I blinked, snapping my eyes back up to Madoc’s face.
“Wipe the drool, baby,” he commanded. “We’re getting under the sheets later. Don’t worry.”
My sex clenched, lightning shot from my belly down to my legs, and I looked away, running my hands over my face.
And then he was laughing.
Stupid asshole jerk.
Shaking him out of my head—violently—I walked up the path to where Lucas was making his way back.
“You know what? You stayed on the board a lot longer than I did the first time.” I put my arm around his shoulder. “And you did what you were supposed to do. When in danger, jump off.”
“Don’t be such a wuss,” Madoc called out. “Show him how it’s done.”
I scowled at him through hooded lids and looked down to my board, curling my toes.
“What are you? Scared?” Lucas looked up at me, the honest question plain all over his face.
How could I encourage him to do something I wouldn’t do? What kind of parent would I make?
Twisting my lips side to side and already feeling the sweat on my neck, I stepped onto the board, straightening my legs against the shake in my muscles. Leaning slowly back on my heels and then forward on the balls of my feet, I breathed shallowly as I swayed front and back, bending the board and remembering the feel of how to maneuver and guide myself.
People often think skateboarding is just about feet, but the truth is, it’s a whole-body workout. Every muscle comes into play. You lean with your shoulders, steer with your heels and add or subtract pressure depending on how you want to jump, flip, or glide.
Turning my Van-clad foot forward, I kicked off with my other and bent my knees slightly, clenching my fists against the sudden rush in my chest.
Shit.
My eyes went wide, and I let out a laugh before covering my mouth.
Oh, my God. I hope they didn’t hear that. I just got an adrenaline rush from kicking off?
Touching ground again, I kicked and kicked, my heart jumping in my chest as I tacked to the left, avoiding the stairs. Staying on the sidewalk, I continued kicking off and gliding on the sidewalk around the bowl, fireworks going off in my belly and brain.
Fucking amazing. This is what it felt like.
How did I ever give this up?
Digging into the ground, I pushed off hard and charged ahead straight for Lucas. Spreading out my arms, I dropped my back leg, bringing the front of the board up off the ground and skidding to a halt, circling Lucas until I stopped.
I squeezed every muscle in my body, wishing I could pinch up my face in a shitty-ass grin and jump up and down.
But that would be uncool.
Hopping off the board, my breaths fast and sharp against the afternoon cold, I got into Lucas’s wide-eyed face.
“Do I look scared to you?” I teased.
His mouth was hanging open. “I want to learn that.”
I stomped down on the tail of my board and caught the front end in my grasp. “Heel-draggers are way off. Let’s do some tic-tacking.”
Over the next couple of hours, Lucas and I exhausted ourselves with steering, bailing, ollies, and just plain practice. I showed him how to use his body, and how to fall with a smile. Because falling happens. A lot.
I promised him that we’d work on kick-flips next time, and then he spent some time practicing in the bowls while Madoc and I sat on the ledge to watch.
Laying my head on his shoulder, I closed my eyes and, for once, didn’t want to be anywhere else.
• • •
“Thank you,” I said in a raspy voice. “For today, I mean. I needed that.” I think I had laughed, shouted, and cheered more in the last few hours than in the last couple of years put together. Even though I’d be feeling the pain tomorrow, I was light-headed with happiness. Madoc’s smell enveloped me in the car on the ride home, I’d be cuddled next to him tonight, and every muscle felt loose from the release of stress.
He reached over and kneaded my thigh as he steered through the streets of town. We’d just dropped off Lucas in time for dinner and were heading home.
I sat back in my seat, my sleepy head lying sideways and looking up at him. “Don’t be freaked out by this question,” I started, “but did you have any relationships in high school? Like girlfriends?”
He snorted and flipped on the windshield wipers. “Women always have to ask questions they really don’t want the answers to.”
“But I do.” My voice stayed light. I actually did want to know. We’d missed years, and I wanted to know everything about him.
