implants, like the rest of us? I almost touched her."
"It isn't your touch that will unlock her memories."
"Yours?" She received a nod. "Why did you take her to her grandparents? Why didn't you put her in stasis?"
"I couldn't."
She paused and considered these unexpected replies. She tried to assign her preferred significance to them, that Direk had changed to a normal Earthian human, but it was too improbable. It was wishful thinking, another defective thought process to lead her down the wrong path, to get her hurt again. If only he didn't have those same ice-pale Essiin eyes!
Aylis stood up and approached her son. Direk stood in shadow it seemed, even though her office was evenly illuminated. She lifted a trembling hand to his shoulder and pulled them together. She kissed him on the cheek. She looked up into his cold eyes and frowned with concern.
"Have you ever been happy?" she asked in a voice that wanted an honest answer from him.
"Yes," he replied simply.
She was again surprised at his answer. Was it true?
"There was a time when you couldn't have answered that question, Son," she said. "Have you changed?"
"There was a time when you couldn't have accepted any answer of mine concerning emotions," he said. "Have you changed?"
"You had many dealings over the years with my copy," she said. "She's inside my head now, asking me why I wanted an Essiin husband and not an Essiin son. I'll accept your answer that you were happy. We won't discuss further the illogic of happiness. Thank you for coming to see me. I've recovered from my injuries."
"Will you tell me what happened?" he asked, a serious note to his quiet voice.
"No!" But she was almost thrilled he asked. "What would you do about it, if I told you?"
"Don't tell me," he said. "It hurts you."
"I thought my control was better," she said. "I do try to control myself, for your sake."
"I'll leave now," he said, moving back from her.
Why did she hope so fervently? Why were these issues concerning her Essiin son not buried forever under the detritus of her ancient past?
"I dreamed of you, Son: a stupid fantasy in which I told you who did what to me, and you took revenge."
He said nothing but continued to back away and to stare at her. She couldn't see him well enough to search for some favorable meaning in his highly controlled expression. She turned away, ashamed to display her weakness to her son, and hating that he was so like a pale version of Admiral Etrhnk.
"I'll leave you now, Mother," he said softly.
She turned back quickly but Direk had disappeared! She would have been shocked, she would have wondered how he did that, and she would have wondered why, but her thoughts were too furiously tangled to think critically. She went to the doorway and looked for him in the hall but saw no one. She touched her lips and wondered if she had actually kissed him.
Aylis continued into the hallway of her new Navy hospital aboard the Freedom. She located Sugai Mai through her shiplink and reached her quarters in a few moments.
Mai had accepted Aylis's invitation to visit her on the Freedom and to provide expertise on setting up trauma services. Mai knew permanent assignment as a civilian contractor was an option. Mai hadn't wanted regular living quarters and had asked for temporary quarters in the hospital, obviously discounting the option to serve out the Mission. Still, Aylis thought Mai could be persuaded to remain with the ship. Aylis felt the need of her friendship. She missed Ramadhal and all her friends on the moon.
Mai was packing to leave when Aylis entered her quarters. Aylis had expected this. She tried to elevate her mood, to speak more normally to Mai. It helped that she thought Direk could have been worried about her. "Quitting on me, Mai?"
"I agreed to help you until the ship departed," Mai replied, "but I can't stay here any longer!"
"Don't let what happened to me influence your decision," Aylis pleaded.
"How can I not?"
Aylis's copy had fond memories of Sugai Mai, even if she never had the chance to become close to her. She trusted those memories and they made her feel that her friendship was possible and desirable. But was it ethical to draw Mai further into the danger? She and Zakiya had discussed Mai's situation. It was not clear she would be in greater danger staying on the Freedom or leaving it. All Aylis knew for certain was that she liked Mai very much and selfishly felt she needed her.
"You're right, Mai. It can't be ignored. But I'm not as injured as you think." That was a lie! She was shredded, and added to it were all the other revelations and relationships exploding from her hidden memory. Not the least of which was Jamie!
"It was a sickening brutality, what was done to you!" Mai declared. "I can't believe how well you appear to be! Must you take on the armor of your Navy rank so soon? I just detest you wearing that... that fascist uniform!"
