Lucy was going to have another baby and in her condition she missed John a lot. Now that he was called here and there over the state to conduct revivals, she knew that he must go. She was glad to see him in new suits that his congregation proudly bestowed upon him without his asking. She loved to see him the center of admiring groups. She loved to hear him spoken of as “The Battle-Axe.” She even loved his primitive poetry and his magnificent pulpit gestures, but, even so, a little cold feeling impinged upon her antennae. There was another woman.
Time and time over the dish-pan, she’d find herself talking aloud.
“Lawd lemme quit feedin’ on heart meat lak Ah do. Dis baby goin’ tuh be too fractious tuh live.” And then again, “Lawd, if Ah meet dat woman in heben, you got tuh gimme time tuh fight uh while. Jus’ ruin dis baby’s temper ’fo’ it git tuh dis world. ’Tain’t mah fault, Lawd, Ahm jus’ ez clean ez yo’ robes.”
This was her second baby since coming to Florida, and she remembered how happy he had been at the coming of the fourth boy. A new baby might change things, perhaps, and she was right. When the new little girl was a month old, he took the lacy, frilly little bundle out of Lucy’s arms and carried it out to the waiting horse and buggy.
“You ain’t got time tuh fool wid dat youngun, John. You goin’ up tuh Sanford tuh preach, ain’t yuh?”
“Yeah, and de church got tuh see dis baby. Dis is sho mah work. De very spit uh me. ’Cep’n—”
“’Cep’n what? Dem sho yo’ gray eyes.”
“Dey ain’t whut Ah wuz fixin’ tuh say. Dat’s mah eye color alright but her eyes look at yuh lak she know sumpin. Anybody’d think she’s grown. Wonder whut she thinkin’ ’bout?”
“Take uh God tuh tell. Ah toted de rest uh de chillun in mah belly, but dat one wuz bred in mah heart. She bound tuh be diffunt.”
“Git yo’ things on, Lucy, and come on tuh Sanford wid me. De church ain’t seen mah wife in six months. Put on dat li’l’ red dress and come switchin’ up de aisle and set on de front seat so you kin be seen. Ahm goin’ tuh tote de baby, lessen you want me tuh tote bofe of yuh.”
“Go ’way, Ah don’t hafta wear dat ole red dress ’cause Ah got uh brand new princess, laced down de back wid uh silk cord wid tassels on it.”
With her bangs above her shining eyes and the door-knob knot of hair at the back, Lucy sat on that front seat in church and felt a look strike her in the back and slide off helplessly. Her husband’s glance fell on her like dew. Her look and nobody else’s was in his gray eyes, and the coldness melted from the pit of her stomach, and at the end of the sermon John came down from the pulpit and took the baby from her arms and standing just before the pulpit proudly and devotedly called, “Come heah eve’ybody, one at de time and pass by and look on yo’ pastor’s baby girl chile. Ah could shout tuhday.” And they came.
There came other times of cold feelings and times of triumphs. Only the coldnesses grew numerous.
Once she had sent him off to Alabama when she felt such a coldness that it laid her in a sick-bed. She knew that the glory of his broadcloth and Stetson would humble Bud, chagrin old Ned and make Amy happy, and in his present glory the “leaf of grass” would wither. Lucy prayed often now, but sometimes God was tired and slept a little and didn’t hear her. Maybe He had other Johns somewhere that needed His ear, but Lucy didn’t get too tired. She didn’t worry God too much. She had her husband and seven children now and her hands were kept busy. John had to be pushed and shoved and there was no one to do it but Lucy.
There came the day, with Lucy’s maneuvering, when John stood up in the State Association and was called Moderator. “Wisht ole Ned and Bud could see me now,” John gloated, “always makin’ out Ah wuzn’t goin’ tuh be nothin’. Ah uh big nigger now. Ain’t Ah Lucy?”
“You sho is. All you got tuh do now is tuh ack lak one.”
“Don’t you reckon Ah know how tuh ack, Lucy? You ain’t out dere wid Brown and Battle and Ford and all dem big mens, lak Ah is. You always tryin’ tuh tell me whut tuh do. Ah wouldn’t be where Ah is, if Ah didn’t know no more’n you think Ah do. You ain’t mah guardzeen nohow.”
John strode off in his dark blue broadcloth, his hand-made alligator shoes, and his black Stetson, and left Lucy sitting on their porch. The blue sky looked all wrinkled to Lucy thru the tears.
And soon Lucy knew who the woman was, and once or twice the thought troubled her that John knew she knew, but didn’t care.
