Page 18 of Comanche Magic

  "Dear God, Franny. It wasn't your fault."

  "Yes. Color it any way you like, all of it was my fault. The Hobbses didn't mingle much with the townspeople in Jacksonville. If not for my contact with them, the dis­ease might have run its course within their family."

  "That's highly unlikely."

  "We'll never know, though, will we?" She pushed angrily at a stray curl that had fallen across her fore­head. Then, as if the dam within her had burst, words began to pour from her. "Only a few months later, Papa fell off the steeple. There was no more money. My mother was unable to work. I was the eldest and the responsi­bility of feeding my family fell to me. Jason was unwell, and he needed a special elixir to build up his system. It was horribly expensive. The doctor gave me several bottles for free, and several of the neighbors pitched in to buy a few bottles after that. To keep food on the table, I worked doing laundry and mucking stalls at the livery. We scraped by for a while."

  Chase pushed away from the boulder. For weeks he had been trying to dig all this out of her, but now that she was willing to tell him, he almost wished he didn't have to hear it. "Franny, honey, things happen. Things we can't help."

  "One of my best laundry customers was the madam at the brothel," she plunged on. "At church on Sunday, Preacher Elias talked about the sisters in sin and the burn­ing fires of Satan that would engulf the unwary who ventured near the establishment. I never would have solicited laundry business from there because I was afraid to go close. But one day on the street, this painted woman stopped me. She said she'd heard about my laun­dry service and wanted to become a customer. Her busi­ness meant a substantial increase in my earning capacity, so I couldn't bring myself to say no. The next week, I was afraid to knock on the back door to collect the linens, but I needed the money so badly, I forced myself to."

  "The madam seemed like a kindly woman, and every time she saw me, she said I could earn far more money being nice to a gentleman than I ever could doing laun­dry. She told me to put on a pretty dress and pay her a visit any Saturday night. She promised I'd make at least seven dollars. Seven dollars sounded like a fortune to me."

  Chase took a step toward her then hesitated. She held herself so tautly he was afraid she might shatter if he touched her.

  "The neighbors couldn't continue to help me buy Jason's medicine for long, and eventually the time came when I had to choose between putting food on the table or keeping him supplied with the elixir. A few days after we stopped dosing him, he started losing strength, and soon after that, he started getting sick. The doctor said he might die without the blood builders." Her quivering mouth twisted in a tearful smile. "I knew how I could make seven dollars. All I had to do was put on a pretty dress and be nice to a gentleman. One Saturday night, I did just that." She made a vague gesture. "I . . . um . . . The gentleman was very polite and kind until I went upstairs with him. By the time I realized what being 'nice' to him entailed, it was too late. He had paid the madam for my company, and he wouldn't take no for an answer."

  "Jesus Christ."

  Shaking violently, she hugged her waist. Though her gaze seemed to be fixed on his face, Chase had the feel­ing she no longer saw him.

  "He paid thirty dollars to be the first," she whispered. "Innocent young girls bring top dollar in those places. My cut was supposed to be half. Fifteen whole dollars! Only I couldn't collect it until morning. When the gentle­man left the room, I couldn't move, let alone get up. The second man found easy pickings, and so did the third. I quit counting then and closed my mind to what was happening. At dawn I got twenty dollars for my trouble." She gave a hysterical sounding laugh. "After all that, and the madam cheated me. I was supposed to get half of everything, and no matter how I figured it, twenty wasn't nearly enough."

  Chase wished he could close his mind. Better yet, he wished he could go back in time and kill the bastards with his bare hands. What kind of monsters could use a child in that fashion? What kind of woman could lure her into such a trap?

  "A couple of weeks later, the twenty dollars was all gone," she said hollowly. "We had credit at the store, and I'd fallen behind paying the bill. Jason's medicine cost dearly. Before I knew it, we were broke again, and he was nearly out of elixir.

  "The pretty dress I wore the first time was all ruined, but I had another. When Jason began to get sick again, I put it on and went back to be nice to the gentlemen. I was afraid, but it was that or watch my baby brother die. So I went."

