He sat at the opposite end of the table, and I was glad I didn’t have to look at his face for one more second. Someday, Scarlet would ask me questions, and I had no idea how to answer her without causing her pain. We had been cast aside for revenge. I had failed my daughter before her life had even begun, and I would be the one forced to hurt her with the truth because I couldn’t watch her live a lie as I had.
“You should eat,” Grim said. “People are staring.”
I didn’t even bother to look around at the other guests. “Let them. This isn’t my kind of food.”
Plates upon plates of pretentious-looking food had been placed in front of us. Not one person at the table managed to finish a portion before the plate was replaced with another. The indulgence of the Green Court was in stark contrast to the poverty of the Darkside. I wondered if anyone was remembering to go to the human realm for food for the Darksiders since I had left. Or had that been why the Darksiders were crossing over in the first place? Brendan’s protection of me may have stopped the Darksiders from feeding themselves. I felt ill at the thought.
An old, chubby man I vaguely remembered as the lineage consultant rose to his feet. “I think it’s time we talked proposals.” He glanced at me. “I have a new idea.”
“Really?” Brendan said dryly. He had barely eaten a thing, and his leg constantly jumped under the table.
With a smug expression, the man eased back into his seat. “We’re all looking for a united realm, for a way to keep peace. I think we can all have what we want. You’ve been so reluctant to marry, my dear king, but you must realise that you have a responsibility to do what’s best for the realm.”
Brendan dropped his fork and sighed. “And what’s that, Cathal?”
“To keep Sadler in line, you must marry his heir.”
Brendan squeezed his eyes shut. The proposal was so outlandish that it took me a second to understand what Cathal was suggesting. I rose to my feet at the exact same time as Drake. We shouted “No!” as one. I experienced a brief moment of relief.
Then, Drake said, “And give Brendan access to the Darkside? Give him more of the realm? No. I refuse to allow the balance to shift to my rival. If anyone has a claim over that child, it’s me. If Sadler dies, I’ll kill every single Darksider and destroy the land to stop the taint from spreading. But nobody has the right to control that land except me.”
I slapped my hand on the table. “You can’t do that, either!”
“It’s the only way.” He looked at me. “And there’s nothing any of us can do about it.”
“Shit,” I whispered. “Look at you.”
“Sit,” Brendan said. “We can’t destroy our own realm, and the blight is already spreading our way. Besides, it won’t work. The taint is already in the human realm. It will reach us here, no matter what.”
“What are you talking about?” Drake asked, still standing.
Sighing, I rolled up my sleeve, revealing the bracelet and the taint in my veins. “This happened in the human realm. It’s spread that far. But it’s not so surprising. The Watcher warned us that the lines between realms were thin near his home, near the Fade. It was just a matter of time.”
“If the taint destroys the human realm, our realm will die with it,” Grim said solemnly. “We survive because they do. Our fates are intertwined.”
“Nonsense,” Cathal said in a prim voice.
“Oh, shut up,” I spat. “Go back to matchmaking and leave the real problems to people who actually know what they’re talking about.”
Murmurs of confusion and anger spread around the table. I didn’t care.
“Grim,” I said, “what do you know?”
“We live on food and water like anyone else,” Grim replied. “But we need humans to truly survive. Their realm breathes life into ours. The Watcher was right. We’re connected in ways we don’t even understand. If the human realm suffers, we will, too.”
“We have to end the taint,” Sorcha said. “The brownie is correct. A blight has come our way. It’s a slow death, but death nonetheless.”
“There’s a more imminent problem,” Brendan said, “one that could kill us quicker than any taint.”
Everyone gazed at him, but he looked to me. “Tell them,” he urged. “Tell them what you know.”
I cleared my throat and stared at my black-polished fingernails. “The thing is,” I said, “Sadler made deals with some kind of god. That’s how he’s survived so long. For a while, he used Deorad to sustain him, but I killed Deorad. He’s trying with other fae, other relatives, but they’re not working as well. He thinks my daughter will work better.” I gave Drake a fleeting glance, wondering how much better a king would work. “He doesn’t leave the castle, and he has a doctor with him. The doctor’s not from… here.”
“The Green Court?” a woman asked, sounding confused.
I shook my head. “No. I mean… not from this land. Some of the Darksiders think he came from beyond the water, that he uses a dark kind of magic on Sadler. Before I returned here, a Darksider came to me. She wanted me to go home—I mean, to the Darkside. She thinks that Sadler will calm down and stop relying on the doctor if I return, but I think it’s too late because he’s made more deals. He’s ready for war, and he doesn’t care if his people die as long as he destroys the other courts. He wants the realm to suffer, and he doesn’t care who pays the price. He’s just waiting for reinforcements. There are ships coming from across the water. If they arrive, they could change everything.”
“Impossible,” Cathal scoffed. “Nobody comes across the water.”
“The daoine sídhe did,” Dymphna said. “My ancestors came across the water. They were fleeing from something bigger than us.”
“What’s bigger than the giants?” Arlen murmured.
“Let’s hope we don’t find out,” Dymphna said. “If this is true, we are without hope.”
