“We know what you are,” they said. They hurled spit and names on her and she stood there, taking it, until the teacher came and helped her.
Help only got me so far.
“You listen to me, okay?” I say so softly he leans in to hear me. “I was born for this.”
When my eyes finally land on his again, I know his face will haunt me forever. He looks as bleak as I feel.
I clear my throat. “Now, if you’ll excuse us.”
With that, I loop my hand through the arm of my next income source, calculating how I can get the most money out of him for the least amount of time. It takes every ounce of willpower I own to not look Soti’s way one more time. Once we round the corner and I know he’s out of sight, all the adrenaline leaves my body, and I’m actually glad to have someone to hold onto.
I avoid my reflection as we walk back to the house. I don’t want to know what the rest of the world sees when they look at me.
I take care of the guy in the courtyard, giving him one of my two-minute specials that leaves a man so glassy-eyed he doesn’t mind not getting the thirty-minute treatment. It’s a trick I only pull out when necessary, so I don’t have to see more men than makes me comfortable.
The entryway is quiet when I step inside, but as I make my way toward the stairs, the hostility in the room thickens.
“I’m not sure what you’ve done to make her so irate, but you need to get a handle on it so the rest of us don’t have to deal with her mood,” Lexy says.
Angel gives me the death look as I walk past her.
“Don’t I always?” I mutter under my breath.
I make it up the last flight of stairs, the safety of my bedroom calling me. I skitter past my mother’s room, hoping she’s far, far away. I round the corner and come to an abrupt stop. Nico is leaning against my door, watching me. I whip around, sprinting toward the stairs.
“Lilith, what makes you think you can avoid seeing me?” Nico’s breath is on my neck as he yanks my arm behind my back. How he moved that quickly is beyond me. “Haven’t you missed me?” His other hand holds the back of my neck in place.
“Let go of me. I’ve met my quota for the day,” I say.
His grip tightens. “You’re not getting rid of me so easily this time.”
The voice that always melted me now slides down my skin like gloppy grease. I want to wash it off.
He forces me to turn around and I get a good, long look at him. His black hair and black eyes are still compelling, but when he flashes his white teeth, all I see are weapons. He can brandish his beauty all he wants, but it won’t lure me. It can’t. I can’t survive him again.
“Why now, Nico?”
“I never moved on, I’ve simply been biding my time.”
I want to rail against his chest and scream all the ways he’s such a liar, but I grit my teeth. Losing him nearly killed me, but he will never know it. It’s the one thing I did right, never letting him know I was in love with him. I’m sure he suspected, but not because I told him.
“I let you go before—it was the right thing to do. I had to prove myself to my uncle and didn’t need any distractions.” He caresses my cheek and I resist the desire to lean into it. He’s the one who awoke me, after all. “Everything is in place now … you’re all that’s missing.” His tongue flicks against my ear and he pulls me tighter against him. “You know how good we are together, baby. You know you can’t resist—”
I turn my head, my lips nearly touching his, and close my eyes. “I want nothing to do with you, Nico.”
He lets go of me so quickly, I stumble forward, hitting the door.
“I’ve waited hours for you today, and years before that … I’m done waiting, mia piccola puttana.” He leans into me. “I’ve changed. You need to understand that. You broke me and I will always love you and hate you for it, but I have to say, you taught me a lot when you walked away. This time you’ll come crawling back to me, just don’t take too long.”
I shiver. The hundreds of times I’ve been on my knees for Nico race through my mind, always ending with the same cocky, satisfied look I’m sure he’s wearing now. I count to five before speaking. “You’ll notice I’m nowhere near crawling. And I won’t be on my knees for you again, so step away.”
His chuckle sounds dark and he gives my neck a little bite. “You say that now, but next time I come, don’t waste my time.”
My back feels cold when he moves away. I stay in that spot, shaking and trying to get my bearings. When I know he’s long gone, I unlock my door and collapse into bed.
A couple of days pass with no word from Nico. I know he’ll be back, but for now, I just try to get through each day. Denial is best served with layers of heavy blankets to smother the truth.
My mother and I fight during every ounce of downtime I have, so I pack my schedule with back-to-back appointments. The day drags. All of this with Nico, my mom—it has me on edge. I need to get out of here.
As soon as my last appointment leaves, I shower and make a quick exit. I’ve spent more time outside the last couple of days than I have the past month. As usual, the humidity makes me want to turn around and go back inside, but I force myself to move. Each step away does make me feel better. A flyer flutters by my feet and I ignore it until it sticks to my shoe. I bend down and pull it off. A picture of food surrounds a backpack and the paragraph under the picture says:
For many kids, school is the only place that provides food. Here at the community center, it’s become our mission to make sure they have plenty to eat during the weekend, too. We’ve partnered with several businesses and grocery stores to provide food for the schools surrounding us. Each week, we stock hundreds of backpacks with enough food to feed the students throughout the weekend, along with snacks for during the week. If you’d like to be a part of this endeavor, join us on Thursday nights at six p.m.
Be part of the change in your community.
