Vengeance.
The word thrills me. Sends a shiver up my spine, makes my toes curl in my shoes. Tickles the inside of my mouth, begging me to speak it aloud.
Ah, the things I could do to the people in this school.
My snakes prod against my hair follicles, but for once they don’t bother me. I close my eyes and take some deep breaths, but this time I’m promising my snakes they can come out to play later.
When I have a plan.
Just before the bell rings, I look down at my notes. I’m startled to see I’ve drawn a perfect rendition of what I imagine myself to look like when I’m Furious.
Soon the world may see, as well.
Chapter Thirty-four
The final bell of the day is music to my ears. I stride toward the front door, not even bothering to stop at my locker. I sense Zane nearby, and irritation fuels me forward. That jerk off stood me up, and I’m not about to let him get away with treating me like dirt. The old me would have allowed him to wipe his feet on me, but this new, empowered, furious me is not going to look like a fool.
He’s surrounded by friends, popular jock-types and pretty girls who swarm around him, using any excuse to touch him. The tiny voice inside my head tells me this is why he had no need to show up for our date, but the mutant part of me screams that he had no right to mistreat me in that way. Why go through the effort of convincing me to meet him for a date if he had no intention of showing? And he never even bothered to call or text, either.
He looks up as I approach. I have no idea how I’m going to disengage him from his groupies, so it’s a good thing he excuses himself to come to me.
“I’ll be back—the girl’s got me on a short leash.” He winks at the blonde to his right, and she smiles sweetly at him, then glares at me as he walks away.
I mimic her sweet smile before I turn away. I hear the patter of his sneakers on the hallway floor as Zane catches up.
“FYI—the only way I’d ever have you on any sort of leash is if it could be wrapped tightly around your neck.”
“Oh, babe, that’s the most adorable thing I’ve heard all day.”
“Guess those girls over there are only good for the visual element, huh? No pretty words from them?”
Zane’s lips turn up, and my stomach does a flip-flop. I focus on my anger, not willing to let him off so easily. He’s gotten by on his charm and looks for too long.
He grabs me and pulls me close to him. I try to pull away, really I do. But his damn body is magnetic, and I am powerless.
But no, I need to remember that he left me stranded in town. I risked the trust of my mom, my own safety, both physical and emotional, and maybe most importantly, my pride. And he couldn’t even bother with an apology.
I dig my nails into his arm until he releases me.
“What the hell!” He rubs his arm, and I smirk. Score one for team Felicia.
“Don’t touch me without my permission.”
“Okay, okay. You’ve never had a problem with being near me before.”
“Ha. You are so full of yourself, aren’t you, Zane?”
He full-on attacks with his most charming smile, and I look away before I’m disarmed. He has some sort of power over me, and I don’t understand it. It’s not like he’s done anything nice for me. He certainly hasn’t protected me the way Ryder has or helped me with everything the way Corey has.
“I know why you’re upset.” Zane’s gentled voice brings me back to the present.
I look at him with one eyebrow raised. This ought to be good.
“Do you now?”
“I do. And I’m sorry. I had some shit come up, and I tried to get in touch with you but I had no service. I’d love to make it up to you.”
“Really? No service? All night and all day today?” I cross my arms over my chest, wishing I had unloaded my heavy backpack at my locker. His eyes peek out through thick lashes, and I’m almost convinced. He looks sorry, but then again, he’s the grand manipulator. “You know what, don’t even worry about it. Just leave me alone. I never asked for you to come into my life, anyway.”
“Felicia, wait. I’m sorry, I am. It’s not easy for me to apologize. I wish I could tell you why I couldn’t make it, but I’m not supposed to discuss it.”
“Not supposed to discuss? What is it, some sort of military secret?” I laugh, but he looks serious.
“Kind of.”
I roll my eyes.
“Whatever, Zane. Make up whatever stories you need to. Just tell them to someone else.”
“They aren’t stories. You have to know that my reason for not being there with you had to be hugely important. Nobody in his right mind would stand you up on purpose.”
