“All right, baby. I’ll listen, but I reserve the right to pick you up and walk out. We can find somewhere else.” His words were soft against her ear, and he settled into the chair next to her. He held her hand as they looked to Julian. As always, Lucas was the strong presence anchoring her. He’d been her best friend for the majority of her adult life. He’d stood beside her when he wasn’t even sure why she needed him. It was way past time to stand up and be brave, and that meant facing the music with Julian Lodge and her stepfather.
There wasn’t anywhere else. This was home. She wasn’t going to get kicked out of her home. “What do I need to do?”
Julian Lodge leaned forward and began to speak.
* * * *
Lucas kept his eyes on the road in front of him, though every other cell of his being was intently thinking about the woman in the seat beside him.
Jack was right, damn him. Lexi was going to be the death of him. Why had he left Dallas? He’d known she’d been on edge the last week. Why had he thought he could waltz off to Chicago?
“It isn’t your fault, Lucas.” Lexi sounded tired.
“I wasn’t thinking it was,” he lied.
She laughed, but it held not an ounce of humor. “Yes, you were. I can tell from the way you’re holding the steering wheel. You’re wondering why you left me alone. Let me tell you why. You left because you have a job to do, and it isn’t babysitting a stubborn woman twenty-four-seven. I don’t want a babysitter. I want a friend, and I need to be one, too. I did the crime. I’ll do the time.”
His fingers tightened on the steering wheel as he turned up Good Latimer. “Maybe I don’t like the time you’re going to do.”
A slight smile played at her lips. Her black hair was glossy in the morning light. She was so ridiculously gorgeous to him. “What do you object to, babe? Sessions with Leo?”
Julian’s verdict had been a strange version of parole with the possibility of a full pardon. Lexi was to enter into therapy sessions with Leo, and she had to be cleared by a Dom of Julian’s choice. That was the part Lucas had vocally objected to. Unfortunately, Julian had proven far more stubborn than any judge Lucas had to deal with.
He frowned. “You know I don’t care about the therapy sessions. I trust Leo. I have no fucking idea who this Master A asshole is.”
“You haven’t been talking to Dani,” Lexi replied.
Her eyes drifted closed as she relaxed back into the seat of the Lexus SUV. They had left her car behind. He’d have someone bring it out later. After last night, he wasn’t letting her out of his sight for a day or two. It didn’t matter what she thought or what Julian Lodge believed. Collar or no collar, she was his responsibility. He wasn’t willing to let that go. No matter what Jack said, he was good for her. He had to be.
“What does Dani say about this guy, and why do you have to get cleared by him? Leo, I understand. He’s a psychologist. But he’s also the Dom in residence. Why can’t he clear you on both?” Lucas asked.
The thought of Lexi in some unknown Dom’s hands terrified him. His every insecurity was bubbling to the surface and had been since Finn had gotten the call early this morning. Lucas had gotten on the first plane back to Dallas.
She didn’t open her eyes, merely talked and turned her porcelain skin toward the sun. He loved her skin. It was so pure and lovely, like the woman herself. She brought out his every protective and possessive instinct. “Supposedly he’s a badass. He’s become Leo’s little protégé, and by little, I mean really big. He’s as big as Leo, and one of the other subs said he’s covered in scars, like he was wounded in battle. They say he’s one tough son of a bitch. He’s former Army, which is probably why Leo took to him. You know those military types. Dani says Julian brought him in a couple of months back. He’s some sort of cowboy now. He has a ranch or something.”
“Then shouldn’t he be on his ranch rather than setting himself up to play with my sub?” Yes, Lexi brought out his possessiveness, and this asshole was going to bring out his need to kick some ass.
“You know all the other Doms have day jobs. Leo is the only full-time Dom. Dani says Leo is really high on this guy. He’s supposed to be hard, but fair. I’m not worried about it. I can pass whatever test this guy tries to give me.”
“You have no idea what he’s going to do to you.”
