“What we have isn’t fake. It’s real—I know because I’ve never felt it for another woman in my entire life.”
Addison’s mouth gaped open and she blinked at me a few times, but then she shook her head like she was shaking herself out of a spell. “You don’t know how much I want to believe that.”
“Then believe it. Stay with me, and I’ll make you see.”
“I can’t.”
“Why are you being so fucking stubborn?” I growled.
“It’s not just whether or not what we have is real. In the end, I realized that regardless of how I felt, I couldn’t ignore your past.”
Oh that’s just fucking great. Nothing like my past coming back to bite me in the ass—again. “Let me get this straight, not only can you not be with me because you think I’m delusional in my feelings for you, now you’re blaming my past?”
“You are a playboy, Barrett.”
“Was—I was a playboy, but not anymore. People can change.”
“I wish I could believe that. I’ve had my heart broken once by a man cheating on me, and I can’t go down that road again.”
“Just like I told you before, I’ve never cheated on a woman.”
“And like I said then, you’ve never been monogamous for a long period of time. What happens six months or a year down the road when you grow tired of me and a piece of ass turns your head?”
“Are you blind? In all the months we’ve been together on the road, have I even once looked at another woman? Flirted with another woman?”
“You couldn’t because of the contract and what it would mean for your dad’s campaign. What happens after Election Day when it no longer matters?” she countered.
“I didn’t do it just because of the contract. I did it because you fucking consumed me. I only had eyes for you, and I always will.”
“You can’t make promises like that.”
I jerked my hand through my hair. “Isn’t my word worth anything?”
Addison rose off the bed. “I wish it was.”
“What happens now? You just call it quits and leave?”
“If you’re worrying about the campaign—”
“I couldn’t give a fuck less about that. Right now I’m more concerned with you and me.”
“Outside of the campaign, there is no you and me, not really.”
“Oh hell yes there is.”
Addison turned away from me to throw the last of her things in her suitcase. “Look, I’ve taken care of everything. I called Bernie last night.”
“You did?”
“Yes. He helped come up with a plan.” After zipping up her suitcase, she turned back to me. “We’re going to say the pneumonia I had earlier in the campaign has come back, and a doctor has ordered me on strict bed rest. I’m going to post a message to the blog from my bed, looking like hell, where I’ll relay how disappointed I am that I can’t be on the trail for the last two weeks. No one will be the wiser. It’ll just be one more bullshit story in this façade of a relationship.”
Grabbing her by the arm, I forced her to look at me. “It’s not a façade. I love you, dammit!”
“In time, you’ll see I was right.”
When I opened my mouth to argue with her, a knock came at the door. “Who the hell is it?” I growled.
“Ty.”
I narrowed my eyes at Addison. “You even told Ty you were leaving before you told me?”
“He doesn’t know anything except that I need a ride to the airport. I led him to believe something was wrong with Evan.”
“With your ability to lie at the drop of a hat, perhaps you have a future in politics.” Even though I knew it was a low blow, I wanted her to hear me, to stop judging me for who I once was.
Ignoring me, Addison went over and opened the door. When Ty stepped into the room, he suddenly recoiled back as if he could feel the heavy tension in the air. At his hesitation, Addison grabbed her purse and bag. “Would you mind getting my suitcase, Ty?”
“Uh, yeah.” As he bypassed me, his eyes searched my face for the answer to the questions I knew were swirling in his mind.
When she got to the door, Addison turned around. “Goodbye, Barrett.”
Although there were a thousand despicable words I wanted to hurl at her, I instead forced a smile to my face. “I’m only saying goodbye because this is what you think you want. Maybe when you get your head out of your ass and think straight, you’ll realize it was a huge mistake, and I’ll be here when you do.”
An agonized expression came over Addison’s face. Without another word, she scurried out the door. Ty threw one last What the fuck? look over his shoulder before he hurried to catch up to her.
The next two weeks passed in a blur. I stayed on the Niña, making campaign stop after campaign stop for Dad. I ate artery-clogging food from mom-and-pop diners while guzzling cheap beer. Sleep evaded me, so I existed on a Red Bull cocktail that gave me the energy I needed to keep me going at events all day and part of the night.
True to her word, Addison posted a video explaining her absence from the campaign. She actually managed to sound sick, and although she had been made to look ill, she still looked breathtakingly beautiful to me. At every stop, I fielded questions about her health along with well wishes for her recovery. Sometimes there would be a stuffed animal or a bouquet of flowers for her; I handed each of them off to Pete to send to the local children’s hospital.
With a week until election time, we made a swing through Colorado. Mom and Dad sat me down outside Denver and urged me to take a few days off. They must’ve been truly concerned about me because they even suggested I go back to Martha’s Vineyard for some R&R.
I refused. I was going to see this thing through, even if it killed me. Being back at the beach would only make me think of Addison, and I desperately needed something to get her off my mind. I thought about what Marshall had said the day we were signing contracts about a discreet hookup; the truth was I probably couldn’t get it up even if I tried. For the first time in my life, the thought of touching another woman held absolutely no appeal. The thought of looking into another woman’s eyes while hammering her made me feel sick. I had absolutely no desire to fuck anyone other than Addison.
