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Jill kicked off her shoes and set down her purse. After wandering into the kitchen, she poked around a plate of cookies and picked up a frosted one. Clamping it between her teeth, she got a glass and poured milk, then sat at the kitchen table.
She hated feeling this out of sorts. Nothing was horribly wrong, but nothing was right, either.
“I blame my father,” she said.
“For what?” Bev asked as she bustled into the kitchen. “Oh, good. You found the cookies. ”
Jill took another bite. “They’re great. ”
“Emily and I made them this morning. That girl is a whiz in the kitchen. I wonder if I should let Gracie know she’s going to have some competition. ”
Jill smiled. “Interesting thought. ”
Bev smoothed the front of her sundress and patted her braided hair. Jill watched her bring the plate to the table, then pull out a chair.
“You look especially nice this afternoon. ”
“Do I?” Bev looked away. “I didn’t do anything special. I’m barely wearing any makeup. ”
Maybe, Jill thought, studying her more closely, but there was a definite glow in her cheeks and a gleam in her eyes.
“What about your father?” Bev asked. “How is any thing his fault?”
“What? Oh, he’s the one who convinced me to temporarily fill in at the law firm here. If I’d stayed in San Francisco…” What would she be doing, exactly? Fighting Lyle for the condo? Living in a hotel and licking her wounds? Plotting revenge?
“I was supposed to have a plan,” she said, then drank some milk. “I was supposed to be figuring out ways to make Lyle’s life a living hell. What happened to that?”
“You got busy and found more important things to do with your time. ”
“I guess. But what does it say about my marriage that a month or so after the fact, I barely think about the guy?” She held up her hand. “Don’t feel you have to answer the question. ” She reached for another cookie. “I shouldn’t have married Lyle. I never loved him. ”
“He was what you needed at the time. ”
Jill wrinkled her nose. “Let’s not think about what that says about me. Yuck. I have another interview tomorrow. ”
Her aunt squeezed her arm. “I know that’s what you want, even though the thought of you leaving makes me sad. I’ve liked having you around. ”
Jill stood and bent over her aunt, then hugged her. “You’ve been wonderful. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you taking me this summer. I’ve had the best time. ”
“I’m glad to hear that. ”
Jill sank back in her seat and sighed. “Nothing turns out like we thought, huh? Maybe I should let you read my cards and give me a hint or two about the future. ”
Bev stood and crossed to the sink, where she began rinsing dishes. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. At least not today. I’m not feeling all that in tune with the cards. ”
Before Jill could ask why, she heard footsteps upstairs.
“Is Emily here?” she asked. “I saw Mac’s truck next door and thought he was with her. ”
“He is. He came home a couple of hours ago. ”
“Then who…” She pressed her lips together, suddenly not sure she wanted to hear an answer. After all, there weren’t that many choices and she didn’t like any of them.
Her string of not-so-great luck continued less than a minute later when Rudy came downstairs and walked into the kitchen. To Jill’s amazement, he moved over to Bev, took her in his arms and kissed her. Seriously kissed her. Jill thought she might have seen a bit of tongue before she gathered herself together enough to look away.
Rudy? Here? Now? Upstairs?
“You’re sleeping together?” she blurted before she could stop herself.
Rudy straightened and grinned. “You aunt is a very sensual woman. ”
“Didn’t want to know that,” Jill said as she put down the cookie and tried not to get anything close to a visual of what they’d been doing.
She risked a glance at Bev, who looked both flustered and pleased. “So what about staying pure for the gift?”
Bev sighed. “I never thought I’d say this, but my feelings for Rudy are more powerful than my need to stay pure for my calling. ”
“You’re kidding?”
Rudy winked. “Hey, I’m Italian. You know what that means. ”
Actually, she didn’t and was happy to keep it that way. “Tell me you at least waited until Mac took Emily home. ”
“Of course. ” Bev sounded shocked. “She’s just a child. ”
“Good. Wish we could all say the same about me. ” She stood. “Look, I’ll go and get out of your way. ”
“No need,” Rudy said, slipping an arm around Bev’s waist and pulling her close. “I’m taking her back to my place. We’ll grab some dinner or something. ”
It was the “something” that gave Jill the willies. “Okay, then. I guess I’ll see you…tomorrow?”
Bev leaned against Rudy and sighed. “I’ll be back in time to take care of Emily. ”
“Great. You two have fun. ”
Jill ducked out of the room and headed for the stairs. When she reached her room, she carefully closed the door, threw herself on the bed and covered her face with a pillow. Only then did she allow herself to scream.
Rudy and Bev having sex? Why oh why did she have to know that? It wasn’t that she begrudged them any happiness. Bev had always chosen to be alone and that seemed to make her happy. If now she wanted to be with a man, Jill thought it was fabulous. She wasn’t sure she would have chosen Rudy as the guy, but it also wasn’t her decision.