“Before anyone panics, we need to check the information,” Drake said. “The Darksiders will do anything to win back the child, even try to fool her mother.”
“It wasn’t a lie,” I said firmly. “But check it out all you want. I don’t think any of us want to be caught unaware by whatever lives across the water. Those ships could just as easily cross over to the human realm. This land is in trouble, no matter how we look at it.”
“First the taint and now this,” a woman said. “What have we done to deserve this punishment?”
Cathal aimed an accusing look in my direction.
I stared right back at him. “It’s not a punishment.”
“What would you know about the concerns of the fae?” Cathal sneered. “Humans are broodmares to us. Let this one finally earn her keep. We must use the child if we intend to hit back at Sadler.”
“That would be very stupid of you, and it’s about time the fae stopped making stupid decisions.” I rose to my feet. “So keep my daughter out of your arranged marriage suggestions, or I’ll cut out your tongue.”
Cathal stood, his ruddy cheeks turning puce. “How dare you threaten me? You… human!”
I strode toward him with a smile on my face. I didn’t see Cathal anymore; I saw Sadler, a mad faery trying to take my child away. A gasp ran around the room, and people shifted uneasily in their seats as I reached Cathal.
“Human,” he echoed, as though he had lost all other words.
“Is that supposed to be an insult? This human has accomplished far more than a few arranged marriages, and this human will do anything to protect her child.”
He cowered, falling heavily into his seat. Sweat ran down his puffy cheeks. “This is what we do. This is how we live. You have no right, no right at all, to come here and attempt to—”
“My child will choose her own path in life and not have one set for her. She won’t be a pawn in your stupid game, and she won’t be a weakling you can push around. If you mention her again, I’ll—”
And then Drake was there. He took my arm and held me back. I gazed down at my hand and
saw my fingers wrapped around the hilt of the dagger I didn’t remember unsheathing. What was happening to me?
“He knows,” Drake said, squeezing my biceps. “He won’t harm her in any way.”
“He won’t,” I said vehemently. “I won’t let him.”
Brendan came up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. “He understands.”
I shook both of them off and stepped away, looking around the room with scorn in an attempt to cover my confusion. “And maybe you should all remember that the people you want to cut through and kill are trapped on the Darkside. They’re starving, and their children are born deformed. They might be pawns in the game of kings now, but they won’t always. The blight is growing. I hope none of you are stuck on the wrong side when the great kings arrive to show off who has the biggest—”
“Let’s move to the hall for some drinks and dancing,” Sorcha called. “There’s a lot to do, and we all have much to think about. Let us relax until the next meeting. I’m sure we’re all exhausted.”
People reluctantly began rise and shuffle toward the door, looking over their shoulders and whispering as they left. Cathal tried to stand, but Drake laid a hand on his shoulder and held him in place.
“A promise between a king and an infant would be a terrible idea,” Grim said when the room had mostly emptied. “Sadler would instantly absolve his marriage ties and remove any leverage we’ve earned. Besides, a new heir for the Green Court would come a generation too late.”
“And it’s sick,” I blurted.
“I demand retribution for this insult,” Cathal spat, his face darkening to an almost purple shade. “I am a noble, an elite. I don’t deserve to be treated this way by the Darksider’s bitch.”
“Remember who you’re talking about and to whom,” Drake said in a soft yet threatening voice. “These are dangerous times, Cathal.”
Cathal snorted. “I hold the tides in my hands. I can turn families against you, entire bloodlines against either of you. I am valuable.”
“If you want to find me a queen, then do so,” Brendan said. “I give you leave. But I am not interested in a child bride. Do you understand me? This line of thought is over. I want to keep friends amongst the royals, not create new enemies. It was a foolish thing to bring up in company, and you deserved the small ounce of humiliation you received. This woman is Queen of the Dark Court. Remember that when you fall asleep at night.”
Cathal’s face changed. “This is unheard of,” he spluttered. “I have been treated with—”
“I understand,” Brendan said. “We have shamed you. We have been too consumed by this war to listen to you.” He patted Cathal’s cheek. “That changes now. Tomorrow, you may have my finest carriage, and you will find the Green Court the perfect bride. Can you do that for me?”
Cathal nodded, his chest heaving as he eyed the dagger in my hand. I still didn’t recall reaching for it. Was the taint to blame? Or was that just a cop-out?
Flushed with heat, I turned on my heel. “I hope it takes him a while. I have a long memory.” I strode out of the room and headed for the back stairs.
I sat on the bottom step and laid my face in my hands. I was losing control. My emotions had been manageable in the human realm, but the fae made me angrier than I would have ever thought possible. I had to leave them before I truly exploded. I knew what my fear did to them, even my lust, but I wasn’t aware of the consequences of true anger. Yet.
“Cara?”
I raised my head. Grim sat next to me on the steps.
“We haven’t had a chance to speak,” he said softly.
“Looks like we’ll be busy for the rest of our lives.”
“How are you? Truly?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. Angry. Upset. Heartbroken. I’m so scared they’ll take my daughter from me, Grim. You have to help me.”
