The corner of Charli’s lips moved upward as she took an exaggerated breath. “We’ve switched. I’m living the bracelet, doing what Chelsea would do, and she’s doing what I did.”
The bracelet?
She was talking in riddles.
“No, princess. I’ve seen you all straitlaced and proper. I know she’s your friend, but she doesn’t come close to having your flair or class.” I cupped her cheeks. “I remember the first time I saw you all sophisticated. I’d seen you sexy as hell in Del Mar as well as bent over a sink in a roadside gas station.” Pink returned to her cheeks. “It wasn’t until you walked into that restaurant in San Francisco to have lunch with Senator Carroll and me that I saw the sophisticate from Savannah. My God, I almost forgot my own name.” I lifted her face toward mine. “Princess, you are you. Chelsea could never be anything more than a cheap imitation. And I don’t see her trying to do that. Do you?”
I released her cheeks as my hands slid to her slender shoulders.
“I don’t know,” she said as she released her breath and collapsed against my chest.
Allowing my hands to move lower, I wrapped my arms around her sensual body and held her close. Slowly, her muscles relaxed, melting into me.
“And you’re not her,” I went on. “She’s the one who hasn’t called. You’re too caring for that. You’d never do that.”
“God,” Charli said, now holding on to my waist, her hands locked behind my back under my jacket. “Next thing you know she’ll be married to him and pregnant.”
My jaw clenched at the word. I tilted Charli’s chin toward me. “Why would you even say that?”
“Because that’s what my mother has been telling me to do forever. Get married… to Bryce…” She spoke with an exaggerated Southern accent. “…and have babies. Hurry up, you’re not getting any younger.”
“You just turned twenty-four.”
“I know.” Her golden eyes were veiled by thick lashes. “I don’t know how to feel. I don’t give a damn that Bryce’s attention has moved away from me. Actually, I’m thrilled.” Her face tilted ever so slightly to the side. “I have my hands full with you.”
“So you’re not wanting a threesome?”
This time she smiled. “Mr. Demetri, you’re definitely enough man for me. Besides, I thought you said you didn’t share.”
“I don’t. I just wanted to be sure you were satisfied.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Do you really need to wonder?”
I shrugged. “I’ve been gone. It’s been a few days since I’ve heard the sexy, satisfied noises you make.” I widened my gaze. “But I’m free right now. We could take care of that?”
Her smile dimmed. “I-I’m confused. Right now, I don’t know what to feel. Chelsea was my best friend, and I can’t help but wonder if any of it was real. Was everything really just a big scam, a way to move herself up the social ladder?”
“What’s your heart telling you?” I asked, praying she’d have faith in Chelsea.
“It says Chelsea was never interested in social status and this is out of character. My eyes tell me something totally different. I’m not sure if I can believe my heart.”
“What does it say about me?”
She tucked her head back against my chest. “It says that I love you.” Her head sprang back up. “But you knew, didn’t you?”
“That Chelsea was in Savannah and working for your family’s business? You told me. About her being you? I had no idea.” Those were all true statements.
“My heart,” she went on, “is telling me that something isn’t right. I don’t like it. I don’t want her with Bryce, not because I’m jealous but because…” Her lip disappeared between her teeth. “…I don’t believe him about Melissa Summers, that college freshman. I don’t know if he had anything to do with her disappearance, but I do think he was the one who hurt her. I hate myself for saying that. I know how important his mother is to mine, but I can’t shake the feeling. Sometimes he can be nice and remind me of my childhood friend. Other times, there’s a look or action and he reminds me of Alton. That’s not a compliment.”
“I didn’t think it was.” I leaned back. “Do you have more work to do or do you want to go grab some dinner?”
“Is it that late?” Charli asked. “I wasted my whole day on this. Tomorrow I need to work on my paper.”
“Then tonight, my lady, you are mine. Dinner and then I get to hear those satisfied moans.”
