Her shoulders shake, and the soft sounds of her devastation cause me to wipe at my own eyes. A sickness rolls in my stomach. The need is to touch her, to gather her into my arms, to make her better, to make us better, but I’ve hurt us. I’ve hurt her, and I can’t push Rewind.
“I’m sorry.” I don’t recognize my voice as it cracks. “Nothing’s happened since. I know I should have told you...I know I should have done a million things differently...” It’s pathetic, but it’s the damned truth. “Believe me, Echo.”
Her head drops forward as her shoulders curl. A tear escapes from the crevices between her fingers. “I loved you.” The pure agony in her muffled voice burns through me. “I loved you.”
Loved. I run my hands over my head. She doesn’t believe me. “I didn’t sleep with her. Not this summer. I love you. You’re my life.”
Echo’s hand darts out, and my head slams to the right. Pain across my cheek, and the waiting room vibrates with the smack.
Her chest moves too fast as silence fills the room. We stare at each other, and a glass wall builds between us—separating us.
Echo’s foot angles for the door, and I jump toward her. “Don’t go.”
“Don’t go? Don’t go! So I can stay and watch you with your girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend!” I roar. “She means nothing!”
“You expect me to buy that? She bailed you out of jail!”
“Got the charges dropped,” Mia butts in.
Echo whips her head to her. “Shut it.”
“Go, Echo,” mumbles Beth, and Isaiah slices a hand across his neck, motioning for Beth to also shut it.
Echo leans into me like she’s willing to swing at me again. “I called my father and asked for bail money. I begged.”
I wince as the knife she just rammed into me twists. “Echo...”
She flinches like I’m radioactive with the sound of her name on my lips. “Go to hell.”
Echo turns for the exit. I’m on the move, and Isaiah blocks my path. My hand is out to shove past him, and he locks down on my arm. “Let her go.”
His gray eyes morph into steel, and the guy staring me down isn’t my best friend. Naw, he’s peering at me like I’m the enemy.
“She’s got this wrong,” I say.
“You fucked up, and she needs time.”
A shadow from the corner of my eye and Beth’s small hand extends out, palm up. Isaiah surveys me. “Move and your ass is mine.”
With a tic of my jaw, I cram my hands into my jean pockets, and Isaiah releases me. He never disengages his glare as he digs the keys out of his pocket and hands them to Beth.
Beth’s fingers curl around Echo’s keys. “I never thought you were an asshole, Noah. Damaged. But not an asshole.”
“I didn’t sleep with Mia.” I overpronounce the words.
I’d welcome a million of Beth’s death stares over the disappointment in her eyes. “No, but you slept with Echo.”
My eyes briefly slam shut. I never told them. I never told anyone. But what I said to Echo was true. Isaiah and Beth noticed the difference. I promised Echo we wouldn’t change after we made love, but we did.
Everything changed.
“When you did what you did with Echo...” Beth hesitates because speaking emotions is unfamiliar for her. “You don’t get to play by the same rules as before. She deserves more than that. She deserves better.”
I nod, telling her I get it. “I fucked up.”
“You did.” Beth won’t look at me. “I’ll take care of her.”
With that, the last person I would have thought would be in Echo’s corner walks out into the dark night.
Echo
I lie on top of the covers of the made bed and watch as the room falls into darkness then illuminates with light every other second. How long I’ve been lying like this or how long Beth’s been messing with the light next to the bed, I don’t know, but I’m just now finding it annoying.
“Can you stop that?” I snap.
Beth clicks the light off then back on. I glance over at her, and she tosses the electrical wire that contains the switch onto the bedside table. “So my plan worked.”
I’m too miserable to have to deal with Beth. “What plan?”
“Are you mad at me?”
“I’m not happy,” I mutter.
Beth slides her legs off the other bed and dangles them off the side. “See, that’s part of your problem. You don’t get pissed nearly enough. You’re always trying to be proper.”
I’m about to shove her proper into very unproper places. “I change my mind. Play with the light and be silent.”
“Now, slapping Noah—classic move. I rate it a seven. But you should have kicked him in the nuts. That was a nut-cracking moment.”
A rush of anger causes me to rise off the bed and mirror her position. “Do you think this is funny?”
Her lips turn up in that evil smirk that I’ve come to detest with the same fervor as people who kick puppies. “You’re mad at me now, right?”
“Yes!” I scream. “I’m mad at you. You hate me. I hate you. You treat me like crap, and I forever take it. You and I can’t stand the sight of one another! Are you happy now?”
“Not really.” Beth appears to shrink as if my words were razor blades. “But you don’t hurt now, do you?”
A painful slice at my soul as my breath catches. For a brief few seconds, I didn’t hurt. I wasn’t replaying tonight or any other night for the past week with Noah. I wasn’t reviewing every disappointed and sarcastic comment from my father when I asked for Noah’s bail. I wasn’t thinking that while Noah made love to me, he had been hanging out with a girl he had previously slept with.
Especially when I told him my fear—that I wouldn’t measure up to any of the girls he had left behind...or I thought he had left behind.
