My cheeks heated. "Yes, I have abandonment issues, as you've pointed out."
When I tried to look away, he caught my hand and pulled me back to face him. "I'm not going anywhere, Savannah. Not now. Not ever."
He moved closer as he spoke and for a second I thought, He's going to kiss me. Oh, God, he's going to kiss me. But he only looked into my eyes and said, "You're stuck with me, okay?" and I nodded, my throat closing. I tore my gaze away before he saw the flash of disappointment.
He hesitated a moment, and I was about to look at him again, but then he stepped back.
"Breakfast?" he said.
I nodded and followed him out of the garage.
We shared breakfast. No, I didn't say, "Oh, I'm not hungry," then eat off his plate. Not my style. We got a big breakfast and shared.
I told him about Anita Barrington first. Then I told him about Bryce.
"I want to talk to Sean about it, but I want to do it in person," I said. "It's just so . . . awkward. I know that sounds like a lame word, but that's how it feels. Bryce and Sean and me, we might share the same father, but it's not a triangle relationship. It's a straight line, with Sean in the middle, and me and Bryce at opposite ends, staying so far apart that Sean never needs to deal with both of us at once."
"You feel that you let Bryce go because you didn't want to give him another reason to hate you."
I let my head hit the table and moaned. "Oh, God, I'm pathetic. I'm worried about my guardians forgetting me. My best friend dumping me. One brother hating me. The other getting mad at me. How old am I? Twelve?"
"Nah. Twenty-one. With issues."
I lifted my head and glared at him. "Thank you so much."
"You did the right thing with Bryce. You had nothing to hold him on and you know that. You're just stressed out right now because of your powers and it's making all that latent stuff bubble up. It'll go away and you'll be back to your usual overconfident, reckless self."
"Really not making this better."
"Not my job. But I can distract you. You haven't asked about Hope's meeting with Kimerion."
"Right. What'd he want?"
"Apparently, just to make contact. Like seeking an audience with the princess when you want to curry favor with the king. In this case, the princess can't put in a good word with Daddy, but Kimerion seems to think that just being nice to her will please the old guy."
"And that's it?"
"That's what he says. Is it true? I don't know. It seems like a lot of effort just to say hi, so we're being cautious. For now, that was enough to keep Kimerion working on our behalf."
"Has he . . . said anything? About what happened to me?"
Adam took a long drink of coffee. "He's still looking. I told him about your close encounter with Balaam. He doesn't much like the idea that Balaam's out there hunting for the same answers. There are some serious battles over this reveal issue on the other side. Demonic and celestial."
"And Balaam and Asmondai are right in the thick of it. On opposite sides."
"Meaning either could be responsible for what happened to you, despite what Balaam claims. That's trouble. There's no positive spin to put on stealing your powers."
I thought of what the man in the alley said. Maybe there was a positive spin. I wasn't ready to tell Adam that, though. I needed to work it through a little more first.
"Kimerion says no demon can just take your powers. You need to surrender them in a pact. Making a rash wish, like you did, doesn't count. But he thinks deities might be able to. Maybe even eudemons." That seemed unlikely. Eudemons didn't share a cacodemon's chaos hunger, so they had little reason to interact with mortals. "I have found cases, but it's never clear who accepted the pact. It just happens."
"Djinn?"
He shook his head. "They don't cover those kinds of wishes."
"Maybe a loophole, then." I leaned over the table. "What if someone wanted to take my powers, and was just waiting for an excuse they could use at least until some higher power vetoed the pact."
"Possible. Anyway, Kimerion and I are working on that and we're getting closer to an answer. Now eat up, because I've got some work to do back at HQ before I show you what I've been up to."
thirty-three
Back to Cortez Cabal headquarters, where I had to help Cass with research. Lots of fun. Aaron was there, but he's not really a research guy, so he mostly trundled stuff back and forth from the Cabal library. Cassandra stayed with me, and I soon wished she was the one doing the shuttling, because she just read over my shoulder and pointed out all the places where the Cabal accounts got things wrong.