  Chase wanted to weep for her and for the child she had once been. "Oh, honey . . ."

  "It wasn't so bad," she assured him. "As I climbed the stairs with the first customer, I wasn't as ignorant as I'd been the other time. I was so scared my knees knocked. To keep myself from running, I thought of my papa. In the summer on Sundays, he always took us to a meadow for a picnic after church. I always loved it there. So I imagined it up. As clear as a picture in my mind. A beau­tiful hiding place inside my head where nothing could reach me. It wasn't as bad that night. And the next time, it was even easier. I got really good at imagining up pic­tures in my head, mostly of the meadow, but sometimes of other things. Pretty soon, those places seemed so real, I didn't want to come back out of them and face reality. Isn't that crazy? I just wanted to stay in my secret places and pretend none of it had ever happened."

  "No," he whispered hoarsely, "it's not crazy at all, sweetheart. I just thank God you found a way to hide."

  She blinked, as if giving herself a mental shake. "Anyhow, I had to come back when the nights were over. My family needed me."

  "How long did you work in the brothel in Grants Pass?" he asked.

  "A few months. Because I lived in constant fear that my family might learn what I was doing, eventually I came to Wolfs Landing to work under May Belle. I've been here for nearly eight years now, I think. But who's counting?"

  "I am," he said softly and closed the remaining distance between them to grasp her by the shoulders. "I am," he repeated. "And wish I could set the clock back, Franny. I wish I could go back in time and undo everything that's been done to you."

  "No one can do that," she said faintly.

  "No," he admitted. "But I can change things from this moment on, if you'll only give me a chance. Will you trust me enough to do that?"

  Her gaze lifted to his. Seeing the pain there, it was small consolation to Chase that he saw awareness as well. He was touching her, and she wasn't trying to hide from him. A secret place inside her head, she called it. And she was right; it did sound crazy. But Chase knew it was also the absolute truth. This woman who called herself a whore, who no longer believed anything good in life would ever come her way, was still a child in some ways—a little girl, hiding from an ugliness her mind couldn't accept. It would be his job to show her that the ugliness could be something inde­scribably beautiful in the arms of the right man.

  He was that man. He had felt certain of that for a long while now, and all that remained was to convince Franny of it.

  "I'd like to trust you, Chase. Truly I would," she whispered.

  Chase smiled sadly. "So what's stopping you?"

  "I'm afraid."

  Her voice shook on that last word, which told him just how horribly afraid she actually was. "Of what, Franny?" he asked gently. Thus far, it had been a night for honesty, and he prayed she would continue in the same vein. "Of me? Of my touching you?"

  "The touching part, yes."

  He nearly smiled again at that. Her expression said more clearly than words that the mere thought of any­thing physical between them appalled her. Only it was nothing to smile over. Nothing that caused her such pain could be taken lightly, even if he saw it as absurd. "I'd never do anything you didn't like," he assured her.

  "I don't like any of it."

  "I see." And he did. All too clearly. The problem was that Franny didn't. "Franny, with the right man, it can be magical."

  She gave a slight shudder. "Yish."

  There was no help for it; in spite of his effo
rts to the contrary, he grinned. "Yish?"

  "I hate it. All of it. That's why you frighten me, because I know you won't let me hide inside the dream places. You'll make me—"

  Chase touched a fingertip to her sweet mouth. "You're wrong, Franny. I'll go with you into the dream place."

  Her eyes widened, and she freed her mouth to say, "It's my place, my private place. I don't want you to go there with me. I don't want anyone to."

  "I see."

  "No, you don't see." She jerked out from under his grasp and put several paces between them. "It's how I survive. Can you understand that? It's the only way I can live with all of it. And you'd ruin it if I let you."

  She spun to look at him, her heart in her eyes. "If I let you, you'll destroy me as well. Why can't you see that?"

  "Maybe you should explain it to me."

