Bodies filled the end of the corridor. Katie stood, frozen, for a moment that seemed like an eternity. She squinted her eyes at the figures in the corridor. Her eyes were good enough anyway, she thought, but she was trying to tell herself that squeezing her eyes into slits would bring the faces, the individual features into focus. They couldn’t all just have blurs for faces. That was impossible, wasn’t it? People had faces – eyes and ears and noses – but these didn’t. Once upon a time they might have. Now, they looked like someone had put a sweaty thumb down and smudged their faces into indistinct messes before the ink had dried. But she thought she knew these people.
People? a voice questioned by her ear. Katie slapped it down.
These were her friends.
She wanted to run to them, to beg them to take her away from this strange, cold place. Take her home. Far away from all of this.
But her feet were locked into the ground and she could not take one step towards them.
You can run. You MUST run. It was that same voice again. But in the other direction.
Away from the arms of the ones she loved?
And then, moving as one, the mass of bodies moved towards her and she knew in that same instant, knew with every fibre of her being, that they meant her harm. Katie turned on one booted heel, non-plussed at why she was wearing work boots under a hospital gown that was a size or two too big for her and spotted with blood near the hem. At least the gown was loose enough to run in and the boots were thick and sturdy. It would have been just like Katie to imagine herself into stilettos and a pencil skirt… which wouldn’t have been very helpful. Her feet would move. They would. It took a few seconds of work, precious seconds in which she knew these friends-but-not-friends were gaining on her, but finally her legs gave in to her orders and started moving. Her knees kept locking up, her joints seized up at odd moments, and her normally smooth and controlled running movements became lurching. But she couldn’t take even a fraction of a second to slow down and massage them into comfort. There was a shadow at the end of the corridor. It got closer with every step – she knew it did, that was how physics worked – but in this place… each step brought it no closer.
But it’s no further away.
If she could just get to the corner then she would be safe. There was a way out beyond that corner.
Katie felt like she had all but blinked when the slamming front door jerked her awake.
“Huh? I wasn’t asleep,” she told the empty room. It was the truth – or it was as far as she remembered. There were taped lecture notes coming from the speakers of the stereo and a copy of Dubliners by James Joyce her English teacher had decided to torture the class with on her lap. No wonder she had fallen into a trance. The hospital grade pain killers she had just popped had probably contributed. She shook her head in an attempt to clear the blissful fug of sleep from her mind, put her book aside, and headed for the kitchen to see if there was anything she could help with.
Lainy was armed with two bags of food shopping and Adam had been given the important job of carrying the beer in. There were two crates of assorted lagers and ciders and a bag of plastic cups and straws. “Are we having another party?”
“Not until Halloween but we just space all the food and drink out over a few weeks.”
“Apparently it makes it look like you’re spending less.” Adam shrugged and dropped his load onto the floor. The clanging of the cans inside would probably have set off foam volcanoes if anyone opened a can now. “Besides, I don’t think I could’ve carried another box.” A month ago Adam would have flexed his biceps just to let them know he definitely could have, but he would have done it in a way that you couldn’t miss even though it seemed casual. Today, those rippling muscles were safely hidden beneath the scuffed sleeves of a leather biker jacket.
“Hey, have you taken something?” Lainy grabbed Katie by the jaw and frowned into her face. She was too pale and her pupils were dilated beyond the norm.
“Just that stuff Dr de Rossa gave me the other week. I know I should have come off it by now but I didn’t take anything this morning and it just decided to wake up.”
“I didn’t think you’d even have any left by now.”
She hadn’t taken the co-codamol as prescribed in the first place so she still had plenty in her bedside table. When the pain in her wrist got bad and Jack had been around, he used to sink his hand through her flesh and numb the itching of mending bone. “Just found a couple left over.”
“Well… okay. Promise me, sweetie, that you’ll tell me if it feels out of the ordinary.”
Katie held up three fingers in a boy scout salute.
Right then, Dina blew in and decorated the table with books from the library at the academy. Katie picked one up. Calligraphy in the twenty first century: commercial. Sounded fascinating. They shared a quick look but Dina broke it. Neither of them wanted to speak to the other. It was just hard to know what to say.
“Ooh, Halloween’s coming then,” Dina noted. She had been here last Halloween. Maybe a party was a tradition.
“No sampling,” Lainy warned as Dina started eyeing the plastic bags. But they contained only basics like bread, butter, milk, juice and the ever-present ready meals. This is what passed as nutrition for the average student. Yum. She shot Adam a strange look as he sat down heavily and rubbed his hands over his face. “Given up?”