“Yes,” he admitted, nodding his head and not meeting my eyes. “A few.”
Jealousy spread through my brain like a disease. Who were they? What did they look like? What did he do with them? What were their names, Social Security numbers, and addresses?
It’s crazy how thoughts and suspicions can splinter your peace of mind.
“And?” I urged softly.
“And I never told anyone I loved them,” he shot back. “Only you.”
Then he turned to me, shutting me up with his serious, straight face.
The pulse in my neck throbbed, and it took a moment to realize my mouth was hanging open.
He tipped his chin at me. “So what does the Valknut tattoo mean?”
I inhaled an impatient breath and turned to look out the window. “Way to beat a dead horse,” I half-joked.
“You’re evading.”
Yeah, I am. But what the hell could I do? How do you tell someone who you want a future with that you got rid of his child without his knowledge? Madoc would care. I just couldn’t tell him exactly what the tattoo means. Not yet.
Why wasn’t he asking about my Out of Order tattoo or the script down the side of my back?
I narrowed my eyes, focusing on the rain on my window. “The tattoo means a lot of things to different people. For me it’s about rebirth.” That was partly true. “It’s about moving on. Surviving.” And then I turned to him and shrugged. “It looked cool, okay?”
There. Hopefully that’d be the end of it. For now, anyway.
I’d tell him everything. Eventually. As soon as I could. For now, I just needed tonight with him.
And that’s when I remembered one of the skills of a good talker.
Distract him with a change of subject.
Clearing my throat, I spoke up. “You never ask about the script on my back.” And I watched his eyes dart down to my hands as I lifted my shirt up and over my head.
Madoc’s round eyes were glued to my nearly naked chest clad only in a hot-pink, lacy bra.
“Eyes on the road,” I reminded him in my sultriest voice.
He blinked and glanced back out the windshield. “Fallon, I’m driving. This is not cool.”
A grin tickled the corners of my mouth watching him squeeze the life out of the wheel.
“See?” I turned and showed him the writing that ran vertically from the back of my shoulder down my blade to just below. “‘Nothing that happens on the surface of the sea can alter the calm of its depths.’ It’s my father’s favorite quote.”
I felt my body sway with the swerve of the car, and I had the good sense not to laugh. I liked his eyes on me, and I liked that I distracted him.
“And then . . .” I lifted up my butt, ignoring the excited lump in my throat as I quickly shimmied out of my pants, taking my shoes and socks off with them. “I have another one right here.” I pointed to the shamrock on my hip.
“Fallon!” Madoc barked, his forearms flexed, showing the powerful cords in his arms as he jerked the steering wheel to get the car straight. “Damn it.”
I smiled to myself and reclined the seat all the way back. Madoc’s windows weren’t tinted, and since we were still in town, anyone could see me in my bra.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered, blinking innocently.
He barely unclenched his teeth. “We’re not going to be home for another ten minutes. Are you seriousl
y doing this to me right now?”
I gazed up at him with my hand behind my head and my eyes hooded. Dancing my tongue just outside of my lips, I caught the little silver ball between my teeth and watched the fire flash in his eyes.
My skin was probably flushed pink everywhere, but I didn’t care. Nothing felt better than seeing his hands fumbling with the wheel as he tried to keep up on the road or the way his eyes glided down my body.
“Madoc?” I murmured, turning on my side and propping my head on my hand. “I want you to fuck me in your car.”
His eyes flared, and his body went still as if the car was now driving itself. He gripped the wheel, yanking the stick shift into sixth gear, and sped out of town.
Before I knew it, the sky was dim, the rain poured hard, and we were parked on a silent gravel road for the next hour.
CHAPTER 27
MADOC
All through high school, I followed people. Followed my dad. Followed Jared. Followed the norm.
When you follow, you forget to grow. Days pass, years roll over you, and you’re left with little to show for your life. My father was proof of that. He worked and hid, loving a woman he didn’t have the courage to claim, and for what? So he could have a city full of people at his funeral and a hefty estate to leave his estranged son?
