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The Labyrinth
Betty had the weekend all planned. She would settle it with John once and for all. His negativity and anger was beginning to wear her out. It was time for an ultimatum.
Betty turned to look at John. His body was a hard ball of tension. His wide hands were fist-like clumps on the steering wheel. John’s knuckles were strained white and even the dark hair on the back of his hands seemed to stand on edge as he drove. His face was screwed into a grimace as he stared at the highway that stretched in front of them. All of a sudden he slammed the flat of his hand on the top of the steering wheel with a loud thwack.
“God damn this traffic. I told you Betty, Friday afternoon is the worst time to leave town. How many times have I told you? Shit! We’re not moving. Do you see that we’re not moving?”
John turned to glare at Betty. His handsome dark features set in a scowl. His brown eyes full of accusation. Betty, feeling the familiar well of hate begin to burn quietly in the pit of her stomach, made her face passive and turned to look out the window. She stared blankly at the horizon while her mind took her back in time. Twelve years ago they had taken this same road trip to spend the weekend in the same, quaint wine country town. Betty recalled that weekend as magical, sensual and romantic. Things had been so different then. John’s restaurant had been doing well, and they had plenty of money in the bank. John’s mom had offered to baby sit the kids. Joey and Leah were so young. Their only problems were things like potty training and separation anxiety.
Life had taken some unexpected turns in the past twelve years. John’s restaurant was now barely surviving. Business had slowly gone down hill. The kids were another story. Their son Joey had grown up to have a serious learning disability that left him isolated and struggling. And Leah seemed to enjoy pushing her parents to the edge with her reckless teenage exploits. On top of all this, John’s mom had been diagnosed with cancer and had suffered several serious setbacks. Things were hard right now. They really needed this get-a-way.
It was a magical time, that far away weekend. Betty and John were young and in love. They had discovered the beautiful resort almost by chance when they happened to drive off the main street and spy the little cottages. The place was small, but beautifully arranged. Several tiny cottages were set around a park-like courtyard with a large, perfectly manicured lawn. Each of the cottages had views of the vineyards in the distance. The hills were so green and lush, dotted with scrubby oak trees, and topped by an expansive blue sky that had shone so brightly. Betty and John had instantly relaxed into their surroundings and into each other. They kissed and touched in the hot tub. They ate bread, olives and cheese on the expansive, green lawn and drank wine under the massive, droopy willow tree. Betty remembered that John had smiled and laughed easily back then.
The weather, the air, the sky, the scenery had all been so absolutely perfect. Betty recalled a remarkable moment from that distant time, a moment that she held like a precious jewel in her memory. She remembered that she had worn a new sundress. She could still feel how it had gently hugged her body. It was pink and filmy and flowing and that weekend she had worn it with nothing underneath. Her body was younger then. She had been lithe and lean and the sundress was like a sheer whisper, a thing almost organic and natural. John also loved the sundress. He especially enjoyed taking it off of her and filling her with his young body again and again so that the weekend became one long, pink, sexual blur.
Betty remembers standing quietly in her dress admiring the view, taking in the quiet stillness of the country. She felt the warm, still air surround her like a living being with its hot breath caressing her body. In that one, amazing and most unusual of moments, Betty felt at total peace with the world. It was as if her magnificent pink self had become one with the very atmosphere around her. In those few, fleeting seconds she had felt an incredible, shimmering lightness.
“John, did I tell you I booked the same cottage that we stayed in twelve years ago?” Betty spoke up trying to make her voice light.
“Yeah, you told me.” John’s voice was a monotone. His thick lips pressed into a hard line.
“Hey, do you think you’d like to cook our dinner and we could eat on the lawn like we did last time?”
“Listen, don’t talk to me right now. I’ll think about it when we get there,” he grumbled.
Betty persisted trying to lighten the mood. “We could go shopping at that little general store before we get to the cottage. Remember that store?”
Just then the rusted red pick-up truck in front of them came to an abrupt stop. The red glare of brake lights seemed to invade the car as John slammed his foot to the floor. The car jerked suddenly to a stop and Betty let out a loud, stunned gasp.
“Shut up Betty! Just shut up until we get there. Just don’t talk. You know how much I hate traffic. Shit! Shit!”
Tears welled up in Betty’s eyes. She blinked hard and thought over and over, “I have to leave him. I have to leave him. I can’t live like this forever. I must. I can’t. I won’t.”
Betty slumped, silently brooding. Her brown, shoulder length hair obscured her face in its loose, natural waves. The lines on her face had begun to deepen in the last few years especially around the mouth. Her sadness and disappointment was starting to take its toll. At one time she might have been considered to possess a striking kind of beauty, but it had since faded. Her thick eyebrows and long black lashes framing the bright green of her eyes were still her best feature. When she was happy she sparkled. She just had a hard time finding her happiness lately.
John had relaxed some by the time they pulled into town. He swung the car into the parking lot of the general store and without looking at Betty, bolted out of the car and strode purposefully toward his shopping. Betty sat in the car trying to collect herself. A small part of her was wishing she could start up the Honda and drive somewhere far away. She would drive right out of her life and into a new one. After all, she had gone back to school when the restaurant started doing poorly. She had gotten her nursing degree and a found a job in a good hospital. She was sure she’d be fine if she struck out on her own. Finally, she heaved a long, ragged sigh and walked into the store.
