buried and I know he was killed in an automobile
accident and he was supposedly drunk. That's what
she means by a family tragedy."
I paused and shook my head.
"I don't even know what he looked like." "Wow. Well, we've got to search high and low
tomorrow for pictures, okay?" Misty said.
"What? Oh, yes."
"Maybe there were some in one of the cartons
up in the crawl space," she suggested.
"Yes, there were old pictures in a cigar box." "I'll go back up and get everything down. We'll
have a good time exploring," Misty said. She thought
a moment. "That was strange, that part about
Geraldine. Your mother made it sound as if Geraldine
was in love with Alden too, but Alden was her uncle.
Surely, she didn't expect to marry her uncle. I guess
she was just terribly disappointed in him for having an
affair with her mother. Men can let you down in so
many ways," she concluded.
I nodded, folded the letter carefully, and put it
back with the others.
"You're not going to read another one?" "I'm tired," I said.
"Me too. It's been a great day though, lots of
fun, right?"
"Yes," I said.
I reached over to turn off the light.
"You know, you closed your bedroom door even though we're the only ones in the house," she
said.
"Just habit. You want to open it?"
She thought a moment.
"No, it's all right. I guess!'
I turned off the light. We lay there in the
darkness, both of us with our eyes open. When I
glanced at her, she looked like she was listening. "Your house creaks a lot," she said. "Right?" "Just the wind," I said. "It's an old house!' "Right."
"Good night, Misty. Thanks for staying over." "Night."
She turned over. There was a sound from below
even I didn't recognize. I could feel her body tighten
be- side me.
"Is that the wind?" she asked. "Cat?"
"I guess," I said.
"You guess?"
"Yes," I said. "It's only the wind."
"Somehow, in the darkness, it's harder to be
brave," Misty said.
"Do you want me to leave a light on?" "If you do," she said.
I smiled, got up, and turned on the light in my bathroom, closing the door just enough to let some
illumination into the bedroom.
"Better?"
"Sure," she said. "Night."
"Night."
"Your mother," she said. "I mean your real
mother. She sounds very nice."
"Yes."
"Too bad you can't do what she wished and
meet her now after you have learned the truth. It's not
fair. None of this is fair," she added. She reached back
to squeeze my hand once and then she fell asleep. I smiled to myself.
Fair, I thought. What an illusion that was for all
of us. But at least I have friends, I thought. I'm not
alone. And I'm not afraid of what's to come.
10 Geraldine's Secret
Once Misty and I fell asleep, we slept through the night, comforted in knowing we were beside each other. I didn't have any nightmares either. The next morning Misty was up before me, exploding with her characteristic energy, talking about having breakfast and getting started as quickly as possible on continuing to redo the house, or as she now called it, "the club."
While we were having breakfast, both Star and Jade called to say they were coming over as soon as possible. Jade sounded as if she had just woken, but Star's voice was full of energy. By the time they arrived, Misty and 1 had already painted most of the hallway.
"We found out who her father was," Misty told them almost immediately. "It was in the next letter. Her mother's brother-in-law, Alden. You were right, Jade. He was a younger man He's dead though, killed in a car accident, a DWI," she added, without stopping for a breath.
They both looked at me, waiting to see my reaction. What was I supposed to do? I wondered, or what was I supposed to feel? I never knew him, never even recalled seeing him or speaking to him How could I feel sad or disappointed or anything?
"As soon as I finish this," Misty continued, "I'm going up into the crawl space. We think there might be pictures of him in one of the cartons and I'll bring the other stuff down so Cat can put whatever she wants in her room. Finally," she added
"I'm glad you're making all these decisions yourself," Jade snapped at her.
"I'm not making them myself. Cat and I talked about it last night, right, Cat?"
"Yes," I said, but Jade still looked annoyed.
"We should share important information immediately," she said.
"What did you want us to do, call you last night?" Misty asked, holding her brush up and away like a torch. We had spread newspaper on the floor to catch any drips. It was a good idea because we had paint all over our clothes and splattered on our faces, too.
"Of course you should have called. You know we were all concerned and interested. It was her assignment to find these things out and report back. Did you forget all that we pledged and did at my house?" Jade chastised.
"I'm sorry. Boy. This is worse than being in school and living with those rules."
"Either we're together or we're not," Jade snapped.
I looked at Star. Usually, she would have something to say to ease any conflict or challenge Jade, but she remained quiet.
"Damn all these family secrets," Jade said. "They fall like rain around us."
She marched toward the kitchen. "I'm making some coffee," she muttered.
"What's the matter with her? Her mascara run or something this morning?" Misty asked Star in a whisper.
Star stepped closer to us to speak softly.
"Her parents finally settled their divorce late yesterday. Her father suddenly decided to give up fighting for full custody. He's building a new house and he's met someone new, someone who has a daughter about Jade's age and a son in college. They're going to move in with him. It all came as a surprise, even though it must have been going on for quite a while," Star explained.
"Oh," I said. I looked toward the kitchen. "No wonder she's made that remark about family secrets falling like rain. But I thought she hated their bickering over her and she would be happy when it was settled."