My father had nothing. Not yet, anyway.
I knew he loved me, and in that respect I was a lot luckier than Jared and Jax, but I didn’t aspire to be like my dad. There were some good memories, but I honestly wasn’t sure how I’d react if he were suddenly gone.
That’s the thought that snapped me awake in my bed. Heat drifted down my neck and back, and I didn’t have to touch my skin to know that I was sweating.
My father knew what he wanted, but he never took it. I didn’t want those regrets.
I looked over, seeing Fallon curled into a ball and fast asleep at my side. She was dressed in a tank top and sleep shorts, and the blankets rested at her waist. With her hands tucked under her cheek and her hair draping over the pillow above her head, she looked so tiny and helpless.
My mouth turned up with a smile at the thought, because Fallon was anything but helpless.
I still liked enjoying this view of her, though. My heartbeat slowed, watching her steady breathing.
Grabbing my phone off the nightstand, I checked the time, seeing that it was only nine p.m. After skating this afternoon and our little detour, our bodies had been dragging. We crashed in my room, not even caring to eat the roast Addie had left in the oven for us.
My phone buzzed, and I held it above me, opening up the text from Jax.
Can you come over? Alone?
Alone? He must’ve found something on Fallon’s mom, but why did I have to come alone?
Be there in twenty.
Turning on my side, I nudged Fallon awake. “Babe?” I whispered, kissing a trail from her cheek to her ear. “I’m going to run out for an hour. Be back soon.”
She moaned, pursing her lips. “Okay,” she sighed. “Can you bring me a Snapple when you get back?”
And then she was passed out again, and I was laughing.
• • •
I arrived at Jax’s house about fifteen minutes later. The rain was still falling outside, but it was lighter, and I was happy to see light pouring out of his windows.
Katherine was home.
His “mom”—I wasn’t sure what to call her—still spent a lot of time with my dad, but I heard she insisted on him staying at her house more so she could be home for Jax. I wondered how my dad felt about gaining two stepsons. He had a hard enough time with me.
The kitchen and living room lights glowed with warmth as I knocked on the front door and then immediately turned the handle.
I’d stopped waiting to be let in years ago, and we still lived in a town where you really didn’t worry about keeping the doors locked at all times.
Waving at Katherine, who’d poked her head out of the kitchen, I sprinted up to Jax’s “computer room” and walked in, closing the door behind me.
I jerked my chin at him as he cruised the monitor wall, touching different screens. “Hey, what have you got?” I asked.
“Hey, man. Sorry to drag you over here, but I thought you should see this in person.”
Walking back over to his printer, he picked out a couple of papers, reading them over.
“What is it?” I asked, whipping off my button-down and wearing only my dark gray T-shirt.
“Well, I’m really not finding much on your stepmom.” He shot me an apologetic look. “Sorry, but she’s pretty one-dimensional. I accessed her social calendar, and personally, I find C-SPAN more entertaining.”
My shoulders sank a little, and I sighed.
He let out a bitter laugh. “Aside from the dirty dippings into male prostitution—she has a standing reservation at the Four Seasons every Thursday night for that—she’s actually pretty clean.”
“So why am I here?”
His eyes fell, and he hesitated.
Great.
Sitting down in his office chair, he wheeled over to me. “I found something else, actually. I was going through all of her credit card statements, and this came up.”
He handed me a paper and rolled away.
I stared down, my eyes scanning but not really reading. Words jumped out at me. Words like clinic. Fallon Pierce. And Women’s Health. They came together as my eyes darted over the thin, white paper that started to crinkle in my hand.
Then my scanning slowed when I caught words like pregnancy termination and balance due.
My lungs were anchored to the floor. They wouldn’t expand when I tried to breathe, and I narrowed my eyes as the words condensed in my head like moisture in the sky coming together to form a cloud.
