The woman on the thread claimed that the authorities didn’t believe she’d been held against her will. They claimed her story was tainted because she’d abused illegal drugs before her abduction. I hadn’t. I reasoned that my story would be more believable. And even if local authorities didn’t believe me, Dylan would, and he was a detective. More than that, I couldn’t wait to let him know that I was alive.
The last memory I had of my old life was from late October of last year.
As I sat in service and listened to Father Gabriel preach, it took all my control to smile, nod, and bow my head. What I really wanted to do was scowl and ask how he could do this to so many people—people who not only followed but also trusted him.
With each passing minute, the truth became clearer. I needed to get out of here!
CHAPTER 7
Sara/Stella
It was morning, and Jacob had already left for the hangar. He’d told me that he was heading to the Western Light and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. The pressure to gain freedom was mounting. With our breakfast dishes clean and more than an hour before I needed to report to the lab, I decided to take a walk. Each day the weather was warmer. Though I hoped the fresh air would help clear my head, I’d also become addicted to exploring and witnessing the community through my new perspective.
Each glimpse of the world around me showed a new paradigm. No longer did I see a bustling community. Now, as an investigative journalist, I saw things as they were. Our coffee shop and stores were simply warehouses, similar to the pole barn, divided by partitions and filled with only the supplies the Commission deemed necessary. The walls surrounding the community no longer served as our protection; they were our cage, designed to keep us all peacefully within.
I wondered whether they truly were necessary. After all, it wasn’t as if, on the edge of the circumpolar North, we followers had many options for leaving. Nevertheless, the walls made any notion of escape impossible.
I recalled from when Jacob and I had been sentenced to our temporary banishment at the pole barn that the only acceptable way to pass beyond the walls and the multiple gates was within a vehicle. No one walked away.
For that reason few people had access to vehicles. Primarily it was the chosen men and those followers who had clearance to work beyond the walls, those who needed to access areas such as the pole barn for supplies, the power plant, or the mill.
The world where I’d been forced to live became clearer with each passing day. Our buildings were mostly accessible by foot. Snowpack paths in the winter and hard dirt paths in the summer connected one to another. The apartments where we lived were closer to the temple and main buildings than those housing the non-chosen followers. While ours were in what looked like three-story barracks, theirs were in what resembled dorms on a run-down college campus. Each building was sufficient to protect people from the elements, not constructed for visual appeal. Since vehicles weren’t needed to get from housing to work or community centers, when not in use, they were parked away from the main cluster of buildings.
As I took my morning walk, I made my way past the followers’ housing and toward the outskirts, the direction in which Jacob and I often ran. Because it was at the opposite end of the community from the greenhouse and production buildings and more remote, fewer people were in this area. The solitude gave me a sense of freedom, allowing me to lift my eyes and truly see.
It wasn’t until I reached the place where many vehicles were parked that I noticed what I believed to be Jacob’s truck, parked along a row of vehicles. It caught my attention because Jacob was gone. He would have left it at the pole barn and hangar. Making the only logical deduction, I figured that Thomas, the new pilot, was the one who had driven it into the community.
At nearly the same moment, my heart began to thunder in my chest: Thomas was my ticket to freedom.
I scanned the area. Seeing no prying eyes, I hurried to the truck and hid under a blanket on the floorboard in the backseat. With each passing minute, I contemplated Thomas’s return. I’d seen him before within the community. I wasn’t sure why he was allowed to enter. Xavier never had. However, I knew he’d done it. One time in the coffee shop with Raquel, I’d noticed him. He was a large man, about Jacob’s age, with short hair in a military cut.
Raquel and I had both recognized Thomas as new. There was something about him, the way he behaved: nodding and making eye contact with females before he said hello. The men of The Light didn’t do that. In general male followers didn’t acknowledge female followers. As Elizabeth had once told me, they didn’t owe us their words. If a man and woman crossed paths, the woman looked down and the man moved on.
That was the way it was.