“Putting away… women’s work.”
“Yeah, he does think trainers belong in the fridge,” said Dina.
Katie finished the sentence. “And pants in the microwave.”
“Hey, when it starts getting really cold you’ll be thanking me for that idea.”
“Uh-huh. Grateful already, Yoda.”
“Any chance you can cook people food again one day, Katie? I mean, that lasagne you made before… before – was like to die for yumtious.”
“Kind of busy this weekend. Sometime before the holidays though.”
Just then, Lainy shooed them all from the kitchen so she could put everything in its rightful place – the way the girl organised the cupboards was an absolute mystery to Katie. Who else would keep Cornflakes in the bread bin? None of the other cereals… just the Cornflakes. She was glad of the escape to be honest. A part of her was just a bit too whacked out from everything that had happened in the last hour or two to deal with normality. Once in her room, Katie crumpled onto the bed and looked angrily at the open door. It was just a few steps away but it was few steps too far. It was the doors’ own fault for not shutting itself. after a minute, the girl pulled the side of the duvet she wasn’t lying on over her face and pointedly ignored the knowledge of the open door, losing herself in the choking darkness.
Thoughts came unbidden.
Whether she wanted to or not, Katie found herself facing memories of all he physical injuries she could still have been healing from – whip slashes on her arm and forehead, hundreds of bruises and cuts from her fall at the pool, a lungful of water from nearly drowning at the same time. She should have a bullet hole in her head, if not a shattered skull and brain damage. There had been a strangling incident; which would have left bruises and angry red fingermarks around her throat. None of those marks had scarred her perfect, young body. The only thing that showed itself was the brace around her wrist. And it was a clean break, according to the doctor, shouldn’t take long to heal or present any problems down the line. She should be thankful for that. But it’s not the scars you can see that matter. They heal up and fade. It’s the ones you can’t see, she thought. There were tears streaming down her face now, or maybe they were just stinging the edges of her eyes – Katie didn’t know, and she didn’t care either. Everything hurt and…
The thought escaped her as her phone beeped a message. She fumbled around for it, knowing it was in one of these pockets. Leo. Why the hell was he texting her? Were they text buddies now or something? Open message or delete. The
two choices on screen glared at Katie and, for a second, the options confounded her. Eventually she hit the button to open the message. MEET ME AT THE LIBRARY. BRING THE BADGE. The text was simple enough but she took offence at being ordered around. She fired one back. ?WHY? But she was reluctantly scrabbling her way free of the clutches of comfort by the time one dinged back at her. YOU WANT ANSWERS DON’T YOU? MOVE IT BITCH! Yeah, ‘cos calling her names was really going to get her moving faster. God… men! They just didn’t get it.
Oh well, it wasn’t like she had anything better to do with the rest of the day. But the silver badge was not in the back of her top desk drawer where she had kept it before. For a while Katie had kept it hidden behind her pencil case and the phone and MP3 player chargers – didn’t want anything to do with it. And now when she actually did want it, it had gone walkabouts. Rooting around more and more, taking things you to see if it was hidden under papers and old letters – including one from the police station in Worth, her old home town – it struck a dull pang through her heart when she saw it but she didn’t want to think about that, not now – did not make it magically appear. Then a mental replay of Wednesday night started acting out around her. Jack, looking more scared and unravelled than she had ever seen him. Leo, a satisfied grin on his face but dark blue eyes tinged with concern. There was shouting, a moment of pain, a spot of blood, and… and yes, there it was. Nestled between the corner of her bed and her bedside cabinet, right in the corner where she must have nudged it with the vacuum yesterday. She picked it up and shoved it in her pocket. Something tickled her mind, a dim idea that something was terribly wrong somewhere.
The library at Levenson Academy was attached to the back of the Humanities wing, where religion, social studies and psychology were normally taught, but it had a direct door so there was no need to walk through the echoing corridors of the college. On her way over there, Katie slowed her leisurely walk further to stop and stare at the ambulance flashing away outside the athletics arena. Something was going on. It was just human nature to want to creep closer and look. So she joined the throng of other students ringed around the commotion. It was hard to see from the back – Kate was so used to being tall enough to see over everyone’s heads – but these weren’t half grown 16 year olds any more. Muttering apologies and excusing herself further to the front, she caught sight of two paramedics sliding a figure on a stretcher inside the van, jumping out and shutting the doors behind them. Through the slim windows in the side, she caught sight of a shock of grey hair and an oxygen mask covering the face beneath it. A third paramedic with TECHNICIAN emblazoned on his back was sitting next to the figure, fiddling with a machine with one hand and rifling through a navy blue duffel coat - for ID most likely. That coat… she had seen it earlier, turned up against the chill…. She knew the hair too… it hadn’t looked quite so wild last time… Roy! Oh God, it was Roy in the back of hat ambulance, tearing of the grassy patch and around a corner. She gasped and took off after it, as fast as she could, all plans forgotten.
