Because I was finally—finally—going to experience my first date. I refused to let my best friend ruin it for me.
“Promise!” I demanded, growing stern because Brandt was still gaping as if he were looking at a complete stranger.
“Uh...” he managed to say.
I dropped my hands from his face, sighing. “You’re not going to promise to leave him be, are you?”
He shook his head. “Who is this guy, anyway? You said Seth, right? Seth who? Where’d you meet him? How the hell did he break past your shy zone?” When my lips merely pursed with amusement, he growled. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
I shook my head and grinned. “Not until you promise.”
“Damn it, you don’t play fair.” After a dirty scowl, he rolled his eyes. “Fine. I promise. Now talk.” When I threw back my head and laughed, he lifted his hands, curling his fingers into mock-claws. “Sarah,” he warned. “Don’t make me tickle you until you pee.”
I gasped and shoved his hands away. “Whatever. Your tickling has never made me pee before.”
“Well, it will tonight if you don’t start talking.”
Knowing he was bluffing, I rolled my eyes. “I met him in the writing center when he came in for help on a term paper.”
“Oh, so that’s it, huh?” Lifting his eyebrows, he sent me an I-told-you-so look. “Well, if he thinks dating you will sweet-talk you into writing a paper for him, then I’ll just set him straight right now. You’re too honest to ever do that. For anyone.”
“Right,” I said slowly. “Because that’s the only reason anyone would ever want to date me.”
Brandt scowled. Then he leaned in and hissed, “That’s not what I meant. You know I don’t feel that way. Why the hell are you accusing me of that so much tonight?”
The fight instantly deflated inside me. Hugging myself, I glanced away. “I don’t know. Maybe because that’s what I keep thinking, that there has to be some ulterior motive behind this. I mean, no one’s ever seemed interested in me before just because they actually like me.”
“That’s bullshit.” He frowned. “I like you for you.”
Slashing my gaze his way, I sent him a dry glare. “I meant dating wise.”
The way his stare went intense made me think he wanted to say, “I do like you dating wise,” but I knew he’d only say that to make me feel better, so I’m glad he didn’t.
A second later, he sighed, then looked to the ceiling for guidance and returned his attention to me. His voice was soft as he murmured, “Come here.” After grabbing my arm and hauling me against his chest, he kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry. I know I’m overreacting, but I don’t know what to feel about you dating. This is...it’s weird. You’ve never talked about even being interested in guys before.”
I frowned into his chest before pulling back to blink up at him. “So, what? You thought I was gay?”
“No.” He scowled at me before pulling his expression into a pained wince. “No, I just...I’ve always seen you as, I don’t know, sexless maybe. Like the subject’s never interested you before.”
It took everything I had not to show how much that hurt. I knew it was pathetic, but I still secretly harbored a little wish that one day he’d look at me and see more, something beyond friendship. But all this time, he’d only ever seen bland, sexless Sarah.
Ouch.
“Well, it does interest me,” I muttered. Feeling lame, I glanced away.
“Since when?”
I scowled. “Since, like, I don’t know...forever.”
“Bullshit,” he repeated, squinting at me as if trying to pry into my thoughts. “When we first met, you told me kissing and dating and all that was gross.”
“Oh my God.” I groaned. “I was thirteen.”
“So when did it change?” he pressed, watching me so closely I grew uncomfortable.
“I don’t know.” Focusing on my lap, I remembered the exact moment I’d wanted to experience the same intimacies everyone else did. “Eighteen, maybe.” The day I’d heard him doing things with Hope Deardon.
When he blew out a hard breath, I glanced up to find his eyes glazed with an odd kind of shock. I scowled. “Is it a problem for you if I actually want to be normal?”
There must’ve been enough offense in my voice to get my feelings across because he immediately lifted his hands and claimed, “No! Not at all. You always have my support. You know that.” He pulled me against him and hugged me close, guiding my head to his shoulder. “All right then. So you’re going to do this dating thing. Fine. But do me a favor first.”
