One of the great aspects of our meeting was that on that Sunday my parents were on their way from Australia for their first visit since I’d moved to the United States a year before. A couple days later my mum and dad met with Daniel and his parents. You can believe that they had a lot to talk about.
Chris and Patty may have considered me a blessing for Daniel, but my parents were an even bigger blessing to them. Who better to prepare them and guide them through the parenting of a child without arms and legs? We could give them not just hope but solid evidence that Daniel could live a fairly normal life, and that he too would discover the blessings he was meant to share. We have been blessed to share our experiences with them, to encourage them and to offer proof that there are no limits to a life without limbs.
At the same time Daniel is a dynamo who is a blessing to me, giving me far more than I could ever give him because of his energy and joy, and that is another, totally unexpected reward.
A LIFE TO SHARE
The late Helen Keller lost her sight and hearing before the age of two due to illness, but she went on to become a world-renowned author, speaker, and social activist. This great woman said true happiness comes through “fidelity to a worthy purpose.”
What does that mean? For me, it means being faithful to your gifts, growing them, sharing them, and taking joy in them. It means moving beyond the pursuit of self-satisfaction to the more mature search for meaning and fulfillment.
The greatest rewards come when you give of yourself. It’s about bettering the lives of others, being part of something bigger than yourself, and making a positive difference. You don’t have to be Mother Teresa to do that. You can even be a “disabled” guy and make an impact. Just ask the young lady who sent this e-mail to our Life Without Limbs Web site.
Dear Nick,
Wow, I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I will start off by introducing myself. I am 16 years old. I am writing to you because I watched your DVD “No Arms, No Legs, No Worries,” and it made the biggest impact on my life and my recovery. I say recovery because I am recovering from an eating disorder, anorexia. I have been in and out of inpatient treatment centers for the past year now, and it has been the worst chapter of my life so far. I was recently discharged from a residential treatment center located in California. While I was there, I saw your DVD. I have never felt so inspired and motivated in my entire life. You truly amaze me. Everything about you is so wonderful and so positive. Every single word that came out of your mouth made some sort of an impact on me. I have never been so incredibly grateful in my life. I mean there have been times in my life when I thought I had reached the end, but now I see that everyone does have a purpose in life, and that they should respect themselves for who they are. Wow, seriously—I can’t even thank you enough for all the encouragement your DVD gave me. I wish that one day I can meet you; it’s something I dream to do before I die. You have the best personality a human being could have—you made me laugh so much (which is very hard to do when in rehab). Because of you I am now a lot stronger and more aware of who I am and I no longer obsess about what other people think of me, or put myself down all the time. You taught me how to turn my negatives into positives. Thank you for saving my life and turning it around. I can’t thank you enough—you are my hero!
USE ME UP
I am grateful to receive many letters like that, and it seems especially odd given how despondent I was as a child about ever enjoying my own life, much less helping others with theirs. Your search for meaning may still be under way. But I don’t think you can really feel fulfilled without serving others. Each of us hopes to put our talents and knowledge to use for benefits beyond paying the bills.
In today’s world, even though we may be fully conscious of the spiritual emptiness of material attainment, we still need reminders that fulfillment has nothing to do with having possessions. People certainly try the strangest options for attaining fulfillment. They may drink a six-pack of beer. They may drug themselves into oblivion. They may alter their bodies to achieve some arbitrary standard of beauty. They may work their whole lives to reach the pinnacle of success, only to have it mercilessly yanked from them in a second. But most sensible people know that there are no easy routes to long-term happiness. If you place your bets on temporary pleasures, you will find only temporary satisfaction. With cheap thrills, you get what you pay for—here today, gone tomorrow.
Life isn’t about having, it’s about being. You could surround yourself with all that money can buy, and you’d still be as miserable as a human can be. I know people with perfect bodies who don’t have half the happiness I’ve found. On my journeys I’ve seen more joy in the slums of Mumbai and the orphanages of Africa than in wealthy gated communities and on sprawling estates worth millions.
Why is that?
You’ll find contentment when your talents and passion are completely engaged, in full force. Recognize instant self-gratification for what it is. Resist the temptation to grab for material objects like the perfect house, the coolest clothes, or the hottest car. The if I just had X, I would be happy syndrome is a mass delusion. When you look for happiness in mere objects, they are never enough.
Look around. Look within.
——
As a boy, I figured that if God would just give me arms and legs, I would be happy for the rest of my life. It hardly seemed selfish since limbs are standard equipment. Still, as you know, I found that I can be happy and fulfilled without the usual appendages. Daniel helped confirm that for me. The experience of reaching out to him and his family reminded me why I am on this earth.
Once my parents arrived in California, we met with Daniel’s family and I witnessed something so special. My parents and I spent hours talking to his mother and father, comparing experiences, discussing how we’ve dealt with challenges that await him. From those first days we formed a strong bond that remains to this day.