It took just a few minutes running at top speed to get to the student medical centre. Her feet kicked up tiny pieces of gravel as she raced across the hospital grounds and screeched to a stop. The ambulance was already here, idling by the emergency doors which were swinging shut behind the paramedics. She should go right in and… do what? Just be there. A simple enough job. Not one that Katie thought she could even do, let alone do anything useful. Deep breath. In… out. It helped a bit but it didn’t make the hospital seem any less daunting.
“It looks like a scary place, doesn’t it?”
Katie turned quickly – so quickly it was a wonder she didn’t give herself whiplash – and found herself staring up at a young man dressed in green. The third paramedic, she realised, and then frowned. She knew him. His red hair, his tall and skinny frame, eyes hidden behind glasses with dark lenses.
“It’s really not that bad.” His face tilted towards her wrist. “I guess you already know that though.”
“Oh. No, it’s not a bad hospital as hospitals go. I’ve definitely been in wore.” Like the big old one in Worth, where she had spent a horrible Sunday night and most of Monday morning earlier this year. It had not been as clean as it could be but it was the noise that had been worse. The eternally muffled moans of other people in pain. The hush of medics trying to discuss patient notes without being overheard. The occasional squeal or clang of trolleys, wheelchairs and cleaning equipment. The way her voice had sounded too loud, too defensive when she was answering the questions being fired at her. “You go to Levenson, don’t you? I’ve seen you around.”
“I have my track time with you sometimes. And I see you around too.”
“You tried to help when I had that argument with Leo last month. Christ, I don’t even remember what it was about.”
“You get into a lot of rows?”
“I try not to but they seem to find me anyway. Have you got a name?”
“Chris.” He put out his hand for Katie to shake. She took it and opened her mouth to introduce herself, but Chris the paramedic got there first. “You’re Katie. I already know who you are. Not in some psycho stalker way,” he assured her. Katie shuddered. She recalled saying that to somebody before, somebody who had scared her but now did the exact opposite. “I’ve been trying to get you a trial with my coach. That’s all. You’re talented but you never seem to be around when he’s there to watch.”
“Hmm, I’m a busy girl.”
“I gathered. You always seem to be haring off somewhere.” Chris leaned to one side and listened to the burst of static from his radio carefully. It sounded non-sensical to Katie but there were evidently some words in between. “Break time for me. Must have done something right this week.”
“You don’t usually?”
Chris looked down at Katie. She was just a girl… a child, really. She had no place standing outside a hospital with a stranger, waiting for the courage to go in and hear some potentially terrible news. Because Roy wasn’t going to survive this heart attack. He’d seen only a couple over the last two years, working on the ambulance, but he knew enough that this one was bad. “Don’t you think you should..?” he started asking.
“Will he be...?” she asked at the same time. “I guess I’ll never know unless I go in. Things always look worse than they are. Huh!” Believing that was like believing in Santa Claus; it looked good but all fell apart once you touched it. “I’m scared, you know? Call me a wuss, a baby, whatever, but I am. Stupid isn’t it?”
“Only a little bit. Being frightened of hospitals in the first place makes it scary.”
“Mind over matter and all that.” But Katie wasn’t convinced by the theory. One, she had a damned good reason to be nervous of medical institutions, and two, clichés did not work.
“Pretty much. Look, Katie, nothing can hurt you in there if you don’t let it. This is Northwood, your home, and there’s nothing to be scared of.”
“I’ve just got a bad imagination. All doomy and gloomy.”