I sucked in a breath as the door opened and slammed shut. From my hiding place, I caught a glimpse and knew I was right. Thomas was in the driver’s seat. Slowly he backed up and turned toward the gates. I feared he could hear my racing heart as the truck slowed and he pressed the code on the first, the second, and finally the last gate.
As the truck lunged forward, a sense of freedom bubbled from deep inside. Elation at passing the final barrier fought with the fear of the unknown. I hadn’t been out of the community since Jacob’s and my banishment. And up until a week ago that hadn’t bothered me. Given the way the tires bumped against the floorboard of the truck, the road was as uneven as it had been all that time ago.
I fought the urge to take a deep breath and fill my lungs with the air outside those walls. I couldn’t. I wasn’t really free, not yet. Once I made my presence known to Thomas, if he decided to take me back, I knew that I’d be punished. What I didn’t know was how severely.
Would I end up dead, like the women in Tracy’s morgue? Would it be Jacob’s decision, the Commission’s, or Father Gabriel’s?
Although what I’d done was a risk, I couldn’t stay at the Northern Light another day. I needed to get back to my life and do whatever I could to help my sisters and the children. I wanted to save Mindy. After all, she’d been part of the reason I’d first learned of The Light.
I silently said a quick prayer to Father Gabriel that I wouldn’t fail her or everyone else.
My heartbeat echoed in my ears as the road noise faded and the truck came to a stop. Though it’d been a long time since our banishment, I was relatively certain that we hadn’t driven long enough to reach the hangar. I held my breath as the driver’s door opened and then the one beside me. When the blanket was ripped off me, I didn’t know what I feared more: Thomas, my possible punishment, or the polar bears that could be near.
Thomas smirked as he leaned back on his heels, as if to get a better look, and shook his head. “Look what we have here.”
I moved from the floor to the seat. “Please, I’m begging you to help me.”
“You’re begging me? I like the sound of that.”
My stomach rolled. “If you’ll take me wherever you’re going, I can pay you.”
“You can?” He touched my cheek as I resolved to remain still. “Tell me, pretty lady, why are you hiding in the back of this dirty old truck?”
Oh, shit! Maybe I should have waited for Jacob to get approval.
I willed my eyes to look at his and found it interesting how well I’d been trained. Even now, when I knew it was wrong, I had physical difficulty doing what I used to consider natural. Nodding, I swallowed and asked, “You’re Thomas, Xavier’s replacement, right?”
He nodded. “I didn’t think they let you women know what was happening.”
“They don’t, not really.” Should I tell him that I’m Jacob’s wife? “I’m a good listener.”
“And, Miss Good Listener, what do you expect me to do to help you?”
I had to try. “I don’t belong here. I don’t even know how I got here. I’ve been here for almost a year, but I have a life off the Northern Light.” My words came fast, each one landing on the one before. I hoped he was listening well enough to understand. “I have . . . had a job, a good job. I h
ave money and so does my family. If you can get me off this campus and away, I’ll make sure you’re compensated.”
His golden eyes narrowed as they scanned me from head to toe and back again. The jeans and sweater I wore seemed to evaporate as his expression morphed. It was as if he could see what was underneath. Finally he said, “So you’re saying The Light kidnapped you?”
I nodded.
“What would Father Gabriel say if I turned this truck around and took you back?”
Tears threatened my eyes. “P-please, you’re my only hope. If you take me back, I don’t know what will happen, but it won’t be good.”
The longer he stood with the door open, the more concerned I became about the bears. “You do know there are polar bears around, don’t you?”
He laughed. “Is that what they tell you?”
I sat straighter. Is everything Jacob told me a lie?
He opened the door to the front passenger’s seat. “Here, pretty lady, sit up here.” He patted the seat. “And convince me to help you.”
Convince him?
Slowly I moved from the backseat. When both of my boots stood upon the hard ground, I scanned the sparse trees at the side of the road. If there weren’t really polar bears, maybe I could make a run for it. Thomas’s hand grasped my arm.
“In the truck.”