About a year after our first meeting, we got together again, and during our discussion Daniel’s parents noted that his doctors felt he wasn’t ready to have his own customized wheelchair like mine.
“Why not?” I asked. “I was about Daniel’s age when I started driving my own wheelchair.”
To prove my point, I hopped out of my chair and let Daniel take my seat. His foot fit the joystick perfectly. He loved it! He did a great job maneuvering the chair. Because we were there, Daniel had the opportunity to prove to his parents that he could handle a customized wheelchair. This was one of the many ways I knew I could be there for him and help light his path based on my shared experiences. I can’t tell you what a thrill it is to serve as Daniel’s guide.
We provided Daniel with a rare gift that day, but he presented me with an even better one in the matchless fulfillment I felt at feeling his joy. Not a luxury car. Not a McMansion. Nothing compares to fulfilling your destiny and aligning with His plan.
This gift just keeps on giving. In a later visit with Daniel and his family, my parents shared their early concerns that I could easily drown in the bathtub without arms and legs to keep me afloat. As a result they were very careful when bathing me as an infant, and as I grew older, my dad held me in the water gently, showing me that I could float. Over time I became more confident and adventurous and learned I could float easily as long as I held a bit of air in my lungs. I even figured out how to use my little foot as a propeller to motor myself through the water. Considering how frightened my parents had understandably been about me in the water, imagine their amazement as I became an avid swimmer, leaping into any pool of water I could find.
After sharing that story with Daniel’s family, we were delighted to learn later that one of the first phrases he said to his parents when he was old enough to speak clearly was: “Swim like Nick!” Now Daniel too is an avid swimmer. I can’t express to you how awesome that makes me feel. To see Daniel benefit from my experiences gives deeper meaning to my life. If my story never touched another person, Daniel’s determination to “swim li
ke Nick” would be enough to make my life and all the hardships I’ve encountered worthwhile.
Recognizing your purpose means everything. I assure you that you too have something to contribute. You may not see it now, but you would not be on this planet if that were not true. I know for certain that God does not make mistakes, but he does make miracles. I am one. You are too.
TWO
No Arms, No Legs, No Limits
Time and again in my life and in my travels, I have witnessed the incredible power of the human spirit. I know for certain that miracles happen, but only for those who hang on to hope. What is hope? It is where dreams begin. It is the voice of your purpose. It speaks to you and reassures you that whatever happens to you doesn’t live within you. You may not control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond.
The late Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., said, “Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.” I know for certain that as long as you draw breath, hope is available to you. You and I are only human. We cannot see into the future. Instead, we picture the possibilities for what might be. Only God knows how our lives will unfold. Hope is His gift to us, a window to look through. We cannot know the future He has planned for us. Trust in Him, keep hope in your heart, and even when faced with the worst, do whatever you can to prepare yourself for the best!
Sometimes, of course, our prayers are not answered. Tragedies occur despite our prayers and our faith. Even the best people with the purest of hearts sometimes suffer horrible losses and grief. The recent deadly earthquakes in Haiti, Chile, Mexico, and China are just the most recent examples that tremendous suffering and tragedy occur every day. Thousands died in those natural catastrophes. Their hopes and dreams died with them. Many mothers lost their children. Many children lost their mothers.
How do you sustain hope amid such suffering? One thing that sustains me when I hear of these great calamities is the fact that they always trigger incredible caring from other human beings. Just when you wonder why, amid such senseless suffering, people would still have hope, hundreds of selfless volunteers pour into those regions. Students, doctors, engineers, and other rescuers and rebuilders give of themselves and their talents to help those who have survived.
Hope appears even in the worst of times to give us proof of God’s presence. My own suffering seems so slight in comparison to the trials endured by so many people I’ve met, but I’ve also grieved the loss of a loved one. Our family lost my cousin Roy to cancer at the age of twenty-seven, despite the fervent prayers of all the devout Christians in our family, church, and community. Losing someone so close to you is heartbreaking and difficult to understand, which is why having hope is so important to me. You see, my hope extends beyond our worldly existence. The ultimate hope is in heaven. My family takes no little consolation in the hope that my cousin, who believed in Jesus Christ, is in heaven with Him and suffering no more.
Even in the worst situations that seem beyond our capacities, God knows how much our hearts can bear. I hold on to the belief that our life here is temporary, as we are being prepared for eternity. Whether our lives here are good or bad, the promise of heaven awaits. I always have hope in the most difficult times that God will give me the strength to endure the challenges and the heartache and that better days await, if not on this earth then for certain in heaven.
One of the best ways I’ve found for holding on even when our prayers are not answered is to reach out to others. If your suffering is a burden, reach out to ease that of someone else and bring hope to them. Lift them up so that they will be comforted with the knowledge that they are not alone in their suffering. Offer compassion when you need it. Be a friend when you need friendship. Give hope when you most need it.
