I look at him questioningly and he merely nods to the chair. "Let's talk."
"I've got to cook breakfast," I say, suddenly not wanting to have a talk with him. He sounds far too serious at this moment.
"It won't take long," he says solemnly.
Hmmm. A quick brush-off. Quick is better than drawn out.
I step to the stove after tugging my wrist away from Kyle and turn the burner off. I then pull out the chair adjacent to Kyle and sit down. Clasping my hands, I place them on the table and give him a polite smile.
He doesn't smile back, but I'm stunned when he says, "I'm sorry."
Tilting my head to the side, I ask, "For what?"
Because I truly have no idea what he's apologizing for. I'm thinking there are several things, but I couldn't prioritize them.
"For last night," he says softly. "For getting drunk and telling you there was nothing to talk about. That wasn't true. I only did it because I was frustrated and pissed off I hadn't seen you in a few days."
My heart swells a bit, feeling warm and bubbly.
"Pissed off you hadn't seen me?" I shamelessly fish for a compliment.
He gives me a pained smile, dropping his eyes to the table briefly. When he looks back up, I've never seen such a clearly genuine look in his eyes. "Jane... I like you, and, apparently, I really like being around you. So yeah... I was a little pissed you were absent for so long, when prior to that you'd been all up in my business constantly."
I try not to beam in pride that he liked me being so pushy, so I merely nod in understanding.
"But things changed the other night," he adds on.
"When we had sex?" I ask to clarify.
He nods stiffly. "We crossed a line that changed things. If I was a stronger man, I could have resisted you, but now that I've had a taste of you, I can't regret what I did."
I have no clue what any of that means, so I hold my tongue, figuring he'll get to his point.
Kyle swallows hard, and I know whatever is coming next is hard for him to say. "I still stand by what I told you that night. If we continue, it has to be with the knowledge that I'll be leaving and this will eventually end."
That happy, warm, bubbly feeling falls completely flat.
"But," he says softly. "I also have to let you know that I'm a selfish motherfucker, and I really am hoping you'll accept what little I can offer you. I'm leaving, but I'd really like to spend my days here with you as much as possible. So I'm not sure if you've made your decision, but I wanted to let you know that I do care what your decision is. I didn't want you to think after last night... what you saw in the bar... that I didn't want you, or didn't care what you decided to do."
It's at this point I realize I've been holding my breath, and it comes out in one forcefully long exhale. He watches me carefully, and I note his shoulders are stiff with tension. I know my decision is important to him. This makes my heart start to warm back up because that is a big admission from a man who pretty much told me the other day that it was "his way or the highway."
And that's not going to quite work for me, so I have a counter proposal.
"I accept your boundaries," I tell him, and there's immense satisfaction that courses through me when I see his shoulders drop with relief. "But with a caveat."
Kyle's eyebrows draw inward in consternation. "What caveat?"
"I'm good with us moving forward. We'll see each other, sleep together, whatever you want to do to spend time with me. And I promise I'll have no expectations of anything from you when you leave."
His eyes narrow dubiously. "But?"
"But you have to promise that you won't have any expectations that you'll actually leave as you said you're going to. I think you need to leave open the possibility that you might want to stay."
Kyle's eyes immediately darken with obvious pain. It's right there... clearly written on his face. I've just asked him to do the most impossible thing in the world, and I know he believes that right down to the very fiber of his being. For whatever reason, Kyle deeply believes he has no choice but to leave, and this confuses me, because there's always a choice.
But rather than deny my request, he gives me a small smile and lies right to my face. "Okay... I'll keep the possibility open."
CHAPTER 20
Kyle
I have no clue if Jane believes what I just told her, but her expression is sweet and accepting. It's all the affirmation I need because I want to seal this sort of deal we just made in the only way I know how. I push out of my chair and haul Jane out of hers, sweeping her up into my arms. She huffs out in surprise, but her arms immediately wrap around my neck as I start heading toward the hallway that leads to her bedroom.
