Axel smirked and sat back. “You joined him eventually?”
“We dated for a while,” I said. “I learned a few tricks. One day, though, he picked up some little nerd girl’s book bag. She had an expensive calculator and some personal items, like a gold bracelet with her name on it. I knew it was a gift. I didn’t want it and told him to put it back.”
“He wouldn’t do it?”
I shook my head. “We got into a fight about it. I got the bag back, though. From then on, I was on my own.”
“You kept doing it, though,” he said.
“Yeah. During high school, while I was there, I didn’t really need the money. I’d pick up a wallet or two, but mostly I was pulling out whatever just to see what it was. I’d put it back in a book bag, or drop it near the kid’s foot and tell him he dropped it.”
“Impressive,” he said. “And you didn’t keep anything? You were just curious?”
I turned my head, looking out the window. It was dark, but the lights outside glowed onto some bushes, casting strange shadows. I found it easier to focus on those rather than Axel. “I didn’t start stealing money until after high school. When I got my GED and left, I was working odd jobs where I could, but I couldn’t ever get something more than part-time, and then very sporadic work.”
“So you did it when you were desperate?” he asked.
I leaned forward, crumbling one of the biscuits between my fingers. “One day I came back to the apartment we were living in, and our things had been thrown out the front door in trash bags. The landlord said the rent hadn’t been paid on time. I didn’t know it before, but Jack hadn’t paid for two months. Two whole months and he didn’t say anything. He was just going to let it happen.”
“Then what?”
“I begged the landlord to give me a day. He almost said no, but then gave me until the next afternoon to find it or he’d make kicking us out permanent. So I went to some of the places I’d been working before, but they didn’t need me. I couldn’t even beg them for a loan. And then I was walking by a hardware store, and a man was loading up his truck in the parking lot. His wallet was sticking out of his back pocket.” I sighed, wiping my fingers on the napkin. “The next thing I know, I had enough to at least convince the landlord to give me a chance. I was lucky that guy had carried so much cash that day. I only needed the one.”
“And you’ve been doing it ever since,” he said.
I nodded. “Yeah. I told myself I’d earn the money back, put it in his wallet and mail it back to him, but…”
“There’s never enough money,” he said. I looked up and those dark eyes had softened, and he was leaning forward, his head resting in his hand as he gazed at me. “But you ended up giving the wallet back without the money anyway.”
“I didn’t want to risk using the credit cards,” I said. “And the rest was useless. At least he’d have his ID and know it was only cash I took. It would make me feel better, I think, knowing my ID wasn’t being used for something horrible. I stuffed it into a mailbox, hoping the Post Office returned wallets.”
The waitress placed down two glasses of white wine and then returned a few minutes later with our food.
I ignored the wine completely at first because I was still hungry. I started on the fries and shrimp.
“We all have our reasons,” Axel said, as he used his fork on his tuna, slicing small pieces. He’d eat a bite, and sip at the wine. He tilted the glass away from him, checking the liquid inside. “This one’s not bad.”
I glanced at my own glass. “Are you supposed to twirl the glass or something?”
“Aeration of a wine happens in the pouring.” He nodded his head toward the glass in front of me. “Go on.”
I twisted my lips and picked up the glass. In the pit of my stomach, I felt a twist.
I told my stomach to shut up and put the glass to my lips. The cool liquid washed over my tongue. At first, it was just a pungent grape juice to me. It wasn’t until after I swallowed that I felt the slight burn of alcohol. I coughed.
“Try it with the shrimp,” he said. “Eat a piece of shrimp and then take in a small bit of wine.”
I did as he directed. The flavor changed slightly. I could still taste some shrimp, and it made the wine less acidic. This time the burn didn’t bother me. I licked my lips after. There was a difference in the flavor as well. “Not bad,” I said.
“You’ll have to try different ones to see if there’s something you like better.”
We ate quietly for a while. I inhaled the rest of my food, occasionally taking sips and finishing the glass. He ordered a second glass for himself, but stopped eating when I was finished with my food. I had a lot on my plate, and there were still fries, a hush puppy and a couple of pieces of shrimp left. Axel asked the waitress to bring a box, and he packed up the rest of my food along with his.
“Ready?” Axel asked after the ticket was left on the table. He put down enough cash for the bill and a tip before he looked up at me. “We should get back to the hotel. Someone should be showing up soon.”
I nodded and started to get up.
Axel got out first, and then his hand stretched out, touching my elbow, escorting me to stand.
I nudged his arm away. “I’m not an old lady,” I said.
He smirked and then reached for my elbow again, holding it. “Guys should always assist old ladies and beautiful women.”
My breath caught. Did he just…? I choked on a retort.
And then it hit me. This wasn’t exactly just dinner. We could have had room service at the hotel, or vending machine food or something. Was this a date? It was odd because it was situational, so it was one of those dates that could be taken as friendly or romantic depending on how you looked at it. Now that I wasn’t hungry, my mind was whirling, trying to figure out what I was doing with him.
He held open the door for me, and I walked out. The temperature had dipped and the breeze from the ocean was sharper now.
