After my shower, I pack up my books and rush downstairs. I grab a breakfast bar and a bottle of water, and just as I’m halfway out the door, Mom yells to me.
“Feeling better, sweet pea?”
“Yup, all better. Gotta run to school, gonna be late.”
“Wait one minute! I need you to take the dog out before you go.”
“I can’t, Mom. I’ll be late.” I cringe at the slight whine in my voice, but can’t take it back.
“You don’t have to walk her, just let her pee. It’s faster to do it than to argue about it.”
“I’m so sick of doing everything!” I slam my backpack on the front porch. “Come on, Lucy.”
Lucy comes with her tail wagging, not bothered by my crappy attitude.
“Are you okay?” Mom leans against the doorjamb, arms crossed over her chest. She looks perplexed. To be honest, I’m feeling kind of perplexed myself.
Remorse rushes over me like the waves at high tide. I don’t know why I made such a big deal about taking the dog out.
“I’m sorry for snapping. Guess I still feel a little headachy. Other than that, I’m fine.”
“Maybe you should stay home today.”
“Nope, too much to do. I have to find an advisor for my non-profit. The deadline is this week. Besides, I’m not sick, I just think I’m getting my period.”
Her face lights up like it’s freaking Christmas or something, and she claps her hands. But her face quickly turns pensive, and I know she’s about to head into Mom therapy mode.
Lucy comes running after her quick trip to her favorite patch of grass. I pet her on the head before I close the door.
“I know you’ve said this has nothing to do with your father and me, but I can’t help but notice that you’ve seemed different since he left.”
I sigh loud enough for her to hear my annoyance.
So he’s leaving my mom for some other woman. It’s not like I’ll be the only teen from a broken family.
“Sweet pea, I can see how this is affecting you already. You’ve been showing physical signs of stress ever since we told you.” She reaches out to brush my hair out of my face. I intercept the mothering move, and she makes one of her famous “disappointed” faces.
“I wonder if you’re getting your period, or if there’s something else going on, sweet pea?”
“Who knows? Maybe I’m an alien from another planet and this is how we get when we’re stressed.”
Mom laughs at me, but I’m only part joking. No one knows the origin of my birth, just that I kind of appeared out of nowhere. The state never found any traces of my birth parents. And I definitely haven’t been feeling like myself. It sure would be nice to be able to blame my misery on something other than me.
***
The third period dismissal bell does nothing to help my headache.
“I’ll meet you at lunch. Have to ask Mr. Shaw about being my advisor for the grant thingy.”
“Ooh, good choice—he's hot. For a teacher, anyway.”
“Jade!” I swat at her with my folder, but she doesn’t have the sense to be embarrassed. I, on the other hand, am afraid to turn around, hoping he didn’t hear her remark.
Relieved to find that Mr. Shaw was busy across the room with other students, I approach him and take a few minutes to explain what I’m asking for. I assure him that the job is mostly a formality. I already do all the work; he’s just there for liability reasons on the bank’s behalf.
“I’ll certainly give it a look-see, but I have to figure out what my schedule looks like before committing.”
Think about it? What the heck is there to think about? All I’m asking is one tiny favor, and it’s to help the kids! What kind of person has to think about that? Maybe I chose the wrong person.
A sharp pain stabs into my head, and blood rushes to my face. My fingers tighten on the folder of info I’m presenting to him. I can’t look him in the face, I’m so insulted.
The reasonable part of me wonders why I’m so mad. Of course he’d need to think about it, to figure out what he’s getting into.
“Th- thank you for your time.” I fumble toward the door, eager to make my escape.
Until today, I didn’t even know I had a temper, and now I’m getting snappy left and right.
“You okay, Murphy? You look a little red.” Mr. Shaw is one of those teachers who refers to students by their last names. Like they can’t be bothered to learn their first names.
“I’m fine,” I mumble as I pull on the handle. “Thanks again. Please let me know if you have any questions.”
I grab a tray in the lunch room, and make my way through the line at the salad bar. Today is Lunch Lady Surprise Day in the regular lunch bar, and there are some surprises I could do without.