“It could be like that old movie Jane loved and we used to watch: When Harry Met Sally. I could just make noises while we eat.”
“Princess, I’ve never seen it, but the noises you’re going to make won’t be faked. I’ll have the real ones.”
“You seem pretty sure of yourself, Mr. Demetri?”
Instead of answering, I kissed her lips lightly, letting mine skirt across hers. As she began to pull away, I moved my hand to her neck, winding her beautiful hair around my fingers and moving her head to the side. With her neck exposed, I kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear, painstakingly slow, each touch of my lips lingering longer as I moved down her neck. By the time I reached her collarbone, her flesh was sprinkled with goose bumps. When I nipped her skin, a soft moan escaped her open lips.
With a grin, I said, “Yes, I’m very sure of myself.”
Later that night, after I’d elicited not one, but a chorus of sounds, some I’d never heard, Charli cuddled close. Her soft curves fit perfectly against my chest as I wrapped an arm around her shoulder. For only a few moments, she traced the ridges of my torso before her fingers splayed and breathing evened.
As she drifted off to sleep, I thought again about what she’d said, how I hadn’t shared with her like she had with me. Since the first time she told me about her childhood, she’d shared more. Each story solidified my hatred for Alton Fitzgerald while at the same time caused my love and admiration for Charli to grow. She was so strong to have survived—not only survived, but to have become the marvelous woman she was today.
I also recalled what she’d said that her mother had wanted her to do: marry and have babies—with Edward Spencer.
I wasn’t proud of how Chelsea ended up in Savannah, and it was never intended. But if her being there, making the money she wanted, and being Edward’s alibi, kept Charli away from that prick, it was worth it. I may be damned to hell for subjecting Chelsea to whatever was happening there, but I had no hard limits when it came to the extremes I’d go to save my Charli.
She deserved more than my protection. After all she’d given me, Charli deserved to know the truth.
My eyes squeezed closed. I hadn’t allowed myself to think of that night in detail—in living color. No. That was such an erroneous term for that night. The color wasn’t living. It was dying.
Moisture stayed trapped behind my lids as I remembered the blood, the stickiness as it covered my hands. Having Jo’s blood on me wasn’t at all like it had been when I fought in the MMA octagon. Then, I’d enjoyed the sensation, the destruction and carnage. That night was different. As panic overtook me and I shook her lifeless body, a part of my soul died.
How could I share that with Charli? If she knew what I was capable of doing, she’d never trust me again.
“Nox?” Her sleepy voice broke through my memories. “What’s the matter?”
THE VIBRATION OF Nox’s chest awakened me from my sleep. At first, I wasn’t sure what I was hearing or feeling. My senses were spent, overwhelmed by his mastery and sexual proclivity. I’d fallen into the beginning of my favorite comatose state when he began to stir. The darkness of our room and softness of our bed shielded me from what was happening until slowly the sadness that emanated from his every pore filled our space, wrapping me in his misery. His breathing became ragged as his chest tensed and body trembled.
“Nox?” I asked again.
“Go to sleep, princess.” He choked on the words.
I lifted my head. Unable to see clearly through the dark, I reached toward him. He captured my h
and before it touched his cheek.
“Please let me touch you.”
Nox cleared his throat. “It’s my hard limit.”
“Touching you?” I asked, trying to understand.
“No…” His tone returned to the velvety rumble that I adored. “…something you said earlier today.”
I shook my head, my hand still captive in his grasp. I didn’t try to remove it, but relaxed as he held it in the dark. Then no longer captured, our fingers intertwined. “I don’t remember what I said. I said a lot of things.”
“You said that your mother wanted you to marry Spencer and have babies.”
I scoffed. “I think that plan’s been blown all to hell.”
“It’s not the Spencer part. I want to know how you feel about children.”
I sat taller and pulled the sheets over my breasts. All the while his grip of my hand stayed true, as if he couldn’t let me go, as if for once, I was his lifeline. “I don’t know… I think I’m too young.” I shrugged. “I guess my mom had me when she was about my age, but I want other things first.”