One big, dark cloud.
I blinked and looked at the date of the bill. July 2. A couple of months after she disappeared two years ago.
My eyes shot down to the balance due. Six hundred and fifty dollars.
I gripped the paper, my eyes burning with anger . . . horror . . . fear. I didn’t know what. I just knew I felt sick.
I closed my eyes. She had been pregnant. With my kid.
Six hundred and fifty dollars.
Six. Hundred. Fifty. Dollars.
“Madoc, Fallon’s a friend.” Jax spoke up. “But I just thought you might need to know about this. Was it your kid?”
The acid rolled in my stomach, and bile burned in my throat.
I swallowed, my voice sounding more like a threat, as I said, “I’ve gotta go.”
• • •
“Where’s Fallon?” I growled at Addie.
I’d stormed upstairs once I got home and found the bed empty. She didn’t have Tate’s car or her bike, so unless she left by foot, she had to still be here.
“Uh . . .” Addie’s eyes rolled to the ceiling, thinking. “Basement, I think. That’s the last time I saw her.”
Her hands buried in dough, she nodded to the stove as I walked around to the basement door.
“You both haven’t eaten dinner,” she yelled behind me. “I’m packing it up! Okay?”
Ignoring her, I pummeled down the stairs, letting the door slam behind me.
The cement stairs were covered in carpet, so I was virtually silent charging down. The lights were on, but it was ghostly quiet.
I spotted Fallon right away.
She sat in the dip of her half-pipe, lying back against the incline with her legs bent up.
Dressed in a long, white cotton nightgown, her wet hair told me she’d just showered.
“I came down here so Addie wouldn’t hear the yelling,” she admitted before I said anything. Her hands rested on her stomach, and her eyes were glued to the ceiling.
“You know that I know.”
The half of her face that I could see was relaxed and accepting, as if she’d expected a storm.
“Jax called when I was in the shower. He wanted to warn me. Said he was sorry, but he
felt that you should know.”
Every soft step up to the pipe was made with clenched muscles. I was fucking pissed. How dare she be this calm! She should be feeling what I’m feeling.
Or at least scared!
“You should’ve told me,” I snapped, my deep voice coming from the pit of my stomach. “I deserved the truth, Fallon.”
“I know.” She sat up. “I was planning to tell you.”
Goddamn her. She was still so calm, looking at me with sincere and unfailing eyes. Speaking with a golden voice. She was handling me, and that pissed me off even more.
I ran my hand through my hair. “A baby?! A fucking baby, Fallon?”
“When was I supposed to tell you?” Her voice was shaky, and tears watered her eyes. “Years ago when I thought you didn’t want me? This past summer when I hated you? Or maybe the last two days when things between us were more perfect than anything has ever been?”
“I should’ve known about it!” I bellowed. “Jax knew before me! And you just got rid of it without me knowing anything about it. I should have known!”
She looked away, her throat moving up and down like she was swallowing.
Shaking her head, she kept her voice soft. “We weren’t going to be sixteen-year-old parents, Madoc.”
“How long did you wait?” I bared my teeth, sneering. “Did you even think about me before you did it? Or did you rush to a clinic as soon as you found out?”
Her pained eyes shot to me. “Rush?” she choked out. Tears spilled, and while she tried to hold them back, her face was contorted in agony. Red, wet with tears, and pained.
Getting up, she charged past me, and I grabbed her arm, pulling her to my side.
“No!” I shouted. “You stay here and fight. Own this!”
“I didn’t rush!” she yelled, getting in my face. “I wanted the baby, and I wanted you! I wanted to see you. I wanted to tell you. I was breaking, and I needed you!”
Her head dropped, and her shoulders shook as she cried, and that’s when it hit me.
Fallon loved me even then. She didn’t want to leave, so why would I think she’d want to go through that without me?
Her hands fisted at her sides, and she stood there, shaking with silent tears but too strong to crumble completely.