"Where is Adam?" she said finally. "Isn't research his job?"
"That's right," Adam said as he walked in. "I'm slacking. You guys should stop paying me. Oh, wait. You don't. Sorry, Cass, but you're stuck here a little longer. Right now, I need to borrow Savannah. I have something for her."
"Something more important that this?" Cassandra swept a hand across the table piled with books.
"You can read just fine, Cass," Aaron said. "Pull out a chair and let's get to work."
Wherever Adam was taking me, it wasn't within the walls of Cortez headquarters. Something so secret that he didn't dare discuss it where they could be listening in? When he pulled up to his hotel, I was sure that was it. We walked to his door.
I waved at the DO NOT DISTURB tag in his lock. "Better take that out or you won't get your room cleaned."
"I don't want it cleaned." He covered my eyes. "I told you it was a secret," he said when I objected.
He opened the door and prodded me inside. Then he took his hand away and I knew why he didn't want the maid service coming in. The bed had been pushed against the wall, opening up the middle of the floor. Using electrical tape, he'd "drawn" symbols on the carpet. Censers and candles and books were scattered over the tables.
"A black mass?" I said. "For me? You shouldn't have!" I hugged him.
"If I'd really set up a black mass, you wouldn't be hugging me. You'd be on the phone to Paige, telling her I've been possessed again."
"Mmm, not sure I'd call Paige. Remember what you tried to do when you were possessed?"
"That was not me. And don't remind me. I'm still creeped out." He walked to the symbols. "Okay, so take your place at the north point and we'll begin."
"Begin what?"
"Does it matter? You trust me, right?"
I knelt by a censer of vervain and lit it. Once it was going, I blew the smoke in his face.
"Cut it out," he said between coughs. "I'm not possessed, okay? I was kidding about not telling you. Well, I did think it would be nice if I could spring it on you without the explanation, but the ritual requires active participation."
"What ritual?"
"A Savannah Special. I'm going to give you back your powers."
I stared at him.
"I'm . . . going . . . to . . ." he enunciated slowly.
"Give me back my powers? You can do that?"
His grin was so dazzling I swear my knees weakened. Then he rubbed it away.
"Sorry. Got a little carried away and forgot the qualifier. I'm going to attempt to give you back your powers. I wouldn't get your hopes up if I didn't think the ritual would work, but I can't promise anything, of course."
"You found a ritual . . ."
He strode to a stack of books on the desk and picked one up. "It starts here. An account of a family of witches in ancient Greece whose powers seemed to be drying up from lack of use. When increased practice didn't help, they spent twenty years searching for a cure and finally found it here."
He pointed to a ritual written in spidery strokes. "Not your situation, I know, but it was the starting point. From there, I found two other cases that referenced the first." He lifted two books. "Both are only partial accounts. In one a sorcerer gave up his spellcasting in a demon pact. The other sorcerer swore he didn't, but either he was lying or tricked. They both adapted the earlier ritual. One sorcerer's worked, the other
's didn't."
He pushed the books aside. "Still not quite right, so I branched out from there--"
He kept going, referencing and cross-referencing accounts until my head was swimming.
Finally he turned to me. "So that's it. If this works, we'll have your powers restored in a couple of hours."
I looked at the pile of books, and I couldn't imagine how much work this had taken. Then I looked at the circles under his eyes and the faint lines by his mouth, and I could imagine it.
"I don't know what to say," I said.
"I'll settle for a thanks and a beer if it works." He paused. "Maybe a few beers." He led me back to the ritual circle. "Before we start, though, I want to say that I didn't do this because I think you need your powers back. You'd be okay without them, Savannah. Just not as safe. And not as happy." He looked at me. "I know how much they mean to you, and I want you to be happy."
I glanced at him, and I thought of what he'd done here. Of all the hours he'd spent digging for an answer, even when he'd been furious with me. He'd done this for me. Because it was what I wanted. Because it would make me happy.