  She threw up her hands. "Explain it to you? You dan­gle dreams in front of me like candy before a child. You make me want things I can never have. Have you any idea how that hurts? I was content with my life until you came along. Now all I do is think about the things I could have if only a miracle happened. The problem is, mira­cles don't happen for women like me. We're standing in the back row, and when God gets time to work wonders, He puts forth the effort for worthy people, not whores."

  "Worthy people? Honey, there's no one more worthy than you."

  "How can you say that? People switch sides of the street when they see me on the boardwalk! I'm dirty in their eyes, and in God's as well. How can you even consider marrying me? Having children with me? I'm a pariah! And that will never change. You can't wish what I am away."

  "We'll leave here," he assured her. "I work the timber, Franny. The land I bought is clear up near Canyonville. No one there would even know you. As for the people here, who gives a shit what they suspect? If they've glimpsed your face, it was only that, just a glimpse. The only people who'll know for sure who you are are May Belle and Gus. The others may whisper and speculate and accuse, but if we're only here for occasional visits, who cares? We'll have a life elsewhere among people who have no idea."

  "You're dreaming."

  "Life is dreaming. Without dreams, what have we got? Dream with me. Take a chance with me. If Canyonville isn't far enough away, we'll go someplace else."

  "What about my family? They need me."

  "They need the money you provide. I'll continue to support them."

  "And what of your dreams of being a timber baron?"

  Chase sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "It'll just take me longer, that's all."

  "Forever, maybe? Oh, Chase, it wouldn't work. You'd end up hating me. Don't you see that?"

  "No. I'm in love with you, Franny."

  She averted her face as if he'd slapped her. "Oh, God!"

  "It's true. I think I fell in love the first time I saw you, and it's been downhill ever since. I want a life with you. Is that so impossible?"

  "I'm afraid it is. You aren't being realistic."

  "And you? Are you being realistic? We can make it work if you'll just give it a chance. I promise you that. At least think about it." He scrubbed his mouth with the back of his hand. "Goddamn it! You're the stub- bornest woman I've ever known, and that's a fact. I can't stay here forever, you know. My ribs are long since healed. I have to go back to work. How long are you going to shilly-shally?"

  "Shilly-shally? You're upending my whole life."

  "What life?" he shot back. "Do you call that room above the saloon a life? Stolen moments with my sister and her kids, is that a life? Hell, no. Isn't it about time you grabbed a handful of happiness for yourself? The excuse of your family is gone, Franny. The only thing holding you in Wolf's Landing now is fear. Are you too big a coward to take a chance on me?"

  She stared at him for an endless moment. "Maybe I am. Maybe I’m afraid to believe it's possible because I want it so much. I don't know."

  "Find out."

  "Oh, Chase. You make it sound so simple."

  "It is. All you have to do is go away with me. Take the gamble. I swear to you, Franny, you'll never regret it. At least tell me you'll think about it."

  She took a shaky breath and finally nodded. "All right. I'll think about it. But I want some time, Chase."

  "A day."

  "A week," she shot back.

  "A week?" He swore under his breath. "All right, a week."

  "And I want you to stay away during that time."

  "For a week? Hell, no."

  "Yes. When you're around, I can't think straight."

  "Dammit."

  "A week isn't that long."

  "No customers in that time," he warned. "I'll give you money to cover what you would earn, but no working."

  "No working," she acquiesced.

  The instant she agreed to that stipulation, Chase knew he had won even if she wasn't aware of it yet. A few weeks ago, her precious clientele had meant every­thing to her, and now she was willing to jeopardize it. Whether she realized it or not, she was beginning to trust him, if only a little. It wasn't exactly what he would term a giant stride, but at least it was in the right direction. Toward him.

  13

  When Franny returned to the saloon later, she found May Belle waiting in her room. Going to join her friend where she sat at the table, Franny studied her face. May Belle so seldom invaded Franny's inner sanctum that she couldn't help but be concerned.

  "Is something wrong?"

  May Belle turned twinkling blue eyes on her and smiled joyously. "No, honey. For once in my misbegot­ten life, I think everything's actually going right." She squirmed in her chair, clearly so anxious to share her news she could scarcely contain herself. "Oh, Franny. I know you'll think I'm nuts, but I'm going to do it. I'm actually going to do it!"