I go straight to our regular table, and find Jade, Corey, and a couple of our other lunch time friends. Jade moves her tray over a little to make room for me. I smile and sit.
I’m pretty much tuning out the whole conversation at lunch, lost in my thoughts about the grant. I can’t remember wanting something so badly. Maybe because I have parents who have always doted on me and given me everything before I even knew I wanted it. That good fortune is part of what drives me to want to give back to the kids who are less fortunate than I am.
The laughter at our table is getting kind of annoying, but I bite my tongue, not interested in insulting my friends. My lower back aches again, worse now than ever. Then, just as I take a swig of my water, I feel a gush down there and am afraid to move.
I chance a look down, and my worst nightmare has come true. Blood seeps through my khaki pants, right onto the bench. Horrified, I poke Jade, who turns to me with a big smile. I gesture for her to look down. Her face immediately sobers, and she whips off her hoodie and hands it to me.
“Wrap this around your waist. We’ll go to the nurse, and you can get cleaned up there. No one will notice, don’t worry.”
Corey, sitting on the other side of me, looks over to see what’s going on. His face pales when he sees my problem, then reddens with awareness. Without a word, he gets up. I think I scared him away, but he returns seconds later with a stack of napkins.
“Go ahead, I’ll take care of it.”
Seriously? He’s willing to clean up my menstrual blood? “No way, Corey. That’s insane.”
“Don’t argue with me, missy.” He smiles, and his chocolate eyes twinkle.
Jade yanks my arm, and if I don’t want to make a scene, I need to follow her.
“Sorry, Core.” I frown at him, and he smiles at me.
Jade leads me through the crowded cafeteria, and I know everyone is laughing at me. My head burns, my vision blurs, and my inner rage increases with every passing second. My scalp itches, feels like something is trying to burst out of my head.
“Jade, they better shut the hell up.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Everyone we pass. They’re looking at me funny.”
“Felicia, that’s crazy. No one has any idea. No worries.”
From behind, I hear a whistle. I turn to glare, and of course it’s Jake Scott, quarterback for the football team and world-class jerk.
“I see you’re having a bit of a problem, huh, Murphy?” How does he even know my name, let alone what is going on? And what is with the last name references today? “How sweet that you have your little whelp cleaning up after you.”
That’s it, I have had it. No one insults my friends.
“Listen, ass wipe. Do us all a favor and crawl back into the sewer where you came from. Shut the hell up already. Thanks.” I can’t help it, even though I seem to have become someone else, there’s still the part of me that has to be polite.
“Felicia, what the…” Jade whispers and tries to pull me away.
I so don’t want to back down.
Jake looks stunned at first, then recovers and starts laughing with his friends. I know he’s not used to having anyone stand up to him, let alone a s
ophomore.
I feel more leakage, and Jade pulls my arm so hard, I’m grateful I’m not a zombie because I’d definitely be short one limb.
The nurse’s office sways in front of me. Or is it me? I feel so lightheaded. My mouth is desert dry. I can barely see. Oh no…
Chapter Four
I know I fainted as soon as I wake up, because the flickering fluorescent lights flash in my eyes, and I’m lying on the nurse’s cot, Jade’s face hovering nearby.
“Yo, Felicia. Welcome back to the world. You scared me, girl! But wait 'til you hear about the superstud upperclassman who carried you in and put you on the cot. Whoa, don't get up yet. I’ll get the nurse. Man, he was frigging burning up with hotness. Actually, I think he might be that psycho from The Shack. Not sure, though. Way hotter up close. And he’s waiting for you outside, wanted to make sure you were okay. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him why you were here; he probably just thinks you caught a bug or something. Boys are so clueless. Anyway, stay right there.”
I sigh when she walks away. Each time I tried to interject a comment or a question, she kept rattling on, as she is prone to doing when she’s excited about something.
I ignore Jade’s admonition to stay on the cot and drag my embarrassed butt over to the bathroom, which is only about a few steps from the cot anyway. The nurse is busy in the next cubicle taking someone’s temperature. Don’t really want her germy hands near me—no time to get sick.