No boyfriend had ever done anything like that for me. None had even come close.
My feelings for Adam weren't some romantic fantasy my inner twelve-year-old was clinging to. I loved him, and I was never going to love anyone else the way I loved him, and if I didn't take a step--just a tiny step--and find out if this could ever possibly go anywhere, then I deserved to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life.
"You look like I hit you over the head with a baseball bat," Adam said. "What? You think just because you piss me off, I don't want you to be happy?"
I shook my head dumbly.
"Well, then, take a seat and let's get this show on the road. The longer the buildup, the bigger the letdown if it fails."
I lowered myself in place on the ritual circle.
"The case studies suggest demon blood is a better conduit than spellcaster blood for this particular ritual." Adam lowered himself to the floor. "I think that's because in those cases, a demon was clearly responsible. If that's the case here, I should be able to do it. If not, though, we'll call in Paige and Lucas. I haven't told them yet, because they've been busy and because, well, I've been begging off on actual investigative work by saying I need to do research, when the truth is I've already done all I could. Or I had, until you got this immortality angle."
He paused. "That doesn't sound good, does it? But I figured I can justify it, though, because having you back as a full-powered investigator and fighter is worth more than a couple days of research. And now I'll stop yapping and get casting. Sorry. Just a little nervous."
Having you back as a full-powered investigator and fighter.
While he prepared, his words kept repeating until they pierced the fog.
"I can't do this," I said.
"What?"
"I can't get my powers back. Not yet. You were saying before that there was no good reason why anyone would take them. I think there is. To teach me."
"Teach you a lesson, you mean? No, Savannah. If there's a lesson to be learned about not counting on your powers, you've learned it. And if you're thinking this will undo the deal you made, and Paula Thompson will go to jail, we'll monitor the situation and Lucas will get involved if--"
"It's not that," I said. "Watch this."
I took a pinch of dried herbs from a censer and put them on the carpet. Then I concentrated until they levitated.
"So your powers are already coming back? That's great. But why not speed it along--"
"They aren't coming back. I can bring them back if I work at it, though."
"Okay, but--"
"I didn't tell you everything that happened in L.A."
I explained about the two supernaturals trying to kill Cassandra, and what I'd done.
"So you had a power flare. Huh." He settled onto the floor and pulled the book over. "I didn't see any of that in the accounts. Maybe this wouldn't work."
Then I told him about the man in the alley. "Which sounds like whoever is responsible didn't drain my powers for kicks. They want me to work harder. Prepare for . . . I don't know what, but as we know, this exposure threat has everyone on the other side paying attention, too. You said it seems more likely to be a deity than a demon. Presumably, then, they're just holding my power in check until
I get my act together. Then if I need the power--like I did with Cassandra--they'll give it back."
"That's possible . . ."
"And it's also possible that it's a demon playing tricks and convincing me not to try getting my spells back. Believe me, I've worked out the possibilities. But right now, I think I should hold off. If I can tap into more power, that'll help. We can try your ritual later."
"Which would be my suggestion . . . except there's an expiry date."
"Expiry?"
He rose and waved for me to sit beside him on the bed. "Most of the rituals that were successful were done within a week of the power loss. After that, the rate of success drops."
"Okay." I settled onto the bed. "But I . . . I think I should wait. See how things go. A few days shouldn't make much difference."
"If we were talking rate of return on an investment, I'd say it's worth the risk, but . . ."
"We're talking about my powers." I turned to him. "So you think--"
I stopped myself. That wasn't fair. If I got advice and things went wrong, he'd feel guilty and maybe I wouldn't be able to keep myself from blaming him, just a little bit.
After a minute of silence, he said, "For what it's worth, I think either is a reasonable choice and neither is a sure thing. Just don't . . ." He leaned over to catch my eye. "Don't do what you did with Leah. You were willing to sacrifice yourself to kill her. That's noble, but I don't want you being noble, Savannah. I want you to do what's right for you."