One night as she sang the sleep song to the younger children she noticed a sallow listlessness in Isis, her younger girl. The next day she knew it was typhoid. For a week she fought it alone. John was down the East Coast running a revival and didn’t come at once. When he did come, the doctor said, “Well, Reverend, I’m glad you’re here. If she can last ’til midnight she’s got a chance to get over it, but—but I doubt if she will live ’til dark.”
The restrained Lucy stood at the far side of the bed looking at her child, looking at John. The agony of the moment sweated great drops from his forehead. He would have fallen on the bed but Lucy led him outside.
“Ah can’t stand ’round and see mah baby girl die. Lucy! Lucy! God don’t love me. Ah got tuh go ’way ’til it’s all over. Ah jus’ can’t stay.”
So John fled to Tampa away from God, and Lucy stayed by the bedside alone. He was gutted with grief, but when Hattie Tyson found out his whereabouts and joined him, he suffered it, and for some of his hours he forgot about the dying Isis, but when he returned a week later and found his daughter feebly recovering, he was glad. He brought Lucy a new dress and a pineapple.
CHAPTER 14
People in Sanford began to call Lucy aside. There was much under-voice mention of Hattie Tyson, Oviedo and shame, Gussie, Tillie, Della, church court, making changes in the pulpit and monthly conference.
“John,” Lucy began abruptly one day, “you kin keep from fallin’ in love wid anybody, if you start in time.”
“Now whut you drivin’ at?”
“You either got tuh stop lovin’ Hattie Tyson uh you got tuh stop preachin’. Dat’s whut de people say.”
“Ah don’t love no Hattie Tyson. De niggers lyin’ on me.”
“Maybe so, but if you don’t you oughta stay from ’round her. Ah done seen de green tree ketch on fire, so you know uh dry one will burn.”
“Lawd how some folks kin lie! Dey don’t wait tuh find out a thing. Some of ’em so expert on mindin’ folks’ business dat dey kin look at de smoke comin’ out yo’ chimbley and tell yuh whut yuh cookin’.”
“Yo’ church officers is talkin’ it too, John.”
“Sho ’nuff, Lucy?”
“Dey talkin’ ’bout settin’ you down.”
“Lawd have mussy! You ain’t ’ginst me too, is yuh Lucy?”
“Naw, Ah’ll never be ’ginst yuh, John, but Ah did thought you done strayed off and don’t love me no mo’.”
“You musta thought it, Lucy, ’cause nobody sho didn’t tell yuh. If you don’t know, ast somebody.”
“John, now don’t you go ’round dat church mealy-moufin ’round dem deacons and nobody else. Don’t you break uh breath on de subjick. Face ’em out, and if dey wants tuh handle yuh in conference, go dere totin’ uh high head and Ah’ll be right dere ’long side of yuh.”
Conference night came and the church was full. It was evident that the entire congregation was keyed up. The routine business was gotten out of the way quickly. Beulah Tansill flung her low look at the pastor and then at Deacon Tracy Patton. Deacon Patton cleared his throat and did a great deal of head scratching. The look on the pastor’s face didn’t seem to belong there. It was bold and unusual. It sort of dared him and the words he had brought there with him wouldn’t slide off his tongue. He scratched his head some more. He had stirred up the side front the first time, he tried the opposite side back.
“Uh, ruh, uh ruh, any onfinished business?” prompted Deacon Harris.
Deacon Patton almost rose that time. Another look at Pearson a
nd Lucy and he laid down his hat and scratched with both hands. Gave his entire head a thorough scratching and held his mouth open in sympathy.
“Shet yo’ mouf, Tracy Patton!” Sister Berry cautioned. “De flies will blow yo’ liver tuhreckly.”
“Shet your’n. You tries tuh be so much-knowin’. You got tuh learn how tuh speak when you spokin to, come when youse called.”
“Ah ain’t got tuh do but two things—stay black and die,” Sister Berry snapped.
“Less stand adjourned,” Deacon Harris hurried, “us don’t want no fight.”
That was as far as the conference went. The Chairman realized that the Chief spokesman was not going to speak, hastily adjourned, hoping that Beulah and Tracy wouldn’t implicate him if they talked it. He made it his business to walk home with the pastor and drop a defensive suggestion in his ear in advance.
“Rev. Ahm diggin’ mah sweet pitaters tuhmorrer. Goin’ tuh bring you some too.”
“Thanks, Aleck. Mah wife and chillun all loves dem good ole yeller yams, good ez Ah do.”
