Once, Margaret would have been one of the ones speculating as to the whys and wherefores. She would have wondered whether Turner had extended the invitation out of some dark motive, in order to settle the dispute in some wicked way once and for all. She might have asserted that he’d taken one look at Parford’s daughter and tumbled headlong into love. Once, she’d have been the one sitting with her friends in the corner and guessing.
But today, she arrived with her brothers. And while everyone was interested in what would happen to her, and what delicious events might make fodder for the evening’s conversation—nobody was interested in her. Not as herself.
After all, the evening’s company had been made up of those members of society who took Ash’s side in things. She and her brothers stood alone, a determined clump on the edge of the ballroom.
It was a relief when Diana, Lady Cosgrove, came flitting through the crowds. She was the first of Margaret’s old friends to greet her here. Her door had been barred to Margaret for months, but maybe, with this invitation, all could be forgotten.
Lady Cosgrove wore blue silk with white roses in her hair, and as she approached, Margaret thought that she was one of the most beautiful women in the room. She wanted to embrace her.
“Margaret, you dear!” she exclaimed. “How have you been this past six-month?”
Lady Cosgrove could have discovered the state of Margaret’s well-being at any point during the past half year, by the simple expedient of taking one of her calls—or, if she’d not wanted to exert herself that much, by reading one of the letters Margaret sent. But then, if Margaret was to retake her place in society, she would have to nod complacently through a great many lies, told for politeness’s sake.
And so she simply smiled at Lady Cosgrove.
“And to think,” the lady was saying, “you spent the summer rusticating in the country. Such a shame, when there were so many house parties to be attended. But then, you couldn’t have come.”
And here Margaret had thought they would make do by simply not referring to that period. Her friend’s smile brightened incongruously, and for the first time, Margaret considered the possibility that perhaps Lady Cosgrove had not come to renew their acquaintance.
“No,” Margaret replied. “I could not. I was, after all, in mourning.”
“In mourning!” Lady Cosgrove stepped back in surprise. “But of course—no wonder you’ve worn gray tonight when the color simply doesn’t suit you. It’s still half-mourning for you, isn’t it?” And then she raised her fan to her mouth and tittered, just in case Margaret had missed her attempt at a set-down.
Margaret supposed she was intended to be hurt by that remark. Really. Did Lady Cosgrove think that after Margaret had been declared illegitimate, a little aspersion cast on the color of her gown would set her back?
It is all a sort of delusion, Margaret could remember Ash saying indulgently, this notion of class. Apparently, in the months since she had last seen her friend, Margaret had stopped being deluded.
Lady Cosgrove had never shown this side to Margaret before. But then, Margaret had been a duke’s daughter, engaged to an earl. Back then she’d been placed too highly in society for Lady Cosgrove, a mere viscount’s wife, to sharpen her claws upon.
And so rather than tearing up, as her once-friend no doubt hoped, Margaret laid her fan across Lady Cosgrove’s wrist. It might have seemed a friendly gesture to anyone who watched. “You may find this curious to contemplate,” Margaret said languidly, “but would you imagine, after I buried my mother, the absolute last thing on my mind was the color of my gown.”
“You don’t say!” The other woman smiled impudently. But before she could find another way to insult Margaret’s toilette, a distinct laugh sounded in the crowd behind them. Lady Cosgrove pushed Margaret’s fan away. It was at that moment that Margaret realized that she had seen this side of the woman before. Her jabs had merely been directed at someone else.
“Oh, dear. It’s that dreadful Lady Elaine coming again.” Lady Cosgrove caught sight of her and made a face. “Do not tell me she is wearing feathers in her hair. Feathers were last season. Everyone knows that this year it’s flowers. Quickly, dearest—let’s go and find Eva. I know she’s about.”
Had Margaret ever been so sly, so unthinking? Had she assumed that because she was a duke’s daughter, she deserved only the most scintillating company?
“Come now,” Lady Cosgrove was saying. “Quickly, quickly! Oh, no. Don’t tell me you plan to be kind to the unfortunate little spinster again? You know I absolutely hate when you do that. How could you be so cruel to me, your dearest friend?”