Axel walked up beside me, putting an arm around my neck. “Let’s go.”
Way too comfortable. I should tell him about Brandon. Or Marc. Or anyone. I should say I wasn’t interested.
It would have been a lie. I felt a tug inside me. I was drawn to him, compelled to uncover his mystery. I wanted to know all those deep secrets, and while I tried to tell myself it was to know more about the Academy, there was a small part of me that wanted to know the real Axel.
“You never told me about why you were in jail,” I said, my voice softer than I’d meant it to be. Maybe it was the wine, but I felt relaxed with him now. I thought I could talk about anything. “I told you what you wanted to know.”
“You did,” he said and then drew quiet as we started across the street.
“Will you tell me?” I asked.
He directed me toward the SUV. When we were there, he opened the door and then put the box of food inside. He lifted his legs, and started untying his boots.
“What are you doing?”
“Let’s go for a walk,” he said. “Have you been to the beach yet?”
“A bit,” I said. I didn’t know if the others mentioned I’d gone to the beach when I was really out with Blake. “Didn’t go far.”
He took off his shoes and socks and stuck them inside the SUV and shut the door. He found my hand and tugged. “Let’s check it out.”
I relaxed my hand, expecting him to release, but he re-gripped it, adjusting until I was walking beside him and he could weave his fingers between mine.
Holy shit, it was a date. He didn’t appear to show clear interest until now.
It struck me after a moment that he had been showing interest, though. He’d held my hand as he showed me the glowing fish in his room before. He’d pulled me in, almost hugging me at the hospital when we were waiting on Marc getting his leg fixed. The day before, when I’d been on the floor after finding my brother was missing, he’d touched my face in such a concerned way. I’d dismissed it all as friendly.
&n
bsp; The kiss under the bed may have been more than just silencing me.
I walked beside him quietly, and while I let him hold my hand, I was debating what to do. I wanted to shake him off, as I evaluated if I should fake being interested to save Wil and myself.
My heart was heavy as we left the parking lot and crossed toward the beach. Lying about how I felt wasn’t how I operated. It didn’t work too well if I was feeling flitters of romance when I was trying to pretend. My flip-flops scuffled against the sand and I focused on my feet as I tried to pull myself together.
“Come sit,” Axel said. He pointed to a spot out of reach of the tide, a smooth spot of sand on the beach. He waited until I sat down before sitting next to me. He sat back and leaned on his hands, gazing out at the ocean.
I stole glances, trying to read his thoughts, and became entranced by the way the light behind us and the deeper shadows of the night captured his face. His hair blew behind him, occasionally sweeping into his eyes. His jaw was firm. His lips pressed together.
He was quiet for a long time. I pulled my attention away, looking at the ocean, listening to the waves lapping at the shore.
“My parents were super religious,” he said softly after several moments. “And my father was trying to take over a ministry, but not because he loved helping people. He liked being in control. Dominating. Eternal damnation was his favorite phrase.”
I bit my tongue to stop a comment. I forced my eyes to stay on the ocean. Maybe he was more comfortable when I wasn’t looking.
He leaned in, his arm moving behind me, holding me up where I was sitting. It was a small move, and instinct and wine had me leaning back, stealing warmth and using his strength.
His head tilted until heat from his cheek warmed the top of my head. “One day,” he said quieter, “I walked in while my father was beating an altar boy with a cane. The kid had stolen money from the donations and my father was trying to punish him for stealing. Or so he said.”
“He was a jerk,” I said.
“I was angry. I was hearing the kid screaming for mercy and my father was telling him it was God punishing him. I couldn’t stand it and needed to distract him from hitting the kid, so I knocked over an altar holding some lit candles. The next thing I knew, the church was nothing but a pile of ashes, and my father was pointing a finger at me, telling the police to arrest me.”
“Jerk’s too nice a word,” I said. My father was bad, but he didn’t call the cops on me. I had to give him credit for that.
Axel chuckled shortly. “He had some influence with the local law enforcement. He thought he could teach me a lesson by putting me through the system. It was arson, but because there were people inside the building, it ended up being first degree arson, nearly attempted murder, which is the worst. He pushed them toward that decision. He was condemning me to a felony, intent on making me pay my entire life for a miscalculation on my part. I knew too much about how he abused the kids, so he wanted to make sure I was silenced, or that no one would believe me.”
“And you went to jail.”
“Prison. He made sure I was sent to a real one instead of a juvenile facility. It was supposed to be five years. He wanted to tack on time for attempted murder since he’d been inside the church. He insisted I’d tried to kill him.”
“How old were you?”
“Fourteen.”
I leaned back, looking at him. His face loomed over mine, but again his was expressionless.
“You said you were supposed to be in for five years,” I said.
He nodded.
“What happened? You got out?”
“My case was interesting to the Academy,” he said. “After my first year of prison, I got a visit from one of the members. He asked me my story. At first, I wouldn’t tell him. And then he sent in a kid, someone my own age.”
“And you ended up talking to him?”
“I had to. They brought him in as a cell mate.”
My eyes widened. “They sent in another kid?”
