CRASH !
“Eh? What was that?”
Spider peered around short-sightedly – he’d left his glasses over on strand 4. Eyes with 3,000 lenses are just great for dissecting a fly but when it comes to seeing what is going on over by the next tree, they leave something to be desired.
“GOD !”
“God? What god? The God? A god? What god?
“A GOD !”
“Uh I see. I think. What do you do? What use are you?”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘DO’? I AM GOD!”
“I mean what do you do? You see Fly over there? He goes round and tidies up things, he eats dung, so people don’t get it on their shoes, and then he gets fat. When he gets fat he gets lazy and then he forgets to look where he is going and flies into my web where he gets stuck. When he hits my web, that rings my footbell, and I go over and eat him, which I can do because he doesn’t taste of dung, at least, I don’t think so. That’s what I do. He cleans up the dung, and I clean him up and that’s what we do. We’re the cleaners. What do YOU do?”
“I AM ALL-POWERFUL !”
The trees shook with the booming voice. Some leaves fluttered down. Spider looked up for falling insects but he was disappointed.
“All powerful. All powerful, heh? Well, can you flatten George over there – that scallywag in the next web on the left with a brown spot on his third left leg?”
“SPEAK UP I, CAN’T HEAR YOU !”
“All powerful but not all-hearing apparently. I SAID, CAN YOU FLATTEN GEORGE – THAT SCALLYWAG IN THE NEXT WEB OVER THERE ON THE LEFT?”
CRASH !
“Ha! You see!”
Spider turned to where George and his web were now just a splat of nothing under god’s foot
“You see! You see? I told you I would get you for stealing that fly last week. Now do you believe me?”
Spider had a gleeful grin over his mandibles, but it faded as Spider realized that George was no longer around to appreciate the glorious completeness and comprehensive and final nature of the revenge that had been exacted.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY FOOT? GET OFF MY FOOT!”
“I don’t think so. If you decide to all-powerfully get rid of me as you just got rid of George, you will have to get rid of your own foot too. That’s what we call spider logic”
“GET OFF MY FOOT! YOU CAN’T SPIN A WEB AROUND MY FEET. YOU’VE STUCK MY FEET TOGETHER WITH YOUR STICKY Yuk. KNOCK IT OFF!”
“Hfffff. Not so all powerful now are we? Just like all those people who claim to do anything and everything – just a lot of hot air. Smelly too. I wonder if he ever washes?”
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MESSAGE FROM THE MOON