“What?” I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of him. For as long as I lived, I knew I’d never smell anything better than the scent of Brandt.
“Don’t fall into bed with this Seth guy just because he’s the first person to ever ask you out, okay.”
“Oh my God!” I scowled, pushing against his chest so he could see it. “Who said anything about sex? I’m just going on one date. One. Date.”
He frowned back, grousing, “I’m just saying...I know you feel like you’re never going to get another shot at a relationship with anyone else, but...he asked you out, so more will. You’re amazing, Sarah, and someone was bound to realize it sooner or later.” After brushing some hair off my face, he leaned in and sniffed my temple.
I shuddered from the love and peace his words wrought, and commanded myself to feel no depression whatsoever just because he only saw me as a friend. He was the best friend I’d ever had or ever could have, and I was honored to be just that. Especially when he cupped my face, looked into my eyes, and added, “This right here—every single piece of you—is very precious cargo to me. If anyone mistreated it, I’d lose my shit. You’re not just my best friend, you’re my sanity. You’re priceless, Sarah.”
Closing my eyes, I leaned in and pressed my forehead to the center of his chest. “Stop. You’re making me feel like crap for not telling you about this sooner.”
“Well, you should. I know I can be overbearingly protective, but I always want you to be happy. And if dating this douche makes you happy, then...okay. When are you going out with him?”
“If you insist on calling him a douche, I’m not telling you.”
Grasping my chin, he lifted my face until our gazes met. Then he arched an eyebrow and tried to look all fatherly. “Sarah.”
I laughed in his face and shoved at his chest, because I couldn’t help but love him even when he irritated me. But honestly, I wasn’t going to tell him anything about my date. “You’re so annoying. I assume you’re staying the rest of the night.”
There. A subject change ought to get his mind off my love life—though I still couldn’t believe I might actually have one.
“Hell, yes, I’m staying the rest of the night. Who knows how much longer we have before your boyfriend gets all jealous and forbids me to visit or even be your friend anymore.”
I rolled my eyes. “As if that would ever happen.” Crawling off my bed and into my wheelchair, I grabbed my nightshirt and shorts off my dresser before rolling toward the door to change in the bathroom. “I’ll be right back.”
“It could happen,” Brandt called after me, and he sounded worried enough that I bit my lip after I closed the door behind me.
His worries weren’t completely unfounded, but I’d always feared it’d be the other way around, that Brandt would fall for a girl he liked more than me, and then he’d never come visit anymore, he’d stop cuddling with me at night, and eventually, our friendship would die out completely. But him being afraid that I would be the one to meet a guy I liked more than him just seemed ridiculous.
When I re-entered the room a few minutes later, Brandt’s shoulders fell when he saw me. “You already brushed your hair.”
We both knew I’d been able to improve my motor function enough to brush my own hair years ago, but Brandt liked messing with it so much, he usually brushed it for me on the nights he came over.
Tonight
, for my own peace of mind, I couldn’t let him. I always got the feels when he brushed my hair, and I needed to stay away from such intimacy.
That was why I’d accepted Seth’s date, as a way to resolve myself to the fact I would never be anything more to Brandt. I needed to stop pining and stalling my own life and try to start living it.
But Brandt’s puppy-dog eyes were telling me he feared the end of our friendship was already beginning just because I hadn’t let him brush my freaking hair. So I avoided eye contact as I turned off the light and wheeled to the bed. He already sat on the mattress under the covers and when I approached, he scooted over to give me room.
I paused to set the alarm earlier than usual so he’d have time to leave before my family woke. There was no reason for him to sneak in and out of my room now that we were twenty-two, but I think it’d just become a habit for him, so he kept doing it. I wasn’t complaining since I liked it too; it was our thing.