“It was a ploy,” he said. “I wouldn’t talk. I was too betrayed by my own father to trust anyone. Eventually, though, the kid got me talking. I told him what happened. The next week, I was being released, under a condition.”
“What was that?”
“I was sent to an Academy boot camp. I was there for five months.”
“Boot camp?”
“It was the best thing I ever did,” he said. “I just didn’t know it at the time. I was a strange case for the Academy, but the moment I trusted them, they helped me and I haven’t looked back.”
The Academy was interested in prison kids. It struck me as odd that Corey and the others thought I should be included in that group. Maybe not, just because I hadn’t been in prison didn’t mean I didn’t belong there somehow. “What about your father?”
“My father was told I was being moved to a boarding school facility funded by the state. Since I’d already been in for a year and hadn’t seen him since then, I can only guess he didn’t care where I was as long as I wasn’t near him. An Academy was as good as a prison cell as long as he thought I was being properly punished.”
“But it took a year,” I said. “You were in prison that long before they could bust you out.”
He nodded. “It was tough. The prison guards kept me isolated to keep other prisoners away. I had to make friends with some guys bigger than myself to survive. I started out bitter. I hated my father and everyone who believed him. But after the Academy found me, I changed.”
I looked out at the water, dark except for the occasional sparkle from the moonlight and lights behind us. Up and down the beach, people occasionally came into view, passed us and walked on.
I was stuck imagining the younger version of Axel, alone in a cell. No wonder when he was brought in for a mug shot he looked so angry and strange. Maybe he wasn’t excited. Maybe he had been terrified.
“I’m not perfect,” he said quietly. “Never have been. I won’t lie to you about it.”
“I’m not perfect either,” I said.
“I don’t want to disillusion you,” he said. He leaned closer. “You’ve had it rough. You’ve been lied to and been through a lot. If you’re looking for a hero or a model citizen to change your mind, to bring you hope that someone out there can give you faith again, I’m not the one.”
This wasn’t just a confession. This was a warning. Maybe he thought because he’d saved me earlier, and with the small kiss, I was looking at him differently than he saw himself. “I couldn’t stand someone perfect,” I said. “I’m not one of those girls that wants to marry the president or a doctor and live on a hill with a white picket fence.”
He chuckled once. “I wasn’t exactly thinking of that.”
I sighed and sat back, forgetting his arm was there. He held strong, but the move had him dipping closer to me. I stared out at the water, my heart thundering at him being this close. I needed to talk to distract myself. “Are you saying you cheat on your girlfriends?”
“No.”
“Do you lie to them?”
He remained quiet for a moment. “I was like Kevin once. I was lying to an old girlfriend about the Academy and what it really was. It didn’t last long. I did it to protect her. I meant well, but it broke her heart.”
I didn’t think I’d like to be Kevin’s girlfriend, being lied to like that, but at the same time, if I was a normal girl, maybe I could appreciate it. The illusion that my boyfriend was safe at his job might be more comforting than the truth. “It’s understandable why you did it, though.”
“It made me realize I didn’t want someone I had to lie to,” he said. “However, when you make that choice, the number of girls you’re able to date becomes an incredibly small number.”
I couldn’t tell if he was hinting at dating me, or if I was part of that number. My instincts were frayed, so his signals were confusing me. “There aren’t girls in the Academy already?”
“Not a lot,” he said. “And we can
’t tell just anyone what we’re about.”
“How come you told me?”
“We didn’t. You found out on your own.”
“Would you have told me if I hadn’t?”
He quieted for a long moment but then his phone started ringing. He pulled away from me to answer, holding it to his face. “Yeah?”
He got saved by the phone. Maybe it was better. I was getting too close and with the way my head was floating and my stomach was full; I was too weak to give much resistance to a handsome guy like Axel.
“On our way,” Axel said. He hung up and tucked the phone into his pocket. “They’re back.”
“Who?”
“All of them. Come on.” He stood, holding out his hand to help me stand up.
I took it, but he held on. I swallowed, afraid he’d want to hang on to me in front of the others.
I was being an idiot. I still wanted Brandon. I still thought of Marc. I even thought of Raven. Now there was Axel. What a mess. I couldn’t tell if they were lying to me, if this was all a ploy or what. And I was selfish enough not to want to say a word and play along and drag it all out.
Maybe I was testing them. When they all found out, they’d kick me out of the group. If they all discovered one another, and didn’t say anything, I’d know they were up to something. I’d prove to myself they weren’t perfect.
Even if I was the one messing up.
WEAK
Axel collected our leftover food and his shoes from the car, letting me go as he did, for which I was grateful.
Neither of us had one of the keys. At the hotel room, I knocked and Corey opened the door. He smiled at us and spotted the leftover container. “Aw,” he said. “You ate already?”
“Yes,” I said, widening my eyes and grinning. “Best food ever.”
“Try some,” Axel said, pushing the container toward Corey.
Corey took the box and stepped back. The living space had the sofa-bed unfolded and made up. Bags were piled up in the corner.
The other guys were in the bedroom. There was a movie playing, one I hadn’t seen. The boys lifted their heads up at the same time, like a pack of meerkats. I almost died. Too cute.