“I’m the king’s adviser,” he reminded me. The brownie was made up of various shades of grey. Even his clothes were of faded grey fabrics. Only the whites of his eyes and the pinks scars on his bald head broke up the dull tones.
“But you’re my friend.” I held his gaze. “When you meet Scarlet, you’ll understand. She’s my life now.”
“You can’t make another person your entire life.”
“You did.”
He looked away. “We needed each other.”
“My daughter needs me. She needs me to be strong and tough and wise. And I need her because I might…”
“Might what?”
“Turn into a worse monster than anything else here,” I whispered. “The mirror showed me a future where everyone died, but I survived… except I was different. A terrible person.”
“A Darksider?”
“They’re not what everyone thinks.” I lowered my voice even more. “Some of them helped me leave. They’re suffering, too. Sadler’s a madman with power. That’s all.”
“And you’re his wife.” He touched my hand, the one with the wedding band. “It looks like you want people to remember that.”
“If I don’t believe it, why would the Darksiders? We need to stop a war, Grim.”
He smiled and patted my arm. “You’re already strong and tough and wise. I’m glad we’re on the same side.”
I pulled up my sleeve to show him the blackened veins. “I’m one of them. We’re not on the same side anymore. I’ll always be on the wrong side to everyone.”
He reached out. I expected him to touch the veins, but he ran his fingers across the green and silver woven bracelet instead.
“Are you really on one side?” he asked. “Out of everyone, you who aren’t supposed to belong here, belong everywhere. This isn’t your realm, but you could bring us the answer to the peace we need.”
“Brendan’s giving up on peace.”
“But you came back to remind him. There will be death. There always is. There will be pain and suffering and struggles, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Sadler wants to use your child in the wrong way, but the people could see her as hope, the one person truly capable of uniting the realm.”
“She’s just a baby. And I only care about keeping her safe.”
The brownie patted my hand. “You both survived terrible things. Anya was convinced her Mother had a plan for you. What if it isn’t over yet? What if this is why you were brought here?”
“That’s ridiculous,” I said with a laugh. “If you want to stop Sadler, then you bring someone capable of killing him, not some idiot girl who can’t see what’s in front of her. You warned me time and time again that I couldn’t trust anyone. It took almost dying, almost losing my own baby, for me to really see what you meant. And I came back again. I’m the epitome of a mistake. If some goddess thought I would change things for her, then she made a mistake, too.” I rose to my feet.
“Cara…”
“You’re wiser than me, Grim. But even you don’t see that everything has changed. I don’t trust everyone around me anymore, and I’ve become a person you can’t trust, either. You can’t be seen going against Brendan’s court. You can’t afford that. I made a mistake in there, but I would do it again. And that’s why you have to keep away from me. Save yourself… because that’s my only plan right now.”
I walked away, hoping he believed me. Being my friend was becoming a dangerous thing.
Chapter Six
I sat in Brendan’s room and waited for him. I wanted to scream and shout and throw things, but I needed to be smarter. The fae didn’t trust me, and even though I had gone to Brendan to keep my daughter safe, they still thought they could take her from me. Brendan might have sent Cathal away, but he would inevitably marry, and I would be down an ally.
Brendan’s shoulders were slumped when he returned.
“You can’t marry my daughter,” I said sharply. “Ever.”
His expression was guarded. “Do you really think I would do that?”
I threw my hands in the air. “How would I know? Look at Drake! I’m obviously not the bes
t judge of character!”
He reached out, took my hands, and looked me in the eye. “You came to me for help, and I swore to you I would protect her. I will never force your daughter into a marriage with me. Do you understand? I will never marry.”
“What’s that about?” I asked, confused by the emphatic statement.
“Do you not see me? Have you not heard what I’ve done to the women in my life?” A shell of the confident king I knew, he let go of me and sank into a chair.
I sat next to him. “You haven’t done anything to me.”
“I’ve fooled you, used my power against you, and let you be taken and hurt by Sadler. Look at us.” He pressed his palm against my cheek. “I’ve stolen another of his wives, Cara. I’ve done it again. And for what? War is coming, no matter what moves I make. We will destroy ourselves.”
“You didn’t steal me. I ran away. You’re… you’re helping me, right?”
He ran his hands through his hair. “Sometimes, I don’t even know. What am I doing? What have I done to the realm? Sometimes… sometimes, I wish I had returned to this world without a brand. I wish… I wish we had left here and returned to the human realm and never looked back. Have you never even considered that?”
I stared at him. “But you’re the king. And every day I spent in the human realm made me miserable. If it wasn’t for Scarlet… I don’t know how I would have ended up.”
He studied me for a moment, and I couldn’t get a read on him. “It’s different for you, I suppose,” he said at last. “Why should you want to stay in the human realm when you can’t even experience true human emotion for fear of drawing attention from the wrong people? At least here you can be yourself.”
“Be myself? Have you met Sadler? I can’t be myself anywhere.”
He held my gaze. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“Brendan,” I whispered, laying my hands on his broad shoulders, “you did terrible things in your old life, but you paid the price for them.”