Her husky laugh went straight to his cock. Fuck. He hadn’t had a moment of sleep in forty-eight hours, but one laugh from Lexi and he was like a bull in rut.
“I can imagine. The question is what’s he going to do to you, babe?” Lexi asked.
“Nothing, if he knows what’s good for him.”
Lexi’s eyes opened now, and she turned in her seat. They were so dark blue he could drown in them. “Lucas, have you thought about the fact that maybe we should find a Dom?”
Now there was a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. Had he thought about it? Of course he had. He found slight refuge in defensiveness. “I’m not Dom enough for you? Maybe Jack’s right.”
Her hand came out, stroking across the line of his jaw. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. You miss bottoming, babe. I know you do.”
He’d given it up a long time ago. He didn’t need it. He needed her. At one point he thought he could have both, but that had turned out to be a lie. Aidan had been the perfect solution to everything. He was gorgeous, and Lucas had been so very sure there was a spark between them. Aidan O’Malley had been dominant down to his bone, but he hadn’t understood the lifestyle and certainly, in the end, hadn’t wanted Lucas himself. One night. He’d had one night before it all fell apart.
It hadn’t just fallen apart for him. Guilt washed over Lucas. He’d done that to Lexi. He’d upended her whole world and caused her fiancé to leave. He owed the woman he loved everything.
“I don’t need it, Lexi. I need you. I need you so fucking much, but I can’t seem to do it for you.”
It was true. He wasn’t what Lexi needed, and maybe he should really think about that. He’d been the one to hold her while she cried, but eventually she would need more. She would need a real Dom.
“Stop this car right now, Lucas Cameron.” Lexi was sitting up straight in her seat now.
Lucas pulled over. Now he’d pissed her off, and that hadn’t been his plan. Damn it, he was fucking up again. “I’ll take you home if you want.”
“That is not what I want. I want you to look at me.”
Lucas turned in his seat and faced the only woman he’d ever really loved. She’d been his friend, his heart and soul, his whole world since the day he’d met her, but he wasn’t that for her. Her whole world had walked out the door when Aidan O’Malley left.
“I love you, Lucas Cameron.”
Lucas felt his heart almost stop. She’d never said I love you, not once. He’d waited to hear those words forever, but now he could hear the “but” somewhere in there like a little jolt of poison waiting to kill his happiness. “You know I love you, Lexi. I’ve said it every day for the past couple of years. I’ve asked you to move in with me. I’ve asked you to marry me.”
“But you won’t sleep with me.”
It was the only thing he’d withheld. It had been easier when she was in Austin. He’d known Lexi for years, been in love with her for the whole time he’d known her, but they had gone their separate ways while she finished school and he started a career. She had been ready to get married and have a happy life in Austin with her fiancé, Aidan. He’d been the one to screw that up. Yes, it had been much simpler when all he had were phone calls and texts and long instant messenger chats on the computer.
When Lexi moved to Dallas, his life had become a testament to the power of patience. She slept at his place more often than not. He took her to The Club. He’d really introduced her to the lifestyle. He’d given her more orgasms than he could count but taken none for himself because he refused to be her rebound man. He wanted more.
“Marry me and we’ll talk about it.”
She laughed. “God, you are just like your brother. Except I think he’s smarter than you.”
Jack went home every night to two subs who loved him and each other more than life itself. Jack had two gorgeous kids. Jack had a job that meant the world to him. Damn straight Jack was smarter than he was. “He got all the brains.”
She reached up to touch his hair. “Not all of them. Lucas, I did something really stupid last night, and I hurt some people I care about. I don’t want to do that anymore. I need a solution, and it’s not going to come with you compromising. You’ve done enough of that for me.”
He felt like she’d just kicked him in the stomach. This was the moment he’d been dreading for the last three years. She didn’t need him anymore. She would steep it in all kinds of bullshit about how this was for him, but she was leaving. He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. He just kind of wished she would get it over with now that the moment was here.
“I love you, Lucas. I won’t stop saying it. I’ve been selfish to hold it back. Selfish and afraid. I know if I had an ounce of sense, I would take what you’re offering and run with it, but I think we would end up unhappy.”