"I'm hardly well." Aylis was surprised at Mai's appraisal of her appearance. Perhaps Direk's visit and his possible concern had cheered her more than she knew. "There are things I can't explain to you, Mai. I can't even explain them to myself. I can't allow myself to fall apart. I'll change the uniform and wear only hospital garb. I just want you to stay as long as you can. I need you."
Mai paused in her packing. "Why would you need me?"
"You know Zakiya - Admiral Demba - is my best friend. I need her also, but I can't -"
"Can't what?"
Aylis couldn't explain it to Mai. She was tormented by what she had done and by what had been done to her. It was one thing to be a victim of rape. It was even worse to know she may have deserved it. "I can't be with Zakiya. I can't -"
"What is wrong?" Mai asked, looking at Aylis with even more concern.
"It hurts me to be near Zakiya! I love her so much, but I think I've done something she will never forgive, and I can't tell her what it is."
"Is it the Marine lieutenant? I wondered why you reacted to her the way you did."
"She's Zakiya's daughter and Jamie doesn't know it. No, it isn't that. I can't tell you. I can't tell myself. I don't want to think about it. I can't stop thinking about it! I need a friend, Mai. Someone I haven't hurt too badly. Yet."
"You're asking me to go on the mission with you," Mai said accusingly.
Mai had reached the desired conclusion and Aylis willed herself to hold together long enough to accomplish her task. Aylis nodded, her face downcast, knowing she must look as miserable as she felt.
"You asked me to run the Earth Clinic!" Mai said angrily, and threw a neatly folded blouse carelessly into her bag. "It was a dangerous and shocking job! I thought it would kill me! This is a similar thing."
"Do you regret your years on Earth?" Aylis asked.
"Well... no. But this is the Galactic Hub Mission!"
"This is a mission to find my once-upon-a-time husband." Aylis looked up hopefully at Sugai Mai. "Who knows, maybe you'll find some nice man to love on this ship."
"You refer to Jon Horss?"
"He's not the only fish in the ocean." Aylis suspected Mai's willingness to visit her on the Freedom was helped more by her feelings for Jon Horss than for Aylis Mnro. She almost smiled but couldn't.
"I'm more than twice his age."
"Is Jon such a child?"
"He's filled his quota."
"Are you in such a hurry to have a baby?" Aylis asked.
Sugai Mai turned away from Aylis and threw her arms up in the air and let them drop. She reached blindly into the travel bag on her bed. "Not anymore," Mai answered, as she fished the crumpled blouse out of her bag and tossed it aside.
2-06 Iggy Remembered
Admiral Khalanov felt old, perhaps nearing the time when he would need full rejuvenation to continue a vigorous life. He sat with his eyes closed and his fingers steepled and touching his chin, but a certain tension negated the contemplative posture. He had problems to solve. It was a little too soon to be launching this ship but Demba had ordered the launch date advanced by a week. A week! This meeting
was a thief of his valuable time!
Admiral Demba stared at him with a distant and thoughtful look, but soon in the long silence of waiting, troubling thoughts caused ripples of concern on the smooth brown surface of her face. Khalanov opened his eyes to catch a glimpse of her expression and he knew something was different. He had known her for decades but today he wasn't sure he had ever known her. She even looked like a different person, not the coldly efficient master of data and organizer of ship-building materiel.
"Bad news?" he surmised. He offered a humorless smile.
"It's complicated," she replied.
Demba's eyes still lingered on him. He never saw the like of her expression, as though she was fundamentally changed in some way.
"For whom do we wait?" he inquired. Khalanov shook off the study of her eyes as too much imagination on his part.
"Two people."
"Why do we meet in the flesh?" he asked. "We have so little time and so much to do."
"Patience." She spoke almost... tenderly?
A door opened. A young woman entered. Khalanov quickly stood up and his mood brightened. When Captain Direk followed the woman into the conference room, Khalanov's face fell into a puzzled frown. The nearly-bald blonde woman sat down without looking directly at Khalanov. Captain Direk chose to remain standing to one side. He nodded at Khalanov and that was enough to make Khalanov wonder. It was a personal kind of nod. Direk never gave him more than the required military courtesy!
The young woman finally looked up at Khalanov and slowly smiled at him. It was such a painful smile! He smiled back gently, but perplexed. There