Cash didn’t miss a beat. “I’m on it. Just take care of her.”
“With everything I got.” Ryder replied, walking faster when I grimaced with pain.
He opened the back door and carried me into the dark house. In seconds, we were in the bedroom. When he laid me on the bed, another wave of pain hit me, this one slicing into my back and my middle. I cried out, grabbing for his hand, feeling like I was being hacked in two.
He dropped to the bed beside me, his eyes running over my body. It was the first time I had ever seen him look terrified.
“It’s too early, Maddie. We have another month,” he said. “If something is wrong…I can’t…”
“Ryder,” I said, putting everything I felt into that one word.
He studied me a second. I saw the Ryder I knew take back over. In control. Fearless. Ready to do battle to protect what was his.
“Okay, tell me what to do,” he said, firmly.
“I…I don’t know,” I said, breathing through the pain. “I’ve never done this before.”
“Not funny, Maddie,” Ryder said, his hand going to my stomach.
My abdominal muscles clenched under his hand, tightening until I thought I would come apart. I writhed with pain, gnashing my teeth to keep from crying out.
“Ryder, the pain’s too much,” I said, tears in my eyes.
“Okay, okay,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll go get my mom.”
He started to leave but I grabbed his hand, keeping him next to me.
“No! Don’t leave me! Please! I’m scared,” I cried.
He dropped down beside me again, his hand wrapping around mine.
“Okay. I won’t go anywhere,” he whispered, his other hand pushing sticky strands of hair off of my forehead.
I nodded and closed my eyes, feeling more pain coming on. My breathing increased and I felt like I was suffocating. I started struggling to catch my breath, feeling panic when I couldn’t.
“Ryder, I can’t breathe,” I said, barely able to say the words.
“It’s okay. I’m right here, baby,” he said, leaning over to press his lips to my forehead. “Right where I want to be.”
They were the same words he had said to me so long ago.
They were the last words I remembered.
~~~~
“She’s waking up, Ryder.”
I opened my eyes. The first person I saw was Ryder, sitting in a chair beside the bed. His elbows were resting on his knees and his face was in his hands. When his head jerked up, I saw that his eyes were red-rimmed and his hair was a mess, looking like he had run his fingers through it a million times.
Seeing me awake, he jumped to his feet. In seconds he was beside me, his hands going to my face.
“Holy shit, Maddie, you scared me,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.
“What happened?” I asked, looking around the room.
“You passed out. Probably from hyperventilating,” Janice said, cradling my hand in hers as she felt for my pulse in my wrist.
Pain like never before hit me. I started withering on the bed, reaching for Ryder’s hand and grasping it tightly.
“Mom, do something!” Ryder exclaimed, glancing frantically at his mom.
“Breathe Maddie. Breathe through the pain,” his mom said, taking deep breaths herself as an example.
I tried to copy her but the agony was to0 much.
At that moment voices came from further in the house. I watched as Eva, Brody, and Gavin stopped in the hallway. Their eyes rounded as they stared at me as if I had two heads. Then, like someone had hit the play button, they flew into action.
Eva rushed into the room.
“Maddie!” she screeched, flopping down on the bed beside me. She still wore what she had left home in - jeans and a brown men’s shirt, something she would have died to be caught wearing a year ago.
“You made it,” I whispered, reaching for her hand.
“Yeah,” she said, grasping my fingers tightly. “I’m glad because I wanted to be here to see Ryder’s spawn.”
Ryder didn’t even growl at her this time.
“Did you find your parents?” I asked, grimacing when I felt pain start in my back.
She shook her head, her smile slipping.
“Later,” Ryder said, his eyes not leaving my face.
I glanced over as Gavin raced into the room, dropping beside me on the other side of the bed.
“How’s her vitals?” he asked his mom, scrutinizing every inch of me.
As Janice answered him, I realized that someone was missing. Brody had slipped out of the room and I could hear Roger talking in the hallway but where was Cash?
