Stellan regarded her.
She held his regard for some time before she prompted, “You in on doing this with me?”
She was not thinking about Ami and what they’d shared while she was sitting beside Stellan in front of a fire on a couch in his bedroom prior to talking about their future together.
She wanted the man to have a decent woman in his life.
She wanted to do something nice for a new friend.
“Please come here,” he requested quietly.
His request set her head to twitching, but otherwise she didn’t move.
“Please, Simone.”
It took her a moment, but finally she slid to him.
He rounded her waist with an arm and pulled her to him in a way she had no choice but to curl close, even so far as shifting a knee so it was resting on his thigh, at the same time he lifted his feet and put them up on the table in front of the couch with his ankles crossed.
This was much better even though Simone did not relax in his hold, rest her head on his shoulder, cuddle into his side. She held distant and stiff.
He allowed that, took a sip of his martini, and murmured, “We’ll find someone perfect for Ami.”
“Cool,” she muttered.
He decided not to share at that juncture what Ami had shared with him earlier.
Instead, he pointed out, “If we do, you’ll lose him, darling, in more than just the pit.”
“I don’t have him anyway, and he wants someone to have him have him. And he’s a good guy, so he should have what he wants.”
“Then we’ll help him find that.”
“Thanks,” she whispered.
“It’ll be my pleasure,” he replied.
She took a sip of her drink.
Stellan breathed in her perfume. It was all her—complicated, contradictory, full of musk and amber with a hint of pepper. Dark and forbidding at the same time warm.
“Are we finished talking about Ami?” he asked.
“Yes,” she answered.
“So we can now discuss us.”
There was hesitancy before she said, “Okay.”
“Shall I propose my deal?”
Stellan had his eyes on her.
Simone had her glass to her lips, her gaze to the fire, and she murmured, “Knock yourself out.”
Therefore, through a grin, he began.
“Tomorrow, I’d like to take you to your home, pick up enough things that you’ll be fine being here for the next month…”
Her head turned sharply his way so she could stare him in the eyes.
Hers were stunned.
He kept speaking.
“We’ll move you in, and this is where you’ll stay … for a month. You’ll work. I’ll work. If you like, we can go to the club together, but you will not play, nor will I, with each other or anyone else. We can watch. We can have drinks and visit with our friends. But that’s all. In the meantime, we’ll share my home together. Eating. Sleeping. Fucking. Living. Except weekends. Weekends will be spent playing.”
“I—” she got in.
However, that was all he let her get in.
He tightened his hold on her and spoke over her.
“By playing I mean you’ll be my Simone. That is, darling, I’ll play with you any way I please, and you’ll let me.”
“You want me to … move in … for … a month?”
He found it fascinating that she sought confirmation on that point of the deal rather than the last.
“Preliminarily. After that month, we’ll assess and see where we are.”
“You want me to move in for a month,” she stated, not a question this time.
“As you already know, I want to get to know you,” he explained.
Her tone pitched higher, and her body got tighter in his hold. “And you want to do that by having me move in?”
“I could ask you out to dinner,” he pointed out the boring, but obvious. “I could ask you for a weekend away. I could find ways to waste all sorts of time dancing a tired, tedious dance when I already know I want to know more about you, everything, actually, and I want to fuck you, and I want that very badly, I also want to play with you, and I want that very badly as well.”
“I get the getting-to-know-you concept, but Stellan, that’s extreme.”
“How?” he asked, but didn’t give her time to answer. “It isn’t like we’ll be spending every moment of every day together. It also isn’t like we’ll be spending every moment together when we’re both in this house. We’ll sleep together. Wake up together. I’ll come home to you when your day is done before mine. You’ll come home to me when it’s the other way around.”
“And we agree to this month, and I immediately get on your nerves, what happens then? I pack up and head home?” she asked.
“You won’t immediately get on my nerves, Simone.”
“How do you know?”
He gave a slight shrug, took a sip of his martini, looked to the fire and answered, “I just do.”
“What if I pick my teeth after a meal?”
He turned his gaze back to her. “Do you?”
“I wouldn’t know. I don’t know all my annoying habits. Annoying habits aren’t annoying to the person doing them, just the person who has to put up with them.”
He smiled at her. “I just had dinner with you, darling. You didn’t pick your teeth.”
“You had guests. Maybe I do that after I eat in front of the TV.”
“I don’t watch much TV,” he told her.
“There you go,” she stated, like that was enough to prove they were incompatible.
“Do you watch TV?” he queried.
She looked to the fire. “Not really.” She looked back to him. “But when I do, I sometimes eat in front of it.”
“To set your mind at ease, I can assure you this doesn’t fill me with revulsion.”
“Okay, Stellan, but that tired and tedious dance people dance they do it for a reason. You can get a sense if you want to have more time with someone by spending small blocks of it with them … first. Anyone will get on your nerves if you go in gung ho right away.”
