CHAPTER IX.
I CAN NOT ESTABLISH MY IDENTITY.
In surprise I perceived coming towards us a light spring wagon, in whichrode one of my old acquaintances. Pleasure at the discovery led me toraise my hat, wave it around my head, and salute him even at theconsiderable distance that then separated us. I was annoyed at the lookof curiosity that passed over his countenance, and not until the twovehicles had stopped side by side did it occur to me that I wasunrecognized. I had been so engrossed in my companion's revelations,that I had forgotten my unfortunate physical condition.
I stretched out my hand, I leaned over almost into the other vehicle,and earnestly said:
"Do you not know me? Only a short time ago we sat and conversed side byside."
A look of bewilderment came over his features. "I have never seen youthat I can recall," he answered.
My spirit sank within me. Could it be possible that I was really sochanged? I begged him to try and recall my former self, giving my name."I am that person," I added; but he, with an expression of countenancethat told as plainly as words could speak that he considered mederanged, touched his horse, and drove on.
My companion broke the awkward silence. "Do you know that I perceivedbetween you two men an unconscious display of mind-language, especiallyevident on your part? You wished with all the earnestness of your soulto bring yourself as you formerly appeared, before that man, and when itproved impossible, without a word from him, his mind exhibited itself toyour more earnest intellect, and you realized that he said to himself,'This person is a poor lunatic.' He told you his thoughts inmind-language, as plainly as words could have spoken, because theintense earnestness on your part quickened your perceptive faculties,but he could not see your mental state, and the pleading voice of theapparent stranger before him could not convince the unconcernedlethargic mind within him. I observed, however, in addition to what younoticed, that he is really looking for you. That is the object of hisjourney, and I learn that in every direction men are now spreading thenews that you have been kidnapped and carried from your jail. However,we shall soon be in the village, and you will then hear more aboutyourself."
We rode in silence while I meditated on my remarkable situation. I couldnot resign myself without a struggle to my approaching fate, and I felteven yet a hope, although I seemed powerless in the hands of destiny.Could I not, by some method, convince my friends of my identity? Idetermined, forgetting the fact that my guide was even then reading mymind, that upon the next opportunity I would pursue a different course.
"It will not avail," my companion replied. "You must do one of twothings: you will voluntarily go with me, or you will involuntarily go toan insane asylum. Neither you nor I could by any method convince othersthat the obviously decrepit old man beside me was but yesterday hale,hearty, young and strong. You will find that you can not prove youridentity, and as a friend, one of the great brotherhood to which youbelong, a craft that deals charitably with all men and all problems, Iadvise you to accept the situation as soon as possible after it becomesevident to your mind that you are lost to former affiliations, and musthenceforth be a stranger to the people whom you know. Take my advice,and cease to regret the past and cheerfully turn your thoughts to thefuture. On one side of you the lunatic asylum is open; on the other, ajourney into an unknown region, beyond the confines of any knowncountry. On the one hand, imprisonment and subjection, perhaps abuse andneglect; on the other, liberation of soul, evolution of faculty, and agrasping of superior knowledge that is denied most men--yes, withheldfrom all but a few persons of each generation, for only a few, unknownto the millions of this world's inhabitants, have passed over the roadyou are to travel. Just now you wished to meet your jailer of a fewhours ago; it is a wise conclusion, and if he does not recognize you, Iask in sincerity, who will be likely to do so? We will drive straight tohis home; but, here he comes."
Indeed, we were now in the village, where my miserable journey began,and perhaps by chance--it seems that it could not have beenotherwise--my former jailer actually approached us.
"If you please," said my companion, "I will assist you to alight fromthe wagon, and you may privately converse with him."
Our wagon stopped, my guide opened a conversation with the jailer,saying that his friend wished to speak with him, and then assisted me toalight and retired a distance. I was vexed at my infirmities, whichembarrassed me most exasperatingly, but which I knew were artificial; mybody appeared unwilling although my spirit was anxious; but do what Icould to control my actions, I involuntarily behaved like a decrepit oldman. However, my mind was made up; this attempt to prove my personalityshould be the last; failure now would prove the turning point, and Iwould go willingly with my companion upon the unknown journey if I couldnot convince the jailer of my identity.
Straightening myself before the expectant jailer, who, with a look ofinquisitiveness, regarded me as a stranger, I asked if he knew my formerself, giving my name.
"That I do," he replied, "and if I could find him at this moment I wouldbe relieved of a load of worry."
"Would you surely know him if you met him?" I asked.
"Assuredly," he replied; "and if you bring tidings of his whereabouts,as your bearing indicates, speak, that I may rid myself of suspicion andsuspense."
Calling the jailer by name, I asked him if my countenance did not remindhim of the man he wished to find.
"Not at all."
"Listen, does not my voice resemble that of your escaped prisoner?"
"Not in the least."
"I AM THE MAN YOU SEEK."]