He thought for a second then took Katie by the shoulders pointed her towards the door and bent down to whisper in her ear. “You’re only visiting. Now, go!” he nudged her forwards and released her shoulders. Once she had begun her forward motion Katie found she couldn’t stop. Oh, she wanted to. The thought even grew almost big enough to halt her in her tracks. But she pushed that aside and carried on. Her mind kept trying to spark – tell her that her friend might be dying in there; he might not come back out. She ignored it and looked pointedly down at her feet as they crossed the worn tarmac outside the hospital, the rubber mat set into the floor by the doors, the tiles of the reception area shadowed by the edge of the front desk and the swinging double doors as they changed to a laminate wood covering. This was where Dr de Rossa had his office, to her right. Katie let herself glance back up then. She was deep enough into the medical centre
that she didn’t feel as if she was going to turn tail and run away now. It was easy to tell where she needed to go next. A man in blue scrubs was wheeling some machinery around a corner. She followed him, blindly, and found herself, a moment later, standing at a large internal window. The slatted blinds were half down but she could see well enough.
Well enough to know that she didn’t want to see this.
A few medics – doctors, nurses, hell they could be vets for all Katie knew – were buzzing around a bed in the middle of a big, windowless room. This room was where they had taken Dina when she had flirted with death, although she had not been quite brave enough to look. “Roy,” she said to the window even though she knew no-one could hear. “What are they doing to you?” Because, as they uncapped needles and delivered electric shocks to Roy’s poor, used up, old heart, they looked as though they were hurting him. Doctors barked orders and nurses obeyed and the attempt to save the elderly man went on. And on. And then it stopped.
The men and women in their uniforms stopped. They stood back from the bed, put the paddles away, took syringes out of his arms leaving the needles in, removed patches from various machines. They had given up. She wanted to pound on the window and stamp her feet, shout at them to do something. “You can’t stop! You can’t let him die!” But she didn’t cry or shriek or whine at them to fix something that was beyond their control. Katie just watched.
All that was left to monitor Roy was that horribly bleeping thing and a drip of clear liquid going through the back of his hand. All that was left to monitor her friend as he slipped away. All that was left…
One by one, the medical team left the room in silence, sombre enough to make her want to cry right there and then, because she knew. And then a figure still inside the room caught her eye. A figure that hardly moved. It directed its head to the body in the bed – Roy, but somehow not Roy any more – and then turned to the machine which read out his vitals. Blood pressure dropped to a dull, elongated beep. It usually raised the alarm and caused panicked doctors to come running from all directions on all the TV shows – why was nothing happening here? And then a thin turquoise line at the top of the machine (pulse) jumped. Katie looked on numbly as the jagged peaks of his heartbeat grew less and less frequent. The jumps came randomly and they were smaller, weaker each time. A man is dying in front of me, thought Katie. Then she did something she thought she’d never do. She prayed it would be over soon. That’s a hateful thing to ask for. Sort it out girl. It was true. It was a horrible thing to think. No arguments on that one. But she couldn’t watch it for another second. Not this friend slipping away so slowly, so agonisingly slowly.
In the end, the line which read out the heartbeat became one flat line – no more jerky mountains, not even a slight ripple, and she had to tear her eyes away from the screen and back to the figure. Bernice was just standing there. Not wailing hysterically or complaining that it wasn’t fair! She was just standing by the end of his bed and looking at the man she’d married as a young woman. That fresh, bright love of their youth burned less fiercely now. It was as unshakeable as ever. As she bent to take his hand, a single tear rolled down her cheek.
Katie stepped back, away from the window. This wasn’t her place. This was Bernice’s time to grieve. It was disrespectful to be watching another person going through their own personal torture.
“Nobody should have to see something like that.” Dr de Rossa said, coming up behind Katie. “This is the hardest part of my job, knowing everything you do is hopeless. I hate having to tell people their loved ones have… passed on.”
He said something after that but Katie was deaf to it. A sudden flare of rage had blown up inside her. And suddenly, she knew she was going to start shouting. She knew she was going to be irrational and rude and angry and she was powerless to stop it. “You hate it! How the fuck do you think she feels? Bernice had to watch that. She just stood by as you all just gave up and left him to die, cold and alone and screaming for someone to save him. Only you never heard him because you decided he was already dead. You decided it was pointless. What the hell gives you the right to choose whether people live or die?”
“I don’t have the right,” he replied calmly. “I have the responsibility.”
His matter of fact tone was probably meant to bring down the temperature of the heated exchange, but it only drove Katie further into anger. Words failed her. Her anger cooled down in a fraction of a second and she felt a familiar cool touch stroke her mind.
Calm down, Lady Katie. It’s not your fault and I’ll come soon. I promise.
Jack. His very voice blanketed Katie in… what? Peace? This imagined icy cover fell around her and the fiery rage died away instantly. Emotion crowded in. the doctor kept talking, platitudes and empty words she’d heard before, but Katie was looking, once more, at Bernice. Her heart broke for the old lady. It cost nothing to go in there and share a kiss and a cuddle, share the loss.