I swallowed and nodded as I moved to the front seat. After he’d shut both doors and as he walked around to the driver’s side, I once again considered the idea of running. The opportunity was short-lived as Thomas opened the driver’s door and eased himself into the truck.
“Go,” he said, his cocky grin back in place. “Convince me.”
“I-I’m not sure what you mean. I told you that I don’t belong here. I just need someone to take me away, someone to believe me.”
One of his cheeks rose as his lips thinned. “I’ve heard stories. You see, there are rumors. That’s why I wanted to go into the community. I wanted to know if they were true.”
“I’m not sure what you’ve heard, but please help me.” The truck still wasn’t moving. “I won’t tell anyone that you’re part of this. I promise.” My breath caught in my throat as he reached out and again brushed my cheek. “Please, don’t touch me,” I pleaded as I backed away and my nausea returned.
Pushing my now-longer hair behind my ear, he leaned closer. “See, pretty lady, what I’ve heard is that you bitches in The Light like to obey. If you don’t, I heard you get punished.” His eyes moved up and down my frame, lingering too long at my breasts. “Is that true?”
Oh, God, what am I doing?
“I-I promise, my family will pay you.”
He laughed, the stench of his stale breath filling the noncirculating air in the cab. “If you think your family will pay me better than Father Gabriel, your daddy must be Bill Gates, and I ain’t heard nothing about Bill Gates’s daughter gone missing. But don’t worry, sweetheart, I think we can work this out.” He traced a line from my ear and down my neck to my breast.
I slapped his hand. “Forget it. Take me back. I made a mistake.”
Thomas started the truck and laughed a deep echoing laugh. “I like a bitch with spunk. She’s all the more fun to tame.”
Biting my lip, I sat in silence as he drove toward the hangar. My mind searched for possibilities. Brother Micah. If he was at the hangar, maybe I could convince him that Thomas had taken me against my will. As I contemplated my options, I didn’t care what Brother Micah or anyone else thought or about my possible punishment. I just wanted to get away from Thomas.
Even though I’d lived at the hangar, in the living quarters of the pole barn, for two weeks, I’d never really seen the outside of the building, the landing strip, or the hangar. When Jacob had first driven me to it, my eyes had been covered, and when I could see, it was winter and everything was cloaked by darkness. Now, as we approached in full light, I scanned the area for vehicles and saw how truly massive the building was. Even though I didn’t see any other vehicles, I didn’t give up hope. Obviously the building was big enough that Brother Micah could have parked inside.
My pulse increased again when Thomas hit the button on the garage and pulled Jacob’s truck into the bay near the living quarters. This was wrong. This was Jacob’s truck and Jacob’s parking area. It was where he’d brought me, where I’d felt like a newlywed. In reality I had been. I just hadn’t known it.
Thomas hadn’t said a word since he’d told me he wanted to tame me.
I didn’t know who was telling the truth about the polar bears. Nevertheless, I waited for the garage door to close before I opened my door. As soon as the door stopped, I opened my door and ran toward the hangar. Opening the door on the opposite side of the garage from the living quarters, I screamed, “Micah, Brother Micah! Are you here? Help! Brother Mic—”
Thomas’s hand covered my mouth and stopped my words. I closed my lips, swallowing the disgusting taste of grime and sweat.
“Shhh,” he whispered menacingly in my ear as he pulled my back against his front. “You’re going to be a good girl, or we’ll start that punishment right now.”
When he spun me around to face him, I nodded, all the while listening for the sounds I’d heard when others were at the hangar. Even though I didn’t hear anything, I couldn’t let Thomas take me, not if there was a chance I could save myself. His eyes narrowed in warning as he slowly removed his hand from my mouth.
As soon as I was free, I screamed, “Help! Micah! It’s Sara! Please . . .”
My world spun as Thomas’s hand stung my left cheek.
“Shut the fuck up!”