No. Margaret had never been as bad as this woman. But she had not thought about what she had done. She’d enjoyed talking with Lady Cosgrove, enjoyed her fawning attentions, back when the woman believed Margaret above her in station. And when she said those horrid things about others, Margaret hadn’t interfered. She felt that inaction now, with a keen sense of shame.
“Actually,” Margaret said, “I was thinking of having a dinner party, with Elaine as the guest of honor. Shall I seat you across the table from her?”
“Cruel!” Lady Cosgrove said. “So cruel, Margaret, and I your oldest friend. You shouldn’t jest with me in such a way. But come, we must talk. After all, I am dying to hear what you have to say about— Oh!”
“Ouch!” Margaret tried to wrest her arm from the talon of Lady Cosgrove’s grip. To no avail. Her erstwhile friend paid no notice to Margaret’s attempt to escape.
“Oh,” she breathed again. “It’s he. Did he really walk up to you in a park? Did he really simply point at you and tell Lord Rawlings to invite you? Just like that? What a dreadful waste. As an unmarried woman, you could not even take proper advantage.”
It was only when Ash turned in their direction that she finally let go, so she could smooth her blue dress over her form. Strange; Margaret had thought Lady Cosgrove quite pretty when she approached, but now she noticed there were unattractive little lines gathered at her eyes.
Margaret didn’t bother to answer. Instead, she rubbed her wrist and watched him. Ash stood half a head higher than the men who surrounded him, dressed in unrelieved black—black coat, black trousers and a black cravat tied in a complicated pattern. He was talking, politely, with those around him. But even as he conversed, he scanned the crowd.
When his eyes rested on her, he stopped. He’d been smiling before, in a friendly fashion. But what lit his face when he saw her was more than a smile, more than a grin. It was as if someone had thrown aside the curtains of a sickroom on a glorious morning, to let sunlight spill into every darkened corner.
What was he doing? Everyone would know how he felt. He simply made no effort to hide it. She could feel the heat of his expression, even from halfway across the room.
The whispers began to swirl up around them.
He strode towards her, step by step, the crowd seeming to part before him. He didn’t stop. He just looked in her direction and wanted her. And lo, she waited.
“Oh, God. He did. He did simply walk up to you in a park. He’s doing it again.” Lady Cosgrove poked at her ringlets. “Margaret, darling, you must introduce me. He is a doll of a man. And my husband has not yet returned from France.”
Margaret glanced at her incredulously, but Lady Cosgrove seemed to have no sense of irony at all. She really did imagine that Ash might become her personal plaything and that Margaret would be willing to facilitate it.
Ash skirted around another cluster of men and women and stopped before Margaret. “Lady Anna Margaret,” he said, giving her a correct little bow.
“Mr. Turner.”
“May I have your first waltz?”
Oh, no. No, he could not. They couldn’t. They could not do this, and certainly not in the open. Her face would reflect the turmoil she felt. And if she danced with him, his incandescent response to her would be displayed to the world.
But before she could muster up an answer, he gently too
k the card dangling from a ribbon on her wrist and pulled it to him. She perforce followed, the short length of ribbon pulling her towards him. He glanced at the heavy stock in his hands once—her heart held still, as she wondered if he could make out the difference between the waltzes and the simple country dances that were listed on the card—and then before she could subtly direct him, he scrawled his name on the correct line.
His thumb brushed the skin of her wrist, just beyond the edge of her glove. To anyone else, it would appear to be an accident. Margaret knew it was a caress. A promise.
“Margaret,” Lady Cosgrove was saying softly at her side. “I say, Margaret.”
Ash glanced at her. “And who is your friend?”
“Diana, Lady Cosgrove, may I present to you Mr. Ash Turner. Heir presumptive to the duchy of Parford. Mr. Turner, Lady Cosgrove.”
The woman tittered softly.
“Hmm.” Ash’s voice was a trifle wary. “Should I be dancing with Lady Cosgrove?” He met Margaret’s eyes as he spoke.