“Dey sho gointer git some. Look heah, Elder Pearson Ah reckon you done heard dat some dese niggers is throwin’ lies ’bout you and some woman over ’bout Oviedo. Ah ain’t tole yuh nothin’, and you be keerful uh dese folks dat totes yuh news. Uh dog dat’ll bring uh bone will keep one. You know dat’s de truth. Good night.”
John had read the hostility in the meeting and his relief at his temporary deliverance was great. He said nothing to his wife, but he bought a dozen mangoes and thrust the bag into her hand.
As they undressed for bed Lucy asked in a matter of fact tone, “Whut tex’ you goin’ tuh preach on Sunday comin’?”
“Iss Communion so Ah reckon Ah’ll preach de Passover Supper in de upper room.”
“Don’t you preach it. Dis thing ain’t thru wid yit. ’Tain’t never goin’ tuh be finished ’til you tackle dey feelings and empty out dey hearts—do, it’ll lay dere and fester and after while it would take God hisself tuh clean up de mess.”
“Whut mo’ kin Ah do? Ah wuz dere fuh dem tuh handle me and dey didn’t do it.”
“Dat wuz ’cause de folks didn’t have no leader. They wuz plenty fight in dere. All dey needed wuz uh lead hound. You git yo’self out dey mouf and stay out of it, hear me?”
“Whut mus’ Ah do?”
“You preach uh sermon on yo’self, and you call tuh they remembrance some uh de good things you done, so they kin put it long side de other and when you lookin’ at two things at de same time neither one of ’em don’t look so big, but don’t tell uh lie, John. If youse guilty you don’t need tuh git up dere and put yo’ own name on de sign post uh scorn, but don’t say you didn’t do it neither. Whut you say, let it be de truth. Dat what comes from de heart will sho reach de heart agin.”
“Mah chillun, Papa Pearson don’t feel lak preachin’ y’all tuhday,” he began on Sunday after he had sung a song, “y’all been looking at me fuh eight years now, but look lak some uh y’all been lookin’ on me wid unseein’ eye. When Ah speak tuh yuh from dis pulpit, dat ain’t me talkin’, dat’s de voice uh God speakin’ thru me. When de voice is thew, Ah jus’ uhnother one uh God’s crumblin’ clods. Dere’s seben younguns at mah house and Ah could line ’em all up in de courthouse and swear tuh eve’yone of ’em, Ahm uh natchel man but look lak some uh y’all is dumb tuh de fack.
“Course, mah children in Christ, Ah been here wid y’all fuh eight years and mo’. Ah done set by yo’ bedside and buried de dead and joined tuhgether de hands uh de livin’, but Ah ain’t got no remembrance. Don’t keer if Ah laugh, don’t keer if Ah cry, when de sun, wid his blood red eye, go intuh his house at night, he takes all mah remembrance wid ’im, but some yuh y’all dat got remembrance wid such long tangues dat it kin talk tuh yuh at a distance, when y’all is settin’ down and passin’ nations thew yo’ mouf, look close and see if in all mah doin’s if dere wuz anything good mingled up uhmoungst de harm Ah done yuh. Ah ain’t got no mind. Y’all is de one dat is so much-knowin’ dat you kin set in judgment.
“Maybe y’all got yo’ right hand uh fellership hid behind yuh. De Lawd’s supper is heah befo’ us on de table. Maybe mah hands ain’t tuh break de bread fuh yuh, maybe mah hands ain’t tuh tetch de cup no mo’. So Ahm comin’ down from de pulpit and Ah ain’t never goin’ back lessen Ah go wid yo’ hearts keepin’ comp’ny wid mine and yo’ fire piled on mah fire, heapin’ up.”
He closed the great Bible slowly, passed his handkerchief across his face and turned from the pulpit, but when he made to step down, strong hands were there to thrust him back. The church surged up, a weeping wave about him. Deacons Hambo and Harris were the first to lay hands upon him. His weight seemed nothing in many hands while he was roughly, lovingly forced back into his throne-like seat.
After a few minutes of concerted weeping, he moved down to the Communion table and in a feeling whisper went thru the sacrifice of a God.
CHAPTER 15
An’ Dangie Dewoe’s hut squatted low and peered at the road from behind a mass of Palma Christi and elderberry. The little rag-stuffed windows hindered the light and the walls were blackened with ancient smoke.
She had thrown several stalks of dried rabbit tobacco on the fire for power and sat with her wrinkled old face pursed up like a black fist, watching the flames.
