It was unusually quiet in the room after that. Even without sight, I could tell Gavin was tall, just based on where the sound of his voice was coming from. We were close. He smelled like mint and cardamom soap. I could feel the specific heat of his body even in the warm room.
“Ling?” I said.
“One sec, Penny. Josh is changing a setting on the camera.”
She was far away now. I could sense that only Gavin and I were on the stage.
“Are you really nervous, Penny? Your voice is shaking,” Gavin said, only loud enough for me to hear.
“Yeah.” He clasped my hands together between his and brought them to his chest. I could feel his heart beating. I could tell he had a strong, lean body. “I’m nervous, too,” he whispered.
“You don’t seem like it. Why’d you say you weren’t?”
“I was trying to impress you.”
“Go ahead, you guys,” Ling said.
“What?” I asked.
I felt like I was going to pass out, and then Gavin’s hands were on me, one on my back and one on my waist. I was acutely aware of everything. He was wearing a T-shirt. He was warm. I felt safe. My hands naturally went to his broad shoulders. I couldn’t speak. He pulled me flush to his body and moved a hand from my waist to caress my cheek. We were acclimating ourselves to the space and to each other’s bodies. My hand went to his face and felt his scruff.
His hand on my back was strong, pulling me up and in, and then his mouth was on mine. Slow and gentle at first. He laid playful slow kisses on my bottom lip until I opened to him and we were kissing harder, faster. Our tongues were dancing, gently teasing. He was a good kisser. I knew that immediately. I had no awareness of my surroundings, only a feeling of wanting more, as if we had kissed before. Nothing awkward, no teeth clanking. His hand went to my neck and then he pulled away and trailed kisses down my jawline to my collarbone. I was going to spontaneously combust. If he was the ugliest guy in the world, I would have still been attracted to him. It was an easy decision standing there on the stage, blindfolded, while Gavin nibbled on my ear.
He slowed and stopped just after placing one last delicate kiss on my lips.
“Whoa!” Ling shouted. “It just got way hotter in here.”
Gavin and I laughed nervously. We were no longer touching. It felt odd. I wanted to bury my head in his chest.
I was still standing motionless when Ling said, “Not yet, Gavin. We have some questions first before you take off your blindfold.”
He clapped his hands together. “I’m just dying for that gift card, you know?”
I could tell he was being sarcastic.
“Okay, Gavin,” Ling said, “what do you think Penny was trying to tell you with that kiss?”
“Tell me? I think I did most of the talking. Wouldn’t you agree, honey?”
I laughed abruptly and nervously.
He went on. “Confidence, maybe.”
No one had ever said that to me.
“What about you, Penny?”
“It was . . . sensual.”
“Yes,” Gavin agreed, nonchalantly.
“Okay, you can take off your blindfolds.”
I pulled mine over my head. He did the same. We saw each other. He was gorgeous, with warm green eyes and an angled jawline. His full lips were slightly parted. He was staring at me, squinting, and then he said softly, “Hi, beauty.”
“Hi.”
“Do you two feel closer now, or is it strange?” asked Ling.
I shrugged absentmindedly as I stared at Gavin.
He smiled. “How ’bout I buy you a coffee? I have connections around here, you know?” He winked. We were lost, and totally ignoring Ling.
“You guys,” Ling said. We both turned and looked at her. She had her hand on her hip. “We’re not done yet.”
“Okay,” I mumbled.
“Penny, are you more nervous now than you were before? Look at Gavin and answer the question.”
I turned to face him. “Yes.” Oh my god, his eyes were like truth serum to me.
There was a small, tight smile playing on his lips. “Why?” he asked.
“I don’t know . . . I like you.” Did I just say that? What is wrong with me? He’s stunning me with his lips. My brain is not working. I’ve been drugged.
Now his smile grew into a wide grin. I looked down and noticed my nipples were hard and obviously peeking through my thin, tight tank top.
He followed my eyes, then looked back up at my lips. I crossed my arms over my chest.
“How about that coffee to warm you up?” he said.
That’s not why my nipples were hard. “Maybe.”
For the first time since I had removed the blindfold, I looked around the room. The four other psych students were discussing something in the corner while Ling scoured her clipboard.
“Are we done?” Gavin asked.
“Yeah, I guess we can call it. I’ll walk you guys out,” Ling said.
Gavin took my hand unselfconsciously and led me off the stage. Our hands were clasped like it was the most normal thing in the world. In the holding room, Ling looked down at our linked fingers and scribbled something on her clipboard. She came over to my ear and said, “He’s hot,” loud enough for him to hear.
Gavin laughed.
“Here’re your coffee cards.” She handed four to me but only gave one to Gavin. They were ten dollars each.
“Hey, why’d you get four?”
“I’m a good negotiator,” I said.
“Guess you’re buying.”
I had told P-Doug I’d come back after the study to run over our partner routine again at four, and it was already three fifteen.
“I don’t have much time. I have a dance practice at four.”
“Well, let’s get goin’, Boo.”
The tension was dissipating. How could a guy be so confident while also being so natural and casual? It was charming. He led me toward the hall. “Bye, Ling!” I said.
