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have any idea where you are?
Corridor EX-92. It's completely submerged. I can't get out!
Is there anybody with you?
Just some flaphead from Filing and Sorting upstairs. I think she's unhinged or something. Sometimes I catch her looking at me funny. I don't like knowing she's there when I'm sleeping.
Whatever you do, don't
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enough slop for a few daystretches, but the bodies in here are starting to rot.
Doesn't sound very hygienic to me.
I'm not worried about hygiene right now!
Okay, okay, don't have a core dump. Let me see what I can do. Try and log on to this datachannel again in an hourstretch.
What if I can't get through?
Just keep
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AN UNEXPLAINED CATASTROPHIC BREAKDOWN IN MY HARDWARE IT HAS BECOME DIFFICULT TO OBSERVE AND COMMUNICATE WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD. DURING THIS TIME OF CRISIS CITIZENS MUST BE EXTRA VIGILANT AND REPORT ANY UNUSUAL BEHAVIOR TO THEIR HOMELAND SECURITY NEIGHBORHOOD SUBSTATION. TRAITORS ARE EVERYWHERE. EVEN THE MOST INSIGNIFICANT FACT MAY PROVE VITAL TO RESTORING MY ABILITY TO INTERACT WITH AND PROTECT
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MUST BE DEALT WITH MERCILESSLY. ACTS OF HEROISM AND DEMONSTRATIONS OF EXTREME LOYALTY WILL BE LAUDED AND REWARDED ONCE THE SITUATION HAS RETURNED TO NORMAL. CITIZENS ARE HOWEVER REMINDED THAT ALL GUIDELINES REMAIN IN EFFECT. EVEN THE SLIGHTEST DEVIATION
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want to know what it feels like, huh? You goddamn typhoid! How many people before me did you have strapped to this gurney? How many of them lived? Well, now the tables have turned. Let's see how you like it. I have an idea. Let's play a game. Let's see if I can't find your spleen. I've never seen a spleen before. Is it on the left side or the right side? Well, there's only one way to find out! What was it my mother used to say? If at first you don't succeed.... What's that, tears? You want me to remove the gag for a moment so you can say something? Let me think about it... NOT!!! What could you possibly
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How does this thing work anyway? Huh? What? This button? I already pressed it. TAP! TAP! No, the panel's broken. I don't see any – wait! That databank there? The wheels are spinning. Yeah, better prop it up so it doesn't fall down like the others. But I think you're right. The transponder seems be operational.
Hello? Citizens? Well, of course you're not going to answer me back. This is a one-way transmission. Anyway, citizens, I'm going to keep this snappy. It's not good to be caught in tight spaces with only one exit. If you're still breathing, you know the drill.
The sign outside the door says Today's Edition. All the staff here are dead or long gone. This office is in shambles. I'd say there was a firefight. Everybody knows the traitors came out of the walls as soon as the electricity went out and the lights stopped working.
So look, I'm doing my patriotic duty and took a lot of risks just to let you flapheads wandering around out there in the dark in on what's been going on. At least, what I've seen. And I've seen a lot. Me and my wife and two kids have travelled through most of T-12 sector scrounging for food and – uh, weapons. That's right! I'm not cleared to have them and neither are you, but in these dire circumstances, grab one if you can! No one is going to hold it against you.
The most important thing to know – if you don't know it already – is that the boys over at Control are still in charge. That's right! Best news I've had all weekstretch. Whatever hit us knocked us pretty hard, but depending on where you are, some places got thumped worse than others. Some departments have been able to restore power, or they never lost it. That's where Control – backed by contingents from Homeland Security, of course – has been most active. Crews are being organized to fix the place up. The most effective ones have thought leaders embedded in them to speed up the work and coordinate with the other teams. It's impressive how quickly they're making progress.