“But eventually?”
“I suppose,” I admitted.
Nox let go of my hand. “I don’t.”
His declaration sounded final as if debate wasn’t an option. Those two words drilled a small hole into my unspoken dreams. I’d never expended much energy on the subject, but I also didn’t think I could totally write it off. “I think this conversation is premature.”
He sat up now too, meeting me against the headboard, both of us staring into the darkness. “Jocelyn died because of me.”
My breath stilled, fearing that if I reacted in any way he wouldn’t continue talking.
“That letter was right,” he went on. “If it weren’t for me, she’d be alive. I killed her.”
I turned toward him. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough that I could make out his profile: his protruding brow and straight nose. I couldn’t see his high cheekbones, but I knew they were there. Even in the shadows I saw the movement, the way his chiseled jaw flexed as he clenched and contemplated his next words.
“Her family,” Nox went on, “has been suing me for years, a civil suit. It’s a matter of public record. My people have worked to bury it, but it’s there. I’m not sure why your stepfather or Edward Spencer thought it needed to come out, other than to show you the monster I am. But the letter was also wrong—I didn’t stop her parents from seeing her. They didn’t come. I know you hate your stepfather, and you should. But I’d never wish the separation Jo had with her family on anyone.”
His head bowed as his chin fell to his chest.
Through the darkness, I reached toward him, finding his large hand, the one that had been holding mine, and again laced our fingers together. “I don’t believe you’d hurt the person you loved. And I know you loved her. I’m okay with that. Nox, you wore your wedding ring until Del Mar. I don’t know what you think you did, but you didn’t kill her.”
“I did. Her blood was on my hands.”
I wasn’t sure where the bravery was coming from. I was lying naked, next to a man who was confessing murder, yet I refused to believe it. “You don’t mean literally.”
He turned toward me and lifted both of his hands, releasing mine. Holding them in the air, he said, “I. Mean. Literally.”
“Stop it. Now you’re the one trying to scare me and it won’t work.”
“I’m not trying to scare you. I’m trying to tell you the truth.”
I reached for his face. “What does this have to do with your hard limits? Security? Babies? Somehow they’re connected.”
“She was impulsive… liked to go here and there. I was gone a lot. My father had a terrible time when the markets crashed in ‘09. It was around the same time my mother had died. I’d recently gotten out of grad school and understood the financial climate better than he did. Things had changed since he started Demetri Enterprises. I worked nonstop and traveled, more than I do now. I knew Jocelyn didn’t like it but I just kept promising her that one day we’d have more time.”
Releasing his cheeks, I kissed one, and wrapped my arms around his chest with my head lying on his torso. I wanted to comfort him and be close. I wanted to support my strong boyfriend as he finally freed some of his shadows.
Nox sighed and returned his arm to my shoulders as his words vibrated from his chest. “Deloris began working for Jocelyn and me. She understood that some of the deals Oren had made could come back on us. I told Jo constantly to be careful, to keep me informed. Sometimes I think she’d upset me so that I’d notice her. It was this sick dance we did.
“I’d be consumed with work and she’d do something to piss me off. We’d fight and make up. But the thing was, I did notice her. I was just obsessed with Demetri Enterprises and proving that I was capable of continuing what Oren had begun.”
“What happened?” I asked, my head still on his chest.
“We didn’t have time for children. We both knew that. I insisted that she do something to prevent it from happening. She had one of those things, an IUD, inserted.”
“It didn’t work?”
I could feel his head shake. “It did and didn’t.”
“Jo had just figured it out. She hadn’t told anyone, even me. No one except Deloris.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t know. If I’d known, I never…”
“Nox.”
“She left our apartment. Not here. I moved… after. Anyway, she went to Rye. It was mine—ours—since my mom was gone. Jocelyn wanted to surprise me. I was supposed to be there after work. I didn’t know,” he repeated. “She wanted us to be alone, make the announcement special. She made everyone leave the property, even Silvia.