"Yes and no," Star said. She looked at Misty. "It's nice to be wanted a lot by both your parents, even under those circumstances. I think it gave her a sense of security. Now that's it's over, her mother is talking about having a small celebration," she continued, still in a whisper, "but Jade doesn't want any part of it."
"I don't blame her," Misty said. "I hate it when my mother is happy about something in the divorce going her way." She stared after Jade for a moment and then turned to Star. "Sorry we didn't call you last night when we made the discovery. As I said, Cat read another letter and--"
"Oh, I don't care about that, and I don't think she's re- ally upset about it either. Let's just get to work. I think it's a good idea to rip your sister's bedroom apart and turn it into something nice," she told me. "The way we're feeling it'll be good to rip anything apart," she added, and laughed.
Jade returned and looked at the repainted walls.
"You're doing sloppy work," she criticized. "You're supposed to put tape over the places you don't want to paint."
"Here," Misty said, handing her the brush, "do it right while I go up into the crawl space."
Jade looked at the brush and then stepped back as if it was the most disgusting, vile thing she had ever seen.
"I'll pass on that," she said. "Especially with what I'm wearing."
"Put on a pair of Cat's pants and one of her sweat- shirts," Misty suggested.
"Just go about your business and stop bossing me around," Jade snapped back at her. She gazed at the paint and grimaced with more disgust. "I'm having coffee at the moment," she added, and hurried back to the kitchen.
We all laughed and then Star took over for Misty while she went to set the ladder up in the pantry. When she was ready, she called to us and Star helped her hand down the cartons. We carried everything into the living room.
"Look at this doll!" Misty declared holding up the one with the battered head and face. "Someone took her frustrations out on it, I guess."
"Gee, I wonder who," Jade said. She sifted through the clothing. "Some of this stuff still has tags on it. It was never used."
"She told me she didn't want to give me any of it," I explained. "She said my mother was just trying to buy my love."
"They do try that," Jade said, her eyes small and angry, "and we let them most of the time. My father has decided he wants to buy me a new car with his own money. It's supposed to make me feel better about his decision to spend the rest of his life with another woman, another family. Maybe Geraldine had the right idea putting all this up in the attic."
"I don't think that was right," Misty said softly. "Cat probably could have used these things."
I sat with the cigar box in my lap and opened it slowly, taking out the first picture. It was a
photograph of Geraldine seated at the piano and a man standing and smiling beside her.
"This must be Alden, my father," I said, and they gathered around. "According to what my mother wrote in her letter to me, he gave Geraldine piano lessons."
"He's good looking," Misty said. "You have his nose and mouth."
I looked at other pictures. Most of them had Geraldine in them as well as my father. One was torn. Someone obviously had been ripped out of the picture.
"I don't think we have to work hard to guess who was standing there next to him," Star said.
"Why don't you do the same thing?" Jade suggested. "Cut Geraldine out of one of the better pictures of him and put the remaining photograph in a nice frame?"
"That's right," Misty said.
I stared at the face of the man who was supposedly my father, my mother's lover. He was handsome, with light brown hair that waved just enough to be perfect. His eyes looked like they sparkled with laughter.
"Nice smile," Jade said. "You should smile more, Cat. That will be your smile, too," she said. "Poor Cat," she added putting her hand on my shoulder, "you found your father and lost him almost at the same time." I felt her body stiffen and looked up at her. "Believe me," she said, "it's easier that way, Cat. It's easier than losing him years and years later."
"You didn't lose your father," Misty told her. "You'll still spend time with him, won't you?"
"Right. Quality time," she said with her mouth twisted as if she had bitten into a rotten apple. "I know the drill well. He'll have his days and he'll try to crowd a week or a month into them while he looks over his shoulder to see what his new wife and family are up to. Thanks, but I think I'd rather be in Cat's position. At least she is past the pain."
"Still, not to let her know about her father until now was cruel," Misty insisted.
Jade shrugged. She was feeling so bitter, it seemed like nothing would put a smile back on her beautiful face, a face where smiles belonged, where they blossomed.
Star took the pictures from my hands and returned them to the cigar box.
"Enough of this sad reminiscing I think now we're all in the right frame of mind to go upstairs and do that room," she said. "Ready?"
"Yes," Jade said, straightening.
"Absolutely," Misty said. "Let's get to it."
I started to shake my head.
"It's too late to turn back now, Cat," Star said. "Roll up your sleeves and follow us. Forward," Star declared, and they headed out of the living room. I did follow, not knowing what to expect next, but feeling as though I was a train, doomed to follow the tracks no matter where they led.
The girls began by tearing down the bland, white curtains and stripping Geraldine's bed. Then they argued about what color we should paint the room.
"It's got to be either pink or a light blue," Misty insisted. "I say we paint it black," Jade suddenly suggested.
"What?" Star said. "Black? Are you crazy? A room painted black?"
"It will be our ceremonial room," Jade continued, walking around the room. "We don't need it to be a bedroom. We'll clear out all this thrift shop furniture and we'll buy pictures and things for our organization."