So many hungry children. I can’t stand the thought. I try to give when I hear of a need in the Quarter, but it never feels like enough. I look at the location again; it’s just a few blocks away. I won’t be available Thursday but decide to see if I can contribute now. I need another shower by the time I get there. My hair is in a ponytail, with a ball cap sitting low over my eyes. I’m not wearing any makeup, so I’m hoping no one recognizes me. Alexis would die if she could see me and the thought makes me smile.
Two WDSU news vans are parked in front of the community center. I almost turn around and go back home, but curiosity wins out and I walk inside. A lady with a kind smile welcomes me.
“You have plenty of time to catch a seat. Right down that hall.” She points out the room and then greets the person behind me.
The room is packed with people. I find a seat near the aisle in the back and take in all the chatter. The flyer I saw earlier sits on the seat with an envelope attached for contributions. I open my purse and put everything I have in the envelope. A lady named Miss Jez welcomes everyone in the microphone, and while I’m still struggling to close the envelope, I catch a strong whiff of something like sweat and whiskey. A giant with long, ratty hair, threadbare clothes, and dirt caked on his skin walks down the center aisle. Miss Jez stops speaking and everyone watches as he walks all the way to the front. It looks like he’s going to sit down, but instead he walks up on the stage. The energy in the room shifts from excitement to nervousness when a security guard tries to stop him from taking the microphone. Words are exchanged and the guard steps back to let the man speak.
He stares at the crowd, long enough to make us shift in our seats. When he speaks, I gasp and sit up taller, wishing I was close enough to see him better. I should have known it was him because of how tall he is, but it’s that voice and the unique lilt to his words that I recognize first. What in the world is he doing? I want to laugh but I’m too shocked. It must have taken him forever to make himself look so bad. And then it hits me—this is where he was trying to bring me the other night, when I cut
him off. I do laugh then.
“Thanks for coming tonight,” Soti finally says.
Whispers buzz around the room; he pauses until they quieten.
“When I first heard WDSU was coming to film a segment on the community center, I wanted to do the forum we usually do on Tuesday nights, where we talk about everything from bullying, to safe sex, to how to survive your home situation … we cover a lot of topics every week.” He smiles and the room relaxes. “But I decided I’d rather convey what we’re really about, and that is … we value everyone. For those of you who know me, you know I don’t usually look like this, but for a few years, I did. And occasionally, I still put on these clothes and go sleep outside long enough to remember how it feels to become invisible.”
You could hear a pin drop, it’s so quiet.
“I don’t like having a lot of attention on me—but being this kind of invisible is different. Sometimes I think it’d be better to be just about anything than to be glanced at and then carefully avoided all the time. It’s demoralizing. Makes you feel unworthy. Hopeless. And then there are some you come across when you look like this that you’d do anything at all to not be seen by them. Instant judgment calls are made on why you look this way. It happened to me tonight, just by walking in the room. Everyone deserves to be seen … past their smelliness, their looks, their addictions. Sometimes it doesn’t take much. You’d be surprised how a full stomach can change someone’s thinking. A shower … or a jacket when they’re freezing. Kindness can seem insignificant, but sometimes it’s the only thread hanging between a kid going out and killing someone, or a kid getting off of drugs and taking care of his family.”
He clears his throat and looks around the room. “Around here, we try to see a need and do our best to help fill it. Giving hope to every single person we come in contact with, no matter what. There will always be someone out there perpetuating hate, judgment, or that sneaky little lack of emotion called indifference. Screw that, let’s err on the side of love.”
He walks off the stage abruptly, with the cameras following him down the aisle, right past me, and leaves me shaken once again by the encounter. It takes everything in me to leave.
Chapter Three
LILITH
Control gives me far more pleasure than sex ever will.
I’m finishing up with a client on the second floor when someone taps on the door. We’re rarely interrupted. Someone dying would constitute as a legitimate emergency, and even that can probably be handled by someone besides me.
I apologize profusely and throw on my shirt before opening the door. I step out and shut the door behind me.
“You need to go to your room,” Jonell whispers. “Nico is up there.”
I don’t even stop to think. I take the stairs two at a time. He’s by my closet, holding up one of my teddies.
“What are you doing in here?” I can barely get the words out, I’m so angry.
He makes a clucking sound. “Lilith. Your mother let me in. What’s the problem?”
“You can’t be in here without me.” My voice shakes.
“I want to see you in this one.” He holds up a black scrap of material.
“Get out,” I yell.
I grab the lingerie and move past him, hanging it up. He chuckles and I twist around to look at him. Secrets swirl around in his eyes that I have no desire to know. He grins.
“Tell me, when did you get so fiery? I like it.” He taps his mouth with his fingers. “My little whore has grown up.”
I wish I knew his game. I used to think I knew everything about him. Now, he’s a stranger to me, except when he touches me. That’s the only part of him I recognize.
“Do your lovers know you still belong to me?” he asks.
“I belong to no one. Does your wife know you’re here, groveling?” I glare at him.