He tipped his head to the side. “Do you date often?”
She turned again to the fire.
That meant no.
He’d already guessed that.
“Do you date at all?” he inquired, this with a good deal of curiosity.
She took a sip of her drink.
Another no.
Stellan smiled again and gave her a squeeze. “Simone, honey, look at me.”
He felt her take in a large breath before she did as he asked.
“I haven’t finished explaining the deal,” he told her.
She didn’t hide her surprise.
Or her alarm.
“There’s more?”
He nodded.
“God,” she muttered.
“You can’t leave, and I can’t ask you to leave, no matter what.”
Her eyes got big.
He’d never seen that expression on her face.
And seeing it then, he hoped even more that their discussions didn’t drone on so he could get her into bed.
Because Mistress Sixx was cold and removed.
But Simone was incredibly endearing.
“That’s insane, Stellan,” she said quietly.
“Why?” he asked.
“It’s insane you’d even ask why it’s insane,” she informed him.
“How long have you wanted me, sweetheart?” he whispered and had to lock his arm around her because her body jerked like she was going to bolt from the couch.
Anchored to him, she escaped by turning again to the fire.
“Answer me, Simone,” he said to her profile.
She sipped her martini.
“Simone,” he said low. “Answer me.”
“Why does it matter?” she asked the fire. “You know I do, so why does it matter when that started? It doesn’t make what you’re asking any less c
razy.”
“Do you want flowers and chocolates and candlelit dinners where you carry an extra pair of panties in your purse with your toothbrush because you know you’ll be sleeping beside me anyway but you go home the next day for unnecessary reasons?”
Her gaze came back to him. “If I said yes, I want flowers and chocolates and candlelit dinners?”
“I’d give them to you, but when we came home after, we’d just be home.”
“We could end up hating each other,” she declared.
“We won’t end up hating each other,” he refuted.
“If we do, what then? If we don’t get along, what, Stellan? I lose you in the way I have you altogether because of this crazy scheme that pushed us too far way, way, way too fast.”
“And what if that doesn’t happen, Simone? What if the exact opposite happens?” he retorted.
That was when it came.
Not nerves.
Not more alarm.
It was like her body petrified in his hold.
It was fear.
“Darling,” he whispered, sliding his arm up her back, curling her in, forcing her chest to his, her face closer to his. “You don’t think this is insane because you think it will fail. You’re saying it’s insane because you fear it will succeed.”
“I’m not a date type of woman,” she whispered back.
“I know,” he replied.
“I’m not flowers or candlelight,” she shared.
“I know that too.”
“I’m not a living-together type of woman either.”
“How about we just see?”
“Maybe we should stop this here and go back to being just friends?” she suggested.
“Because I don’t want to be your friend, Simone,” he told her bluntly and watched her flinch.
But he wasn’t done.
“I want to be your lover. I want to be your Master. I want to know all your secrets. I want to unravel the mystery that’s you and then help you keep it safe. I want you, and the way I want you is beside me, in bed, in play and in life.”
“You can’t know that,” she said softly.
“And this is something you’ll be learning about me. I do know that. I know myself. I know what I want. And when that’s identified, I get it.”
“And can I ask how you identified that in me? Especially since pretty much all you know about me you got from Dillinger and not any of it is pretty.”
“I can get any kind of pretty I desire, Simone,” he said darkly. “I can fuck it in the ass, mouth and pussy. I can bend it to my will with a look. I can whip it. I can bleed it. I can brand it. I can mark it. I can make it do ugly, nasty, repulsive, degrading things. I can get it now and have all that. I can get it when I’m ninety and have all that too. I can open my wallet and get any-fucking-thing I fancy, Simone. Anything.” He paused. “Except you.”
“So I’m a challenge,” she whispered.
“Fuck yes,” he answered.
“And then what?” she asked.
“I best it, it’s mine. But it’s mine in a way I earned it, and that’s the only thing worth having. And before you twist any of this, sweetheart, you’ll also learn I’m a man who does not waste time on anything that does not deserve my time. So if I go after something I mean to have, it’s something worth having.”
“So Leigh is taken, and I’m the next up?”
It was his body that was now tight.
“Tell me,” he growled, “that you did not just say that.”
“You had a thing for her, Stellan.”
“Yes. I did,” he agreed. “I was completely enamored with her. But, you see, as happens in life often, it presented a variety of challenges to me. Amélie did not realize the challenge I was presenting in return for her own reasons, and in the end, that was lost to me because she found someone else. But prior to that, I had two challenging opportunities. It was just that at the time Leigh looked elsewhere, the other challenge was lost to me because she took off to do ridiculously dangerous things in order to … I don’t know. Feel alive. Feel useful. Prove to herself she can. Or finally get herself dead so she can just stop dealing.”
