be served by the insensitive, the genius by the dullard. What’s your marriage or your Embassy to me? You should have served me.”
“Been served, you mean,” said Reason. “Served up with parsley.”
Truth was on his feet. “Surround him,” he said. “Don’t let him out of this room.”
But with reptilian speed, the lizard leaped up and, trailing a six foot tail behind him, ran out the door behind the bench. Everyone seemed paralyzed except Reason, who followed him so fast that she almost trod on his tail.