“Anger’s better,” says Beth quietly. “Anger is like a fortified wall no one can penetrate. Hurt—it’s a doormat—and it lets everyone walk all over you.”
“I don’t hate you,” I whisper. “That was mean to say.”
“But it’s true.”
“It’s not.”
“I’m a bitch to you. Why would you like me?”
Because she loves Isaiah and Noah, and they love her back. “Why don’t you like me?”
Beth stares at the multicolored industrial carpeting. “Because it’s all changed since you came into the picture. I don’t have much, Echo. Never have and never will.”
“So...” My insides literally wilt with the idea. “...if this is it between me...and...” Noah. “You’d be happy?”
“I love him. He loves you. I don’t want to see him hurt. Besides...” The evil smirk returns though it appears forced. “I’m the queen of displaced anger.”
“So does this mean you like me?” I ask.
“It means I’m a bitch. The rest of it—” Beth shrugs and resembles seventeen for the first time ever “—it can mean whatever you want.”
Closest I’ll get to a yes from her, and I’ll take it. We lapse into silence, and my foot taps the floor. “My father says Noah’s using me.”
He said that and a few more colorful things. No matter how many times I told Dad that the arrest was a mistake, my father pointed out something that struck deep: But he’s trouble. He’ll always be trouble. It doesn’t matter if he did it or didn’t do it. He was in the scenario. You can’t be arrested for something you didn’t do unless you put yourself in the position of possibly doing it. Tell me, Echo, what was he even doing there?
I don’t know, and my hand presses to my heart to prevent the ache. I don’t know why any of us were there. I didn’t want to be there. Beth and Isaiah could have cared less. The only person who pushed for it was Noah, and I can
’t visit any possible reason as to why he went after that girl or how we ended up in such pain.
“I don’t know what the fuck Noah was thinking tonight or even what the hell is going on between the two of you, but he loves you. I know it looked like shit when that girl walked out beside him, but I’ve been lying here rehashing what happened. He wouldn’t cheat on you. Noah’s been a dick plenty of times, but he’s never been a liar.”
No, he’s never been a liar.
Noah has always been dark and mysterious and belonging to this world that seemed so appealing, but with the reality setting in of seeing Noah in handcuffs and the light of day beginning to creep in through the windows, I’m not sure it’s the world I desire.
I’m eighteen. About to start college. I could study under one of the most brilliant artistic minds of this decade. I have a future.
A future.
I haven’t slept in close to twenty-four hours, but somehow, I’m wide-awake.
Noah
With his hands white-knuckling the armrest and his glare burning a hole through the floor, Isaiah waits for me as the guy at the counter returns my shit. Living together for over a year, Isaiah and I have annoyed the hell out of each other but until now, I’ve never seen my brother pissed with me.
I sign the last release form then shove my wallet into my pocket. After Echo and Beth bolted, Mia did, too. Not sure how I feel about that.
The moment I turn, Isaiah’s out the door, and I follow. Cigarette smoke greets me when I step out. Mia stands under a streetlight and takes a long draw off the cigarette. The red ashes glow bright in the night. “Can we talk?”
Isaiah arches his back like a ticked-off jungle cat. “Five minutes, then I’m heading back with or without you.”
He stalks toward the main road. I incline my head for Mia to talk.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “That you got arrested.”
“Mind telling me how you got me out?”
“Didn’t I tell you? My daddy’s filthy rich. Emphasis on filthy. I do the Malt and Burger travel thing just to piss him off and guess what? It does.” Her entire body twitches—either the come-down from the drugs or nerves.
“News to me.”
“Well...then that.” She sucks the cigarette to the filter and drops it to the ground. The exhale billows out into a cloud. “There must never have been a break in the conversation for it to come up how I’ve made it my life’s goal to be the disappointment he constantly tells me I am.”
“Why’d you spring me?”
“I got you in it. It was on me to get you out.”
“If we see each other again, I’m walking in the opposite direction.”
She snorts. “You don’t need to worry about seeing me for a while. I agreed to another stint in rehab for this bail.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Fourth time’s a charm, right? So I’m assuming you want to know the last sign.”
“Not anymore.” I didn’t need tips on the downward spiral of my relationship with Echo. I annihilated it fine on my own.
“Tough. You’re hearing it.”
No, I’m not. I pivot, choosing Isaiah’s path.
“It’s you,” she calls out. “We destroy it all because we’re so fucked up thinking that they’re going to leave us that we make it happen. Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that shit. If they don’t walk away then we give them a reason to leave.”
The words ram like a two-by-four into my gut. I wish Mia had led with that statement in the alley, but that would have destroyed the web she was weaving. It’s my own damn fault for flying straight into her trap.
Isaiah lingers near the edge of the parking lot. When I get within three feet, he angles away from me and starts alongside a narrow, forest-infested road. He’s never been conversational, but pure silence isn’t his style.
We’re miles from the hotel. Two, maybe three, but I don’t give a fuck. I’d prefer to be on foot knowing that Echo’s safe. Hopefully, she’s in the hotel and not halfway back to Kentucky. I don’t carry much of a prayer that she’ll listen to me, but I’ll keep begging her forgiveness until she either grants it or yells at me to fuck off.
