***
Faces blurred through the shadows like ghostly whispers. Children became adults, and, in the ethereal gray realms of everything and nothing, Calvin felt light like a feather as he moved everywhere and nowhere. But on his back was a heavy mountain of snow, cold and crushing, the flakes of a thousand yesterdays piled upon him.
He awoke with pain biting the inside of his head. He recognized the dim features of his room once he sat up, but he felt elsewhere—like it wasn’t real. The world flipped upside down, and he began to spin, losing sight of everything—like he was falling in all directions, trapped in a psychedelic vortex.
He screamed in the darkness, clutching the foot of the bed—which he held on to for dear life, until, suddenly, his world calmed like a sea of glass. He was panting, heart thundering, but eventually his breathing became slow and deep. “Lights,” he said, ripping off his sweat-drenched shirt.
As he stood up, his movements were ginger and almost off balance. He couldn’t remember having a worse nightmare. The dream was lost to him, but he knew this wasn’t just a simple night terror. He glanced at the bottle of equarius he’d again failed to lock up. He went to it, snatched it up, and peered into the orangey translucent bottle at the small white pills. “Could it be you?” he wondered then hurled the bottle against the wall.
“This is insane.…” He took a shower in his cramped bathroom and changed clothes—it was almost 0500 and he knew he wasn’t going to get back to sleep. He wondered if this was the first of many nightmares to come; if so, eventually, he wouldn’t be able to command the ship. He needed a medical opinion and decided to find Dr. Blair.
Since the lycan had gone missing, Calvin had forbidden anyone from moving around the ship alone. But he made himself an exception, deciding it was worth the risk. And if he did run into the werewolf, he wasn’t going down without a fight. He clipped on a sidearm, picked up the assault rifle, and set out—quick and silent.
He avoided the elevators and climbed down the ladders; even with such a powerful weapon, he knew stealth trumped force. Every creak and noise of the ship jumped out at him, and twice he resisted the urge to shoot his own shadow. But he reached the infirmary without incident. He pressed his thumb against the plate and unlocked the door. Three soldiers and the doctor on shift saluted as he stepped inside.
“Are you all right, sir?” the young medic asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just need to see Monte.”
“He asked not to be disturbed unless it was a real emergency.”
“I insist.” Calvin stepped past and knocked softly on the door to Dr. Blair’s adjoining quarters. When no one answered, he pounded the door with the flat of his hand. It slid open to reveal a very groggy, unhappy-looking Monte Blair.
“What the Sam hell?” He squinted and shielded his eyes from the infirmary lights.
Calvin stepped into the bedroom, and the door slid shut. “Lights,” said Calvin, and they snapped on.
“Holy Pete’s tap-dancing sack of crap … what in the name of a Rotham’s murderous red ass are you doing here at five in the morning?” His hoarse voice made him seem even older than his fifty-five years.
“I see you’re as charming as ever, Doctor,” said Calvin.
“Is that you, Calvin?” Monte rubbed his eyes and grabbed his glasses.
“The one and only.”
“Well, how about that…?” The doctor’s tone softened as his eyes adjusted, and he went over to his tiny kitchen. “You could’ve rung the chime, you know.”
“You would’ve hated that even more.” Calvin noticed a stack of dirty magazines on the doctor’s table. “I see you’ve been keeping up on your reading.”
The doctor came back with a steaming cup of coffee. “Oh, give an old man a break.”
“Old man? You’re still in the prime of your life.”
“Tell that to my bad lung. I sucked the prime of my life through a pipe long ago, and now I’m an old man.” He wagged a finger from his free hand at Calvin. “And it’ll happen to you.”
Calvin nodded. “That’s actually why I’m here”
“You’re finally seeing the light and want to quit? Well, thank god.”
“Now, I didn’t say that.” Even the thought of life without equarius gave him withdrawals.
“I should have known.” The doctor shook his head and sat down, trying not to spill his coffee, motioning Calvin toward the other chair, which he declined.
“You know, Monte, I hope the Khans don’t catch you talking like that.”
“Oh, that reminds me. The Khans say the price has gone up. I guess the police busted one of their rings, so it’ll be harder to get stuff in.”
“How much?”
“Up to seven Q per gram.” The doctor blew on his coffee, then took a tentative sip.
“I’m good for the money.” Calvin shrugged.
“So I hear. Bailed Miles out for what, thirty thousand?”
“You would’ve done the same thing for me.”
“But I couldn’t afford it, not with my debts. And not everyone makes a captain’s pay grade, you know.”
“Yeah, and not everyone gets a dealer’s pay grade. What are the Khans paying these days?”
“It’s not as much as you might think, since the guys under me take more than their share without me to keep an eye on ’em. But … I could probably hook you up, if you want to deal.”
“No chance. It’s bad enough that I buy the stuff.”
“Whatever you say. So why are you here?” Monte took another sip.
“Oh, right, okay, I had this bad dream—”
“I’m fresh out of night-lights.”
“Very funny, Mr. Desperate with his nudie magazines.”
“That’s low, junior. I think the price just went up to eleven Q per gram.”
“Anyway … I woke up from this dream, I don’t even remember what it was about, and I had this crazy feeling that the whole world was spinning out of control. I don’t know how to describe it. Like I knew I was in my room, and everything was fine, but I couldn’t block out the feeling that I was falling and turning. It was horrible, and I woke up all sweaty.”
“Hmm …” The doctor rubbed his chin. “How long before the feeling passed?”
“I don’t know. Thirty seconds maybe.”
“Was there any pain?”
“My head hurt really bad at first, but that went away.”
“Any symptoms other than dizziness?”
“Panic. I felt really panicked, and all my muscles were really stiff.”
“Do you have any history with vertigo?”
“No. Is that what it is?”
“Maybe. Or possibly an inner ear infection. Did you use any equarius before bed?”
“Yes, but I’ve done that dozens of times. Is there something I can take to counter it?”
“Drugs aren’t that simple.”
“Do you think that’s what it is?”
“Hard to say for now, but it’s very possible. I recommend you lay off it for a while. Indefinitely if possible.”
“I’ll tone it down.”
“That stuff’s gonna kill you, Calvin.” He hesitated. “As your dealer I’ve always got more stuff for you … but, as your friend, I urge you to quit as soon as you can.”
Calvin nodded. “Thanks. And I will. Just not yet.”
“Now go see the medic out there and have him check for an inner ear infection.”