Bitterness welled. He’d done everything he could to prove how much he loved her. Why couldn’t he be enough? “Yeah, unhappy. Really, I’m thrilled with the fact that you’re breaking up with me. That’s going to make me really fucking happy.”
“Babe, what are you talking about?” Lexi put her hands on the sides of his head and forced him to look at her. “I am not breaking up with you. I could never do that. I need you, but I think we both need something more. I think we need to find a Dom. Even if it’s just for play, we need to admit that you’re missing something you crave. Come on, Lucas, let’s see how things go with this Master A person. Maybe he has something he can teach us. I want what my mom has, and I can have that with you. But we need to move on. Aidan left us.”
“Aidan was never with me.”
“Oh, my memory says differently. I remember a night when he was with you, and it was a beautiful thing.”
Lucas couldn’t remember it that way. “Damn it, Lexi, he left you because of that night.”
“Because he couldn’t handle it. And he left us. That’s the way I’ve come to think of it. It wasn’t anything you did. He enjoyed what we did that night, and my only regret was that I didn’t get to have you. Aidan was far too busy playing the Dom to let us be together. I want to move past Aidan. I have to. It’s killing me.”
A little kernel of hope lit inside Lucas. He pulled her into his arms, loving the feel of her against his chest. This was where he lived. “All right. We’ll move past him. I love you, Lexi. I’ll never love another human being the way I love you.”
It was an easy thing to say since he’d only really loved once before, and Aidan was gone from him as surely as he’d walked out on Lexi. Aidan had left them alone and a little adrift. Lexi was right. It was time to put the pieces back together.
“We’ll meet this Master A, and then maybe we can decide what we want to do from there. I still want to marry you.”
She snuggled close to him. “And I still want to have wanton, disgusting, uncommitted sex with you.”
“You are so frustrating.”
“I know.” Her arms tightened around him. “You’re right about the sex thing, Lucas. I want it to be special. I want it to be right.”
He would make it right. And poor Master A had no idea what was coming for him.
Chapter Two
Aidan O’Malley ignored the searing pain in his lower back. He knew it, like all the other pains that plagued his body, would give over once it realized he wouldn’t give in. He held his position, downward-facing dog, and sure enough felt the bunched muscles in his back ease.
“You are one rough motherfucker. You know that, right?”
Leo’s voice rang through the small gym and brought him out of his almost meditative state. He brought his left leg up and patiently finished the sun salutation before turning to face one of his current mentors.
“For doing yoga?” Aidan asked. He grabbed the bottle of water he’d brought and took a long drink. “Most of my friends back home would think it was a pussy thing to do.”
Which was precisely why they were no longer his friends.
Leo laughed sharply, and his eyes drifted down to the scars that covered Aidan’s legs. He couldn’t see the ones on his back, but Aidan was sure Leo was thinking of those, too. “Well, you weren’t walking a year ago. I think you being able to bend your body like a pretzel is just short of miraculous.”
Aidan bowed slightly to the man who had taught him how to “bend like a pretzel.” Leo Meyer had been very good to him. He’d taken a desperate man and taught him to focus. If it hadn’t been for Leo, Aidan would have fucked up a long time ago. He would have gone after Lexi and Lucas and more than likely gotten his ass handed to him. Leo had been the one to preach patience. Julian had been the one to demand it.
And Julian had also been the one to request his presence here today. Though Julian’s “requests” were always couched in perfect courtesy, Aidan knew an order when he heard one. “So, do you want to clue me in on why I’m here? I’m not scheduled to work until next weekend.”
“Get dressed. We’re having breakfast with the boss, and he’s not in a pleasant mood. Oh, and to top off the beginning of what looks to be an interesting day for you, both of your bosses will be joining us.”