“Is Cash back yet?” I asked, forcing my eyelids to stay open. I’m so tired.
Gavin stopped rummaging in a first aid bag to glance at me. “Don’t worry, he’s here and everything’s been taken care of.”
I glanced back to Ryder. “You’re safe,” I said through clenched teeth as pressure bore down on me, urging my body to push.
“No, we’re safe,” he said, threading his fingers through mine. “It’s over. Now I want you to focus and deliver this baby. I can’t lose you.”
I nodded and started writhing in the bed as the pain built again. When agony exploded in me, I gritted my teeth and squeezed his hand, crushing the bones of his fingers together. But when the pain became too much, I couldn’t stay quiet.
“SHIT!” I screamed.
Ryder’s eyes rounded, all color leaving his face. I rarely cursed but at that moment, it felt really good to scream the words.
“Mom, help her,” Ryder pleaded, looking at his mom.
She was kneeling between my legs, a grimace on her face. Looking up, she ignored Ryder and focused on me.
“Okay, Maddie. I can see the head. When you’re ready, push.”
I screamed again, feeling like my abdomen was tearing apart.
I pushed for what seemed like forever but nothing happened. The pain continued. My energy faded. I no longer had the ability to push but the pain was still there, urging me to bear down and deliver the baby.
I screamed one more time as pain tore me apart.
“Mom, shit! Do something!” Ryder yelled. “She’s in agony!”
“Gavin, check her blood pressure,” Janice said, looking at her other son. “Something’s wrong. Her pulse is weak.”
“Holy shit! Holy shit!” Ryder exclaimed, looking frantic.
“Calm down, Ryder. Maddie needs you,” Janice said in a calm, collected voice. She looked at Ryder, giving him a stern glare that reminded me of all the times she had looked at him when he came home hung-over or bruised from fighting.
Gavin slipped a blood pressure cuff around my arm. “Hang in there, Maddie,” he said, his mouth set in a firm line. “You can’t go anywhere. I know God’s missing one of his angels but he can’t have you back yet.”
“Hell Gavin, shut up,” Ryder said, his teeth clenched in rage. “Don’t fuckin’ talk like that.”
I didn’t care what they said. They could start throwing punches over me as long as the pain disappeared.
But it didn’t. The pain had grown too intense to handle. Tears rolled down my face. I’m dying. This baby is going to kill me. I focused on Ryder. He was watching his brother, tears in his eyes. Holy shit! Ryder’s crying. If he’s crying, that means I’m dying.
The pain hit me again, making me cry out.
“Gavin?” Janice asked, waiting as he took my blood pressure.
“Her blood pressure’s dropping,” he said, removing the cuff from my arm.
“I would say to turn her on her side and get that blood pressure back up but we don’t have time,” Janice said.
She pushed her sleeves up and reached for a pair of surgical scissors. Laying them on the bed near my foot, she put a hand on my knee. “Okay, Maddie. I want you to push. We need your baby out now.”
I shook my head, franticly. “No, I can’t,” I said, sobb
ing.
“You have to,” Janice said.
“No,” I said, tears rolling down my face now.
“Ryder, she needs to push. Talk to her,” his mom said, worry beginning to break through her stern voice. “The baby is stuck in the birth canal and Maddie’s blood pressure is dropping…”
Ryder nodded once, looking scared. He cupped my face on either side, making me look him in the eyes. Staring into my eyes, he made me feel like we were the only two people in the room.
“Listen to me, Maddie. You’re the strongest person I know. You kick my butt when I need it and you never give up on me. Don’t give up on our baby,” he said, his throat struggling to say the words.
“I’m sorry, Ryder…” I said, crying. “I can’t.”
He closed his eyes. When he opened them, the fear was gone. In its place was hardness, a coldness that I had seen so many times.
“Dammit, Maddie, yes, you can. Fight me. Yell and scream at me. Tell me you hate me. Tell me I’m the biggest ass ever,” he said, his voice hard. “Fight. Be that girl that is stubborn and a pain in the butt. The one that drove me crazy. The one that still does.”
