I grabbed at his shoulders to pull him toward me as he took off his shorts; but the second he was on top of me I released my hold on him—knowing that it wouldn’t have been long before he’d remove them for me. Unlike last year, I never once tried to fight for control of what we were doing. Instead, I waited for what he would do.
This wasn’t me. I liked being on top. I liked having control of any heated situation, and not being in control usually left me panicking—but not with Liam. Everything about Liam, from last year in Vegas through now, had me being someone I didn’t recognize. But nothing about that bothered me now like it had before. I liked the way he silently demanded control, I liked the way he made me feel like I was someone to be cherished and protected during sex rather than just a means to an end. And I loved that he had me forgetting everything except the two of us just by kissing me.
Liam pulled one of my legs up so my knee was curved around his narrow hips and lowered himself onto me. With his arctic-blue eyes on mine, he squeezed my thigh as he pressed against me, and my breath came out in a quick rush at the feel of him pushing inside me.
“You’re still on birth control?” he asked through rough breaths, and when I nodded, he whispered, “Good,” just before his mouth crashed down against mine and he began moving inside me.
His grip left my thigh, and soon both of his hands were curled around mine and pinning them to the bed, where they were stretched out beside me. The way he was pressing against my piercing had me whimpering as I got closer and closer to another orgasm, but his mouth never once left mine, even when my high-pitched moan was swallowed by his kisses as I came again.
My body felt weightless and heavy at the same time when he released my hands. Pressing his forearms into the mattress on either side of my head, he dipped his face down to place it against my neck as his movements quickened, and I took the opportunity to run my hands over the muscles in his chest and torso. My arms were shaking from the aftereffects of coming again as I trailed my fingers up his back to grip his shoulders, but the way his muscles tightened and relaxed beneath my touch had my grip tightening instead of releasing him.
His hard breaths rushed against my skin as he moved harder and faster for long minutes until they stopped when his body froze above mine. My grip on his shoulders relaxed when I felt the way he was vibrating above me, and as soon as I released him, he rested his body on mine, then rolled us over so he was on his back and I was draped on top of him.
Neither of us spoke as we waited for our breathing to return to normal, and when I felt my body moving in time with Liam’s steady breaths a couple minutes later, I looked up into his bright eyes just in time for him to press his lips to mine. I smiled against the kiss, and couldn’t stop the giggle that bubbled up my throat when he pushed me aside only to climb over me and off the bed, and then pull me up into his arms.
He didn’t break away from the kiss until we were in the bathroom and he was setting me down on my feet. “I’ll use the other bathroom to clean up,” he said, and turned to leave.
Liam was returning to the bedroom when I walked out of the bathroom a couple minutes later, and without giving me a chance to put any of my clothes back on, he grabbed one of my hands and towed me back to the bed. Once we were under the covers, I moved closer to him until I was pressed against his chest with his arms around me.
My body instantly relaxed against his, but it wasn’t long before I realized that his felt tight—too tight. I looked up to find Liam watching me with a worried expression, but before I could ask what was wrong, I felt the smallest pressure where his hands were touching me—like he was worried I was about to disappear—and I knew.
“I’ll be here in the morning,” I assured him.
He nodded once, and his face instantly relaxed as he settled in against the pillow. “Good night, Moon,” he whispered, and I hid my smile against his chest.
“Good night, Liam Taylor.”
10
July 17
Liam
“YOUR MOM’S MAD at you.”
I looked over to where my dad had just sat down in the sand, and set down my board before sitting next to him. “Mad? Why?”
“Jesus, Harper isn’t the only one who is mad. Your aunt Bree wouldn’t let me get ready or leave the house this morning without lecturing me the entire time about you,” Uncle Konrad added as soon as he was sitting on my other side.
“Doesn’t surprise me,” Dad groaned, and lay back. “The two have been on the phone every time I’ve come home from the gym this week.”
“Well, are you going to tell me why they’re mad?”
Dad looked over at me with his eyebrows up high. “Seriously? You have no clue? You’ve been with Kennedy for how long now?”
I shook my head slowly as I tried to figure it out. “I don’t know . . . a month? We’re not really together. Kennedy’s afraid of commitment. She says she doesn’t believe in it, but I don’t buy that and I can’t figure out why she’s scared of it.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Uncle Konrad mumbled, and Dad nodded in agreement.
“Yep, doesn’t matter. The girls see it as a relationship, and they’re mad that you haven’t brought her by the house to meet them.”
“What do you mean? Mom sees her almost every day because she brings you lunch at the gym. And I have no doubt that Aunt Bree has been stopping by so she can spy on Kennedy.” I turned to look at Uncle Konrad, and found him smiling. “Figures.”
“Still doesn’t matter. Your mom wants you to bring her by for dinner or lunch or something to formally meet her as your girlfriend—or some shit like that.”