With a violent effort I drew my form as straight as possible, and stoodupright before him, with every facial muscle strained to its utmost, ina vain endeavor to bring my wrinkled countenance to its formersmoothness, and with the energy that a drowning man might exert tograsp a passing object, I tried to control my voice, and preserve myidentity by so doing, vehemently imploring him, begging him to listen tomy story. "I am the man you seek; I am the prisoner who, a few days ago,stood in the prime of life before you. I have been spirited away fromyou by men who are leagued with occult forces, which extend forwardamong hidden mysteries, into forces which illuminate the present, andreach backward into the past unseen. These persons, by artful anddamnable manipulations under the guidance of a power that has beenevolved in the secrecy of past ages, and transmitted only to a favoredfew, have changed the strong man you knew into the one apparentlyfeeble, who now confronts you. Only a short period has passed since Iwas your unwilling captive, charged with debt, a trifling sum; and then,as your sullen prisoner, I longed for freedom. Now I plead before you,with all my soul, I beg of you to take me back to my cell. Seal yourdoors, and hold me again, for your dungeon will now be to me aparadise."
I felt that I was becoming frantic, for with each word I realized thatthe jailer became more and more impatient and annoyed. I perceived thathe believed me to be a lunatic. Pleadings and entreaties were of noavail, and my eagerness rapidly changed into despair until at last Icried: "If you will not believe my words, I will throw myself on themercy of my young companion. I ask you to consider his testimony, and ifhe says that I am not what I assert myself to be, I will leave my homeand country, and go with him quietly into the unknown future."
He turned to depart, but I threw myself before him, and beckoned theyoung man who, up to this time, had stood aloof in respectful silence.He came forward, and addressing the jailer, called him by name, andcorroborated my story. Yes, strange as it sounded to me, he reiteratedthe substance of my narrative as I had repeated it. "Now, you willbelieve it," I cried in ecstacy; "now you need no longer question thefacts that I have related."
Instead, however, of accepting the story of the witness, the jailerupbraided him.
"This is a preconcerted arrangement to get me into ridicule or furthertrouble. You two have made up an incredible story that on its face isfit only to be told to men as crazy or designing as yourselves. Thisyoung man did not even overhear your conversat
ion with me, and yet herepeats his lesson without a question from me as to what I wish to learnof him."
"He can see our minds," I cried in despair.
"Crazier than I should have believed from your countenance," the jailerreplied. "Of all the improbable stories imaginable, you have attemptedto inveigle me into accepting that which is most unreasonable. If youare leagued together intent on some swindling scheme, I give you warningnow that I am in no mood for trifling. Go your way, and trouble me nomore with this foolish scheming, which villainy or lunacy of somedescription must underlie." He turned in anger and left us.
"It is as I predicted," said my companion; "you are lost to man. Thosewho know you best will turn from you soonest. I might become as wild asyou are, in your interest, and only serve to make your story appear moreextravagant. In human affairs men judge and act according to the limitedknowledge at command of the multitude. Witnesses who tell the truth areoften, in our courts of law, stunned, as you have been, by the decisionsof a narrow-minded jury. Men sit on juries with little conception of thefacts of the case that is brought before them; the men who manipulatethem are mere tools in unseen hands that throw their several minds inantagonisms unexplainable to man. The judge is unconsciously often atool of his own errors or those of others. One learned judge unties whatanother has fastened, each basing his views on the same testimony, eachrendering his decision in accordance with law derived from the sameauthority. Your case is that condition of mind that men call lunacy. Youcan see much that is hidden from others because you have becomeacquainted with facts that their narrow education forbids them toaccept, but, because the majority is against you, they consider youmentally unbalanced. The philosophy of men does not yet comprehend theconditions that have operated on your person, and as you stand alone,although in the right, all men will oppose you, and you must submit tothe views of a misguided majority. In the eyes of a present generationyou are crazy. A jury of your former peers could not do else than soadjudge you, for you are not on the same mental plane, and I ask, willyou again attempt to accomplish that which is as impossible as it wouldbe for you to drink the waters of Seneca Lake at one draught? Go tothose men and propose to drain that lake at one gulp, and you will belistened to as seriously as when you beg your former comrades to believethat you are another person than what you seem. Only lengthened life iscredited with the production of physical changes that under favorableconditions, are possible of accomplishment in a brief period, and suchtestimony as you could bring, in the present state of human knowledge,would only add to the proof of your lunacy."
"I see, I see," I said; "and I submit. Lead on, I am ready. Whatever mydestined career may be, wherever it may be, it can only lead to thegrave."
"Do not be so sure of that," was the reply.
I shuddered instinctively, for this answer seemed to imply that thestillness of the grave would be preferable to my destiny.
We got into the wagon again, and a deep silence followed as we rodealong, gazing abstractedly on the quiet fields and lonely farm-houses.Finally we reached a little village. Here my companion dismissed thefarmer, our driver, paying him liberally, and secured lodgings in aprivate family (I believe we were expected), and after a hearty supperwe retired. From the time we left the jailer I never again attempted toreveal my identity. I had lost my interest in the past, and found myselfcraving to know what the future had in store for me.