She was looking at us with a wicked smile. “Bye, you two.”
When we were about halfway down the hallway, we heard Ling and the other psych students clapping and cheering. Apparently they got what they needed.
“That was by far the weirdest thing I’ve ever done,” I told Gavin.
I let go of his hand to put my sweatshirt back on. He walked quickly in front of me and pushed the glass doors open. The cold air blasted my face. He turned, grasped my neck with both hands, and kissed me again.
When he pulled away, his eyes were open. He was staring at my mouth. “It’s freezing out here, huh?” he said.
“Again,” I said.
He pushed me up against the building wall and kissed me, harder this time.
When he stopped, he asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No.”
“Come on then. I don’t want to be late for our first date.”
“I . . . I mean, I have to . . .”
“Come on, Java Hut awaits.” He was fun, spontaneous, full of life.
Inside the Java Hut, we went to the counter and Gavin pulled out his coffee card. “I’m treating, even though you managed to swindle four of these out of those poor psych majors. I mean, we both know I did most of the work back there.”
“Hey, I wasn’t so bad.”
His expression turned serious. “No, you definitely weren’t bad. Now what’ll it be, little dancing queen?”
“I’ll have a green tea.”
“Ahh, she’s healthy, too. I’ll take a large quadruple caramel macchiato with whole milk,” he said to the cashier, and then looked at me and smirked. “It’s like liquid crack. I’m gonna be so high at dance practice.”
“Wait, what?”
“Come sit,” he said, changing the subject.
I noticed the design on his T-shirt for the first time. It was orange with an illustration of a pickle wearing sunglasses. Underneath the pickle were the words Dill With It.
I laughed as I sat down beside him. ??
?What are you laughing about?” he asked.
“Your T-shirt’s funny.”
“Thanks.” He took my hands and held them across the table. It felt like we were on a real date, which was giving me whiplash. I’d known him for less than an hour. I slipped my hands out of his grasp and clasped them in my lap.
“Penny, we practically had sex with our mouths while wearing blindfolds. I mean, baby, you did not hold back.”
“Neither did you.”
“You know I knew you were pretty before I agreed to do the experiment, right? Tracy told me so.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, but I had no idea you’d be so uniquely beautiful. You’re transcendent. You really are.”
My stomach did a somersault. “Th-thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He smiled. Gavin had a childlike quality about him. I liked the way he lied about not being nervous, and then easily admitted he was. He wasn’t afraid to tell the truth, and he didn’t seem to get embarrassed easily.
“I don’t think coming to dance practice will be very exciting for you.”
“I do,” he fired back.
“Well, um—”
“Please?”
“Um . . . okay, but no critiquing me.”
“You’re my best friend, I would never insult you,” he said with a serious look.
“Ha! Funny.”
“It’s true. At the moment, you’re my best friend in the world.”
“You’re an interesting guy, Gavin.”
“Interesting in a handsome and charming kind of way?”
“Yes.” The truth serum was still in effect. Maybe it always would be with him. Why was I thinking of always? “How old are you?” I asked.
“Twenty-three. Don’t say it! I’ll do it for you. Yes, I’m on the five-year plan. This is my last year but I did change my major three times, so you know . . . that kind of extended my glorious time here.”
“What came before engineering?”
“Ahh, you were listening. English, then music.”
“Wow, you’re all over the place.”
“Thank you, Penny. You’re not the first to say so.” He shook his head in mock irritation.
“I didn’t mean to—”
“I’m kidding. I don’t get offended by it. It doesn’t matter how long it takes me. I’m an only child, and the first of all my cousins to go to college, so I get points for that.”
“Actually, I’m all over the place, too. I’m conflicted about dance and how I’ll turn it into a career.”
Gavin took a sip of his coffee and started to choke. “There are a lot of ways to make a career out of dance.”
“I’ve done ballet and contemporary dance my whole life, but my parents . . . well, my mom actually wanted me to have a degree in something more solid. And maybe . . . probably I’m not good enough to be a professional dancer.”
“Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself?”
“I don’t. I mean, I don’t know.”
He shook his head and then looked at the clock. “Shit, it’s almost four. We gotta go,” he said. I liked how he said we. I liked his concern for me.
He grabbed my hand. “Let’s walk and talk. So where do you live, Penny?”
“Five minutes away . . . with my parents.”
That didn’t seem to faze him. “Yeah, my dad lives in town, too. I used to live with him but couldn’t stand it, so now I share an apartment off-campus with my friend, Mike.”
“How do you pay for rent?”
“I work at Pete’s, that gas station garage in town. I work on cars and do oil changes and pump gas and stuff, mostly at night. It pays the bills.”
“I wish I could work, but practice is too demanding.”
We were walking into the performance hall. Professor Douglas was talking to Joey at the front of the stage.
Gavin and I walked down the aisle toward them. “Hey guys,” I said. “This is my friend, Gavin. He’s gonna stay to watch practice so he can give me a ride home. My car’s still broken down.”
Gavin looked at me and squinted. I guess I had surprised him with that.
Joey rolled his eyes. “Now you’re bringing boyfriends to practice?”
“He’s just a friend—”
“Yes,” Gavin said. “She is.”