I know I should be overwhelmed with guilt because I'm asking a lot of Jane and not giving anything in return, but fuck if I can muster up an ounce. It was no lie when I told her I was a selfish motherfucker. At least I feel some redemption about the fact I'm being up front and honest with her that I'm leaving.
Of course, that redemption is completely negated because I did just lie to her when I told her I'd keep an open mind about staying. That's just not an option, even if I wanted to. When I leave, I'm heading straight for a criminal trial that will last weeks. I'll probably be sequestered for safety purposes, and if all is right in my world, we'll ultimately get convictions on all the defendants. After that, I'll be taking the tiny scraps left of my life and the ghost of my former self, and I'll try to figure out how to live again. How to take a fresh start and try to make something of it.
Fresh start.
Funny I'd even think I'd deserve something like that after the things I've done.
I enter Jane's room with her clinging tightly to me, seemingly okay with me just dragging her back here like a caveman. I take a moment to actually look around, something I didn't do the other night when I fucked her, and a smile tugs at my lips. I hadn't noticed before, but in the bright light of day, her walls are a buttery yellow and white lacy curtains grace her window. Her bed is old-fashioned looking, made of brass and covered with a multitude of poofy pillows and a flower-embroidered spread.
It's so Jane and I can't wait to lay her--throw her--on that perfectly made bed and mess it up. Part of me wonders if I'm a sick bastard for that... for wanting to dirty her up a bit.
Tilting my face so I can look at Jane, I find her eyes shining with equal parts of hope and determination that I said I'd keep an open mind about staying, but, more to my satisfaction, they're shimmering with desire. That I can deal with.
With great restraint and counter to original plans, I lower her slowly to the floor so she gets her footing. Her hands come to my chest, fingertips pressing in slightly. She's so damn gorgeous and earnest in her desires that I know I'm not worthy, but she is also standing before me because she wants to be here.
"You do want this, right?" I press her, because while her eyes may tell one story, I know the heart can be trickier.
Jane slides her hands up my chest and clasps them behind my neck. She steps in closer to me and tilts her head back a bit. "Kyle... I want this. I know and understand your terms. I'm a grown woman and I know the risks. So yes, I want this, but what I also want is for you to accept that so we don't have to have this conversation each time. Frankly, it's a downer."
Relief courses through me, along with a tremor of amusement. I can't help but chuckle. "A downer, huh?"
She grins and nods. "Total downer."
I bend in and brush my lips against her jaw. "Let's see if I can rectify that, okay?"
Jane presses in closer and whispers. "Sounds like a fantastic plan. I've never had sex like this in the middle of the day and so spontaneously."
I jolt because this surprises me. While on one hand Jane is definitely a wholesome type of girl, I personally know she's got spunk and adventure within.
She just shrugs at me with a sheepish grin. "What can I say? Craig wasn't all that creative."
I wince, because I don't want to think about her
with another guy. In fact, I want to obliterate that douchebag from her memory, and it's time to start that process.
My hands come up to frame her face, and I bring my mouth down to hers. She's waiting for me, open and accepting, and the minute our tongues touch each other, every cell in my body becomes electrified. It's a sensation I've never experienced before. I've fucked a lot of sexy women. Done a lot of dirty fucking. Had women bend over backward to please me.
But never has one touched me like this on a cellular level. Only Jane has managed to make me feel something so unique and mysterious that I almost doubt what I'm feeling in this moment. I deepen the kiss. The tingles of need sweeping through my body magnify, and yes... it's mysterious, but it's real.
She's more real than anything I've ever known before.
"Yoooo-hoooo," I hear a woman's voice calling out from Jane's living room, and my body freezes. A slight moan of disappointment slides from Jane's mouth into mine before I break the kiss.
Jane lets her head fall forward onto my chest, only to lift it back up and bang it softly there a few times in frustration. My hand automatically curls around the back of her neck, and I give her a squeeze of understanding.