I admit, his words warm me. Just a little.
“You’d better get back to your buddies over there. They won’t like me keeping you.”
“I don’t care about those fools. I was killing time while waiting for you. They are pretty amusing, aren’t they?”
“Oh yeah, totally amusing. Tell that to all the people they bully.” My blood pressure is rising, so I know I need to get off that topic. “Anyway, I’ve got to get home. I have a ton of work to catch up on still.”
“I’ll give you a ride.”
The look I send him is meant to communicate, “No way.” I simply say, “No thanks.”
“Come on, let me.” He looks like such a little boy. “It’s the least I can do. You have to let me make things up to you.”
I have no interest in getting on that motorcycle again. But when we walk out the door and I see Jade and Corey walking together, I change my mind. They’re side by side, lost in conversation—probably about what a horrible friend I am. No way do I want to follow them home like the arctic fox, looking for scraps from the big, mighty polar bears. My pride can only handle so many blows in one day.
“Actually, a ride would be great.” I don’t wait to see his gloating grin; I lead the way to his favorite spot in the student lot.
The motorcycle vibrates under me when he revs it up. He waits a minute while I struggle with the helmet, then zips out of the lot, past my ex-friends and their negativity, and up the hill. When we get to the stoplight, I feel Zane tense. I look over his shoulder, and in the rearview mirror I see a blur of red. Ryder’s car.
He’s back? I didn’t see him in school all day. My mood lifts at least three notches. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed Ryder. He’s going to be pissed when he sees me on Zane’s bike, but I’m sure he’ll understand my need for escape.
I start to ask Zane to pull over so I can get off the bike, but my eye goes to Ryder’s passenger and it suddenly feels as if I’ve swallowed lava.
WTF? Why is Jenny in his car?
Ryder pulls up behind us, and I can tell Zane is hesitating. Panic pools in my belly, clogs my throat. My head pounds. Any other girl in the school, I could understand. But Jenny?
“Go!” I squeeze Zane’s middle, urging him forward. I hear Ryder’s car door open and close. He’s coming for me, and I don’t think I can look at him without crying. The betrayal is too fresh.
“You sure? It’s still red.”
“Go!”
He cuts a sharp left turn, and I try to block out the sound of horns blaring and the sight of a car nearly driving off the road to avoid us. I don’t have time to care. Zane heads toward my house, but I shout for him to keep going. I can’t deal with Ryder pursuing me at my home.
“Take me somewhere else. Anywhere.”
Zane needs no other encouragement. He zooms away down a side street toward the outskirts of town. Ryder follows close behind. I don’t know how he caught up, but I know we need to go faster.
We approach a wooded area, and I feel like I’m falling off the bike when Zane whips to the side, down a bike path. Ryder’s car can’t fit.
I’m not so sure I should be in a wooded area alone with Zane, but for now it seems like the only option. I need some time away from everyone, just a few minutes to compose
my thoughts.
The path turns foggy, and panic hits me like a huge block of stupid over the head.
“Let’s stop here for a few. We lost Ryder, let’s take a break.”
“Don’t worry, I want to bring you somewhere I know we’ll have privacy.”
Did I send the wrong message? I thought I was clear about not wanting him to touch me. Then again, I hopped on his bike and begged him to take me away somewhere. What have I done?
“Please don’t go into the fog. I don’t want to go there.”
“Hang on, babe. It’s going to get a bit bumpier. But don’t worry, no one needs to know you’re there.”
No. Don’t let him take you there.
My inner voice pokes and prods, reminding me of the horror that took place last time I trusted Zane.
Corey hates you. Jade made you the laughing stock of the school. Ryder is with your arch enemy.
“Zane. Promise me you won’t bring me to her.”
“I know a way to get you to my room. She’ll never know you’re there. Trust me.”
I wiggle out of my heavy backpack and fling it to the side of the path. Maybe it will be there later, maybe not. I don’t care right now. I tighten my thighs on the seat to keep from falling off as I reach up to unbuckle my helmet. I long to feel the wind whipping through my hair.