He winces. Yes, I know you married her, you bastard. I can still see the wedding picture I came across online that knocked me to the ground. I imagined their baby looking like a perfect mix of them, with her mocha skin and light eyes, and his full lips and eyelashes. It was the last time I stalked him on the internet.
“Stella and I are divorced. She lost the baby,” he shrugs, “so there was nothing else tying me to her. She tried trapping me again and I cut the strings.”
Pain rips through me, and I turn away from him so he can’t see that he still has the ability to hurt me.
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Lilith. You know that.”
I hold my hand up. “Stop. You need to leave.”
He steps forward and pulls my back against his chest.
“You’re no longer making the rules.” He breathes on my neck and I feel chilled despite the sweat on my brow. “Now, listen. This is what you’re going to do for me.”
He grabs one of my books from the dresser and pulls a few papers out of his jacket, tucking them into the book while he stares me down. He holds the book in my face and shakes it. I want to pull the papers out to study them.
“No, you’re not reading it. Do you hear me?”
I roll my eyes and his arm tightens around me.
“You’re going to take this over to the district attorney’s office—you know our distinguished traitor intimately, so you shouldn’t have any problem seeing him. Just like this.” He shakes it again. “I’ll know if you’ve so much as cracked open the book. I’ll know if you try to go anywhere but straight to his office. I’ll know every move you make.” His teeth dig into his bottom lip. “Make sure at least three people see you. A lasting impression. This outfit is perfect.” He pulls the neckline down and cups my breast. “There.” His pupils dilate and when he comes in close I swear he’s going to kiss me. He loosens his hold on my hair slightly, only to grip it tighter in the next second. “If he touches you, I’ll kill him. Don’t think for a second that I won’t.”
I gulp, and with my head pulled so far back, it hurts to swallow.
“Don’t cry, pretty thing.” He lets go of my hair and shoves me forward. “Now, go. I want you back here before it gets dark.”
I stumble out of the room, not bothering to tell anyone I’m leaving.
Nico broke my heart many times when we were together, but he’s never manhandled me the way he did today. A sense of foreboding winds around my chest.
With traffic, it takes a little over thirty minutes to get to Bentley’s office. He’s been the district attorney for over a year and I’ve visited his office once. It made him too nervous, so every other time we’ve been together has been at Maison D’amour. I ask the cab driver to hurry. Once there, I mutter to myself the whole way inside. Fear has worked its way into my skin, wiping me clean of rationality. I’m not even sure he’s here. For the umpteenth time I question why I’m following Nico’s orders, but this new glint of evil in his eyes isn’t something I want to push.
The receptionist—Lori, according to the metal placard on her desk—is a pretty blonde. Her eyes find my cleavage and take a while to work their way up to my eyes.
She’s putting out a strong judgmental vibe, so I lean on the counter and smile. “They’re real.”
She flushes and flips through files to busy her hands.
“Can I help you?” she asks.
“I need to see the D.A.” I point to Bentley’s picture hanging on the wall to the left and smile at her.
“He’s not here right now.” She turns to the computer. Her hands cover the keyboard so fast, she can’t possibly be typing anything coherent. “I can leave a message and have him call to set up an appointment. You are?”
“—In a hurry and don’t have time for this,” I tell her. “I’ll just take a look for myself.”
There’s a door behind the front desk. I skirt past her and walk down the short hallway until I reach the doors.
She chases me down.
“I’m gonna have to ask you to wait out here.” She motions for me to join her back in the lobby.
“Mr. Withers!” I yell.
“Miss! I’m calling security right now! I don’t know who you think—”
Two of the doors open and a head pops out of each one: a beautiful tall woman with short dark hair, whom I recognize from the news as Bentley’s wife, Kell, and Bentley stands in the other doorway. He looks as distinguished as ever, but I’ve seen him naked many, many times, so he doesn’t intimidate me. When he sees me, his skin takes on a greenish tint.
The words begin pouring out of him. “You really should have called, but I have a few minutes. This way.” He glances at Kell and Lori, who haven’t said a word, and gives them a fake smile. He grips my elbow and firmly leads me into his office, shutting the door.
“What are you doing?” he says between clenched teeth. “You shouldn’t have come here, especially dressed like that.” His eyes linger on my chest and he moves in closer. “I’ll schedule a time to come see you, but since you’re here—” He smirks and nestles his perfect blond hair into my neck.
I groan and push him away. “Your wife!” I hiss.
“You must have known she might be here,” he hisses back.
I hand him the book, patting the top. “Nico wanted you to have this. He also said to make sure I was seen. So nobody will be getting their time’s worth today.”
His eyes widen and I could swear his hands shake. The book could be a bomb, the way he’s eyeing it. He edges closer to me and puts his arms up to touch me. I back away before he can.
“You’re involved with Nico again?” His voice sounds tired.
“Let’s call it closure. I’ve always appreciated you giving it to me straight about Nico’s business, but I want to be kept out of it from here on.”
“Lilith?”
I reach the door and turn to look at him.
“You know it’s only a matter of time, right?” he says.
“Before what?”