“Oh, please,” Lady Cosgrove breathed.
Well. If they were going to occasion gossip, it was best that they did it properly.
“No,” Margaret said distinctly. “You should not. Her husband would certainly not approve.”
A gasp sounded beside her.
“I should love, however, to introduce you to Lady Elaine.”
Lady Cosgrove gasped louder but recovered quickly. “Mr. Turner,” she said, reaching out for Ash’s cuff. “Do listen to me. I know that you may believe that Lady Margaret has your best interests at heart, as she is some kind of a relation, if only a distant one. But if you intend to be a duke, you must not let yourself be guided so easily, not by one such as her. Take my warning to heart: she’s using you to punish me, because I kept my distance from her these past months. You know that any woman of good sense and decency would have done the same.”
No, Margaret had never been like Lady Cosgrove. For one thing, she had never been so stupid. Ash’s smile grew darker, and he looked at the woman. “I knew the instant Margaret spoke that she intended to use me as a weapon. What you fail to understand is this: I am her weapon to use.”
Margaret’s lungs burned. So much for not occasioning gossip. But she couldn’t fault him. She couldn’t reprimand him. She couldn’t even stop her own smile from spilling out, stupidly, over her face, the truth writ large for anyone to see.
“And I asked her to direct me for that reason.” Ash looked back at Margaret. “I’ll be by to collect my waltz.”
ASH FINALLY HAD HER in his arms again, even if it was for something as innocuous as a waltz. His hand was on her waist; her fingers rested lightly on his shoulder. And even though they were surrounded by dozens of others, at least for the moment he could pretend they were alone.
Even though he’d been able to conjure up Margaret’s image in his mind these past months, the real thing was a thousand times better. He had one of her hands in his. Even through gloves, it was wonderful to hold her. He could smell the scent of roses on her. And when he leaned in, on a gliding turn, he could almost taste the sweetness of her breath.
Memory could not hold a candle to the reality of her. She set him ablaze. Her gaze flickered down demurely, and then she looked up at him, under the curtain of those lashes. Her lips curved, and his heart contracted. And then she spoke, so quietly that he leaned in to better make out her words.
“You mustn’t hold me quite so close,” Margaret said.
Hmph. Hardly a romantic sentiment. In fact, he’d thought that foot of distance between their bodies rather too much as it was.
He whirled her about and smiled at her. “And why must I not?”
“Because everyone is watching, and it’s not proper.”
Truly? He thought they’d discarded such trivial considerations long ago. Ash looked down into her eyes and shook his head. “Must we go through this again? I’m aware it’s not proper. It was highly improper for me to demand that Rawlings issue you an invitation. I’m sure that those who are overly interested in propriety would disapprove of the method I used to ask you to dance. Why should I care now? We can write our own rules.”
She turned her head, and the stones dangling from her ears swayed back and forth. “Actions have consequences.” Her voice was tremulous. “And maybe you don’t see them—maybe you are unaware of them. But just because you do not pay the price, does not mean I can ignore the cost.”
“Cost?” Ash looked over her shoulder at the crowds. “What cost? At the end of the day, we shall triumph.”
“The last time your day ended, Ash, and you triumphed, I was declared a bastard. I was stripped of my dowry by the court of Chancery. When you triumph, my brothers suffer. So don’t talk so cavalierly of what we shall do. There is no we. People will talk.”
“Let them talk,” Ash said dismissively. “What does it matter what they say?”
She let out a faint huff. “They’ll imagine that we fancy one another.”
He felt a smile curl his lip, and he let his hand slip down her waist, to rest against the base of her spine. “Then they’ll imagine the truth, won’t they? I fail to see the problem.”
She looked up at him. “But they’ll use it against my brothers. If popular sentiment has us caught up in romantic trysts, minds will immediately jump to matrimony. Those who wish to see my father’s bloodline continue in the dukedom might accept a continuation through the female line. This could materially harm my brothers’ chances.”