Within seconds, Jade returns. She talks at me through the door, rattling on about the guy who “saved” me. Not exactly sure what I was saved from, but I do appreciate his help. I guess.
“I have no idea where he came from.” She practically yells through the door, but in an exaggerated “whisper.” “You should have seen him rush over. Just suddenly appeared. So. Weird. I think he’s a senior. And did I mention he’s h-o-t? And my god, he picked you up like it was nothing.”
“Oh sure, call me fat.” I’m totally being sarcastic. I am not the thinnest girl in the school, but I don’t think anyone could really consider me fat. Normal, I guess.
“Whatever, Felicia. You know I wouldn’t dare. But his arms… swoon!”
I laugh because I’m pretty sure Jade is the only person in this century to use the word swoon. She’s such an old-school romantic at times.
“For real, though. Are you wearing some kind of pheromone perfume or something? Because the hotties are crawling out of the woodwork and heading straight for you. If you scored some magic love potion, methinks you should share with me.”
The nurse offers me some spare clothes, and I’m trying to figure out a polite way to turn down the hand-me-down sweats. Jade informs me she already took it upon herself to call my mom to ask her to deliver clothes so I wouldn’t have to suffer any more embarrassment today.
“Have I told you lately that you’re the best?” I do my best to clean up, then return to the cot to wait. I keep Jade’s hoodie across my lap so no one will notice the blood, now drying to a brown glob of icky.
“You can go to class, Jade. I’ll just work on my algebra since I’m stuck here for a bit.”
“No way, Jose. I’m waiting with you.”
That’s the kind of friend she is. Willing to give up algebra to keep her best friend company. We’ll ignore the fact that she hates math.
My mom finally arrives after about fifteen minutes. I’m a little afraid of what she may have chosen for me to wear, but I’m not really all that fashion conscious, so as long as it came from my own closet, I’m good.
She fusses over me for a few, but luckily has to rush back to work. Though she’s brimming with excitement, she does a good job of keeping it in for my sake. She kisses me on the cheek before she leaves.
The nurse gives me some ibuprofen and extra off-brand pads, and I throw my books in my backpack and head out.
I’m trying to zip the front zipper of my backpack when I bump into something so hard, I think it’s the wall at first. But no wall smells so… manly. In a totally yummy way. Nor does a wall emit so much warmth. My face burns, and my throat closes.
My day is about to get a lot worse, if such a thing is possible. I just know it.
“Felicia, this is your savior. Sorry, savior, I didn’t catch your name?” Jade lets the question hang in the air as she twirls her hair. She’s such a flirt.
“Ryder. Glad you’re okay.”
Chapter Five
It takes a minute to recover from my initial shock and manage to form some words.
Crap, he is the guy from outside The Shack and inside my dream.
“Please forgive Jade, she can be so dramatic.” Ryder smiles at me, and I have to give Jade credit—she wasn’t kidding when she expounded on how attractive this guy is up close. His light-brown hair is the perfect length to be a bit shaggy, but not a mess. His face is sculpted like a male model. Perfect angles, but not sharp. His lips are completely kissable, and his eyes—oh my—I could get lost in the crystal-blue depths. I know for certain I’ve never seen him here before, other than from a distance outside The Shack. I’d remember. My body would remember.
I can’t believe how fiercely I react to him. I mean, I’ve had crushes before, but my body has never burned for someone. And I don’t mean rage this time. My hips move toward him, and my belly does flips. Ugh. As if I would ever have a chance with someone like him.
As if I’m even looking.
I step back, trying to breathe some stale high school air rather than the rugged, musky scent of Ryder. How can a guy manage to smell so good? I guess that’s the difference between sophomore boys and seniors. Sophomores are still a little into passing gas (and laughing about it) and forgetting to change their gym socks.
Yes, think about gym socks. That will kill the attraction.
“Anyway, thanks for helping me out. I feel a lot better now. Have to get to class, though, before I miss too much.”
“Hey, wait. Felicia, right?” I nod. Why does he want to talk to me? And wait a second, why is he even still here?