Professor Douglas turned his attention to Gavin. “Welcome. Have a seat anywhere you’d like.”
“Does this mean I can bring friends to practice, too?” Joey asked.
“She needs a ride home,” P-Doug argued.
“I bet she does.” Joey was scanning Gavin up and down.
I looked out of the corner of my eye at Gavin and watched him wink at Joey. When I elbowed him, he said, “What? I’m gonna help you out here and kill the little prince with kindness. I think he likes me anyway.”
“I’m sure he does. He thinks he can convert anyone.”
“Get warmed up, Penny,” Professor Doug said.
“I gotta get up there. Sit by Doug. He’s cool.”
Gavin nodded and took a seat.
5. Fourteen Years Ago
GAVIN
What was I doing chasing this girl around? Until an hour ago, I literally believed we were put on this planet to eat and fuck. Now all I wanted to do was wash her hair and suck on her ears. What was happening to me?
I was currently hungover and tweaking from coffee. And this girl, Penny, the dancer with the almost black eyes and silky hair, was making me crazy.
I want to swim around in her dark oceans I’m gonna fuck her. No, I want to cook breakfast for her in my underwear. I want to kiss her with a mouth full of hot chocolate, then fuck her.
I was confused.
“Hey man, so what do you think?” the professor asked.
“She’s amazing.” That was a gigantic understatement. She was warming up, and I was observing her flexibility. Joey had his hand on his hip, staring at us from the edge of the stage. I waved at him and batted my eyelashes. He looked embarrassed. I could tell he was jealous of Penny. She danced beautifully. It was impossible to take my eyes off her. Not to mention I could see her nipples through her tank top.
“She and Joey have been partners for two years. They really are the best we have here,” Doug said.
“What’s his problem?”
“A crisis of confidence, perhaps. Not unusual for seniors.”
Penny was doing this insane jump across the stage while Joey Jackoff was just standing there.
“She’s so good,” I said.
“Yeah, almost too good for this place.”
Joey took his eyes off Penny for one second and seemed to miss his mark where he was supposed to catch her and fall back, shielding her from hitting the stage. She fell to the floor with a thud and landed on her knees.
“Are you fucking kidding, Joey?” she yelled.
“Settle down, Penny,” Doug said.
My little firecracker had a temper and I liked it.
Doug went to the front of the stage and ordered Penny to stay on the ground. “Penny, straighten your legs and stretch them out. Just rest for a bit, I’ll get you some ice.” He turned toward Joey. “You’re out today. Get it together. Let’s hope this isn’t a serious injury.”
Joey shrugged and pranced off the stage like he didn’t care. Just before he was out of view, he turned and looked at me. I flipped him off.
I walked toward Penny as she sat with her knee propped up. She was watching me.
“That guy is such a fucking baby. I’m sick of his shit,” she said.
Penny didn’t seem to be in pain, though she did look extremely pissed. Doug ran off to get ice.
“Are you okay?” I asked her.
“Yeah, but he could have really messed up my knee.”
She stood up easily and began stretching, bending over right in front of me as I watched her with intense focus. I’m not gonna lie, I was embarrassingly turned on.
Doug had a strange look on his face when he returned with t
he ice. “Do you even need this?” he said to her.
“No, I’m fine. I just wanted to get rid of Joey. He’s ruining this routine for me, Doug.”
“I’ll have a talk with him. He’ll get it. The level of difficulty on his part is minimal, but we all know how he is. He doesn’t like to be in the shadow.”
“Put a goddamn spotlight on him if it’s going to patch up his ego. I don’t want to get hurt.” She was so assertive and smart and witty. I was totally into it.
Doug kept looking at me like he was sizing me up. I smiled.
He put his attention back on Penny. “Can you continue, or do you want to call it a night?”
“No, I want to try the jump a few more times. I want to work through this bruise, otherwise I’ll be sore in the morning.”
Doug looked at me again.
“You’re not thinking . . . ?” Penny said.
“Well, he looks strong.”
Before I even let the conversation go any further, I said, “I can’t dance to save my life. Seriously, two left feet. Just awful . . . a spectacle, really.” It wasn’t entirely true. Back in Hollywood, where I grew up with my mom, she had taught me how to dance, but I wasn’t about to jump around on a stage in a pair of tights.
“No, we just need you for the lifts,” Doug said.
I would get to hold Penny? My eyes lit up. “Lift?”
“But he won’t have the form, Doug.”
“No faith in me, Little P?”
She smiled. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“No, Penny. He’s got the strength and I want to get you off your feet. Work on balance for a bit.”
If my roommate Mike were here witnessing this, I’d definitely get an earful. He was always heckling me about falling in love in five minutes, then out of love five minutes later.
Last month, after dating Kimber for only four days, I got the word Kimbird tattooed on my chest. Three days after that, she was sleeping with a guy from the basketball team and I didn’t even care. A month before, it was Chelsea, who had a pet rat named Amadeus that sat on her shoulder like a parrot. Before that it was Lena, who liked to be spanked—hard—every time we had sex. I loved women, especially the weird ones. But Penny was more unique and talented and beautiful than any girl I had ever met.