his time with Direk and Iggy. This would be normal for the old Setek, owing to his scientific background and curiosity. Now she doubted his motives were anything more than a tactical analysis of the science and engineering of the ship. She ought to stop this eavesdropping through Direk! It was not helping her emotionally. It was a probable blotch on her own character that his imagined menace and his physical appearance fascinated her. She was startled when she became the subject of the conversation she overheard through her shiplink.
"How is your mother?" Setek inquired of Direk.
"She's listening to us through shiplink," Direk replied. "Perhaps she would be surprised at my appraisal of her condition. I think she's doing very well. Would you care to visit with her?"
No, no, no! Aylis thought, yet held her tongue.
"Would you accompany me?" Setek asked.
"That would be required," Direk said. "Why haven't you asked of her before now?"
"It was obvious she was terrified of me. Nor was I prepared to meet her. I'm still not. Will she see me?"
There was a moment of silence and Aylis realized they were waiting for her decision. "Yes," she said to Direk by shiplink.
She knew Setek might never recover the contents of his auxiliary memory, or if he did, it could prove useless in repairing his personality. Aylis might never have more than what Setek now was, unless she could help him change.
= = =
Aylis arrived at Direk's apartment feeling very pregnant after the long walk. The Marine at the door saluted her, and thus she knew Setek had arrived before her. She stood at the door for a few moments, waiting for her courage, but only worsening the anticipation. She didn't have the Navy augment that would relieve the chemical reaction to stress. She was almost to the point of trembling when Jamie opened the door. The anxiety all but disappeared then. Only Zakiya could have had a better effect on her emotions than Jamie did. It was difficult not to embarrass Jamie with her gratitude for her presence.
"Jamie! I didn't expect you to be here! I'm so glad you are!"
"Dick made me wear this dress as the price of admission," Jamie said.
Aylis was taken aback by the sight of Jamie in feminine attire. Jamie made a pirouette and a curtsy for her inspection. Aylis laughed and was astonished at herself. Music started playing from some unseen source, filling the apartment with a lively beat and a classical Latin American composition. Aylis turned to see Setek approaching, Direk following him.
"May I have this dance?" Setek asked her, offering his hand.
"Oh, no!" Aylis declined. "I can't dance! And my feet are tired."
"I'm so sorry! Then I shall ask the lovely Jamie if she would humor me."
"I'll need a quick lesson," Jamie said, taking his hand. "Is it a tango?"
"Nothing as ancient as that. I don't remember what the dance is called. I don't remember why I had to learn it. And I think it's the only dance I know. Watch me and think about doing it in reverse. Then we'll practice. It's done with a gradually increasing tempo."
Aylis sat down on a sofa to watch. She took off her shoes.
"I'm glad you came," Direk said, sitting down next to her.
Aylis watched Setek do what Setek might never have done two centuries ago: dance. Dancing was an Essiin tradition, but dancing with a smile was not. He seemed relaxed and enjoying himself, which the Aylis of centuries ago always wished he would do. Now it seemed wrong. Her memories of Setek-her-husband were sharp and indelible and this was not him. His white hair that once seemed sophisticated now showed its true shade of faintly metallic silver. His skin, which he had always adjusted to a slightly darker pigmentation, now almost glowed in the lighting of the room. Setek was genetically modified in childhood to have his unique physical aesthetic, and it had only made him self-conscious among drab Earthians. Now he displayed his Essiin heritage without apparent discomfort. His nearly clear eyes - dark at the pupil - had lost their probing habit and their sparkle of almost frightening intelligence. His eyes were now dimmed to mere cosmetic organic jewelry, perhaps hiding his real intentions.
"Have you made a decision?" Direk asked. The cold way he said it made Aylis think of the old Direk. Perhaps he hadn't relearned the subtle inflections he had so long filtered from his voice. She was sure he felt apprehensive about his father.
"I don't know if I can make a fair decision," Aylis said, leaning close to make sure he heard her through the interference of the brisk dance music.
"Then make an unfair one," Direk advised sadly.