"Now that's a downer," she mutters, then looks up to me with apologetic eyes and explains, "You're about to meet my mother."
"Fuck," I mutter back, then look hopefully over her shoulder at the frilly white curtains. "Can I sneak out the window?"
She snickers and takes my hand. "You're funny."
"Wasn't being funny," I tell her truthfully as she leads me out of her bedroom. With my free hand, I adjust myself down below and hope her mother maintains eye contact with me.
Jane holds my hand all the way into the living room and doesn't release it when she says, "Mom... what are you doing here?"
Her mom is standing just inside the doorway, holding a large grocery bag in one arm. A set of keys is dangling from her other hand. With wide eyes, she stares at me but addresses Jane, "Oh, dear Lord... I guess I should have knocked, huh?"
Jane squeezes my hand. "Mom... you remember Kyle, right?"
"He took you to dinner a while back," her mom says as she nods at me with a smile.
A big, smug, knowing but happy smile.
Yes, she looks oddly pleased that her daughter is leading me out of her bedroom. In fact, I'd say she was actually basking in that knowledge, which is totally fucking weird in my book. If her mom really knew who I was deep down, she'd be screaming at her daughter to run in the opposite direction.
Jane makes a disapproving sound in her throat, and I look down at her. She's shaking her head at her mom and has a chastising look on her face. A teacher's look. I bet many a student has cowered from that look from Miss Cresson.
"Mom," Jane says with censure. "Kyle was fixing that rotted windowsill in my bedroom."
Her mom doesn't move, but her smile gets bigger... more knowing. She doesn't buy Jane's lie at all.
"Surely you saw his tool box out there on the porch," Jane points out, and I have to marvel at her quick thinking.
Jane's mom raises her eyebrows and smirks at her daughter. It's clear she's still not buying it. To prove that, she says, "Yes... odd place to have a tool box if you're fixing something inside."
I duck my head and hide my smile. I see where Jane gets her snark and quick wit.
Jane sighs in capitulation, and her mom moves across the living room, stalking toward us like we're prey. She shoves the grocery bag at Jane and sticks her hand out to me. "Hi, Kyle. It's nice to officially meet you. I'm Meredith Cresson."
In addition to her sass, Jane clearly got her looks from her mom. Meredith has the same golden hair and meadow-green eyes, and she is strikingly beautiful like her daughter. I take her hand and shake it. "Nice to meet you."
She gives me a squeeze and a wink. "I'm so glad to see Jane getting back into the dating world."
"Mom," Jane says on almost a whine as she shifts the grocery bag in her hand. "Kyle and I aren't--"
"She's been living like a monk, I tell you," Meredith says with relish, and I can tell she's taking some pleasure out of embarrassing her daughter.
Jane tries in vain to set her mom straight. "We're not--"
Meredith ignores her and tugs on my hand, leading me toward the kitchen. "Kyle... she needs to get out more. Experience new things. All she does is teach her kids and paint, not that that's bad, you know, but she needs more, right?"
"Mom," Jane says in exasperation as she follows us. "Please don't--"
"Now, Kyle," Meredith says as she pushes me toward the chair I'd vacated not five minutes ago. "I want you to tell me all about yourself."
I do the mannerly thing and sit down, actually enjoying Jane's discomfort a little bit. She's always so annoyingly confident about everything that it's actually funny to watch her be a bit discombobulated. I want to make her that way, and I have a very good idea on how with my mouth, but that's clearly not going to happen right now.
Meredith sits down in the chair next to me and waves a hand over her shoulder at her daughter. "Honey... there's an apple pie in there I made. Why don't you cut us some slices and make some coffee?"
"Mom," Jane says with even more frustration. "This isn't a good time."
Meredith ignores her daughter and looks at me with avid interest. "So how long have you two been dating?"
"Mom," Jane snaps, and her mom gives a little jump as she turns to look at her daughter. "We are not dating."