Besides, Brandt Gamble was an amazing cuddler. He was everything safe, and comfortable, and familiar. Once I crawled in beside him and landed on my side, facing away, he curled up behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist. With a happy sigh, I closed my eyes and sank into my pillow.
“You know,” he said into the dark, not ten seconds later. “There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. That whole hype of needing to lose it by a certain age is utter bullshit. I actually respect people who want to wait until they find true love. And honestly, sex really isn’t all that.”
“Oh yeah?” I murmured, amused he was still so worried about losing me. It was funny that he even thought that was possible.
“It’s not,” he muttered grouchily. “It’s just skin slapping against skin, strange, uncomfortable positions, bodily functions flinging everywhere, hurt feelings when one person feels more than another one does. Not glamorous at all when you come right down to it. It’s really kind of...disappointing.”
Snickering, I tucked my hands under my chin. “Then why aren’t you a virgin?”
He sniffed. “Maybe I am.”
“Oh, really?” With a laugh, I wiggled out from under his arm so I could roll around to face him in the dark. “So you were never with Shayla Birmingham? Hope Deardon? Rachel—”
“What? How did you— Damn,” he grumbled something I didn’t catch before asking, “How did you know about them?”
“Because I’m not stupid. I know what your real problem is, anyway.”
He lay close enough that I could feel his body tense before he said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have a problem. Other than concern for you, of course.”
Reaching out until I found his face, I cupped his bristled cheek and murmured, “Nothing between us is ever going to change, whether I get a boyfriend or not.”
I was fairly certain I wouldn’t. I was enough of a realist to know one date didn’t mean anything. But it was sweet of Brandt to think it did.
Leaning closer until his breath washed across my face, he whispered, “Promise?”
I closed my eyes, wondering what it’d feel like to press my lips to his even as I murmured, “On my mother’s grave.”
“Good.” Seemingly settled by my assurance, he rolled onto his back and brought me with him until he had me positioned against him with my cheek resting on his chest. “`Night, then.”
As he fell asleep, his heartbeat echoing through my ear, I stole a couple seconds to merely enjoy the feel of him, warm and hard and comfortable.
I hadn’t been lying when I’d promised him nothing would ever change, because that was how he wanted it, and I’d always be whatever he needed me to be.
That’s what friends did for each other, and he was my most cherished friend.
SARAH
“Mason!” Reese hollered through the house. “You should probably come get your little heathens before I strangle them.”
I laughed as Gracen, Reese’s two-year-old son, slipped out from under her arm and raced back to me where I sat on the bed, followed almost immediately by his twin sister Isabella when she wiggled free of her mother. As they crawled onto the mattress, Issa fascinated with my earrings and Gray tugging at the silver heart broach of my necklace, Reese spun back and threw up her hands in defeat.
“I give up. There’s no stopping them.”
“What’s wrong?” Mason appeared in the doorway, cautiously peering in at the chaos.
“Your children...” Reese pointed them out, in case he’d forgotten which ones they were, I guess. “Keep crawling all over Sarah.”
He blinked, clearly stumped. “That’s what they always do.”
“I know, but I’m trying to get her ready for her date, and it’d be really nice if she wasn’t slathered in toddler ick for once. Can you...?” She motioned toward the twins and winced when Gray sneezed on the front of my dress.
“Yep. I got this.” Mason strode in, hauled his son under one arm and daughter under the other, then lifted them both off me. Issa and Gray burst out giggling as he jostled them on purpose, threatening to drop them.
“You are the most amazing man ever,” Reese cooed, cupping his face in both her hands before lifting onto her toes to press a soft, lingering kiss to his mouth.
He winked. “You can pay me back later.” As his gaze wandered to me, his grin fell. “You look nice,” he murmured before asking his wife, “Are you sure that dress isn’t too short?”
“It’s perfectly respectable,” she argued. “It goes all the way to her knees.”
“Until she sits down, which she’ll be doing the entire night. Then it rides up higher.”