Aidan stopped in the middle of pulling his shirt over his head. Damn it. Jack Barnes was here. He should have dressed better. He should have brought along his computer so he could show him the monthly numbers. He’d kept ultra careful records since that first business meeting with the man he hoped would be his father-in-law—and his brother-in-law. Damn, it was still weird to think that way. Jack was Lexi’s stepfather and Lucas’s half brother. Aidan needed a road map to figure out all the familial reasons he needed to watch his step around Jack Barnes.
“You’re panicking. I can feel it from here.”
Aidan pulled the T-shirt over his head. “So now you’re psychic, too?”
Leo slapped him on the back and started walking down the corridor. “Well, according to my mother, anything is possible. You need to calm down. You’ve proven yourself to Jack. He wouldn’t have gone into business with you if he was going to kill you.”
Aidan pushed the button to the elevator. He wasn’t so sure about that. If Jack Barnes thought he could make an enemy’s life wretched hell on earth by going into business with that person, he would likely sign the paperwork with a smile on his face. Jack Barnes was known for playing long games when it came to revenge.
Leo shook his head and proved to Aidan that he might be a mind-reader. “He’s not playing games with you. You’re about to find that out once and for all. Lexi had an episode last night.”
Now that was a kick in the crotch. His carefully constructed walls threatened to crumble at the mere mention of her name. He forced himself to breathe. “What happened and where the hell was Lucas?”
It wasn’t fair. He knew it. He’d left Lucas to pick up the pieces, but damn it, Lucas was supposed to take care of her. Aidan could still remember Lucas’s emerald eyes staring a hole through him as he vowed to take care of the woman they both loved. Aidan had been walking out at the time.
“Lucas had business in Chicago. He was there with Julian’s partner, Finn. I believe he was doing some business for Barnes-Fleetwood. There’s a chain of gourmet groceries Jack’s negotiating with now that he’s been able to up his production.”
Aidan knew all about the deal. He was the reason Barnes-Fleetwood was growing. He’d added his herd to theirs and was now toeing the company line on organic cattle ranching. Aidan’s brother Bo had been against it, but he hadn’t been left the family ranch. “What happened to Lexi?”
“Apparently a good portion of Napa Valley, and then she chose to spend the evening with Jose Cuervo.”
Fuck. She was a terrible lightweig
ht when it came to liquor. The elevator door opened, and Leo led him through the doors to Julian’s penthouse. Aidan could hear Julian’s low growl.
“That’s ten for you, little one. That is gossip, and I don’t care that she’s your friend. I don’t allow gossip, and you know it.” Julian was sitting at an elegant table growling into his cell phone.
Jack Barnes sat beside him, thoughtfully sipping a cup of coffee. The breakfast in front of him looked untouched. Jack gestured that Leo and Aidan should join them.
Julian continued his apparently contentious conversation. “Excuse me. What did you say to me? For your information, Danielle, the stick up my ass has served me well over the years. I will not be removing it, but I might have something to shove up yours when you return from class.”
Leo smiled as a well-dressed servant placed a plate of bacon and eggs and pancakes in front of him. “Sounds like Dani’s in trouble.”
“All of our women are in trouble today,” Jack said, frustration evident in his tone. “Dani called Finn. That’s why Lucas showed up this morning when he was supposed to be in Chicago. Julian considers it gossiping. I believe Dani is arguing that she was talking to one of her husbands about a dear friend.”
“Danielle, you know the rules of this club,” Julian was saying into the phone. “A very bratty ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t going to do it. And while we’re at it, Finn is due some punishment, too. He passed on your little snippet of information to Lucas, and Lucas nearly disrupted my plan.”
Aidan felt his heart start to race as he had a sudden suspicion why he had been called in. Was it really time? He felt like he’d been waiting for years.
“I love you, too, little one. And I am going to deeply enjoy spanking that gorgeous ass of yours tonight.” Julian’s normally placid face broke into a grin. “I’m glad you’re looking forward to it. Make sure our Finn knows he’s in trouble, too. Goodbye, Danielle.” He set the cell down and turned to Leo. “Make sure I have two whipping chairs in the dungeon tonight. My subs require a bit of public punishment.”