Margaret solemnly looked up at him as she spoke. Ash weighed his next words carefully. He didn’t want to offend her, and yet he could hardly countenance lying. “I still fail to see the problem. You may recall that I oppose your brothers’ suit in Parliament. I am trying to materially harm their prospects.”
She merely looked puzzled.
“Truly, Ash,” she said, “I— You can’t mean what you just said. I know you wouldn’t use my affection for you as a tool to achieve your own ends.”
She sounded so certain. But he’d had two months—two damned empty months—to think of this. To contemplate what he was missing. To imagine what he would say when he saw her again.
“I know you,” she was saying. “You would never use me this way. You wouldn’t.”
“You’ve forgotten. If I’m Duke of Parford, I’ll be able to do anything for my brothers. If I pursue you openly, it raises the chances I’ll become duke. I want you. I want the dukedom. It turns out, my interests coincide and I can have both.” He looked her in the eyes. “I intend to do so.”
She didn’t look away. Instead, her eyes sparked and her lips compressed. “How efficient of you.” Her hand pressed into his shoulder, cutting more deeply than it ought in a polite waltz.
He merely smiled at the epithet. In the months since he’d last seen her, he’d thought far worse things. He hadn’t enjoyed the separation. Particularly as it was altogether unnecessary. He had only managed patience because his instinct had whispered that she would still be his.
He could wait. He could wait a little while longer for her.
“You told me once I was cheerfully ruthless.” He looked down into her eyes. “After two months without you, I’m not feeling quite so bloody cheerful, myself. If it takes ruthlessness, I’ll be ruthless. But yes, Margaret, I will have you.”
She swallowed and looked away. “You told me once I had only to ask. Ash, I’ve made my choice. I’m asking you now: if you care for me at all, don’t make overtures to me. This is tearing me to pieces. Leave me be, because I request it of you.”
He was calm. He was patient. So why did his left hand, holding her, cramp with the effort of not squeezing her to him? He let out a sigh. “Your request is denied,” he replied.
Her breath hissed in.
“I’ll apologize a thousand times, but leave you be? No. If I thought you truly indifferent, I would surely step away. But you are not indifferent. You are not even unwilling. You are just—temporarily—unavailable. And I’l
l be damned if I give you up.”
“Don’t.” She looked away. “Don’t do this to me. Not when I can’t stamp away without occasioning even more talk. What you’re doing—it’s not sporting. I have never used anything you told me as fodder for my brothers’ suit in Parliament. Not even when I thought that all you wanted was to seduce me into your bed.” She looked up at him. “I could have used you, Ash. I could have. So don’t you do this to me.”
Ash bit his lip. It turned out he was just not a well of patience. He’d won her affections. After two months spent without her—after two months when she’d walked away from him—he was actually a little angry.
“Tell me,” he said as he spun her about, “tell me I am not the best thing that has ever happened to you. Tell me you don’t wish to have me in your life. Tell me I don’t belong.”
She didn’t look at him. But she was silent. He felt an almost grim satisfaction, even though winning an argument under those circumstances was all victory, no triumph.
Still, as the musicians brought the piece to a close, he leaned in and whispered into her ear. “That is what I thought, Margaret. Don’t you do this to yourself.”
THE SILENCE IN THE CARRIAGE after the ball was almost unbearable. Margaret sat, the dark enfolding her, silently glad that she could not see her brothers’ faces.
“The good news,” Richard said, “is that we have been positively inundated with invitations.”
Margaret bit her lip.
Edmund responded. “The bad news is, it is because everyone wishes to see you and Turner again. Margaret, what could you have been thinking? Talking with him. Introducing him to your friends. Dancing with him.”
“What was I supposed to do? It would have been dreadfully impolite to refuse. It would have created a scene.”
“And it wasn’t a spectacle when he practically kissed you in front of everyone?” Edmund snapped. “At a minimum, you ought not to have appeared so eager to comply. Everyone is talking—absolutely everyone. Have you any idea what could happen if the gossips start marrying you to Ash Turner in their minds?”