“Oh.”
She switched her attention back to Dr de Rossa.
“Could you please tell Elaine that those tests results should be in this week.”
“What tests?”
“She hasn’t said? Oh no. Oh dear oh dear oh no.”
“Is this something I need to know about?”
“No, it’s nothing important. Just tell her. Okay?”
“Yeah sure,” she said, not really thinking about what he was saying.
Dr de Rossa wandered off down towards his office, still muttering “oh dear,” and “oh no.” The information about the tests filtered through Katie’s mind and slotted itself neatly into NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. She wiped tears from her face that she hadn’t even felt being shed. If she allowed herself to, the crushing wave of grief pushing at her edges would do a little more than threaten; it would overwhelm her and end her to her knees. Roy had been quite a new addition to her circle of loved ones but he had been such a friendly and supportive person that he had earned his place with room to spare. Even though his own health must have been playing up – no-one had a heart attack that serious without warning, right? – he always made time for a kind word or two. The parallels with her own late grandfather flashed into her mind, uninvited and most certainly unwanted. Her grandfather had died suddenly of a major cardiac arrest too and nobody had noticed a thing until it was too late. And he was such a lovely person. He didn’t deserve it. And then, as misery began growing, she was running out of the hospital and away from all this sadness. Where Katie was going was open. Just anywhere she didn’t have to be alone any more.
“Those things will kill you!” she shouted to Dr de Rossa as she raced past him lighting up outside the main doors. Then she found an inverted corner of the big building and closed her eyes.
Jack? Please Jack.
No answer came. It was strange. Hadn’t he been with her just a few minutes ago?
Jack, I need you. I don’t want to be alone.
It took a few minutes but she could feel him trying to get a grip on her life force. It hurt more than it had ever hurt before. Not as badly as it had earlier this afternoon with Henry Lawson because Jack was smaller and lighter. He just fit better in her.
I’m hurting you, Jack thought at her, reaching out to stop her stumble even though his hand would pass right through. It was automatic to try to stop the world from so much as grazing her knee. You’re tired and… he tried to choose the words that wouldn’t sound like an accusation … some-one else has used you.
I just saw a friend of mine die. I saw his heart beat for the last time, I practically felt him take that final, shuddering breath.
Hold on. Just hold on one more second. You don’t have to be frightened. “Now.”
Solid. Jack was solid and as real as any other person she had clung onto this way. No words. No soothing strokes of her hair. No wiping away the tears that she couldn’t seem to make come out.
They just held on to each other – a young couple relying on each other for the comfort the other could provide.
“Oh Christ, I look terrible.”
“No, you don’t. You look like a 16 year old girl who has been through more in one day than some people go through in a lifetime. And you’re dealing with brilliantly.”
“By crying like a little kid the minute things get difficult?”
“It’s better that hurting yourself. Or somebody else,” he added.
“I guess so.”
“I’m sorry i wasn’t there when your friend... i didn’t hear you call.”
He hadn’t heard. What kind of an excuse was that? “Jack, don’t lie. You have better things to do than be at my beck and call all the time.”
“You’re shivering. Are you cold?”
“A little bit,” she conceded. Denying it and protesting her fineness came instantly to mind but chattering teeth soon put paid to that idea. Jack stripped off the leatherjacket with fringing he sometimes wore and wrapped it around her shoulders. She took it gratefully, telling herself that he wasn’t cold, he didn’t even have to feel natural changes like temperature if he didn’t want to. The sun had sunk low on the horizon and a dusky haze was settling over the town, making it look completely harmless – as safe and cosy as a Christmas card. “I met-“ Katie mentally slapped a hand over her mouth to keep the next words in. Physically, she just bit her bottom lip hard enough to make it bleed. “Oww! That wasn’t clever.”
“What?” Jack was worried already. Lady Katie wasn’t the type to say a word unless she needed to.
“Cut my lip.”
“Let me see.” He looked at his love and took in the tiny trickle of red staining her teeth and lips. “Nope. I really don’t think you meant to do that.”
“Genius.”
“It’s been said before. Never gets old.”
Katie playfully punched his arm. There was a crumpled tissue in her bag and she… had left it at home. Wonderful. She ran her tongue over the cut, winced, and faced Jack. He had these powers like being able to go through water and not get wet so it wasn’t that much of a stretch to hope he could heal her lip, or at least stop the bleeding.