“I continually told her to stay safe. She promised.”
Dread filled my body like a weight in the pit of my stomach as his words came thick, dripping with pain and regret.
“I ended up working late,” Nox went on, “like I always did. When I got to the house, the kitchen was bright, table was set, and on my plate was an envelope. Inside was a card with a date. At first I didn’t understand. Then I realized it was in the future, a little under eight months away. When I flipped it over it said, boy or girl?
“I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. I was livid. How could she do this? We’d talked about it. I’d said not yet. Part of me thought maybe this was just another cry for attention. My emotions were all over the place.”
My heart beat faster as his story came quicker.
“I screamed her name. Except for the kitchen and dining room, the house was dark. I kept yelling but she didn’t answer.”
His head bowed as emotion ripped through him. “God, Charli, there was so much blood.”
I sat up. “What happened? Did someone break in? Is that why you don’t go to Rye?”
“The light was on beside the bed. She was lying on her side with her knees drawn up. At first I thought she was sleeping, but then I noticed how pale she looked. Not pale, white. It was her lips. The color was wrong. I called her name again, screamed it, but she didn’t move. When I pulled back the blankets, there was blood, so much blood.”
Nox was on a roll. His eyes were open, but he wasn’t seeing me. He was seeing her.
“I couldn’t stop myself. I shook her. If I could just wake her….”
“She didn’t wake?”
“The coroner said she’d hemorrhaged. He called it an ectopic pregnancy. The IUD didn’t allow the egg to implant where it was supposed to, so it implanted in her fallopian tube. They estimated she was only about seven weeks along.”
“Nox, you didn’t kill her. You aren’t responsible.”
He threw back the covers and stood. His gorgeous nude body paced beside the bed. “Did you listen to what I said? I’ve never told this whole story—maybe ever.”
“I did listen. It was an accident. It wasn’t your fault.”
“She had the IUD because of me. She was pregnant because of me. If I’d gotten home wh
en I said I would, I could have gotten her to the hospital in time. Fuck, Charli, there are so many ifs. It’s all on me. I should just pay her parents and be done with it. But I know she wouldn’t want that. She wouldn’t want them to have a dime because of her. I never told them exactly how she died.”
“Deloris knows?”
Nox nodded. “The media speculated all sorts of things. They said everything from my murdering her to a hit. Deloris was the only one thinking straight. She had the foresight to have everyone, from the EMTs to the coroner, sign a do-not-disclose statement. Records were sealed. I don’t know how she does what she does, but Deloris handled it all.”
He sat back on the edge of the bed with his back toward me.
I crawled close and draped my arms over his broad shoulders, burying my cheek against his back.
“The coroner said that it happens,” Nox said. His voice now filled with defeat. “He said she was probably having abdominal pain and that was why she’d lain down.” He reached up and rubbed my arm. “Charli, when you asked, I couldn’t tell you that I didn’t do it, because I did. I don’t lie. I won’t.” He tugged my hand, bringing my face in front of his. “I don’t want to let you go, but if now that you know the truth, you don’t want to be here, I won’t stop you.”
As I stared into his eyes, for the first time I truly understood his obsessions. I was looking not only at a man who loved with all of his heart, but a man who needed control and needed to keep those he cared about safe. I saw pain and guilt that he’d held onto for far too long. Swirling in his pale eyes I also saw fear, a weakness he didn’t want to admit.
It was the dread of losing his new chance at love, his new chance at life, something that up until recently he’d given up on ever feeling again. And that was the one answer I could give him. I couldn’t take away his pain or his loss, but I could offer to spend the rest of my life trying to fill that void.
“I don’t want to go anywhere,” I said. “I love you more than I did an hour ago. I’ll do everything in my power to keep her promises if you’ll let me.”
“Her promises?” Nox asked.
“To love you and do my best to stay safe.”