Simone pressed her lips together—not because she was angry but because she knew she’d been appropriately chastised.
Stellan didn’t hone in on that.
He’d deal with that later.
He had to finish his point.
“It is often I go to a restaurant and wonder if I want the steak or the lobster. But when you’re about the business of finding a woman you want in your life, you can’t surf and turf. I lost the lobster, and that was disappointing at the time, but now I don’t give that first fuck. Because I get steak.”
“I’ve made you angry,” she noted quietly.
“You have,” he confirmed.
“I’m sorry, Stellan, but I think this proves—”
“Oh no,” he slid his hand up her spine to wrap his fingers around her nape, feeling the cool of her collar against his skin and unfortunately not at a place where he could exult in that. “Don’t think you can manipulate me, darling. Also don’t think there won’t be times in the next month that you’ll piss me off, or I’ll piss you off. The point of going in full barrel is learning each other, including having each other in the good we’ll share and learning how to get through the bad.”
“Maybe we should start out by taking in a movie,” she suggested.
He stared into her eyes.
Then he whispered with unhidden surprise, “Christ. You’re a coward.”
Her body jolted again, but still no anger came into her face.
The fear was fixed firm in her eyes.
“I just don’t understand—” she started.
Stellan moved suddenly, stretching his arm to put his glass on the end table. He then took hers and put it beside his.
After that, he kept his hand at her nape but placed his other unyielding on her jaw and drew her nearer.
“This is, and you know it, Sixx, the only way I have even the remotest chance to win you,” he stated.
Her eyes narrowed in confusion. “What?”
“I have to go all in because if I don’t, all is lost before it’s even started.”
She stared at him.
“You know I’m right,” he pushed. “You know if I leave any slack, you’ll run. But if I tie you to me, at least I have a chance at proving what you already feel in your heart is true. That you can trust in me, believe in what I’m offering you, and maybe for once in our life allow yourself to experience not just the concept of being happy, but actually being fucking happy.”
Stellan didn’t know what it was that he’d said, but something had forced her to waver.
Therefore, obviously, he took advantage.
“We’re getting your things tomorrow,” he declared. “You’re moving in for a month, committed to a life with me for that time, no excuses, no backing out, no running away, not for any reason. Not any reason, Sixx. Do you understand me?”
“Why are you calling me Sixx?” she whispered.
“Because Sixx is the coward full of bullshit and bravado that hides Simone, who lives down deep. And that’s who I have right now. But Simone is the real survivor. She’s the one who keeps you living and breathing, who you’re fucking terrified to let free, thinking you’re protecting her, not having that first idea you’re suffocating her. And if you don’t stop, and soon, she’ll be lost. Gone for eternity. And you’ll be stuck in this half-life you’re leading, a junkie hooked on adrenaline for the sole purpose of proving to yourself you’re still breathing, but any promise of anything even remotely worth having will be forever dead.”
Her eyes slid away, so he lifted his hand at her jaw and put pressure on her cheek.
“Look at me,” he growled.
Her eyes came back.
“I’m offering you everything,” he stated.
“I know,” she replied heartbreakingly.
She knew.
And she
was still intent on denying herself.
He pulled her closer so that he would be all she could see.
“They do not define you,” he bit out.
She swallowed.
“It’s arguable about their end, but you didn’t deserve to die in that room with the vile excuses for parents who were further vile excuses for human beings.”
“Stellan—”
“You didn’t, Simone.”
Her voice was so small, it made his throat get tight when she whispered, “I don’t want to talk about this now.”
“Then agree to be with me,” he pushed.
“Okay,” she said.
Fucking brilliant.
“My home. My bed. My life,” he kept at her.
Her head nodded in his hold, and she repeated, “Okay.”
“Weekends, you submit to me, Simone,” he declared.
“Yes, Stellan.”
“All weekend, darling.”
“All weekend, Stellan.”
Yes.
Fucking.
Brilliant.
But he was still pissed.
“I’m not taking you tonight,” he announced. “Right now I want to strap you, then I’ll want to take you by the hair and force-feed you my cock. Therefore I’m not in the mood for vanilla fucking, and you’re not there in your head to be used in the way you’ve earned.”
She nodded, lips pressed together again, but said nothing.
He took in her chastised look and got angrier.
“I can give you beauty,” he clipped irritably.
“What I don’t understand, baby,” she whispered, “is why you think I deserve it.”
She was lucky she called him baby.
But not that lucky.
“If you ask me that question in a month, darling,” he drawled, “I’ll walk away from you, and you’ll never see me again. That is my vow to you, Simone. By the end of the month, I’ll make you understand. Now I’m done talking. Sit beside me, fucking cuddle into me, and relax in front of the goddamned fire.”
“Okay, Stellan.”
He let her go.
She moved as told.
He reached to her glass, handing it to her.
He then reached to his and threw back half of what was left.