"If I wait, and I do tap into extra power, that's good for me and everyone else, right?" I took a deep breath. "I'm going to stick to my decision. Hold off and keep working on it, and if I totally freak out, we can still do this, right?"
"Anytime. I'll keep telling the hotel I don't need maid service and we'll leave everything the way it is."
I nodded and let out a deep shuddering breath. Adam put his arms around me and I leaned against his shoulder and breathed. Just breathed.
When I pulled back, I said, "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"This." I gestured at the room. "You did an amazing thing for me, and I turned it down."
"Because you have another solution. One that may turn out better." He leaned toward my ear. "As much as I wanted to give your powers back, I think you're making the right call."
He pulled back and smiled, his face just a few inches from mine, and I thought I could kiss him. Just cross those three inches. A quick kiss on the lips, and if he just wants it to be a thank-you, then he can pretend it was, and we can carry on.
Three inches. Cross it. Kiss him. Find out what happens.
Only it wasn't three inches anymore. He was already pulling back.
But I could still do it. The moment hadn't passed. Kiss him while I could pass it off as a thank-you.
Then Adam got to his feet. "If you're really feeling guilty, though, my Jeep still needs a new top."
I took a moment to find a smile. "Didn't I already promise you that? A bribe for not telling anyone you had to rescue me from a drunk guy at a motel?"
"Shit, that's right. Switzerland, then. You can buy me that trip to Switzerland."
"Big step up from a new convertible top."
"I earned it. Days of research, when I could have been out with Clay and Elena, kicking ass. Definitely worth a trip. Maybe two." He waved me to the door. "We should get back and help Aaron and Cassandra."
And so the moment passed. Again.
While Adam, Cassandra, and Aaron continued their research, I told Paige and Lucas about Adam's ritual and the man in the alley. They thought I'd made the right ch
oice.
I helped Adam for the rest of the day, then spent the evening doing spell practice with Paige and Lucas. I managed a weak light spell and an even weaker energy bolt. In other words, I could see well enough to get to the bathroom in the night and could give an attacker the equivalent of a static shock. Considering I'd only been working at it for less than a day, though, it was a good start. Baby steps, Paige said. Most spellcasters needed to do this at the start of their training. I was just going back and repeating the parts I'd skipped.
Adam came by at ten, and announced that he needed a drink. Paige and Lucas were not welcome to join us because they made lousy drinking buddies--their idea of a night at the bar was a couple of beers, and once that hit them, to sneak off to be alone together.
They said they'd be working for a couple of hours yet. If they were still around when we got back, they'd give Adam a lift to his hotel and take me back to their condo.
"Oh, please," I said as we made our way back to headquarters. "Nobody noticed."
"You were lighting the candle with your fingertips," Adam said. "They noticed."
I stopped on the corner and looked both ways. Lights smeared together in a blur. Skyscrapers swayed. I blinked and started to step off the curb. Adam pulled me back.
"Um, car?" Adam said as one whizzed past.
"It was on the other side of the road."
"No, it wasn't."
"Yes, it was," I said. "Apparently you're the one who's had too much to drink. You were also the one lighting the candle with your fingertips."
"Only after you started it, and only because people were looking, so I figured if we both did it, it would look like a party trick."
"What else would it look like? I was lighting a candle, not teleporting across the room."
"Ah-ha, so you were lighting it."
"Of course, I was. I need all the practice I can get. Now, I'm going to work on my energy bolt. I'll need a target, though." I gave him a sidelong look.
He laughed. "I'd be a lot more worried if I thought you could hit anything smaller than a barn right now." He took my shoulders and steered me to a fountain. "Does this look familiar?"
I squinted at it. Wooden benches and mossy rocks surrounded a round waterfall topped by two Cs carved in granite. Cortez Corporation.
"Oh, we're here. I knew that. I was just getting some more air."
"All the air in the world isn't going to help you right now, Savannah."