And if she does that, I’ll take a deep breath then begin again. There’s no way I’m letting Echo leave. I love her too damned much.
“Hey, Noah.”
I glance up, and Isaiah’s fist pulls back. The punch cracks against my jaw, and I stumble. Pain shoots through my head. Hard hits I can handle, but Isaiah’s schooled on how to go fat man/little boy on a guy’s ass. I wipe the blood from the corner of my mouth. I deserved that and more.
Isaiah steps into me like he’s going for the tackle. “Fuck over Echo like that again, and I won’t stop next time. Got it?”
“If I fuck over Echo like that again then I’ll beg you to kick my ass.”
“Jesus Christ, Noah, it’s like you want it to be complicated. Win the girl. Then keep her. Don’t let her go. Get it straight. One of us needs to get it right and, out of the two of us, you’re the one who has a shot.”
“I got it.” I spit the metallic taste of blood to the ground.
“Do you?”
Sure as hell hope I do. “Yeah.” I work my jaw. “I’m going to need time with Echo when we get back. Alone.”
Isaiah nods. “I’ve got enough to cover a room for me and Beth.”
“The room’s on me. Think you could have decided not to go Old Testament?”
Isaiah cracks a crazy grin. “Naw, Echo needs to see you hurting. Maybe then she’ll be soft on your sorry ass.”
“Or you could have told her to give me a break.”
“Could’ve, but you deserved a crack to the head. Let’s go.”
This time as we start down the road, we’re walking side by side.
* * *
Standing in the hallway outside the hotel room, I rub my neck. I’d rather face a firing squad. If this goes south, it would be less painful to be shot in the head.
Isaiah slaps my back. “You ready for this?”
“No.” A couple of months ago, I berated myself for being nervous over dating Echo. Now I’m terrified that I’m going to lose her. Never knew one person could twist me inside and out to the point of breaking. “But let’s do it anyway.”
Sliding the card through, I ease the door open. It’s quiet. Too quiet. No TV. No air conditioner running. My heart picks up speed. She’s gone. Damn it all to hell, Echo’s gone.
I race into the room, and Beth jumps off the bed and captures my arm. “Shhh. She finally fell asleep.”
Sure enough, with her hair sprawled out on the pillow, knees drawn to her chest, and in the same jeans and T-shirt as when we went to the party, Echo’s asleep. A lone red curl lies across her tearstained cheek. Each intake of air is an ache in my chest.
She’s so damned beautiful, and she’s still here. My legs wobble. I’ve still got an uphill battle, but at least there’s a hill to climb.
“Did she take anything to help her sleep?” I ask.
Beth surveys me like a boxer entering the ring. “Why would she take anything when crying herself to sleep works just fine?”
Point Beth. “I’m going to make this right.”
Isaiah grabs his pack and stuffs some of Beth’s clothes in it. “Let’s go, Beth. I got us another room.”
“Sounds good.” Beth continues to glare at me for another second before hitting my arm with her shoulder as she walks out. “Asshole.”
Looks like I’ll be groveling to two females, but the one on the bed is my main concern. The door to the room closes, and I inhale deeply, trying to figure out where it went wrong.
I hurt her. I hurt Echo, and I don’t know how to take away the pain.
In two steps, I fall to my knees by t
he bed, and her sweet scent hits my nose. Sleep is a gift to Echo. Not a promise. Every part of me begs to gather her into my arms, but I’ve lost all privileges.
Her lids slightly crack open, and the hollowness in her eyes rips at me. “Go back to sleep, Echo.”
Little lines form between her eyes. “I thought maybe I was dreaming you came in.”
“Do you want me to leave?” I hold my breath waiting for her answer.
Echo slightly rocks her head against the pillow in a no. “I want last night to have never happened.”
Me, too. If I could travel back in time and beat the hell out of the punk who permitted the hurt to control every decision, I would. “I didn’t sleep with her. Not since last year. And I swear to you I’ve been clean since January.”
The words are pouring out faster than they appear in my brain. “You want me to take a drug test to prove it, I will. I’ll take a hundred of them. I’ll take one every damned day. What happened last night was a mistake, and I’m sorry. I should never have been talking to her. I should have been with you. Here. Not at that party. I—”
“Stop it.” The words are harsh, but there’s no malice in her tone. “Just stop it.”
I bow my head, searching for the right way to convince her that she’s my entire world. That without her, I have nothing.
“I believe you didn’t sleep with her...this week.”
I wince, a blow straight to my stomach.
“As for the drugs, if you say you aren’t using, I believe that as well, but I’ve come to realize that I never asked if you were still using, and you never told me. In fact, I told you once that I wouldn’t pressure you to stop. Even if I want to be angry, I have no right to hold it against you if drugs were the reason you were with her tonight.”
It’s there. In her eyes. The disappointment I was so damned terrified of seeing after we made love. My throat swells, and I clear it to push forward. “I’m done. I swear to you, I’m done with all that.”
Echo curls tighter into her ball. “But that’s the thing. I fell in love with you for who you were. I can’t ask you to change because I want...” And she snaps her mouth shut.