CHAPTER XXX
_The Baron arrives in England--the Colossus of Rhodes comes tocongratulate him--Great rejoicings on the Baron's return, and atremendous concert--The Baron's discourse with Fragrantia, and heropinion of the Tour to the Hebrides._
Having arrived in England once more, the greatest rejoicings were madefor my return; the whole city seemed one general blaze of illumination,and the Colossus of Rhodes, hearing of my astonishing feats, came onpurpose to England to congratulate me on such unparalleled achievements.But above all other rejoicings on my return, the musical oratorio andsong of triumph were magnificent in the extreme. Gog and Magog wereordered to take the maiden tower of Windsor, and make a tambourine orgreat drum of it. For this purpose they extended an elephant's hide,tanned and prepared for the design, across the summit of the tower, fromparapet to parapet, so that in proportion this extended elephant's hidewas to the whole of the castle what the parchment is to a drum, in sucha manner that the whole became one great instrument of war.
To correspond with this, Colossus took Guildhall and Westminster Abbey,and turning the foundations towards the heavens, so that the roofs ofthe edifices were upon the ground, he strung them across with brassand steel wire from side to side, and thus, when strung, they had theappearance of most noble dulcimers. He then took the great dome of St.Paul's, raising it off the earth with as much facility as you would adecanter of claret. And when once risen up it had the appearance ofa quart bottle. Colossus instantly, with his teeth, cracked offthe superior part of the cupola, and then applying his lips to theinstrument, began to sound it like a trumpet. 'Twas martial beyonddescription--_tantara!_--_tara!_--_ta!_
During the concert I walked in the park with Lady Fragrantia: she wasdressed that morning in a _chemise a la reine_. "I like," said she, "thedew of the morning, 'tis delicate and ethereal, and, by thus bespanglingme, I think it will more approximate me to the nature of the rose [forher looks were like Aurora]; and to confirm the vermilion I shall go toSpa." "And drink the Podhon spring?" added I, gazing at her from top totoe. "Yes," replied the lovely Fragrantia, "with all my heart; 'tis thedrink of sweetness and delicacy. Never were there any creatures likethe water-drinkers at spa; they seem like so many thirsty blossoms ona peach-tree, that suck up the shower in the scorching heat. There isa certain something in the waters that gives vigour to the whole frame,and expands every heart with rapture and benevolence. They drink! goodgods! how they do drink! and then, how they sleep! Pray, my dear Baron,were you ever at the falls of Niagara?" "Yes, my lady," replied I,surprised at such a strange association of ideas; "I have been, manyyears ago, at the Falls of Niagara, and found no more difficulty inswimming up and down the cataracts than I should to move a minuet." Atthat moment she dropped her nosegay. "Ah," said she, as I presented itto her, "there is no great variety in these polyanthuses. I do assureyou, my dear Baron, that there is taste in the selection of flowers aswell as everything else, and were I a girl of sixteen I should wear somerosebuds in my bosom, but at five-and-twenty I think it would be more_apropos_ to wear a full-blown rose, quite ripe, and ready to drop offthe stalk for want of being pulled--heigh-ho!" "But pray, my lady," saidI, "how do you like the concert?" "Alas!" said she, languishingly, whileshe laid her hand upon my shoulder, "what are these bodiless sounds andvibration to me? and yet what an exquisite sweetness in the songs of thenorthern part of our island:--'_Thou art gone awa' from me, Mary!_' Howpathetic and divine the little airs of Scotland and the Hebrides! Butnever, never can I think of that same Doctor Johnson--that CONSTABLE,as Fergus MacLeod calls him--but I have an idea of a great brownfull-bottomed wig and a hogshead of porter! Oh, 'twas base! to betreated everywhere with politeness and hospitality, and in returninvidiously to smellfungus them all over; to go to the country of Kateof Aberdeen, of Auld Robin Gray, 'midst rural innocence and sweetness,take up their plaids, and dance. Oh! Doctor, Doctor!"
"And what would you say, Fragrantia, if you were to write a tour tothe Hebrides?" "Peace to the heroes," replied she, in a delicate andtheatrical tone; "peace to the heroes who sleep in the isle of Iona; thesons of the wave, and the chiefs of the dark-brown shield! The tear ofthe sympathising stranger is scattered by the wind over the hoary stonesas she meditates sorrowfully on the times of old! Such could I say,sitting upon some druidical heap or tumulus. The fact is this, there isa right and wrong handle to everything, and there is more pleasure inthinking with pure nobility of heart than with the illiberal enmitiesand sarcasm of a blackguard."