I toss the helmet to the side, where it bounces with a thunk, thunk, thunk. I lean against Zane’s back and feel his laugh.
We drive into the fog, and I send a silent prayer that I can trust him this time, that he really is bringing me somewhere safe and he won’t let Meg know I’m there. I have no other choice at this point.
Fear nearly paralyzes me when we emerge on the other side of the fog, and I find myself in the place I least want to be. Correction, I least want to be in my town, so I guess this is an okay temporary substitute.
Zane leads me through a side door, and in under a minute, we’re in his room.
Needing to ease the panic that threatens to bubble out of me, I waste no time and pull Zane close. He doesn’t object. He reaches behind me to close the door, then devotes himself to chasing my fear away and making me feel alive again.
His kiss is a magical dose of anti-anxiety medication, and all my bad feelings vanish. But as he deepens the kiss, I start to hesitate. Because as amazing as it feels to be kissing him, I’m terrified that Zane will figure out that I’m wishing I were with Ryder instead.
Chapter Thirty-five
“Did I do something wrong?” I rub my swollen lips, confused as to why he pulled away so abruptly when things were so intense.
“Goddess, no. You’re perfect. It’s just…” He runs a hand through his hair as he paces across the room. I feel cold, alone, even in his presence.
“Just what?”
He turns back to me, staring, probably wondering what on earth he was thinking, getting intimately involved with me. Especially when he could have his pick of any beautiful, more experienced girl.
He strides toward me, puts his hands on my shoulder, and bends down so his eyes are level with mine. I look away.
He’s about to tell me why he made a mistake.
“Babe, if we continue, I won’t be able to stop. And I don’t think this is really what you want right now.”
So not what I was expecting to hear.
I hadn’t really thought about how far things could go. I was just going with the flow, living in the moment; whatever other cliché you’d like to insert here.
Kind of hard to make decisions like that considering I don’t even know who I am right now.
“I’m sorry. I…”
“You don’t have to say anything.” That’s good, because I have no words.
I nibble on my lip instead. When he walks away, I sneak a peek at him. I would love to know how he manages to look so composed when my legs are still trembling.
Coming here was a very, very bad idea.
“Zane, can you take me back now?”
“In a bit.” Is that a dismissive tone in his voice? Then softer, “Let’s relax for a little while.”
He sits on the bed and pats the spot next to him. I join him, and he pushes me down gently, but it feels more platonic than passionate.
This comfortable feeling reminds me of Corey, and my heart aches.
“So what happened that night? Why didn’t you show up?”
He pauses, and I wonder if he’ll tell me anything or brush it off like everything else.
“The night I was supposed to meet you, there was a big council meeting to determine Meg’s place in the Outer Realms. I had to be there, both to support Meg and to comfort my mom. The thought of having Meg imprisoned was too much for my mom to handle. She’s not a strong woman, and I think it has everything to do with the rape.”
I don’t know what to say, so I run my fingers over his arm in what I hope is a comforting gesture.
He gives me a gentle squeeze.
“What was this meeting about?”
“Can’t say.”
“Oh, this is the secret mission thingy?”
I take his silence as affirmation.
“Tell me about your mom. Sounds like she hasn’t had it easy.”
He rolls over, pinning me to the bed playfully.
“Actually, I have better ideas.”
I open my mouth to protest, but he captures my objections and brings my blood to a boil. I’ve never felt this kind of need, and it’s not entirely comfortable.
Out of nowhere, an image of Ryder invades my head. His tenderness with me, his sweet smile. His protectiveness.
I can’t shake his image, which turns this make-out session with Zane into kind of an ick-fest. Not that kissing Zane is icky, far from it, but having another guy’s face in my mind makes me feel disloyal to both.
“I’m sorry, I can’t.”
Zane’s hand rests on a slip of bare skin at my waist, where my shirt is riding up the tiniest bit. His body stills at my words, and he hovers over me with his passionate eyes before he pulls away.