I blush deeply, praying he doesn’t ask me what was wrong. I’d rather stuff myself in a locker than have to explain my problem.
“I’m new to the school and was wondering if you’d mind showing me around sometime.” His gaze is smoldering. I didn’t even know such a thing actually existed, outside of really good- looking actors.
I feel small next to him. And how did he get back in my space? I’m at eye level with the tightest male chest I’ve ever had the privilege of seeing up close. I can tell by the way his T-shirt drapes that he is solidly built. I can’t look back into that gaze or I may spontaneously combust.
My mind drifts back to the equally brilliant chest on Zane that I had the horror of touching yesterday. Two hot guys in two days? What are the odds?
“Um, yeah, I guess I could. But you know they have an orientation committee that could show you around, right?”
“Actually, I have figured out the layout of the school. I meant I’d like to see the town. After school. With you.”
Gulp.
Please God, don’t let me pass out again. Please, please, please.
Jade giggles. I elbow her. Subtly. Or not. I have no idea. But her obnoxious behavior is enough to pull me back to reality.
“Sorry, I can’t. I have so much going on. No time. But it’s pretty easy to find your way around here—downtown is literally one street.”
I can almost feel his disappointment. Or my mind is messing with me, which is far more likely. He could have his pick of any girl in the school—heck, he could pick any girl in the state—to show him around, so I really don’t have to feel guilty that I’m not making time for him. Do I?
He says he understands and offers to help me if I need anything.
I, of course, dismiss that idea. “We should hurry and get to class. I don’t want you guys getting in trouble.”
The bell rings as I’m finishing my sentence. Ryder offers to walk me to my next class, to be sure I’m steady on my
feet. I start to turn him down, but Jade—ever-helpful Jade—thanks him before I can. Then she pushes me forward, and I bump into Ryder again. He smiles and gently holds my elbow, as if to steady me.
As we walk, I look over my shoulder, ready to glare at my so-called best friend for pushing me into this situation. But her back is to me, and she’s pulling Corey in the opposite direction. Even from here, I can see Corey’s sad and concerned expression. I wonder why she won’t let him come see me but figure she’s trying to play matchmaker and doesn’t want Corey playing interference.
The walk to class is silent. I know I should try to make conversation, but I am so unprepared for this situation. What am I supposed to talk about with the most intriguing guy I’ve ever seen off-screen? They don’t teach you this stuff in school.
Besides, I’m still a little creeped out from his stalker-like presence yesterday. And the fact that he was there to catch me when I didn’t even notice him in the hallway—odd.
Girls and guys are both checking out Ryder as we walk, but he doesn’t seem to notice. I do notice the glares I’m getting from girls, especially some of the more popular ones. I’m sure they do not deem me worthy of Ryder’s attention. Heck, I don’t deem me worthy. I don’t have low self-esteem; I’m just aware of my place in society. I’m smart. I’m studious. I have drive. And will power.
Did I say “will power"? Because my will is telling me to power closer to Ryder’s heat. Ugh. Fight the urge, fight the urge!
Just as we approach the biology lab, Jenny Jones sashays over to me, a snide look on her overly-made-up face. I pretend I don’t see her, but she zooms in anyway.
“Hey, Felicia. I heard you had a little episode in the cafeteria.” Oh no, she wouldn’t dare. She leans in closer. “Such a shame, you poor thing. Everyone is talking about it.” She did dare. Then in a loud whisper, “Your dad told me you hadn’t gotten it yet. You must feel like such a freak.”
She plasters on this fake look of compassion. She’s so phony, it hurts to look at her. The fact that my dad is dating her mom kills me. If her mom is anything like her, my dad has lost his mind.
“Oh, did you see my new bracelet? Your dad is so sweet; he wants to spoil me. Trying to get me to like him and all.”
Ryder moves closer to me, almost protectively. My head starts to pound again, and something sharp tries to pierce through my hair follicles. Ryder puts his arm around my shoulder in a way-too-familiar gesture. Jenny’s face scrunches up, jealousy contorting her features.