I swallowed, tasting the telltale copper of my own blood. As I fought the dizziness his slap induced, my feet obeyed as he pulled me toward the living quarters. As soon as Thomas opened the door my chest ached with memories of Jacob’s and my past. I needed to leave The Light. I wanted to leave. But no matter the injustices I’d endured, never had Jacob treated me the way Thomas was doing right now.
Thomas shoved me forward. Awkwardly I caught myself and landed in one of the kitchen chairs.
“Sit here. Don’t fucking move.” He rubbed his obviously hardening erection. “I’d love to get a better look at Father Gabriel’s gift, but I don’t know who’s coming out here.” His lips separated into a broad smile, exposing his stained teeth. “And I don’t plan on making this quick. I guess it’ll have to wait until we get to Fairbanks. Don’t you worry, pretty lady, once we’re there we’ll have all the time and privacy we want.”
My stomach knotted. “T-Thomas, I’m going to be sick.”
He pulled me up by my arm and pushed me toward the bathroom. Undoubtedly my arm as well as my face would be bruised.
“Go in there. Don’t make a fucking mess. I’m not losing this job over you.”
I nodded as I rushed to the bathroom and shut the door. There wasn’t a lock.
Shit!
My heart sank.
“I’m getting my stuff from upstairs,” he called through the door. “When you come out, sit where I put you. If you don’t, I’m taking my belt to that pretty little ass.” The sound of his laughter trailed away as his footsteps climbed the stairs.
Looking at the woman in the mirror, I noticed the way my left cheek was already beginning to swell. Though the tips of my fingers lacked feeling, as I pushed on the reddening and slightly purple skin, I felt the tenderness. Shaking my head, I contemplated my options. I could take off running. If I did, I’d need to run back to the community. I’d never survive in the wilderness on my own, with or without polar bears. Even if I made it back to the community and was allowed to live, I feared I’d never get away from the Northern Light.
Better sense—or was it delusional thinking?—told me that this could be my only chance.
My thoughts went to Mindy and the others. If I left with Thomas, there was a possibility of my saving not only myself but also the others. Taking a deep breath, I surrendered to my decision. I opened the bathroom door and scan
ned the living area.
Conceding to my choices didn’t mean giving in to the man walking upstairs. With the sound of Thomas’s footsteps echoing from above, I rushed to the kitchen and opened a drawer. I peered into its depths, knowing what it contained. Lying side by side were varying knives. I scanned the possibilities; I needed one big enough to do harm, but small enough to be concealed.
When the sound of footsteps stopped, I held my breath. Quickly I turned toward the stairs, but Thomas wasn’t there. When the steps began again above my head, I grabbed a four-inch paring knife and concentrated on Thomas’s footsteps as I quietly shut the drawer. Raising the leg on my jeans, I slipped the knife into my boot, and quickly moved to the table. Counting his steps on the stairs, I sat and tried to calm my breathing. Since I’d been unable to see when Jacob and I first moved to the pole barn, I’d memorized the number of steps. Thomas still had four more before he reached the bottom.
Only my eyes moved as I watched him enter the lower level. He glared in my direction before walking past me to the bathroom. “Good girl,” he called, just before the sound of his urinating echoed through the living quarters.
I scrunched my nose. Gross!
Clenching my teeth, I thought about how much I hated the phrase good girl. It was such a condescending form of praise.
The toilet flushed and Thomas returned. “I thought you might try to leave something in there, like a message. Either you’re a fast learner and don’t want your ass beat, or you’re not very bright. Either way, I can’t wait to get you to my place and find out.” He bent down until our noses were mere millimeters apart. His breath reeked of coffee, twisting my stomach into more knots. “No matter how well you obey”—he emphasized the word—“I’m sure I’ll find some reason to turn that ass red.”
Though I bit my lip and told myself to remain still, I couldn’t stop my flinch as he reached out to once again tuck my hair behind my ear.
“Don’t look so worried, pretty lady. I’m sure I’m not as depraved as what you’re used to.” He shrugged. “Or maybe I am.” With a smirk he added, “You’ll have to let me know.”