How could I? She was everything I never knew I wanted or needed. But will that change? Do I actually have what it takes to be a one-woman man for the rest of my life? I had promised her I would never want anyone but her. She had been burnt so badly before, but I knew I wasn’t capable of cheating. Ever. It just wasn’t in my DNA. If I ever fell out of love with her, I would divorce her rather than cheat, and the mere thought of not loving her caused my stomach to revolt.
Addison was wrong. She was it for me, and would be forever.
That was true, but for the time being, I needed to focus on the campaign. I would be everything my parents needed during the days and would drown in my pain at night. Since we were just points ahead in the polls, Dad’s advisors decided to go balls to the wall the day before the election. Instead of the usual two-city stop, Dad would hit six cities. I guess some jackwad staffer thought it made sense to do a city for each point we were ahead. Because Dad was in it to win it, he agreed, and because I was also a glutton for punishment, I decided to accompany him.
We started off that morning in Miami, and I couldn’t help remembering the time we were there before when Addison charmed the crowds with her fluent Spanish. After Miami, we flew to Cleveland, then to Chicago, Dallas, and finally Los Angeles. It was after midnight when we ended up almost crawling onto The Callahan Corporation jet for our flight back to Virginia.
Dad’s advisors stretched out in the chairs in the main cabin while Dad and I bunked together in the bedroom. It was more than just a little odd to be in bed with my father, but at the same time, I knew if things went according to plan, our time together was about to drastically change.
I’d just fluffed my pillow for probably the hundredth time when Dad’s voice caused me to jump. “Do you want to
talk about it?”
I glanced over my shoulder at him. “The campaign?”
He turned his head to scowl at me. “Don’t be coy.”
“I wasn’t, I just figured that was what you meant.”
“Okay then, I’ll make it simple—let’s talk about what happened with Addison.”
I groaned. “Come on, Dad. After the last twenty hours, she’s the last thing I want to talk about.”
“I think we need to talk about her.”
I shoved myself up into a sitting position. “Fine, let’s talk about Addison.”
After rolling over, Dad propped his head on his hand. “Bernie told me she had to stop campaigning because of her feelings for you.”
“Yeah.”
“Did you lead her on?”
“Why is it automatically my fault?”
“When has it not been?”
“Damn, Dad, don’t sugarcoat it.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. It’s been the truth since you came out of your awkward phase as a teenager and girls started throwing themselves at you.” Dad peered curiously at me. “I would think it was something your mother and I did wrong with our parenting if Thorn acted the same way.”
“Oh yes, perfect Thorn,” I muttered.
Dad furrowed his brows. “Is that it? Do you have intimacy issues with women because you think we loved your brother more than you?”
I chuckled. “No, that’s not it at all.”
“I certainly hope not. More than anything, I would hope you know how much your mother and I love you. We love all of you children equally.”
“I know you do, Dad. Trust me. There isn’t anything you or Mom did or didn’t do that made me the way I am about women. It’s just who I am.”
“It doesn’t have to be, son. You can change.”
“But that’s just it, I did change.” I swallowed hard. “I told her I loved her, Dad.”
Dad’s mouth gaped open, and it took him a few seconds to find his composure. “You did?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“And you really meant it?”
I threw my hands up in frustration. “Jesus, why doesn’t anyone believe me?”
“I’m sorry, it’s just…you surprised me.”
“Trust me, I surprised myself, but it’s the truth. I love her.”
Dad’s face lit up. “That’s wonderful, Barrett. I’m so proud for you.”
“At least you can see I’m sincere.”
“Didn’t Addison believe you?”
Shaking my head furiously from side to side, I replied, “Even though I said what I felt in my heart, Addison couldn’t believe me.”
“Why?”
“She said after all these months together, she didn’t know what was real and what was fake.”
“Oh, son, I’m so sorry.”
I exhaled a ragged breath. “I never imagined telling a woman I loved her, and I sure as hell never fathomed her not believing me.”
Dad patted my leg. “You have to make her believe you.”
“How the hell am I supposed to do that?”
“By fighting for her. Show her how you truly feel. Make her believe without a shadow of a doubt that you love her.”
As I stared into Dad’s determined face, I knew he was right. Although I didn’t have the faintest clue how to do it, I had to fight like hell to make Addison see she was the only woman for me. I had to launch a campaign of my own—one to win Addison’s heart.
ADDISON
I swept through the employee entrance of Divas wearing a baseball cap placed over a platinum blonde wig while sporting huge Jackie O sunglasses. Since my breakup with Barrett, I’d been living at Evan’s apartment in Arlington. It was the easiest way for me to avoid the press. If they got a whiff I was back in DC, they’d be staked out at both Barrett’s and my apartments.
At first, I’d lied to Evan and said I was off campaigning until Election Day. I just wasn’t emotionally strong enough to unburden myself of what had happened. But then, a few days later, he caught me making one of my fake “I’m sick and that’s why I’m off the campaign trail” videos. After that, I came clean to him about everything in a blubbering mess of snot and tears. To his credit, Evan had consoled me, but he’d given me space. He didn’t question my actions.