I looked deep into his eyes and knew I could do this. For him.
When the pain hit me again, I pushed.
Minutes later, a tiny cry filled the room. I heard Eva crying. I heard Janice instructing Gavin to check my blood pressure again. I didn’t care what they did. My body went limp. The last bit of energy I had was gone.
Ryder looked at me, his eyes full of wetness. Leaning over, he kissed my lips.
“I love you, Maddie,” he whispered. “I love you so damn much.”
“I love you too,” I said, weakly.
“Ryder,” his mom said, grabbing his attention.
Turning away, he let go of my hand. I reached for him, not wanting him to leave me. Through half closed eyes, I watched as his mother handed a small bundle to Ryder, wrapped in a towel.
“It’s a girl,” she said, looking at me with tears in her eyes.
Ryder turned to face me, holding the bundle awkwardly. His eyes met mine, love in them.
In front of me was my best friend, holding our baby. The man who fought hard and loved harder. A man who would rather throw a punch than admit his feelings. A man covered in tattoos and full of bad attitude.
The man I loved holding our daughter.
“Is she okay?” I asked.
Ryder looked down at me, his eyes still lined with worry.
“She’s perfect. Just like her mother,” he said.
I tried to smile but it took too much effort.
“Mom, is Maddie okay?” Ryder asked, glancing at his mom.
“Her blood pressure is still low,” she answered. “But I think she’ll be just fine.”
He nodded once, concern in his eyes. Sitting beside me on the bed, he lowered the bundle to my chest, holding it with his large hands. A tiny baby squinted at me, her little mouth opening. She was beautiful.
“What’s her name?” Eva asked, peering around Ryder’s shoulder.
“Emma,” he said, meeting my eyes. “For Maddie’s mom.”
This time I smiled.
Chapter Thirty–Four
“Where are we going?”
“Just taking a drive,” Eva said, glancing over at me, a wide grin on her face. Raising one eyebrow, she dared me to argue.
I looked out the windshield, knowing it was fruitless to question her further. Eva was going to do what she wanted to do. I was just along for the ride.
The wind whipped around the cab of the truck, blowing hair into my eyes. I pushed the strands back, holding them at the base of my neck with one hand.
“You know Ryder’s going to kill me for taking off,” I said.
“Oh, screw him,” she muttered, her eyes glued to the road. “And since when do you care what he thinks, anyway?”
She has a point. I did what I wanted to do. Ryder could yell at me all he wanted, in the end I had become the strong woman my dad always said I would be. Secretly, I know Ryder loved me for it.
Emma wiggled in my arms, her little fists pumping the air. Eva looked over at her, a grin on her face.
“Do you like the blanket I made for her?” she asked, her voice proud.
“Yes, it’s beautiful,” I said.
The white blanket was crafted from an old sheet that Eva had found stuffed in the back of Ryder’s closet. What Eva didn’t know was that it was the same sheet Ryder and I had used as children to build forts with. Sitting beneath the makeshift tent, we would tell stories and laugh. Sometimes we would fight off imaginary bad guys. Other times we would pretend it was our home. We were just two kids having fun.
Now the sheet was wrapped around our daughter.
“It means everything to me, Eva,” I said, smoothing a hand over the blanket. “You have no idea.”
“Don’t you make me cry, Maddie. I swear, I’ll pull this truck over and kick your ass. Baby or no baby,” she said, her gorgeous face turning serious.
I smiled, something I seemed to do all the time now.
A comfortable silence filled the truck. The sunshine streamed in through the window, beams of light cutting across the old leather seats of the truck. I never thought I would be riding in a vehicle again but Brody and Cash had made it possible. Brody for his tinkering of the engine and Cash for trading supplies for gasoline.
