She also insisted I go back home instead of waiting on the street for her to come back down. Before we parted ways, I gave her a kiss to remember me by. Watching her get buzzed up by the prick, I managed to stop myself from throwing a tantrum and looking like a dumb shit.
What a guy put up with in the name of love.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.”
-Kent M. Keith
GIANNA
The next Saturday night I was back on my designated platform, dancing at the club, attempting to block out the rest of the world. Trying to pretend I was dancing alone, shutting out everyone on the dance floor below.
It was amazing how all of your problems could come crashing down on you at the same time. Or maybe more accurately, they could all show up at your place of work at the same time.
Okay, I was being dramatic. A few problems weren’t here right now. Thankfully absent, were my controlling mother, my psychotic ex-boyfriend Josh and my newest ex-boyfriend, Seth.
At school on Monday, Seth had taken the break-up harder than I’d thought he would. After spending last Saturday night and Sunday morning with Caleb, I knew it was wrong of me to lead Seth on any longer. Even though my heart had never been in the relationship, technically I’d cheated on Seth.
Not that I ever planned on letting him know. I felt guilty enough as it was. I’d feel worse if he thought I was a slut.
I chose to see the breakup as setting him free to be with someone who deserved him. He was a nice guy and would make a good boyfriend to another girl. Unfortunately, Seth saw the breakup as losing the only girl he wanted. His watery eyes and pleading had made me feel uncomfortable.
When I’d broken up with Josh, it’d been so easy. He’d acted like a creeper, so I didn’t have to be considerate at all when I dumped him. With Seth, however, I’d hugged him, asking if we could still be friends.
When his answer was yes, I was surprised by how relieved I’d felt. I genuinely liked Seth as a person. It was too bad I couldn’t love the nice guy instead of being cursed to love the baddest of bad boys.
Although, Ian could give Caleb a run for his money in the bad boy department.
Seriously, they should get along better than they did.
Josh was still giving me stalker eyes most days at school. The guy seriously needed a shrink to dispense some meds. My mom could probably make some recommendations.
She had been driving me crazy all week. Mother’s intuition had kicked in with a vengeance and she somehow sensed the return of Caleb in my life. She was always asking me if I’d talked to Caleb, demanding I stay away from him.
She knew about my job, but didn’t question how I’d gotten it. She’d been so relieved Caleb and I had broken up, she was willing to agree to anything. When I hadn’t come home last Saturday night, I’d told her I spent the night at Cece’s.
I was tempted to see how my mom would react if I brought home one of the potheads from my school. Maybe find a guy with more piercings and tattoos than Caleb. Or a ten page rap sheet.
As for Caleb, well, he was still his usual bipolar self. Confusing the hell out of me and all the while making me crave more of him. If only he weren’t so hot and I wasn’t crazy about him.
Last weekend was unexpected, but maybe subconsciously inevitable. He swore there hadn’t been any girls since me and there wouldn’t be as long as I gave him his one day a week. The feminist buried deep down inside somewhere wanted to smack him for that one.
The DJ changed songs and I changed my mode of dancing. The pop song previously playing was alright, but the R&B song playing now was one of my favorites. Losing myself in the music, I momentarily let go of my problems.
Someone shouting up at me jolted me out of the zone. Trying to be heard over the music was a guy I didn’t know. It was so tacky when guys tried to hit on a club’s dancers. In response, I did what I’d been instructed by the manager to do. I smiled at him, blowing him off as I continued dancing.
The reason I took a job at this club and not another was because the owners didn’t expect us dancers to dress like hookers. Tonight we wore black motorcycle boots, red shorts and black tank tops with the club logo on the front. It could definitely be worse. As long as I was decently covered and could move in the outfit, it didn’t matter to me.
The next song was the dance version of a Katy Perry track that reminded me of Caleb. Just what I needed, another reminder of my not-boyfriend, but not-quite-ex-boyfriend.
I would’ve liked to think I’d been avoiding him all week, but I hadn’t. Caleb didn’t come near me at school, call me after school or show up at my house. I got no opportunity to avoid him like he deserved.
It sucked and was totally deflating.
What was his deal?
He didn’t want to be together, only wanted to see me once a week and didn’t want to be with anyone else. It made no sense. Here he had a girl who was crazy about him, admittedly loved him and was simply asking for his love in return.
But, no, all he wanted was some half-ass non-relationship.
I’d been dissecting it all week and I didn’t think I had it in me to give him what he’d asked for. It was just plain sad.
So, maybe I’d found a rose under my windshield wiper on Tuesday and a newly released Blu-ray I’d been wanting in my locker on Friday. These little gifts during the week didn’t earn him my time on the weekend.
So, maybe I was pathetic enough that they’d brought a smile to my face. It didn’t mean I was pathetic enough to let him think he owned me.
Accompanying the rose had been a note that said, “Can’t wait till Saturday.”
Along with the movie had been a post-it that suggested, “An option for Saturday night.”
The fact he’d stood in the stands at the football game last night, watching me cheer, didn’t mean anything either. Even if his eyes had been on me instead of the game every time I’d glanced his way.
