and that you will not be called mymother? Though I am poor, you have made me a gentlewoman," says she,"and I won't do anything to disgrace you; besides," added she, "I cankeep a secret, too, especially for my own mother, sure;" then she callsAmy her dear mother, and hung about her neck again, crying stillvehemently.
This last part of the girl's words alarmed Amy, and, as she told me,frighted her terribly; nay, she was so confounded with it, that she wasnot able to govern herself, or to conceal her disorder from the girlherself, as you shall hear. Amy was at a full stop, and confused to thelast degree; and the girl, a sharp jade, turned it upon her. "My dearmother," says she, "do not be uneasy about it; I know it all; but do notbe uneasy, I won't let my sister know a word of it, or my brothereither, without you giving me leave; but don't disown me now you havefound me; don't hide yourself from me any longer; I can't bear that,"says she, "it will break my heart."
"I think the girl's mad," says Amy; "why, child, I tell thee, if I wasthy mother I would not disown thee; don't you see I am as kind to youas if I was your mother?" Amy might as well have sung a song to akettledrum, as talk to her. "Yes," says the girl, "you are very good tome indeed;" and that was enough to make anybody believe she was hermother too; but, however, that was not the case, she had other reasonsto believe, and to know, that she was her mother; and it was a sad thingshe would not let her call her mother, who was her own child.
Amy was so heart-full with the disturbance of it, that she did not enterfarther with her into the inquiry, as she would otherwise have done; Imean, as to what made the girl so positive; but comes away, and tells methe whole story.
I was thunderstruck with the story at first, and much more afterwards,as you shall hear; but, I say, I was thunderstruck at first, and amazed,and said to Amy, "There must be something or other in it more than weknow of." But, having examined farther into it, I found the girl had nonotion of anybody but of Amy; and glad I was that I was not concerned inthe pretence, and that the girl had no notion of me in it. But even thiseasiness did not continue long; for the next time Amy went to see her,she was the same thing, and rather more violent with Amy than she wasbefore. Amy endeavoured to pacify her by all the ways imaginable: first,she told her she took it ill that she would not believe her; and toldher, if she would not give over such a foolish whimsey, she would leaveher to the wide world as she found her.
This put the girl into fits, and she cried ready to kill herself, andhung about Amy again like a child. "Why," says Amy, "why can you not beeasy with me, then, and compose yourself, and let me go on to do yougood, and show you kindness, as I would do, and as I intend to do? Canyou think that if I was your mother, I would not tell you so? Whatwhimsey is this that possesses your mind?" says Amy. Well, the girl toldher in a few words (but those few such as frighted Amy out of her wits,and me too) that she knew well enough how it was. "I know," says she,"when you left ----," naming the village, "where I lived when my fatherwent away from us all, that you went over to France; I know that too,and who you went with," says the girl; "did not my Lady Roxana come backagain with you? I know it all well enough; though I was but a child, Ihave heard it all." And thus she run on with such discourse as put Amyout of all temper again; and she raved at her like a bedlam, and toldher she would never come near her any more; she might go a-begging againif she would; she'd have nothing to do with her. The girl, a passionatewench, told her she knew the worst of it, she could go to service again,and if she would not own her own child, she must do as she pleased; thenshe fell into a passion of crying again, as if she would kill herself.
In short, this girl's conduct terrified Amy to the last degree, and metoo; and was it not that we knew the girl was quite wrong in somethings, she was yet so right in some other, that it gave me a great dealof perplexity; but that which put Amy the most to it, was that the girl(my daughter) told her that she (meaning me, her mother) had gone awaywith the jeweller, and into France too; she did not call him thejeweller, but with the landlord of the house; who, after her mother fellinto distress, and that Amy had taken all the children from her, mademuch of her, and afterwards married her.