  Even though Franny had a fair idea what this was about, she decided to err on the side of caution.

  Nonetheless, May Belle's happiness was contagious and she smiled in spite of herself. "You're going to do what?"

  "Marry the old coot!"

  "Shorty?"

  "Who else? Gus, maybe?" May Belle hugged herself. "I can't believe it. He actually serenaded me at my win­dow earlier! Oh, Franny, it was so romantic. He said if I didn't say yes, he'd sing all night. Can you imagine that?"

  Franny could only shake her head in stunned amaze­ment. Shorty had to wear suspenders to hold his britches up. She couldn't imagine him serenading any­one.

  "He said I'm beautiful," May Belle said on a sigh. "Dressed like this, and he thinks I'm beautiful? The silly old fool."

  On that point, Franny agreed with Shorty. Even in her threadbare, white cotton nightdress with her brassy hair tousled and her face devoid of make-up, May Belle cut a fine figure for a woman her age. But Franny thought it was more than that. There was a goodness that shone from within May Belle, a sweet­ness that had never been destroyed, not even after years of working in the world's oldest and ugliest pro­fession.

  "Oh, May Belle, you are beautiful. Shorty's abso­lutely right about that."

  A flush of pleasure touched May Belle's cheeks, and a mistiness came into her eyes. "I'm so happy, Franny. After all these years, I finally found me a Prince Charming. He doesn't look like much, I know. At least

  not to other folks. But to me, he's about the hand­somest fellow who ever walked. I suppose you're going to remind me how foolish an idea it is, me marrying him. That he'll probably bleed me dry financially and take off."

  "No," Franny said softly. "I’m not going to do that. Indigo loves Shorty like family. That's good enough for me." As she spoke, it occurred to her that Chase was actually Indigo's brother. "I think you should get mar­ried and never look back."

  May Belle shook her head. "I hate to leave you, that's the only thing."

  "Don't worry about me." A flutter of nerves attacked Franny's belly, and she gulped on a sudden wave of nausea. Since meeting Chase, her constant state of agitation had made her feel queasy quite a lot. "In fact, I'm thinking about leaving
myself."

  "To go where?"

  "Somewhere up around Canyonville." Franny could scarcely believe it was her speaking, but as she said the words, she knew how sincerely she meant them. "I've found my own Prince Charming, and he's asked me to marry him."

  "Chase?"

  Fighting back tears, Franny nodded.

  "Praise be!"

  "I'm so scared, May Belle! I've never been so terri­fied. Not just about him taking me off somewhere and then leaving me. But about—well, you know. I hate being touched. I don't know how I'll bear it. Chase won't let me think about my meadow filled with daisies, I can guarantee you that."

  The older woman burst out laughing. "Thank God!" After her mirth subsided, she leaned forward to place a hand over Franny's. "Honey, you've never been with a man you love. It's a whole different kettle of fish, believe me. And with a handsome devil like Chase Wolf?" She rolled her eyes. "To hell with daisies."

  "My daisies have kept me sane."

  "I know, honey, but you won't be needing them from now on." May Belle's eyes were cloudy with understanding. "Trust me on that. It'll be nice for you with Chase. He's a fine young fellow. So much like his pappy it's scary sometimes. But Hunter's a fine, honor­able man. If Chase is half the man, he'll treat you like a queen."

  "You aren't going to caution me about making a mistake?"

  May Belle smiled. "If it was any other man on earth, yes, I'd be raising sand. But not with him. He knows about your family, and he's still dogging your tracks. He wouldn't be if he didn't truly care about you."

  "I've asked for a week to think about it."

  May Belle whooped with laughter again. "Me, too! Ain't that peculiar? I was playing hard to catch. How about you?"

  "Don't I wish. I'm just scared to death." Franny glanced at her window. The glass was an oily black from the darkness beyond, and the soft glow of the lantern on the table threw her reflection against the pane. She stared at herself for a moment. "I just hope