"Like what?" Star asked.
"I have some ideas, some good ideas," she said, nodding. "Trust me." She turned to us. "Well? Don't you want a ceremonial room? We'll use it for our special meetings and for our private talks. No one will be permitted up here but us. That's a cardinal rule of the OWP's."
"You and your hideaways," Star remarked. Jade stared at her, waiting, impatience firing up her eyes. "Okay, okay, I agree."
"Misty?"
"Sounds ... interesting," Misty said.
"Cat?"
"What are we going to do with the furniture?" I asked.
"We'll give it to the Salvation Army or someone. That's the least of our worries. If we're going to rid this house of Geraldine, we should do it right," she insisted. She nodded and smiled as she looked around. "It will be a perfect special place. Let's get started. Misty, go with Star and get plain, flat black paint, gallons, and more brushes and rollers and pans," she ordered. "Cat and I will empty the dressers and closets and pack up the clothing, except what we think we might need for some reason or another. You were right when you suggested one of us might have to parade around in Geraldine's clothing occasionally.
"Well?" she said when no one moved. "Do we need to take another vote or what?"
Misty looked at me and I looked at Geraldine's bedroom. Black? All the furniture given away? It would be as if she never had existed. I nodded.
"Be careful with the car," I told her. She smiled and looked at Star who raised her eyebrows.
"I don't know what you have in mind, Jade, but it better not be something weird," she warned.
Jade laughed.
"Like what we've already done isn't weird, right?" She stopped smiling. "We've got to keep building ourselves, building our confidence, building our union. We're better than the families we were born into," she said. "Better together."
"I like that," Misty declared. "Better together. A new slogan. I'll get us all T-shirts that say it."
Jade nodded.
"That's it, Misty, now you're thinking like an OWP. Well, Miss Star?" she asked her.
Star shook her head and laughed.
"Are you going to help paint, Miss Beverly Hills, or just watch us work?"
Jade reached for Geraldine's robe that was hanging on the inside of the closet door. She slipped it over her clothing and turned back to us.
"Absolutely," she said.
"Okay. Let's go, Misty, before she realizes what she promised."
They hurried out. Jade turned to me. Geraldine had that robe so long, I couldn't remember when she didn't. I would never even think of putting it on, but Jade had no reason to have my inhibitions.
"Let's start on the drawers. We don't want to throw out anything valuable," Jade said, and I joined her as she pulled out the top dresser drawer and began to pluck Geraldine's clothing like she was plucking feathers. She dropped them almost immediately, as if they were all diseased, and the pile began to build on the floor. When she reached the third drawer, she stopped and turned to me.
"Whoa," she said, "what do we have here?"
"What?"
Slowly, she brought out an exquisitely embroidered sheer silk bra designed with underwire cups.
"It must have done wonders for her nearly nonexistent bosom," Jade said, holding it up.
I shook my head.
"She never wore that," I said, astounded.
Jade tossed it to me.
"There's more here
," she said, and reached into the drawer, this time coming out with a velvet and satin one- piece undergarment. It had push-up underwire cups, removable pads and a thong bottom. Jade held it up. I shook my head. "I've seen this in either Victoria's Secret or Frederick's of Hollywood," she said.
She tossed it to me and plucked out another skimpy bra, more thong bottoms and a chic maillot in a burnout dot pattern made of spandex. There were also two tanksuits with mesh midriffs, one in light gray and one in black.
"I never saw her wear any of this," I said. "I don't understand. Why is it here? How?"
"Maybe that's why she wanted the door always closed," Jade said, and cleaned out the drawer. "She had her own fantasies after all, Cat."
Jade's eyes narrowed as she looked at the nightstand. She glanced at me and marched over, pulling on the handle. The drawer didn't budge.
"It's locked," she said. "Where would the key be?"
"I don't know. Maybe her pocketbook," I said, and went to it. I turned it over and emptied the contents on the small dressing table. There was no key to any drawers, just keys to the house.
Jade shrugged.
"What do we care now?" she said, and went into the closet. She emerged with a metal shoehorn in hand and shoved it into the crack of the drawer, trying to pry it open. While she struggled, I looked through Geraldine's jewelry box and some other small boxes for the key. I turned when Jade moaned that she wasn't having any success. The shoehorn bent before it budged the well-locked drawer. She sat on the floor, frustrated.
"I'll have to go downstairs and get a hammer and a screwdriver or something," she said. She started to rise and stopped. I saw a smile break out over her face.
"What?"
"Well, lookie here," she said, reaching under the bed. "She's got a key dangling on a string that's tied to the bedsprings."
She reached under and brought it out. The string was long enough to reach the nightstand, and sure enough fit the lock. Jade turned it and looked back at me. I shook my head. This was all a surprise to me.
"I have no idea why she locked it," I said.
She opened the drawer and I hobbled over to look into it with her.
"Figures," she said, nodding.
"What's in there?" I asked.
You don't know?"
I shook my head.
She reached inside the drawer and then held up a stack of books and magazines.