“I’m not a medicine man. Look, it’s already stopped.” Jack ran a finger teasingly over the inside of her lower lip and brought it out clean. It wasn’t completely painless, but it didn’t send ripples of it through the flesh. No, the tiny tooth marks bitten into her face were tingling with a stinging sweetness and Katie shivered again. “You’re going home. A hot bath, cocoa, bed.”
Not that Katie was going to argue with him but she had to try something. “Will you stay with me? It’s been a long day and I need to feel safe and loved. I feel safest of all in your arms.”
“You wouldn’t rest if I was there,” he said with a touch of a smirk. There it was again. That flash of need, desire, the internal struggle to let lust and love off a very tight leash.
You don’t need to fight it with me. I know what you are and I still love you.
You… love me?
Umm… had she actually thought that? I – I – I do.
You don’t sound all that sure of yourself Lady Katie.
I never really let myself believe it either. We’ve been through a lot and I think I fell in love with you a bit more each time you saved me but I didn’t imagine… I never dreamt I could love anyone all that way. But “I love you, Jack.”
Before she had a chance to take the words back, or decide if she needed to take them back, his eyes changed. From the fever-bright green eyes burning with raw passion they darkened and shadows settled behind them.
All those secrets. You keep them all locked away deep inside, Jack. It’s not good for you. I want to help.
You can’t.
Katie waited a moment for him to explain and then refused to walk another step until he spoke to her. “There’s a lot going on at the moment,” he said simply. But it wasn’t simple. And, breaking the rules or not, he had to tell her just a tiny bit of it. “There are people up there,” he pointed up towards the sky, keeping his voice and movements as slight as possible. “Beings, rather, I don’t think they have any of the things that would qualify them as people. They can see things. Things in my life that I don’t remember. I have to decide whether I want to know who killed me? Or if I want to know about my father.”
The words were on the tip of Katie’s tongue but she managed to stop them spilling out. She wanted to tell him that she had met the man who claimed to Jack’s father. The pair of them could meet; they could use the rest of their lives to forge the parent-child relationship everybody deserved. It would be an easy solution. But she kept her mouth shut. And her mind closed. That took some concentration – the exhaustion of the day was really biting into her reserves of mental energy and one push from Jack would make her mind shields come tumbling down and her thoughts come flooding out. A voice inside was urging her to draw on those last few shreds and put up the wall. Jack couldn’t know about this arrival. Henry Lawson had to be kept secret. There was something about him, something she didn’t entirely trust. “I was supposed to meet Leo!” Katie remembered with a jolt where she had been going before Roy had… before she saw the ambulance. Yes. That was an easier way to think of it. She had seen an ambulance and a crowd of people and got distracted by all the activity. There would be tears if she thought of it any other way.
Jack straightened his t-shirt – Katie tried not to think about how cold he might be as she continued to shiver in his jacket over her own – and frowned at her. There was something about her… something not quite right. It was the thing that had made him wait 150 odd years for her. The thing that he loved and hated in equal measure.
It was her unwavering determination to risk everything for her friends.
It was her strange ability to ignore any danger to herself if one of her circle was in trouble.
It was her slippery grasp of right and wrong.
It was her tendency to listen to her heart, not her head.
It was the fact that she was an emotional teenager who thought losing a friend was the end of the world.
And he wanted to say all this to her. Wanted to tell the beautiful and innocent young girl at his side that she wasn’t put on this world to save it. Her only job was to live and learn and love like it was her very last chance.
I am, she thought at him with such force that Jack actually felt a dull prodding in the centre of his brain. That’s what I do every single day.
When had Katie gotten powerful enough to touch his mind that way? Was he doing something to her… stripping her soul of all the soft, fluffy bits that made her human? They said it was a danger if you pulled too much energy from one person. Absently, he stretched out a hand and caressed one side of her face. How much damage could it do to just cup that face in his hands, tlt it unti he saw nothing but those soulful brown eyes and just kiss those trembling lips into a smile? But they both knew the answer to that. “Katie. Whatever you do from now on, it’ll never be enough.”
She stared at him. They were slowly making their way towards the house on Newton Street where the plan of warm bath, warm drink and warm bed was sounding better and better. Katie was unusually cold. The weather app on her new phone still reported a relatively balmy 13 degrees. She shouldn’t be shivering and shaking this much; feeling that the cold was coming from the inside. Put it down to shock and exhaustion. It had been a long day. Meeting Leo like she had promised suddenly faded off her radar. She was cold and tired and hungry – oh God, definitely hungry – her stomach rolled over and growled at the very notion of food – and she just didn’t care any more. Leo was a big boy. He’d figure it out.