"You're not dating," her mom repeats disbelievingly, and my chest tightens when I see the brightness of Jane's eyes flatten just a bit.
"What she means is we're not dating seriously," I say much to my surprise, but then figure--what the fuck--I'm going with it. "And by that, what she means is that it's pretty new, but it's exclusive."
Meredith turns back to look at me and levels a dazzling smile of relief. I can see this is a woman who loves her daughter very much.
I return her smile confidently, but then my gaze slides past her to Jane. She looks back at me with narrowed eyes, probably wondering what in the hell I'm doing by stringing her mom along like that. But fuck... what was I supposed to do? Tell her mom we were just temporary fuck mates?
Because no... that is not what Jane is to me.
I mean yes... there will be fucking and lots of it, I hope, but that is not all there is. In fact, there's so much more.
But I said it right. We're dating. It's not serious. It made her mom happy and wasn't an outright lie. This is a small town and we are probably going to be seen around, as I intend to take Jane out to dinner, perhaps for beers at The Lobster Cage, and maybe even back to Bar Harbor for some more sightseeing.
Those are all things we'll be doing over the next few months, and I find myself looking forward to every bit of it. And when I leave, I'm sure Jane will figure out something plausible to tell her mother, but in the meantime... I don't see why everyone can't just be happy about the way things are right in the present.
CHAPTER 21
Jane
My eyes flutter open, and I wait for them to get accustomed to the darkened room. I'm wide awake and feel strangely refreshed. I turn my head to look at my clock and note it's just shy of three AM.
I turn my head back to the right. In the moonlight streaming through my windows, I can see Kyle's face partially lit. Again, he looks so peaceful and relaxed, despite the harsh angles of his cheekbones. He's lying on his side, his head inches from mine and his arm resting lax across my naked stomach. We've been asleep for several hours.
I don't move for a moment, instead staring at my ceiling that has become more revealed in the natural ambient moonlight. There's a rusty ceiling fan that rattles when I turn it on, so I don't really use it, afraid it might fall on me.
As I lay there, I think about the naked man sleeping beside me.
And the things he did to me tonight with his mouth and his hands and then with his...
My skin tingles at the memory, and an ache of need form
s low in my belly. It's a need for sure, because what Kyle showed me tonight made me realize what I've been missing.
He left my house after having a slice of apple pie and making small talk with my mom, carefully avoiding any personal information about himself, much the way he's done with me. He did this masterfully by diverting my mom with questions about our family and me. After the pie, he made his excuses to leave, saying he had some things to do, not even bothering with the pretense of "fixing" my window. I walked out on the porch with him where he wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and pressed a kiss against my temple, promising he'd get up with me later. I offered him my cell number, but he shook his head, stating he didn't even own a cell phone. I should have found that odd, but if there's one person in the world who I could see shunning a cell phone, it would be Kyle.
I spent the afternoon shopping with my mom where she talked incessantly about how handsome Kyle was. Not long after I returned in the early evening, Kyle showed up at my door. Within moments, we were in my bedroom and naked.
While the clothes may have come off fast, he kept the pace of things very slow. As I remember the details of last night, the ache drops from my belly to between my legs. He positioned his face in between my thighs and stayed down there forever. Long enough to have me writhing and moaning and calling out his name. He made low sounds in his throat as his mouth worked me, almost as if he were savoring a fine sip of wine. I came twice, only then did he put a condom on and fuck me.
It was once again fast and rough, and God help me... I loved it like that. His fingers dug deep into my flesh, his hips slammed against mine, and Kyle made animalistic sounds of pleasure with his face buried in my neck. And there's no describing how it felt when he lifted his head up as he surged in deep one last time, his eyes locked on mine, and said in a rough, low tone one word.
Jane.
A tiny shiver of pleasure skitters up my spine over that memory, and I smile into the moonlit room.
I can tell Kyle is deep asleep by the pace of his breathing, but I feel like I'm ready to take on the world.
Energized.