“Dad, Kennedy would take off running if I introduced her to my family as that. Shit, any girl would probably take off running after trying to introduce her to my family after only a month. But you should have seen her when I let the word ‘girlfriend’ slip to one of my friends—she completely froze and wouldn’t say anything the rest of the night. A family dinner is not going to happen.”
“Then invite both her and her sister, act like it’s nothing special or uncommon for us to have people over for dinner.”
“It’s not,” I reminded him. “But you don’t invite the employees from the gym over. Whatever I come up with, she’s going to see right through it. She’ll know what it really is.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure out a way.” Dad sent me an amused smile, like he knew exactly how difficult it was going to be. “Have fun with that.”
“And don’t be surprised when we show up and Bree starts interrogating her.”
I scoffed at Uncle Konrad’s words. “Why would I be?” I sat there for a second, then conceded with a sigh: “But if that’s what they want, I’ll figure something out. I’ll ask her soon.”
The three of us fell into a silence as we looked out at the gray ocean. It’d been a perfect morning for surfing, and it was getting bright enough outside that more people would be coming out soon. But we’d been coming here as long as I could remember; my dad and uncle long before that. We knew the perfect time to come for the waves and to have as much of the ocean as we wanted without many others around.
Uncle Konrad let out a sharp laugh, and my lips curved up in a smile at what was coming. It happened every time we surfed, and I knew today would be no different. Just like it was no different that Brian mentioned “Chachi” every time I was around him.
“Brandon. Remember that first day I went out surfing with all of you? Chase was being a dick about Harper, and you both started throwing punches that only lasted for a minute before all your housemates were pulling you two off each other.”
Dad sighed, and a wide smile covered his face. “Those were some damn good fights. Didn’t like them or him that much while they were happening, but I miss those times.”
“You two looked like a couple of chicks fighting over the last pair of shoes at a store.”
Dad barked out a laugh and looked over to me. “Have I ever told you about the first time I met Chase?”
>
“At McGowan’s? McGowan set you both up in the ring to show everyone the new fighter he’d found in you.”
Dad’s eyes got a faraway look, and his smile softened. “Good fucking day.”
Looking down at a tattoo on my right inner forearm, I stared at it for a second before saying, “Why don’t you tell me again? It’s been awhile since I’ve heard that one.”
Uncle Konrad knocked into my side, and I turned my head for a moment to see him offer me a grateful smile just as Dad started in on the story. Looking back at the tattoo on my right arm, I didn’t once take my eyes off it as I listened to a story I’d heard hundreds of times, and had no doubt I would hear hundreds more. A story about a guy I knew as well as I knew myself, and a guy I would never get the opportunity to meet.
July 17
Kennedy
I STEPPED THROUGH the door of Kira’s and my condo and immediately knew something was wrong. Not with our place, everything still looked exactly how it had when I’d left earlier . . . but there was definitely something. I’d only been out for a walk for forty-five minutes, and I couldn’t begin to figure out what could have changed in that time. I started walking in the direction of my room to get ready for work, but turned and headed toward Kira’s instead.
Kira’s mood hadn’t changed at all—or if it had, it was only getting worse. I only saw her for a split second after we got home from work yesterday afternoon, and once again, she wouldn’t talk to me. I didn’t know if she was eating, I didn’t know if Zane had called her last weekend, I didn’t know anything because she refused to talk to me unless it was to ask me to leave her alone.
With a knock on her shut door, I let myself in and my face fell when I found Kira curled up in a ball on her bed—again.
“I don’t want to go to work,” she responded automatically.
“Uh . . . okay? Did you call Brandon, or do you need me to?”
When she didn’t respond in any way, I walked over and sat on her bed so we were facing each other.
“What’s going on with you, sis?”
Her eyes filled with unshed tears as she shook her head.
“Is it Zane?” When there was no confirmation or denial, I suggested, “If it’s so hard for you, why doesn’t he just come here to visit you at least?”
Seconds after my last question, a hard sob tore through Kira’s throat and she buried her face in her hands as she cried.
I wasn’t sure how to react or what to say. Kira had cried over him so many times that I’d stopped being surprised. But she hadn’t once offered up any piece of information for me to know what exactly it was she was crying about this time. Kicking off my shoes, I curled onto the bed so I was again facing her and put one of my hands on her arm until the crying eventually stopped and she was looking at me again. Well, looking in my direction—I wasn’t positive she was actually seeing me, though.
“You ready to tell me now?” I asked a couple minutes later. “We tell each other everything, Kira, and it has been at least a week of you walking around like there’s no more life in you. You just got past something like this a month ago, you can’t go through it again and expect me not to do something about it this time.”
Again, no response from her.
“I’m not sure if I should call Mom, or Zane, or . . . I don’t know.”
“Don’t call Zane,” she whispered hoarsely.
Her sudden demand startled me enough that it took me a few moments to figure out what to say. “Okay, I won’t. Do I need to call Mom?”
