* * *
Early evening in Sinope in the summer was always a delight. The gardens in the palace smelled of jasmine and herbs. Hypsicratea and I reclined on divans in the gardens and the servants had withdrawn, leaving us alone in the torchlight. The remains of our meal, roast meat, fresh bread, olives and fruit sat upon the table waiting to be cleared away.
We were drinking some of the local wine. Hypsicratea had a good appreciation of wine and happily for me, she provided wonderful, dark, scented wines for her guests. Although the Pontic wines were a little too resinous for my taste, like the Greek wines, they were no less potent than the finest Falernian and we had consumed many cups of wine as we had talked and eaten.
I could not shake off the feeling that this might be the last time I would see this wonderful, beautiful woman who had so brightened up the time I had spent in Sinope. I was as sure as any young man could be, that the feeling I had for her was love.
'Hypsicratea, I owe you my life. Had it not been for you taking me in after the fight in the alley, I'm sure I would not have survived. I don't know how to thank you.'
'I never thanked you for saving me from the brigands, well, not properly anyway. There was that bear as well. You and Junius are very brave men and honourable too. You have shown me that not all Romans are barbarians.'
'Strange isn't it? We think of you as barbarians,' I said smiling.
'When do you leave?'
'In the morning, just before dawn. It is a long march and we have to be ready for trouble on the way. There is a rebel town at Ionium and I think there are plans to besiege it on the way.'
'You will be gone long?'
'We are hoping to reach Tigranocerta in the late summer but it may not be until autumn if the siege of the rebel city takes a long time.'
'I don't know why I feel like this Aulus, but I wish you weren't going. I am afraid for you. I will miss you I think.'
'You will never know how much I will miss you too,' I said. I meant it too. I had no indication that she might mean it in the same way as I did.
Alone in beautiful surroundings and with wine wafting my senses away, I looked at her and wondered how I would ever forgive myself if I failed to tell her how I felt.
There was still something that stopped me. It may have been that she was married, but I think now it was the usual spectre that haunts all young men in those circumstances - a fear of rejection. In my case, such rejection would not be merely an assault upon my ego but could result in dire consequences. I was after all, a soldier of Rome in a foreign palace with a woman who all knew and respected. The slightest hint of an insult would land me in more trouble than anything that Marcus could cause by his rumours and innuendo and I knew it.
Our couches were on opposite sides of the table and I could not easily touch her although I longed to do so. I reached for the silver cup into which a servant had poured my wine. As I did so, Hypsicratea reached forward and touched my hand. It was gentle but like the touch of lightning to me. It was as if all the nymphs in the forests had joined in caressing my hard and calloused fingers.
I withdrew my hand and looked into her eyes. I was desperate, tortured and I think she saw that. Perhaps she too had some of that desperation for she rose and sat upon my couch.
We looked silently into one another's eyes and my heart seemed to want to fly from my chest, for it beat so hard. I touched her upon the shoulder, gently, oh, so gently. The feel of her softness, her warmth, was like touching the sun on a summer's day. It almost burned my hand and my desire for her became uncontrollable. I propped myself up on my elbow and reached for her. She did not demur, but leaned towards me.
As our lips touched, my soul flew. It was not like my fantasies and dreams it was above them, beyond them. I took her in my arms and caressed her back. I remember the feel of her flesh beneath my fingers. It haunts me still in deepest dreams and waking moments alike, for it was the culmination of many months of buried ambitions and hope.
She stood up a little unsteadily, whether from the wine or from emotion I know not. She was still holding my hand.
'Not here,' she whispered., ‘it’s not safe.’
She led me by the hand into the palace and we climbed the stairs to a long silent empty corridor the length of the palace. Hand in hand, tense and eager we found a bedchamber. There was a bed in the corner, hung with green silken drapes. As we entered, she turned and our lips met again with passion.
That night resides indelibly in the deepest recesses of my mind. There was a frustration too; that I perhaps could have made love to her before, but like all lost opportunities, my uncertainty had made that impossible. If I had only known that she felt for me, as I did for her, we would have been together long before.
We made love several times, each with greater freedom and intimacy as the night wore on. We talked little for we had perhaps said it all the previous evening.
Parting was the hardest. The pre-dawn light began to seep into the torch-lit room and I knew I had to go.
'Hypsicratea, I must go. They will think I have deserted if I am not there on the march.'
'I know,' she touched my cheek with her hand, the gentlest of caresses, 'I love you.'
'If only there was a way for us to be together.'
'No, how could it be? Should I run away with you and be a soldier's wife? Cook for you in the camp? Wash your clothes when you go marching and the rest? I think not. You cannot stay either for they would hunt you. Perhaps it would have spared us both this pain if we had not given in last night. Hold me.'
'I will come back to you when all this is done and we can decide what to do. As you say, we have to part now. You have given me a reason to return and a reason to stay alive whatever happens in the war.'
'And if Mithradates returns? It is unlikely that he will but a future together does not seem to be possible unless you desert and you would not be Aulus to me, if you did that. Better to say goodbye and accept. It seems to me that every man I love goes away.'
'The Gods have strange ways of putting people together when they least expect it. Perhaps one day…'
We kissed deeply and as I dressed, I looked at her face. There were no tears. She was someone I had clearly been unable to read at all so far in our friendship. I still did not know truly, what went on in her mind but what man does know a woman's mind? I did know that I loved her. Had she not confessed her feelings for me too?
It was a hard parting. I sat on the bed looking at her face and my heart ached. Torn in two, I kissed her one more time, knowing it would be the last.
She had changed me. It was the first time I had been in love. To lose her now, after only one night, was bitter sweet indeed. She had taken from me and given much too.
I could not escape the danger that my love for her had produced. Had I now left her with a risk of punishment or would it all be hidden, masked from view and my lovely Queen kept safe?
The penalty for infidelity in Pontus was for the woman to be stoned. The thought ran through my mind with growing urgency. What had I done?
I left the palace with my mind in turmoil, reliving the moments of love and passion in my thoughts and pursued by fears of their consequences.