It wasn’t just Evan who was giving me space. I hadn’t heard anything from Barrett since leaving him that morning in Napa. I didn’t know what to make of it. Was he respecting my wishes to leave me alone? Or had he realized he had just been caught up in all the make-believe and really didn’t love me like he thought he did? In the end, I was too chicken-shit to call or text him to see.
Although I hated myself for it, sometimes I couldn’t stop myself from watching some of the campaign footage, specifically the clips that featured Barrett. He had been keeping a manic pace on the road since we’d parted. His appearance seemed somewhat haggard—he bore dark circles under his eyes, and his usually jovial expression had become somber. The part of me that wanted to give in to my feelings argued that the change in Barrett was because he really was lovesick, but the other part countered by saying his sullenness came from being rejected.
After too many nights holed up on Evan’s couch eating Chinese takeout and watching The West Wing on Netflix, I’d decided I had to get out. More importantly, I had to get my mind off of Barrett. So, I’d taken Evan up on his offer to work at Divas. Initially, I thought it would be good for me to be somewhere I was guaranteed not to see Barrett. Unfortunately, the moment I entered my dressing room, memories of the night he’d come to the club came flooding back. I could almost feel Barrett’s fingers feathering across my skin as he undid my taping. After all, things had really started to change between us that night.
With pain zigzagging through my chest, I flopped down into the makeup chair. As I took off the baseball cap, Evan breezed through the door. Wrinkling his nose, he remarked, “That’s a hideous wig.”
I laughed as I slid it off my head. “It’s just for a disguise. I wouldn’t dare disgrace your stage with this second-rate hairpiece.”
“You sure as hell better not.”
When I took my sunglasses off, Evan let out a low whistle. “I’m going to owe Bryan a raise considering all the work he’s going to have to put into your makeup tonight.”
“My life is in the toilet. Am I not allowed a good cry or two?”
“Or a hundred,” Evan countered.
“Bite me.”
He hopped up on the counter in front of me. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”
“Because I’m depressed.”
He shook his head. “I mean, why aren’t you riding off into the sunset with Barrett? The man told you he loved you, Ads.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Considering how hard it is for most men—gay or straight—to say those three little words, I’d say it was pretty simple.”
“But his past—”
“Screw his past. It isn’t fair to fault him for things he did before you.” Tilting his head toward me, he countered, “How can you possibly be a missionary’s daughter and not believe in the power of redemption?”
“Trust me, I want to believe in it. I want to believe Barrett—that he’s truly changed, that he will never cheat on me.”
“Then believe it.”
Swallowing hard, I shook my head. “I can’t, no matter how hard I try, and after Walt, I can’t be so naïve.”
“Just like it’s not fair to punish Barrett for his past, you can’t punish him for yours either. He isn’t Walt.”
I glanced down at my hands, and the glittering engagement ring stared up at me. I hadn’t been able to take it off. The rational part of me argued that I couldn’t take it off until after the election because being seen without it might raise speculation; the lovesick part knew that once I took it off, I would be symbolically severing my ties to Barrett.
“Maybe he isn’t, but I know I can’t survive having my heart broken ag
ain. Whatever I felt for Walt was just a tiny flake in the avalanche of what I feel for Barrett.”
“You’re making a big mistake, Ads.”
I swiped the tears from my eyes. “Maybe I am, but in the end, I have to do what makes me feel safe. I have to love me more.”
“Even if that love and safety comes at the price of your happiness?”
“Yes,” I murmured.
Evan huffed exasperatedly before he hopped down off the counter. “Then you’re a damned fool.”
Maybe I was being a fool, but I was just too stubborn to do anything about it.
BARRETT
November 12th was the day in more ways than one. It was the day Dad was going to be elected President of the United States, and it was also the day I was going to win Addison back. I could feel it deep down in my bones. The Callahan men were going to be victorious.
The day started impossibly early as I woke up in my apartment for the first time in months. My offer for Mom and Dad to stay at my apartment had been vetoed, and instead, they had opted for a suite at The Plaza, which truthfully was closer to where he would be giving one of his final speeches.
Once Dad finished, he would be flying back to Alexandria so he and Mom could vote at their registered polling station. While Dad was speaking, I would make a quick run across town to cast my vote. Although we could have done absentee ballots, it was a time-honored tradition for a candidate and their family to vote in person.
With Addison registered in DC, I wouldn’t have the chance to see her until later in the day when we took over the Jefferson as we awaited election returns. Of course, the moment I stepped out of the car at the polling station, the media bombarded me with questions about where Addison was. I assured them they would be seeing her soon.
On the flight home, I caught the video of Addison going to vote. Although she was without the benefit of Saundra and Everett, her appearance in a navy dress and white coat was impeccable. I was sure Evan had had something to do with that since she was staying with him. Ty helped her maneuver through the reporters as she made her way inside the polling building. With our group overrun with Secret Service agents, I had dispatched Ty to be with Addison. There was no man I trusted more with her safety.