I cradled Emma in my arms, watching out the window as acres of ranch land slowly crept by. Unlike in the past, Eva drove slowly, creeping along at a snail’s pace. The road was almost gone, the pavement giving way to weeds and grass. But she kept her eyes focused ahead, keeping the tires on what blacktop she could see.
“How many times have we driven down this road? Listening to loud music and letting the wind blow through our hair?” Eva asked, her hand resting on the steering wheel.
“Too many times to count,” I answered, gazing out the window.
“All the nights we went out, coming home too late. All the football games we went to,” Eva said, her mind elsewhere. “It’s all gone. We’ll never do those things again.”
“Eva…” I started to protest, not wanting to ruin my good mood with memories of things that I would never experience again.
“It seems like yesterday that we drove down this road to pick up Ryder, on our way back to college.”
I remembered that day like it was yesterday. The memory of Ryder standing in his parent’s doorway, looking at me with detachment, would forever be a part of me.
“Did you ever think you would be here now? Holding his baby?” Eva asked.
I gazed down at Emma, seeing Ryder in her even at her young age.
“Never,” I answered. “We were just friends. And he was such a womanizer. I never imagined we would fall in love.”
Eva smiled with a knowing look in her eyes. I wanted to ask her why all the questions about Ryder but as we turned a corner, I glanced out the windshield, surprised to see where we were.
My old home.
“Eva, what are we doing here?” I asked, sitting up straighter. My eyes ran over the overgrown yard and the peeling paint on the side of the house. I felt an ache in my heart when I remembered what the house had looked like a year ago - perfect.
Eva stopped the truck near the back porch, throwing it into park.
“Let’s go in for a little bit,” she said, avoiding my question.
With a sleeping baby in my arms, I followed Eva into the house. It smelled old, locked up. I was no longer afraid to walk inside. There was nothing but happy memories here now.
The kitchen looked the same. My dad’s old coffeepot still sat in the same place. The empty vodka bottle was still on the table. Right where Ryder had left it the night I found him at the house.
“I’m going to go check the other rooms. I’ll be back,” Eva said, turning away.
“Eva, wait!” I exclaimed, taking a few quick steps to follow her. Just because I wasn’t afraid of being in the house didn’t mean
I wanted to be left alone.
But Eva either didn’t hear me or she was just ignoring me. Whichever it was, I was left standing in the kitchen alone.
Holding Emma, I glanced around the room. I couldn’t help but remember all the memories this house held. Ryder. My father. Growing up here. Spending my summers running in and out of the house barefoot. Bundling up before leaving the house in the fall.
I could picture my father, standing here telling me to be safe at college. Reminding me that I would always be his little girl.
And then there was the memory of sixteen-year-old Ryder, standing in the doorway. He had been cocky and so full of himself. Beyond good-looking. Smiling proudly, he had asked if I wanted to go for a ride with him the day he got his driver’s license. Of course I had said yes.
I could still picture him years later, sitting in a kitchen chair while I doctored his cut and bruised face. His hands on me, pulling me between his legs. Telling me what he would do to me if I were his girlfriend.
I smiled, remembering it all. This house was full of memories.
But there was one more left to add.
Chapter Thirty–Five
A knock came at the backdoor. A knock loud enough to be heard through the entire house. A knock that sent shivers up my spine.
Only strangers knock.
I straightened, my heart pounding louder in my chest. Holding Emma tightly, I felt panic rush through me.
Men still traveled along the deteriorated road nearby. Men who were hungry and desperate. Willing to hurt and kill to get what they wanted. This war had brought out the worst in mankind. I just hoped whoever stood on the threshold wasn’t one of them.
Emma started to cry, her tiny face turning red. I hushed her quietly as my eyes moved around the kitchen, looking for something I could use as a weapon. I have to protect Emma.
The knock came again, louder this time. My heart threatened to jump out of my chest as I made my way to the hallway, trying not to make any noise. Peering down the hall, I listened for Eva. Nothing. No sound to tell me where she was.
“Eva?” I called out in a loud whisper.
No one answered.