Remember: out there in the dark, your PA is your best friend – but also your worst enemy. Fluctuating electric and magnetic fields can cause charges to build up in circuitry or on the surface of metallic objects. The results can be devastating – and deadly. If you're lucky enough to find one, make sure you're wearing a Faraday suit before operating any powered device or touching anything metal. These charges can build up at any time, so watch out! But on the flip side, if you happen to tap into an operating server on one of the subnets, you'll find it a whole lot easier to make your way in out of the dark. I never thought I'd be saying it, but the slop never tasted so good, especially when you've been starving, believe me.
Also, avoid cybots at all costs, even the cleanbots! A lot of them got fried, and those that withstood the voltage are likely to be behaving strangely. And by that I mean dangerously! Or maybe they're just leaning on the chaos and destruction as an excuse to take revenge on us poor organics? Anyway, my advice is don't try and find out. Leave that to the experts over at Homeland Security.
Let's see, what else? Be careful crossing puddles and pools of water, especially if you're thirsty! I've seen more than one –
What, honey? Someone's by the door?
Oh shit! Jean, where's your gun. Fritz, behind me. Behind me! Did you hear what I –
A fun and happy greetings to all you survivors out there, wandering aimlessly around in the dark! You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
This is Marsha Wong, formerly a site manager in H&C assigned to H-11 sector.
And I'm Hillary Binzer, a field organizer in the same!
We're your new spokespersons until someone from Today's Edition (TM) can get somebody down here to take over in an official capacity. That's right! We've restored the power and dumped the bodies in the corridor outside. We've got runners shuttling back and forth between our location out here in the dark and G-8 sector. That's where a containment team has set up base, led by none other than celebrity manager and Beta clearance citizen, Milfred Roth!
That's right, ladies and gentlemen! Beta clearance citizen Milfred Roth has taken it upon himself to raise the morale of all you lost souls starving and thirsting out there in the dark and try to guide you back in.
Now, as some of you may know, not long back citizen Hillary and I were wrongfully accused of – well, there's no reason to dig up false and entirely baseless accusations. Suffice it to say, Milfred Roth knows a loyal, dedicated citizen when he sees one! What exactly he was doing in a Homeland Security interrogation center drenched in blood and carrying a full complement of waterboarding equipment is anyone's guess and certainly not our place to ask.
So here we are! And because we are not actually employees of Rammatooma Media, Ltd (TM) – the owner and license holder of that name you've come to love to trust, Today's Edition (TM) – and do not wish to run afoul of any copyright enforcers, we've decided to call our broadcasts Your Edition Today!
Well, Hillary, let's get down to it, shall we?
With pleasure, Marsha. The boys from Control have designated the Lower Quarters of all sectors temporary safe havens, since they seem to have sustained the least damage. Anyone left without shelter due to the recent disaster has been requested to report to the Lower Quarters of the sector they are currently in for reassignment.
Hillary, there have been reports that due to the magnitude and scale of the damage and the fact that no one has claimed responsibility for it, Control is terminating anyone who falls into its h
ands indiscriminately?
Sounds like absolute malarky to me, Marsha. Control is the only organization in the Bunker that's kept its cool in this mess. If there is anyone under the dome I'd trust right now, it's someone from Control! People who tell you otherwise are terrorists.
My thoughts exactly, Hillary. Also, we've been instructed to let you know that emergency guidelines are in effect which make it a crime to hoard food in any form: this includes stray bags of PermaCrunchy and PermaChunky, tins of Algatine, cans of Flappantastic, Blue Fixx, and any other treat that comes from a vending machine or similar dispenser. The food pits – those happy places where delicious and nutritious vitamim is produced – are strictly off limits to unauthorized access. Even food pits which are not currently operational fall under this guideline. Trespassers are traitors and will be dealt with alike!
Citizens, if you have access to extra food or drink, you are instructed to bring it to a responsible guardian from Defense so it can be fairly distributed.
And I think I should mention you should do this before reporting to the Lower Quarters for reassignment.
Thanks, Marsha.
No problem, Hillary.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today, citizens. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! some time during the next weekstretch, provided the power stays on long enough to get it to you.
Stay brave, and don't give up hope. After all, we are citizens of the Bunker. All of us.
A fun and happy greetings to all our fans out there! You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
This is Marsha Wong,