No, her discomfort didn’t come from their relationship—it was much more primal than that. Bev was the closest thing to a mother Jill had known since she was Emily’s age, and thinking about the woman who’d raised her doing it with anyone was a serious violation of the ick factor.
She tossed the pillow away and sat up. “What if I’d come upstairs without calling out?” she asked herself. “I might have seen something. ”
The thought made her shudder. She supposed children never really wanted to hear about their parents being sexual creatures. No doubt there was a biological reason for that and she should just let it go.
She could hear them moving around, probably packing for the big sleepover. Jill moved to her closet and quickly changed into shorts and a T-shirt. She pulled the pins from her hair and brushed it out, then slicked on sunscreen. A walk on the beach would help clear her head.
When she was ready, she plopped down on the bed to give Bev and Rudy plenty of time to make their escape. She touched the phone, wondering if she should check in with Gracie, then pulled her hand away. As much as she loved her friend, the person she most wanted to speak to was Mac, and he’d made it clear he had no interest in talking to her.
MAC PUT DOWN the latest issue of Car and Driver and watched as Emily turned the page in her book. She read silently, completely engrossed in the story. A couple of strands of hair fell into her eyes and she brushed them away without looking up from her book.
She was so precious, he thought, his heart aching with love for her. Despite the problems he had with her, the past few weeks had been damned amazing.
He studied the shape of her cheek, her slender shoulders, then grimaced at the purple T-shirt she wore. Purple and blue days were always a bitch. Em might be eating regular food with everyone else, but she still insisted on matching colors with him. He supposed it was a form of punishment—one that he’d earned.
He leaned back on the sofa and rubbed the bridge of his nose. She was so young, he thought sadly. Too young to have experienced all she had. To think he’d been the one to hurt her.
He’d never wanted that to happen, mostly because he knew how horrible it was. He’d only been a few years older than Emily when his father had disappeared from his life. His mother h
ad complained his father was a bastard and no one should be surprised that he’d finally run off. But Mac had been. Didn’t every kid want his or her dad to be perfect?
He swore silently and looked at Em. Isn’t that what she’d wanted for him? Damn it all to hell if he hadn’t let her down. He’d made so many excuses for his own father, had waited and waited for him to come back. Had Emily done the same?
She put down her book. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “You have a funny look on your face. ”
“I’m okay. I’m just thinking about some things. ”
“Like what?”
He crossed to her chair and crouched in front of her. Such small hands, he thought. She was so young and defenseless.
“I’m sorry, Em,” he said, and squeezed her fingers. “More sorry than I can tell you. ”
She frowned. “’Bout what?”
“Before. When I went away. ”
She closed her book. “You didn’t go away. Mommy and me did. ”
“Okay. You went away and I didn’t come after you. I’m sorry about that. I should have. I love you so much. You’re my best-ever girl and I didn’t come find you. ”
She shifted in her seat and drew her knees to her chest. “I know,” she said in a very small voice. “I wanted you to find me. ”
“I got lost when I should have been looking for you and it took me a long time to find my way. And all that time you were waiting and wondering where I was. You probably wondered if I even loved you anymore. ”
Her eyes widened, but she didn’t speak.
“I do,” he said into the silence. “I love you, Emily. You’re the best part of my life. I’ve loved you since be fore you were born and no matter what happens, I will always love you. ”
Her blue eyes seemed to see down to his soul. Was she looking for proof? He wished he could offer some thing other than his word. Time, he told himself through the ache. Time would help her see he could be trusted.
A single tear rolled down her cheek. He brushed it away with his finger.
“If I could go back to those days, I swear I’d come look for you. You matter so much to me. I think you’re special and wonderful and the most amazing daughter any dad could ever be blessed with. I’m so proud of you all the time. ”
She made a noise in the back of her throat, then flung herself at him. He caught her against him and pulled her close. Thin arms wrapped around his throat, nearly strangling him, but he didn’t mind. Em had been keeping her distance all summer. He planned to enjoy this hug for as long as it lasted.
“I love you so much,” he whispered into her ear. “Thank you for spending this time with me. ”
“Oh, Daddy,” she said with a sniff.
His chest tightened. Daddy. How long had it been since he’d heard that?
He held her and rocked her. After a few minutes, he moved so he sat on the chair and she curled up on his lap. Still she clung to him. He stroked her back and kissed the top of her head. Finally she raised her tear-stained face and looked at him.
“I love you, Daddy,” she whispered.
The last band around his chest eased and he drew in a deep breath.
“I love you, too, kiddo. ”
She swallowed. “Are you going to get lost again?”
“No. I’ve found my way. When you go home to be with your mom, we’re going to work out a schedule so you and I can see each other a lot. We’ll talk on the phone and send cards and do e-mail. What do you think?”
“I’d like that a lot. ”
She leaned her head against his shoulder. He rocked her back and forth and thought about how empty the house would be when she was gone. She would leave a big hole in his heart.
“You must miss Mom a lot,” he said. “You haven’t seen her in a long time. ”