Lying in bed at night, I obsessed over what his real motives were. I was losing sleep and being tired at school sucked big time. I couldn’t figure him out.
He didn’t love me, but refused to let me go.
He didn’t want me as a full-time girlfriend, but was desperate to see me once a week.
In my most hopeful moments, I let myself believe he did love me but was too afraid to tell me. That the reason he wasn’t dating other girls was because he didn’t want anyone but me. Maybe a player needed time to adjust to falling in love. Maybe he did love me, but was too stubborn to realize it.
If that were the case, I could wait patiently for him to come to his senses and utter those three little words.
My new confidant, Ian, believed differently. So, yeah, my new best friend was Caleb’s worst enemy. Ian provided me with a weird insight into the minds of guys like them. Had I planned to become best buddies with a guy Caleb hated? Nope. Was I enjoying how much it annoyed Caleb? Maybe a little.
Ian was actually a lot of fun to hang out with. Spending time with him reminded me of the early days with Caleb, before we entered into a rollercoaster relationship.
Thinking of Ian and Caleb made me smile. They were so much alike in so many ways. Both of them made me laugh with their irreverent senses of humor. Anytime I went anywhere with Ian, there was a chance we’d run into past conquests. So like Caleb.
Still, in some ways Caleb and Ian were way different. As where Caleb was the free spirit, fun-loving type of guy, Ian was the exact opposite. When Ian cared about someone, he would do anything for them. But, he was often cold toward anyone not on his short list of friends.
It made me glad I didn’t fall into the non-friend category. I sensed a cruelness in Ian I hoped was never aimed in my direction.
I’d have to suck it up and go crawling back to Cece and the crew soon.
The first Saturday after Caleb and I had ended things, I didn’t go to ballet class that morning, but I did drive down into
Denver. I’d skipped practice with the crew and the competition we had that night. After receiving texts and voicemails from them all night and throughout the next day, I’d finally texted Jared and Cece. I’d explained that I needed time alone.
I was beginning to feel like a shitty friend.
That same Saturday night, I’d come to this club, applied for the dancing position, ran into Ian, auditioned the next day and here was I was.
I felt guilty about letting down the crew, but in my misery after the breakup, I hadn’t felt like I could be around them. It was in no way their fault, of course. In fact, they’d warned me to be careful about Caleb. Stupidly, I hadn’t listened.
I’d planned to go back to them and patch things up when I was ready. When I got my head on straight again and wasn’t acting like a coward, if they still wanted me.
So, perhaps not all my problems were here tonight, but half of them were.
Caleb.
Ian.
The crew.
Time had run out and it was time for me to be brave.
Caleb had basically said I’d have no choice, that I’d be hanging out with him every Saturday after work. But I was feeling pretty feisty in my cool boots. If he came any closer to my platform, I’d be tempted to kick him to prove just how much choice I had.
So, maybe every part of my being was missing him like crazy and craving his attention. It didn’t mean I had to make it easy for him. I wasn’t a dog to come running with a leash in my mouth. The fact I’d brought in my bag tonight the Blu-ray movie he’d given me wasn’t a sign of surrender.
Ian came with me here tonight and I saw Caleb walk in about an hour ago. Looking sexy as hell and getting hit on by anything wearing a bra, and sometimes not wearing one, he seemed content to wait out my shift. I’d have liked to punt some of those girls in the face with my kickass boots.
Caleb hadn’t ventured near me, but I could see him chatting with some girl at the bar. I was jealous even if she wasn’t very cute. When he followed her onto the dance floor, my jealousy skyrocketed. One badass motorcycle boot to the face coming right up. Make that two.
While I glared in the direction of Caleb and the so-not-cute girl dancing, I didn’t notice Ian was standing directly below me. A light brush against my calf alerted me to his presence. Right before I glanced down at him, I noticed Caleb scowling in our direction. I graced Ian with my warmest smile. Returning it, Ian tapped his watch to let me know my break was coming up.
During my break, one of my other problems would be performing. I knew there was a chance my crew would show up at this particular club eventually. I just hadn’t expected it to be so soon.
I wasn’t looking forward to facing them. I’d seen them slipping into the club earlier, immediately being ushered by the entertainment coordinator into the back rooms. They were probably busy changing, warming up and doing a last minute pep talk.
The track ended less than a minute later and I gripped Ian’s shoulder to jump down onto the floor. Picking up my bottle of water from the platform ledge, I chugged down what was left of it. The other two dancers were also taking their breaks now that the entertainment was about to start.
The lights dimmed and new music began. I allowed Ian to grab my hand and pull me closer to where the crew would perform near the stairs leading up to the DJ booth. Over the first beats of the music, the DJ announced them and multi-colored lights rotated to shine on them.
As I watched their performance, I felt an ache in my chest. They looked great and had come up with a new routine. I got a small sense of satisfaction from the fact I hadn’t been replaced, leaving Cece as the only girl in the group.
Seeing them dance, I realized how much I missed them. How wrong I was to unfairly push them out of my life when Caleb had hurt me. I guess I was just taking it out on my friends at a time when the cause of my pain wasn’t around to lash out at.
Ian stood on my left as someone shouted in my right ear, “You’re going back to them aren’t you?”