Patting his cheeks, Reese chuckled and nudged him out of the room. “All the more to tease her date with.”
“Tease?” he echoed, cranking his head around to gape at Reese. “Wh-wh-why would there be any teasing? There doesn’t need to be any teasing.”
“Oh, pish. She’s twenty-two. Stop worrying so much.” With that, she smacked his butt to urge him along.
He looked as if he wanted to argue with her before he glanced my way and must’ve seen the ache in my eyes. Shoulders collapsing with defeat, he blew out a breath and then turned away, asking his wiggling kids, “Who wants ice cream?”
Their cheers echoed down the hall as he carried them away. Reese groaned as she returned to me. “Yeah, that’s what they need,” she lamented. “A sugar fix to make them more hyper.”
“He’ll probably give them cookies too,” I felt the devilish need to add. Because it was true. Mason spoiled his children rotten. I thought it was an adorable look on my brother. Reese moaned about it, but I knew she loved it too, mostly because she loved everything about him.
She scowled at me a moment before breaking into a reluctant grin. “I’m sure he will. The big softie.”
Oh yeah, she definitely liked his kid-spoiling side. I would too if I were married and my husband’s biggest weakness was our babies.
A pang of loss but also anticipation coursed through me. Realistically I knew I’d probably never experience that for myself, but...maybe. If tonight went well—
Ack, I needed to stop thinking that way. Poor Seth. If he only knew what kind of dreams and expectations I was already pinning on him.
Which I was going to stop doing. Right...now.
Or now.
Ugh, this dream-stopping business was hard stuff.
In front of me, Reese rubbed her hands together with relish, looking at my face like an artist gazing upon a blank canvas.
“I think we’ll start with a blue-based silver in the corner of your eyes, then some navy underneath.” Flinging open the makeup kit that looked more like Barbie’s dream tackle box, she reached in for half a dozen eyeshadows. “Then dust with some peach and rose plum...”
She lifted one color to my face and shifted her gaze between my eyes and eyeshadow case before tsking and shaking her head. “No. Maybe...aha. Rose gold. Ooh, yes. That’s perfect.”
I sat as still as possible, which wasn’t still at all
, but Reese was used to putting makeup on me by now and was a pro at prettying me up, regardless of my constant wiggling.
For a couple minutes, neither of us spoke as she did her thing. My mind wandered to what was about to take place in less than thirty minutes as my stomach pitched with nerves, the good kind and the bad. I couldn’t calm the shaking in my limbs. I almost wanted to vomit and yet the hope inside me had sprouted such huge wings, I was sure I might start floating any second.
“I feel like Pinocchio,” I said, needing to say something because I feared I might burst if I contained everything bubbling inside me.
Reese paused from applying blush to my cheeks so she could send me an odd look. “You’re lying about something?”
“No.” I laughed. “I’m finally going to get to be a real girl.”
Instead of sharing my excitement, Reese’s eyes fill will sorrow. “Oh, Sarah...sweetie, you’ve always been real.”
I shook my head. “No. Not really. I mean, I’ve always been a spectator. Aside from furthering my education, I’ve never really gone out and done something. This feels like my first chance to do something. To live.”
She still didn’t get it, though. “I...I’m so sorry. I never realized you felt that way. I mean, both Mason and I have always tried to—”
I caught her hands to stall her. “Reese. You and Mason are amazing. I could never deserve everything you’ve ever done for me. But this is something I’m finally doing for myself.”
“Oh,” she whispered and her eyes went dewy as if she were about to burst into tears. Then she lunged forward and threw her arms around me to give me a huge hug. “I’m so proud of you, Sarah,” she said into my ear. “For everything you’ve accomplished and everything you’re still accomplishing. You’re the best sister-in-law and aunt to my babies a woman could ever have. I wish you all the happiness in the world tonight.”
When she pulled back, her eyes were no longer dewy. Now they were swimming with moisture. “Damn it.” She wiped the wetness away. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.”