In short, it was plain the girl had but a broken account of things, butyet that she had received some accounts that had a reality in the bottomof them, so that, it seems, our first measures, and the amour with thejeweller, were not so concealed as I thought they had been; and, itseems, came in a broken manner to my sister-in-law, who Amy carried thechildren to, and she made some bustle, it seems, about it. But, as goodluck was, it was too late, and I was removed and gone, none knewwhither, or else she would have sent all the children home to me again,to be sure.
This we picked out of the girl's discourse, that is to say, Amy did, atseveral times; but it all consisted of broken fragments of stories, suchas the girl herself had heard so long ago, that she herself could makevery little of it; only that in the main, that her mother had played thewhore; had gone away with the gentleman that was landlord of the house;that he married her; that she went into France. And, as she had learnedin my family, where she was a servant, that Mrs. Amy and her Lady Roxanahad been in France together, so she put all these things together, andjoining them with the great kindness that Amy now showed her, possessedthe creature that Amy was really her mother, nor was it possible for Amyto conquer it for a long time.
But this, after I had searched into it, as far as by Amy's relation Icould get an account of it, did not disquiet me half so much as that theyoung slut had got the name of Roxana by the end, and that she knew whoher Lady Roxana was, and the like; though this, neither, did not hangtogether, for then she would not have fixed upon Amy for her mother. Butsome time after, when Amy had almost persuaded her out of it, and thatthe girl began to be so confounded in her discourses of it, that shemade neither head nor tail, at last the passionate creature flew out ina kind of rage, and said to Amy, that if she was not her mother, MadamRoxana was her mother then, for one of them, she was sure, was hermother; and then all this that Amy had done for her was by MadamRoxana's order. "And I am sure," says she, "it was my Lady Roxana'scoach that brought the gentlewoman, whoever it was, to my uncle's inSpitalfields, for the coachman told me so." Amy fell a-laughing at heraloud, as was her usual way; but, as Amy told me, it was but on oneside of her mouth, for she was so confounded at her discourse, that shewas ready to sink into the ground; and so was I too when she told it me.
However, Amy brazened her out of it all; told her, "Well, since youthink you are so high-born as to be my Lady Roxana's daughter, you maygo to her and claim your kindred, can't you? I suppose," says Amy, "youknow where to find her?" She said she did not question to find her, forshe knew where she was gone to live privately; but, though, she might beremoved again. "For I know how it is," says she, with a kind of a smileor a grin; "I know how it all is, well enough."
Amy was so provoked, that she told me, in short, she began to think itwould be absolutely necessary to murder her. That expression filled mewith horror, all my blood ran chill in my veins, and a fit of tremblingseized me, that I could not speak a good while; at last. "What, is thedevil in you, Amy?" said I. "Nay, nay," says she, "let it be the devilor not the devil, if I thought she knew one tittle of your history, Iwould despatch her if she were my own daughter a thousand times." "AndI," says I in a rage, "as well as I love you, would be the first thatshould put the halter about your neck, and see you hanged with moresatisfaction than ever I saw you in my life; nay," says I, "you wouldnot live to be hanged, I believe I should cut your throat with my ownhand; I am almost ready to do it," said I, "as 'tis, for your butnaming the thing." With that, I called her cursed devil, and bade herget out of the room.
I think it was the first time that ever I was angry with Amy in all mylife; and when all was done, though she was a devilish jade in havingsuch a thought, yet it was all of it the effect of her excess ofaffection and fidelity to me.
But this thing gave me a terrible shock, for it happened just after Iwas married, and served to hasten my going over to Holland; for I wouldno
t have been seen, so as to be known by the name of Roxana, no, not forten thousand pounds; it would have been enough to have ruined me to allintents and purposes with my husband, and everybody else too; I might aswell have been the "German princess."
Well, I set Amy to work; and give Amy her due, she set all her wits towork to find out which way this girl had her knowledge, but, moreparticularly, how much knowledge she had--that is to say, what shereally knew, and what she did not know, for this was the main thing withme; how she could say she knew who Madam Roxana was, and what notionsshe had of that affair, was very mysterious to me, for it was certainshe