Three quick sharp raps on the door.
“Who come?”
“One.”
“Come on in, Hattie.” As the woman entered An’ Dangie threw some salt into the flame without so much as a look at her visitor. “Knowed you’d be back. Set down.”
Hattie sat a moment impatiently, then she looked anxiously at An’ Dangie and said, “He ain’t been.”
“He will. Sich things ez dat takes time. Did yuh feed ’im lak Ah tole yuh?”
“Ain’t laid eyes on ’im in seben weeks. How Ahm goin’ do it?”
“Hm-m-m.” She struggled her fatness up from the chair and limped over to an old tin safe in the corner. She fumbled with the screw top of a fruit jar and returned with a light handful of wish-beans. “Stan’ over de gate whar he sleeps and eat dese beans and drop de hulls ’round yo’ feet. Ah’ll do de rest.”
“Lawd, An’ Dangie, dere’ uh yard full uh houn’ dawgs and chillun. Eben if none uh dem chillun see me, de dawgs gwine bark. Ah wuz past dere one day ’thout stoppin’.”
“G’wan do lak Ah tell yuh. Ahm gwine hold de bitter bone in mah mouf so’s you kin walk out de sight uh men. You bound tuh come out more’n conquer. Jes’ you pay me whut Ah ast and ’tain’t nothin’ built up dat Ah can’t tear down.”
“Ah know you got de power.”
“Humph! Ah reckon Ah is. Y’ ever hear ’bout me boilin’ uh wash-pot on uh sail needle?”
“Yas ma’am and mo’ besides.”
“Well don’t come heah doubtin’ lak you done jes’ now. Aw right, pay me and g’wan do lak Ah tell yuh.”
Hattie took the knotted handkerchief out of her stocking and paid. As she reached the door, the old woman called after her, “’Member now, you done started dis and it’s got tuh be kep’ up do hit’ll turn back on yuh.”
“Yas’m.”
The door slammed and An’ Dangie crept to her altar in the back room and began to dress candles with war water. When the altar had been set, she dressed the coffin in red, lit the inverted candles on the altar, saying as she did so, “Now fight! Fight and fuss ’til you part.” When all was done at the altar she rubbed her hands and forehead with war powder, put the catbone in her mouth, and laid herself down in the red coffin facing the altar and went into the spirit.
CHAPTER 16
Lucy was lying sick. The terrible enemy had so gnawed away her lungs that her frame was hardly distinguishable from the bed things.
“Isie?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Come give mama uh dose uh medicine.”
“Yes’m.”
The skinny-legged child of nine came bringing a cheap glass pitcher of wa
ter. “Ah pumped it off so it would be cool and nice fuh yuh.”
“Thankee, Isie. Youse mah chile ’bove all de rest. Yo’ pa come yet?”
“Yes’m, he out ’round de barn somewhere.”
“Tell ’im Ah say tuh step heah uh minute.”
John Pearson crossed the back porch slowly and heavily and entered the bedroom with downcast eyes.
“Whut you want wid me, Lucy?”
“Here ’tis Wednesday and you jus’ gittin’ home from Sanford, and know Ahm at uh mah back too. You know dat Hezekiah and John is uhway in school up tuh Jacksonville, and dese other chillun got tuh make out de bes’ dey kin. You ought tuh uh come on home Monday and seen after things.”
He looked sullenly at the floor and said nothing. Lucy used her spit cup and went on.
“Know too Ahm sick and you been home fuh de las’ longest and ain’t been near me tuh offer me uh cup uh cool water uh ast me how Ah feel.”
“Oh you sick, sick, sick! Ah hates tuh be ’round folks always complainin’, and then again you always doggin’ me ’bout sumpin’. Ah gits sick and tired uh hearing it!”
“Well, John, you puts de words in mah mouf. If you’d stay home and look after yo’ wife and chillun, Ah wouldn’t have nothin’ tuh talk uhbout.”
“Aw, yes you would! Always jawin’ and complainin’.”
Lucy said, “If you keep ole Hattie Tyson’s letters out dis house where mah chillun kin git holt of ’em and you kin stop folkses mouf by comin’ on home instid uh layin’ ’round wid her in Oviedo.”
“Shet up! Ahm sick an’ tired uh you’ yowin’ and jawin’. ’Tain’t nothin’ Ah hate lak gittin’ sin throwed in mah face dat done got cold. Ah do ez Ah please. You jus’ uh hold-back tuh me nohow. Always sick and complainin’. Uh man can’t utilize hisself.”