“He probably wouldn’t answer anyway,” she mumbled before clearing her throat. “No, don’t call Mom . . . and don’t call Dad either. The three of you would probably have a celebration over it, and I don’t need to hear how happy you all are.”
“Happy?” I laughed hesitantly. “Is this because of Liam? Because I’ve been spending time with him?”
Kira exhaled heavily and shook her head again, but this time I waited because there was nothing else I could think of that might be wrong. “Zane is cheating on me.”
My head jerked back. “What? Kira, no, he’s not. It’s just hard because of the—”
“No, Kennedy, he’s cheating on me. I know he is, he’s not trying to be secretive about it.” Her eyes welled up again, but she spoke through the tears. “Well, I don’t even know if you can consider it cheating anymore. He broke up with me a week ago.”
I was too shocked to even know how to respond to what she’d just told me, but now I understood why she thought I would have a celebration with our parents. Kira had been the only person in our family to actually like Zane.
“I knew this would happen,” she muttered. “As soon as Dad told me that we needed to leave for California, I knew.”
“You couldn’t have known, I mean . . .” I drifted off, once again not knowing what to say. “How could you know he would do something like this?”
“Because I wouldn’t be around to keep him interested anymore.”
“That’s bullshit, Kira. Keep him interested? You’ve been together for years! If anything, the distance should have made your relationship stronger . . . isn’t that what they say? Distance makes the heart . . . I don’t know. Whatever that stupid saying says?”
“Grow fonder,” she finished for me on a huff. “Not with Zane. He needs . . . well, he needs to have someone within reach. Someone he can touch. Someone to satisfy him when he wants it. That’s the only reason he went to the same college with us. I practically bribed him into going there.”
“What? I thought he was just following you to be with you.”
Kira shook her head. “That’s why I was always near him in Florida, I was afraid he’d lose interest if I wasn’t around.”
“Why the fuck would you stay with him? And why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Because we were in love! Because I still love him!” she shot back defensively.
“That is not love, Kira, that’s—I don’t even know what that is. He was just using you to get laid whenever he felt like it!”
“That’s not true!”
“It’s not?” I asked incredulously. “You knew the second you found out you had to move away that he would cheat on you. You weren’t in love with him, you were scared of being alone!”
Kira sat up and stared down at me. “Oh, and suddenly you’re the love expert? You don’t even believe in love, Kennedy! You think it’s something people have made up to trick other people into marrying them. But then again, I guess you would know all about that, now, wouldn’t you? You would run screaming in the opposite direction now if anyone ever mentioned the idea of loving you. And why is that? Because of some bullshit relationship that you won’t even talk about anymore?”
I sat there in shock for a moment, then slid off the bed. Grabbing my shoes, I walked toward the door. “Fuck you, Kira.” Just before I was out of her room, I stopped, but didn’t turn to look at her. “Get ready for work and cheer up. I’m not going to cover for you again because you’re too upset to leave your room. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s tired of watching you bitch and complain over Zane—especially if it’s been over for him since we moved here. It’s been long enough, you need to get over it—you’re starting to look pathetic.”
I ignored her next screams, just went to my bathroom and took a quick shower to rinse off. A feeling close to panic mixed with a deep sorrow filled me as I slowly got ready for work, and by the time I was ready and we were leaving, it was consuming me.
Kira and I didn’t talk on the way to the gym, or after we were there. I knew I’d been harsh, and I should have been more caring about how upset she was, but I didn’t know how to be. Not now that I knew the real reason she was so obsessed with her relationship with Zane, not when she’d known about his cheating for months and hadn’t even been blindsided by it, and not when she’d kept something like that from me for years.
I wanted to apologize to her, but knew I wouldn’t because I was being childish. I was mad that she
’d purposely used something against me to hurt me simply because she was hurting.
And, unfortunately for me, she was right. I didn’t believe in love anymore, and her words had me on the edge of panicking over my situation with Liam. I’d pushed him away for so many reasons in the beginning. Being afraid of getting involved with someone, afraid of the way I easily lost all control around him, and afraid of the way I couldn’t stay away from him. But now, after I’d finally given in to him, Kira’s words had slapped me with the reality of what I was doing—and now I didn’t know how to let the relationship continue when all I could remember was why I’d built walls between us in the first place.
July 17
Liam
I JOGGED UP to the girls’ door that evening and knocked, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever awaited me, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know what was going on with either of them, and Kennedy hadn’t answered any of my calls or responded to my texts all day. Dad said Kira had walked out midshift, but both girls had been acting strange from the moment they’d come in.
After knocking for a second time with no answer, I pulled out my phone and started looking for Kennedy’s number when the door suddenly swung open.
“Hey, what—Kira,” I muttered when I noticed the way her eyes were watching me. No matter how identical she and her sister were, it was always clear in their eyes who was who. “What’s going on today? I can’t get ahold of Kennedy and Dad said you walked out of work.”