“Nearly there, my love,” Jack whispered by her ear. “Can you walk a few more steps?”
Apparently the answer was no. Even as Katie was wondering why he was asking that – she felt fine – her
bones and muscles in her legs turned to water and she had to lean on Jack for a minute while she got her balance back. Obviously she was colder that she thought. They managed to make it back though, and Katie had a mini collapse on the bottom of the stairs. Jack vanished deeper into the house. No doubt to find Lainy so he can tell tales, she thought bitterly. Climbing the stairs seemed like climbing Everest. One step, two steps, more. She should have been running up them, taking them two maybe three at a time, but something heavy and cold was settling into her bones. She spent a few minutes in her room gathering her nightclothes together and emptying her pockets. Keys, phone, handful of change, the two tarot cards and the crystal Mademoiselle Romani had given her. The sheriff’s badge. Idly, she chucked everything in a pile on her bed and went down the corridor to the door with the toxic waste sticker on it. If she hung her strapped up wrist over the side of the tub, she could lie down and have a decent bath. The hot water and bubbles slipped and slid around Katie’s neck as easily as if that was where they had always been meant to be.
And around the corner was – damn! It was nothing but another long corridor with deep-set windows and a turning at the far end. Katie whipped her head around. If she wished hard enough maybe another escape route would appear. Physically, that was impossible - she had paid enough attention to her lessons to know that you couldn’t create matter where there was simply none – but she was also dimly aware that this was a dream and anything could happen. So why no magic door?
There was no more time to waste. The footsteps were shuffling ever closer. Their long shadows were creeping across the long white wall. She had to keep running or they were going to get her. Was that such a bad thing?
Don’t let them touch you. They’ll hurt you in ways you can’t even imagine. You have to run.
The voice was calm and even but it had a ring of authority Katie instinctively knew she had to obey. Maybe it was her own voice working at speeds she couldn’t fathom. Perhaps some part of her recognised the true danger and was just trying to get her body to co-operate. So she ran. Down one corridor and around the corner, down a second corridor and around the corner. Look around – no other way out. This happened three or four more time until the only sounds she could hear wear her own laboured breathing and the pounding of her thick soles on the ceramic floor. Her feet were bare inside the boots, no time for socks, she thought as she ran on.. the endless impacts were hardening the already tough skin on her feet, undoubtedly producing bruises and blisters; sending mini shockwaves of pain shooting through her legs. No time to rest. No time for anything but running because they wee still coming. Not even time to tie the cord at her bottom to hold this stupid hospital gown together. It was held loosely together by one string across the middle of her back. The one at the neck had come apart when she woke in this strange place and tying it had seemed unimportant. How was she to know that she would be running for her life. But this is a dream. These are dream people. Her thoughts were almost infuriatingly logical.
Vaguely, Katie wondered if the smell or sight of the blood on her gown might be attracting these zombie looking friends.
Friends.
Her friends. She trusted these people and now they… something brushed her mind then ran away, laughing. Something from the real world. What had it been..?
And she spent too long wondering. There was a sickly moan from behind her. It took rivers of strength not to look round. The shadows creeping along the wall told her they were getting closer. There was no time. Katie took a deep breath kicked her heels against the floor and sprinted off for the next corner, not expecting a way out.
She wasn’t disappointed. Well, that was a lie because a tiny corner of her brain was still hoping for the impossible. It didn’t matter how far she ran, or how fast. They were on her heels and – help! There were shadows tinging the floor and Katie had no time to get to the next corner before they saw her. Thinking fast – too fast to decide if it was a good idea or not – she launched herself towards the nearest window and clambered into its’ deep setting. There was room for maybe an adult and a very small child inside. Katie placed herself smack in the middle and curled up as tight as she could, head down in her folded arms. don’t see me don’t see me, she repeated over and over until somehow the words were no longer in her head but coming out of her mouth – in breaths made of wishful thinking, not even loud enough to be whispers. “Don’t see me don’t see me I’m not here.”
She didn’t even need to raise her head to see their silhouettes on the wall – she could here there raspy, desperate breath – could imagine their dirty arms reaching for her, catching in the tangles of her long brown hair, the unholy scream she would let out when they touched her…
No, inch back. Go as far back as you can so as they pass right by.
And she was squirming, pushing and there was no glass behind her to stop her moving.