I am young and I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but more and more I realize that in those times when hopelessness seems to prevail, when our prayers go unanswered, and when our worst fears are realized, our salvation lies in our relationships with those around us and, especially for me and fellow Christians, in our relationship with God and our trust in His love and wisdom.
A POWERFUL GIFT
My belief in the power of hope over despair was reinforced on my first visit to China in 2008. I saw the Great Wall and marveled at the grandeur of one of the world’s most incredible wonders. But the most powerful moment of this trip for me came when I saw the joyful glimmer in the eyes of a young Chinese girl. She was performing with other children who’d put together a show worthy of an Olympic spectacle. This girl’s jubilant expression caught my attention, and I could not look away. While she moved in precision with the other dancers, she simultaneously balanced a spinning plate overhead. She was concentrating so, so hard, yet despite everything she had to think about, she still had this look of intense happiness that moved me to tears.
You see, this girl and all the children in the show were among more than four thousand young people orphaned by a massive earthquake that had hit the region just a few months earlier. My caregiver, our travel coordinator, and I had come to this orphanage with supplies for them, and I’d been asked to speak to them to raise their spirits.
As we traveled to the orphanage, I was overwhelmed by the damage and suffering that had been caused by the earthquake. In the face of such devastation I worried that I would not know what to tell these orphans. The earth had opened up and swallowed everything they’d loved and known. I had never endured anything so terrible. What could I say to them? We’d brought warm coats and other clothing for them, but how could I give them hope?
When I arrived at the orphanage, I was mobbed. One child after another embraced me. I didn’t speak their language, but it didn’t matter. Their faces said it all. Despite their circumstances, they were radiant. I should not have worried about what words to say to help them. I didn’t have to inspire these children. Instead, they inspired me with the soaring spirit of their performance that day. They’d lost their parents, their homes, and all their belongings, yet they were expressing joy.
I told them I admired their courageous spirits and urged them to keep looking forward, to dare to wish for better lives, and to pursue their dreams with all their power.
DARE TO DREAM
Have the courage to pursue your own dreams, and never doubt your ability to meet whatever challenges come your way. I’ve seen people’s amazing capacity to rise above their circumstances not only in Chinese orphanages but in the slums of Mumbai and the prisons of Romania. I recently spoke at a social welfare center in South Korea, where some of the residents were disabled and others were single mothers. The power of their spirits amazed me. I visited a prison in South Africa with concrete walls and rusted bars. The worst criminals were not allowed in our chapel service, but I could hear others outside, throughout the prison, singing along to the gospel music. It was as if the Holy Spirit had filled the entire population with God’s joy. They were captive on the outside but free on the inside because of their faith and their hope. Walking out of the prison gates that day, I felt that those inmates seemed freer than many of those outside the prison gates. You too can allow hope to live in your heart.
Remember that sadness does serve a purpose. It is perfectly natural to experience this emotion, but you should never let it dominate your thoughts day and night. You can control your response by turning to more positive thoughts and actions that lift your spirits.
Because I am a spiritual person, I look to my faith in sorrowful times. But (perhaps surprisingly) it is my training in accounting that offers a more pragmatic approach. If you say you are without hope, that means you think there is zero chance of anything good happening in your life ever again.
Zero? That’s pretty extreme, don’t you think? The power of believing in better days is so indisputable that, to me, it seems far more probable that your days will change for the better. Hope, along with faith and love, is one of the pillars of spirituality. Whatever your beliefs, you should never be without it because everything good in life begins with it. I
f you didn’t have hope, would you ever plan to start a family? Without hope, would you ever try to learn something new? Hope is the springboard for nearly every step we take, and my hope in writing this book is that you will find a better life, one without limits.
A passage in the Bible says, “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” The first time I heard this passage, I realized that I didn’t need arms and legs. Don’t ever forget that God never gives up on you. Keep moving ahead because action creates momentum, which in turn creates unanticipated opportunities.
RIPPLES BECOME TIDES
People around the world were deeply saddened by the devastating 2009 earthquake in Haiti. Yet for all the tragedies that came with this massive disaster, the horrific circumstances also brought out people’s best qualities, as in the survivors who refused to surrender despite the overwhelming odds stacked against them.
Marie’s son Emmanuel was believed to be among the dead buried under a building. The twenty-one-year-old tailor had been with his mother in her apartment when the earthquake hit. She escaped, but she could not find him afterward, their building now just a heap of rubble. Marie looked for her son at an emergency camp set up for people who’d lost their homes, but she could not find him among the other survivors. She waited, hoping he still might make his way there.
After several days, she went back through the chaos and the destruction to search for her son. Heavy machinery at work on the site made it difficult to hear, but at one point Marie thought she heard Emmanuel calling for her.