I turned my head to the side and came face to face with Caleb. Our lips were less than an inch apart. I shouted back at him, “How do you know?”
He leaned into me again. “Cause I know you, Gianna. I can see it on your face.”
Whatever. I gave him a dirty look. “What do you want, Caleb?”
He shrugged. “Just killing time until our date.”
“I’m hanging out with Ian tonight,” I told him smugly. Let’s see how much he wanted that date now.
He glowered past me at Ian. “Do we have to?”
My answer was an evil grin.
Scowling, he stalked off, obviously not happy.
My grin became genuine.
I watched as Caleb disappeared into the crowd then turned my attention back to the performance. When it ended, I snatched Ian’s hand to take him to be introduced to my friends. Ian was either oblivious to Caleb’s earlier presence or he just chose not to acknowledge him. Tonight should be interesting.
As I walked up to Cece first, she squealed and pulled me into a hug. Her thin arms practically squeezed me to death. “Gianna, where the heck have you been?”
God, I was so ashamed. I was a big fat coward and a terrible friend. “Just going through things, but I’m better now.”
My sweet friend looked sympathetic. “Yeah, I know. Dante told me about your and Caleb’s breakup. Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I told her, not wanting to get into it right now.
“Hey, you should come to our house tonight! Jared and I are having everyone over after this.” Cece was bouncing up and down at the idea of me returning to the fold. It was like being friends with Tigger. She finally noticed Ian. “Who’s he?”
I smiled, eager to introduce them. Cece’s bubbly personality would probably grate on Ian’s nerves. “This is my friend, Ian. Ian, this is Cece.”
Ian gave her a polite nod and she waved at him like a dork, saying, “Yo!”
Cece bounced again. “He can come too.”
“I have to go back to work, but I’ll definitely be there later tonight,” I promised her, feeling much better now that I planned to reconnect with my closest friends.
“Work?” Cece’s forehead wrinkled in confusion.
I pointed at the obvious logo on my chest. “I work here. Dancing.”
Her eyes shot wide. “Oh!”
Noting the other dancers taking their places, I reached out to squeeze her hand. “See you later?”
She smiled happily. “Yeah.”
The DJ already had a new song playing. Returning to my platform, I lost myself in the music once again. This time, much less stressed.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“If I could choose between loving you and breathing
I would use my last breath to say I love you.”
-Anonymous
CALEB
I was so going to end up in a fight tonight. I just knew it. The question was, whose ass would I be kicking? I looked at Jared where he was leaning in a doorway across the room, glaring at me. My eyes darted over to Ian, where he was working his meager charm on Cece, trying to get in good with the best friend. As long as they didn’t try to jump me together, I’d be fine with taking them on one at a time, and taking my time with each one of them.
Jared must have felt so smug right about now. Since I’d supposedly proved him right and broken Gianna’s heart. What about my heart? Pretending I was unaffected by the breakup had been hard on me. But no, I was the player and they didn’t have feelings, they didn’t love.
And Ian was a whole other mess. He was currently playing the part of the sensitive guy friend. He just wanted what was best for Gianna, wanted to be her friend, blah, blah, blah. Yeah right. Did he pursue her just to irritate me? Okay, so maybe that was a little vain of me, since Gianna was one of the most desirable girls either of us had ever met. Definitely the best girl we’d ever competed over. Plus she was cool as hell, especially when she was happy.
Look at him over there, sucking C
ece into his web, like a sneaky spider.
I did nothing to hide my smile when Dante came over and put his arm around Cece, practically snarling at Ian. My boy, Dante, knew all about my never-ending rivalry with Ian. Sometimes I’d steal the girl Ian was messing around with and sometimes he’d steal the girl I was messing around with. The girl had never been important before, just a means for us to screw each other over.
Gianna was important.
She wasn’t one of those meaningless skanks or bimbos we’d fought over in the past. I intended to make that clear to Ian tonight. He messed around with her and he’d be hurting. I didn’t care if I had to fight dirty.
I glanced around the living room. Gianna was still nowhere in sight. After she got off work at the club, I hopped into my car and followed her and Ian to Jared and Cece’s house. Yeah, so I was a little more than pissed she’d gone with Ian in his car. If she hadn’t been in the car with him, I might have rammed the back of his yuppie black BMW.
My plans for tonight had included myself and Gianna, alone, cuddling on a couch somewhere. Quality time type of stuff. Not me being forced to spend time with her crew, who probably hated me for hurting her and being the catalyst in her dropping them for a few weeks. I was the asshole here.
And on top of it, I had to look at Ian’s ugly mug all night.
I was so close to kidnapping Gianna and taking her somewhere where we could be alone and talk. The talking would involve me outing her mom’s blackmail scheme and telling her she was my everything. That I loved her as much, if not more than she loved me. The conversation would be followed by her showing me how much she loved me back.
Oh yeah, that’d probably be the best part.
I’d thought it before and I thought it again, I should have never brought her back from Las Vegas. We could’ve lived off my savings until we found work. I laughed derisively to myself, imagining what kind of work we’d find there, with no real experience. Gianna would’ve probably ended up as a stripper and me, well . . . nothing legal.