“Could you please take me home now? I still have a ton of homework to catch up on. And if I’m much later, my mom will freak. She already has no idea what to do with me lately, no need to add to her list of complaints.” I’m babbling. And he’s not saying a word.
I sit up and rub my arms, trying to ward off the sudden chill in the room. There’s an iciness between us that I wouldn’t have thought possible with the heat we were creating moments ago.
But when he turns around with a smile on his face, I’m disarmed again. I can’t keep my balance with this boy.
“Wouldn’t you rather stay here? You wouldn’t have to worry about homework or rules. Not too many, anyway. Nothing like that world.” The disdain in his voice is palpable.
“I can’t stay here. My family would miss me. There’s nothing here for me.”
“They are not your family, Felicia.”
I leap up from the bed and stand defensively near the door. His venomous tone shocks me. Where did the kind and charming Zane go?
“Your mother is here. I’m here. What more do you need?”
I laugh, sure he’s joking. Of course he’s joking. His hardened eyes and set jaw tell me otherwise.
“Zane, take me back. Now. Or tell me how to get back and I’ll go on my own.”
All traces of the sweet boy confiding about his mother and his loyalty toward Her Evilness have vanished, and all that’s left is a cold, calculating, possibly evil version of him. His cold laugh runs through me like a spike, and the poison spreads throughout my heart and mind.
I did this to myself.
I was, once again, so stupid.
I rush for the door, but not surprisingly, the knob won’t turn.
My Fury unleashes instantly. I leap toward him, but he doesn’t cower. If anything, he looks relieved, happy. Does he have any idea what I’m capable of in this state?
My snakes feel bigger than ever, and their hissing sounds musical to me. Power cou
rses through my body with every beat of my angry heart, and my sole mission is to hurt Zane the way he’s hurt me. I smile as I shriek, but when Zane smiles back, I go ballistic. I spring forward, closing the distance. My sharpened teeth ache to bear down into his flesh, to pierce through to his bones until he cries.
Visions flash through my mind, and I know instinctively they are Zane’s memories, meant to highlight his weaknesses for my Fury to exploit. A woman, probably his mother, rocking in a rocking chair, staring blankly out a window into the distance. A little boy standing near her, crying for her attention and being ignored. An older version of this same boy, maybe ten years old, cooking a meal and bringing it to the mother in her room. Another flash to a child around three, crying because his mother shouted that he reminded her of his father, then seconds later the flash shows me the same boy in the bathroom cutting his hair in his best attempt to change his appearance.
The torture in his memories brings a sharp pain to my head, then to my heart. How can I torture someone who has been tortured his entire life, through no fault of his own?
My Fury refuses to submit, so I turn to the door, pulling the handle and ripping the door off its hinges. Fury strength makes this effortless, and I toss the door to the side as if it was nothing more than a piece of cloth.
I’m reveling in the sense of freedom this strength gives me, not even trying to temper it until I can get safely to the woods. Zane doesn’t try to stop me.
Turns out he doesn’t have to. Snake Lady does that for him.
“Excellent work, dear.” I think she’s talking to me, but then she looks past me to Zane. “You’ve done well. Now you can go release your mother from her cage. Give her an extra sweet for me, will you, darling?”
I whip my heavy head around to stare at Zane. His eyes are full of guilt for a split second before he shutters them, planting his usual gloating/proud expression in its place.
He leaves the room, walking by me without another glance.
Leaving me to the mercy of the Snake Lady.
Chapter Thirty-six
“I need to go home.” My voice is different. Deeper, grainier. Like the bottom of a pond.
“You are home, my dear.” She flutters past me, all grace and decorum. My Fury urges me to slaughter her, to bring torture to her soul, but the human part of me is still there, not allowing me to act on the impulse.
“This will never be my home. I have parents who love me. Friends who support me, and I need to fix things with them.” My vision is becoming blurrier, and I feel like I’m under water. “I have a future at home.”