They arrived at the cottage and it barely seemed the same place. It was much smaller than Betty remembered. The linoleum on the kitchen floor was looking worn and old. The florescent lights illuminated the saggy furniture with stark lines. She wondered what happened to the charm. Was the room that much different, or was it simply that she had changed?
The dinner was also not quite as planned. The weather was a bit chilly but Betty insisted on eating outside. The wind came up and blew away their place settings several times. She ran stubbornly retrieving them, wanting this dinner to be perfect and romantic. John had made a delicious feast. He really was a wonderful cook and Betty was always astounded at his ability to combine ingredients in just the right way. She felt so bad that his restaurant wasn’t the big hit that he truly deserved.
Betty had bought herself a new blue sundress to wear. She wanted John to find her attractive again. But she was disappointed in how the dress looked on her older body. Her forearms were big, her belly had rolls and her hips were a bit bulgy. The dress seemed to accentuate these flaws rather than flatter them. Betty had brought candles and lit them on the dinner table. The wind kept blowing them out. The sky was dark with jaggy clouds moving quickly over the landscape obscuring the sun. The world seemed complicated and menacing. Betty felt a dark foreboding. They drank their wine quietly, looking at each other and taking in the view. They shared small remembrances from their last trip to this place. Betty watched John to see if the cleavage that was revealed by the swooping blue neckline of her dress moved him at all, but the wind became so chilly that she finally went inside and put her sweater on.
Once John had relaxed a bit and the evening seemed more in balance, Betty hesitantly tried to broach the topic of John’s temper.
“I feel on edge all t
he time John, and so do the kids. I really can’t live this way much longer. It wears me out and I’m tired.” Betty’s voice trembled on the last bit as she struggled with the feelings behind the words.
“I know how you feel. You’ve said it over and over. Do you think I don’t know? Do you think it’s just that easy to control myself with everything that’s going on?” John’s voice sounded as if he might veer out of control at any second. Then he said more quietly, “Look, I am relaxing right now. We’re here with our wine. The kids are taken care of. Please, let’s make the most of it and not dwell on the past.”
It wasn’t what Betty wanted to hear but she let it go. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was planning her escape. She’d be free of John and his negativity and she’d feel light again.
After dinner they decided to go for a walk down the main street of town. Cozy little shops and cafes lined the streets and peering in the warmly lit windows was entertaining. It was evening and couples strode up and down holding hands. Betty and John walked side by side, gazing straight ahead, their hands shoved in their pockets. As they walked their footsteps sounded crisp on the pavement dotting the spaces between their sparse words. Betty gazed at John now and then. He was tall and graceful and even with his grey, thinning hair, Betty still found him attractive. He looked as if he belonged in an old time western movie with his rugged good looks and chiseled chin.
They came upon an open area at the end of the main street. In the old days it had been an orchard that had over time given way to a dirt field. Twelve years ago there was a glider business in that space, but that was gone by now. Betty noticed a small display standing between the sidewalk and the open area. She walked closer and found a plaque engraved on a board standing at knee height and fastened to a tree stump. The plaque read, “This is a Labyrinth. Ask the universe a question as you walk the outer paths and travel toward the center. Hold this question in your mind and once you reach the inner circle the truth shall be revealed to you.” Betty looked and saw the labyrinth. Someone had placed many small stones into a wide circular pattern. There were outer paths that wound gracefully to the center of the circle. It all seemed so ordered and slightly transparent, as if it had appeared out of the mist and might disappear at any moment. Betty knew in an instant that she’d try it. She knew what her question would be. Her heart quickened as she stepped into the stone path of the beckoning labyrinth. She closed her eyes and concentrated on a single thought “Stay or go?” Would she finally leave John once and for all? She promised herself that whatever was revealed once she reached the center would be her true answer. She’d follow it no matter what. She took her first few steps concentrating on the question, walking toward the center of the magical circle. Just then she heard John’s voice breaking through her reverie. She had forgotten about him. She had left him standing on the sidewalk a few yards away.
“What are you doing?” He grumbled. “You might want to stay here all night, but I want to keep walking.” His voice was full of contempt and impatience emanated from him like an odor. Betty took a look at the center of the labyrinth. She was filled with longing to take this path and decide her future. She desperately wanted to give her question to the universe and have an impersonal third-party finally decide her fate. Betty watched John’s retreating figure. She realized that she would suddenly be alone in a void of darkness. A sudden breeze blew a menacing chill at the back of her neck and down her spine. She didn’t want to be left behind, so she leapt over the stones and jogged briskly to join John on the sidewalk.
It hit her in an instant. She realized suddenly that in one quick, unthinking action she had sealed her fate. With a feeling of dread, she knew she would never get to walk her own path. She understood this meant she would forever be lead through her life and this union was her ultimate fate. Betty was inconsolably disappointed in herself. She had made the decision so easily. She hadn’t put up the least bit of protest. She didn’t even take a second to consider her own spiritual journey. Or, perhaps, had she? Maybe in that split second the magic of the labyrinth had declared its answer. How could she be sure?
Betty caught up to John and took her place beside him. As she walked she considered taking her hand out of her pocket and reaching for his.