There was nothing at her back and she was falling from an open window, who knew how high and who knew onto what. This is taking…
Dina sat up with a jolt from where she had been lounging on her bed with a book. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. She didn’t know how she knew it, it was just one of those things. Her gaze went immediately to the big poster on the wall – that fit guy getting out of the swimming pool with some medals spread out in front of him – and instantly thought of Jaye. And then her name faded out of her mind but no new one came. But the swimming pool… water? Not even understanding why she was doing it, she tossed her book to the floor and raced around to the bathroom. She tried the door, expecting it to be locked and then to have to find a guy to break it down, but it was blessedly unlocked. She opened the door and froze for a second, taking in the scene.
Was that second longer than it felt? Time felt stretched in weird directions.
Right, action stations. Dina dropped to her knees so heavily she had vibrations going through her hips as she slid herself over to the tub, dipped an arm in the cooling water and fastened one slim hand under Katie’s jaw and hoiked her head above the water. “Katie!”
And she, at the sound of her name, coughed up a couple of mouthfuls of the stuff.
“You idiot!”
“What happened?” demanded Jack, watching Dina walking a bedraggled Katie towards him. “I heard shoutin’ and I were gonna come but it ain’t decent to see no lady in the bath.”
“Well, aren’t you the southern gentleman?”
“His accent comes out when he’s worried,” Katie explained.
“Worried ain’t the word! I didn’t know if you broke a nail or if the hounds of hell had you.”
“Hounds of hell? Try zombies. I’ll tell you about it in my room,” she promised when he gave her the wide eyes that made her want to tell him her life story.
“She went under the water, but I think it was just for a second or two,” Dina was quick to reassure him. “Maybe she just slipped, you know, with only one hand to hold on. It was terrifying just for that instant. You know, you don’t know if you’re too late or anything.”
“But you weren’t.”
Dina stood tall with pride and then her face fell. “Oh God, is that what I put you guys through last month?” And then she scurried back to her own room and slammed the door behind her.
Katie glared at the door, wishing that X-Ray vision was a real thing and she could see what was going on behind it. But all the staring in the world would not help.
“Come on. Let’s get you warmed up.”
She allowed Jack to walk her through to her own room but refused to get under the covers. She was tired yes but sleeping was so far off the menu right now she couldn’t even long-distance call it. Too hyped up with everything that had happened in such a short afternoon. She needed to tell him about some of it, at least, even if she couldn’t say a word about the thing he would probably want to know most of all. “No, I can’t sleep. My brain…. It just won’t swit
ch off.”
He took the desk chair and turned so it faced her on the edge of the bed. “So… zombies?”
“Well, I just called them that. Can’t think of any better name,” she added somewhat sheepishly and went on to tell him about her last few dreams. About those things that had kept chasing her; those friends but not friends; those beings with smudges for faces and arms that could touch you from around a corner. Jack chipped in with a few quick questions but he left it up to Katie to tell the story. It was her dark fantasy after all. “A fantasy? Fantasies have good things in them. Fantasies are your every dream come true. This has nothing good or even halfway pleasant about it. You know me better than to say that. Seriously!”
“I didn’t mean… that. Just that your dreams have a habit of… leaking.”
Leaking? That wasn’t very scientific.
“Leaking. Like blurring from this world,” Jack pressed one finger to her forehead, “to this one,” he used his other hand to flap at the room around him.
“How do we know we’re not the nightmares and what’s in my head is the real thing?”
“Hey, what brought this on?”
“This world is so cruel and we – the whole human race – we’re cruel to each other. We live in suffering, we go to war, we pretend we’re fine when we’re not, we stab each other in the back and break our words and we still smile and do it all again the next day. If that’s not a nightmare…” Katie heaved a deep breath – in, out – and waited for her voice to settle. “But in here. In my dreams – you live or you die and you win or you lose. If nothing, that should be the real world.”
“Why are you talking like this, Lady Katie?”
She stared at him. Was it so hard to understand that this world… was too hard? There was so much happening, so much to worry about, and it was all her fault. The fighting between her friends, the secrets she had and had not shared, things she wanted and couldn’t let herself have. But – dammit – she wanted things that, okay, might not be the best things for her. Maybe she should stop trying to be with Jack…
He blushed slightly. “No, please. Don’t ever stop trying.”
When he turned those sea green eyes on her, Katie could feel all rational thought fall out of her head. They threatened to drown her in them – along with everything and everyone else he turned them on.
“You’re not the only one with secrets, you know.”
Chapter five