Aylis heard his regret, as though he already knew what had to be done. He had probably read the same excerpts of Setek's debriefings she had read - words to give one nightmares and to forever instill distrust in his character. Aylis watched Setek and Jamie dance and tried not to think. It was not a bad image with which to end a dream, with Jamie in it. She put on her shoes when the music stopped. She stood up.
"Direk, do you have something slower Setek and I can dance to - if one could call it dancing?" Aylis inquired.
"What kind of dance music?" Direk responded, surprised.
"Something slow and quiet, so we can also talk."
Setek seemed pleased to take her hand, to put his other arm around her waist. She felt a momentary pleasure in this ancient ritual of sexual relations. She felt an endless loss of what Setek had meant to her. Direk began to play his string bass. She and Setek no more than shuffled their feet, and as they better synchronized he drew her closer. She put her face on his shoulder. She was only vaguely aware of her pregnant geometry. She could almost feel glad she briefly had this small fraction of the man she once loved within her loose embrace. Almost.
"I wonder what it is like," she said to him, "to listen to another person's thoughts."
Setek didn't react physically to her words, except for a few moments of delay in responding. He continued guiding her around the floor. "We wondered how thorough you were and when you would ask about it," he finally responded.
"We were very thorough. We wondered why you didn't volunteer that you had telepathic capability. I suppose it had tactical importance."
"Yes, our lives depended on it," Setek said. "Alex and I needed to exchange vital information secretly while engaging our targets. Koji needed to know the dynamics of an encounter, so he could arrive before too much was lost. Perhaps we were jealous of our one technical accomplishment and failed to fully understand we are now among friends."
"I don't think you understand that yet," she said. "You are not only among friends but we are those friends who truly love you."
"It is a tragedy," he said with apparent sincerity, "but we have honestly warned you about us. We could not remain gentlemen among barbarians. Do not fear us, however. We exist only to make the universe safer for you."
"How did you lose yourselves?" She didn't expect any good answer, and realized too late that she didn't want an answer.
"We died too many times," Setek answered. "Alex thinks our souls gave up on us and departed at some point. I think we used rejuvenation too often, to keep our youthful strength, and the process eventually culled too much moral imperative from our brains."
Aylis stopped dancing and pulled away from Setek. "My feet still hurt. Let's sit down. Come, sit beside me."
Direk stopped playing his bass. Aylis sat down and took Setek's hand as he sat beside her on the sofa.
Setek smiled at her and patted her hand. "I'm not so bad, do you think? I'm more Earthian than I was. You probably always wanted me to be more Earthian. You seem relaxed now. You know I will never hurt you."
"But you will," Aylis objected sadly. "I feel sorry for you, dear Setek. I loved you unwisely once. I even love what is left of you. But not unwisely. Good-bye."
Jamie was watching and listening to Aylis and Setek on the sofa, sitting not far from them. She tried to understand what she heard and was concerned by Aylis's final word. She glanced over at Direk, who faced away from them, standing in front of his string bass. He turned around briefly to look at his mother
and father. Then he began to play with bow something melancholy on the bass.
Jamie looked back at Aylis and saw her weeping. Setek leaned heavily upon her shoulder, his eyes shut. Aylis stroked Setek's inert face and continued to weep.
2-37 Rivers of Galaxies
She had missed seeing him for several days. She noticed he looked younger. She examined him more closely. She loved his blue eyes and they even seemed brighter and clearer. Admiral Khalanov was the dearest man, quiet, perceptive, generous, and vastly competent. Sometimes impatient! She was always comfortable in his presence; he was a gentle man. She always looked forward to working with him. "Where were you, sir?" Wingren asked. "I've missed you."
"Offering my old body for the training of medical technicians. I can't imagine why you missed me."
His last sentence seemed to encourage her but he did not smile when he said it. No one smiled at this chapter of their lives on the Freedom because the death of children was always fresh in their memory.
"Then you have a poor imagination or a poor opinion of your importance to your staff." She did force a quasi-smile at how he blushed. It wasn't so easy for her, a desert Rhyan, to blush visibly. His reaction gave her reason to hope he would become more interested in her.
"Something else I need to improve about myself," he said with unusual softness.
"Where has Setek-Ren gone, sir?"
"Did you miss him, too?"
"The way I miss a toothache! Oh, he was