“What did I do? Nothing. Nothing, unless you can count wanting to be with her.”
Brian looked at me for a second as he slowly chewed his food, and made a sound of disapproval in his throat. “LC, man, I told you. Once they get a restraining order, you can’t keep going near them.”
Despite the aggravation I was still feeling even after sparring with my dad, hard laughs burst from my chest. “Aw, Bri, did you find that out firsthand?”
He shrugged. “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. Maybe I ended up marrying her despite it.”
My eyes widened, and my mouth curved up. “Riss had a restraining order on you?”
“Fuck no. Her dad did. He got over it eventually. Anyway, I know you didn’t come in here to have me tell you about my life, so continue.”
“Okay, well, this is the part I didn’t want to tell you while you were eating. So stop.” I gave him a look when he started to go for another bite, and after a heavy sigh, he set the burrito down. Again.
“This better be fucking good,” he grumbled, and pouted when he eyed the food again.
“Do you remember Moon? The girl from Vegas?”
“How am I supposed to forget her? She’s the only girl you’ve talked to me about more than once.”
I rolled my eyes at his annoyed tone, but didn’t comment on it. I knew it was just because I’d told him to stop eating. “Well, she’s in San Diego.”
Brian sat up and sucked in a large breath. “No!” he said loudly, drawing out the word.
“And she’s working in Dad’s gym.”
“No! No fucking way, dude! Holy shit!” His excitement died suddenly, and he pointed at me. “I forgive you for making me put the burrito down. This made up for it. But, seriously, what are the chances of this?”
“It gets better. Her uncle is my boss.”
Brian stared at me for a minute with his mouth wide open. “Did you find her through him? Did you see a picture of her or something?”
“No, nothing like that.” I sat back in my chair and told Brian the entire story from the meeting with Eli and Mason up through last night.
Throughout it all, as Brian finished both his burrito and mine, his shock-filled eyes never left me.
When I was done, I held my arms out to the side for a second, then let them fall. “And that’s my problem. It is obvious what she wants, but every time she starts to show or act on it like last night, she just throws another wall in my face.”
“Damn, LC. That is some heavy shit.” Before I could agree, he asked, “When did you figure out you were in love with her?”
My head jerked back. “I’m not.” Brian’s expression turned amused, and I repeated, “I’m not. Jesus Christ, Brian, I’ve only known her name for a little more than a week. I know I won’t stop chasing her even though she’s driving me crazy with how she constantly pushes me back, but that doesn’t mean shit about loving her.”
Instead of trying to convince me that I was in love, like I’d expected him to, he got really quiet and stared at something behind me. When the silence continued and his gaze didn’t waver, I turned to look, but only saw another one of the artists bent over, outlining a tattoo.
“You know,” Brian said suddenly, bringing my attention back to him. “About twenty-five years ago, my station was right over there.” He nodded in the direction where he’d been staring. “I was sitting in there with Chachi, and we had a conversation a lot like this one. He was telling me all about your mom only a couple weeks after he’d met her, and how crazy she was making him. I think I’d been making fun of him because he was whipped by a girl he wasn’t even with, and somewhere in his explanation of her, I realized he was in love with her. He denied it just like you’re doing, but the truth was all over his face. And I swear to Christ that exact same fucking look is on your face right now—and it’s taking me right back to that afternoon with your dad. I told you I’ve seen that tortured look before; trust me when I say, Little Chachi, you’re in love with this chick.”
“Brian . . . I’m not—”
“Don’t worry, LC. You’ll figure it out when you’re ready, just the same as she will. I’ve seen this before. If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here today.”
7
June 13
Kennedy
“ARE WE GETTING out of the car, or are you going to keep sitting here worrying over how fat your ass looks in that bikini?”
My head whipped to the side to face Kira, my mouth and eyes going wide. “Don’t be a—wait! My ass looks fat in this?” My hands immediately went to where my skirt-covered butt was planted in the seat, and suddenly I was worried about it. “Why didn’t you tell me before we left?”
Kira rolled her eyes and reached for the handle of her door. “Because it doesn’t, you’re just pissing me off because you won’t leave the car and we’ve been parked here for eight minutes. But if we don’t get out of here soon, I’m sure you’ll be able to start worrying about having a flat ass.”
“You’re such a brat,” I muttered, and looked straight ahead at the ocean again.
“Are we going or not? I’d rather sit on the couch in the condo than stay in a car that is rapidly turning into an oven.” Before I could respond, she added, “You already know he’s going to be here since he’s the one who invited us. You spent an extra half hour getting ready for him, which is even more pathetic considering we’re going to be at the beach all day.”
“For him? Get ready for him? Are you fucking kidding me? I couldn’t care less what he thinks of me and the way I look.”
“You’re still feeding yourself that line, sis? Neither Liam nor I has believed that since the beginning . . . I’m surprised that you’re still trying to get yourself to believe it.” She laughed, but it sounded more annoyed than anything. “The last time you spent so much time trying to make yourself and those around you believe you didn’t care about someone, he was your—”
“I will kill you if you finish that sentence,” I said, cutting her off, the warning in my tone clear.
Kira raised a challenging eyebrow. “Starting to see the resemblance in the two?”
With a shake of my head, I reached for the handle of my door and tossed the keys onto Kira’s lap. I didn’t exactly want to go hang out with Liam and a bunch of his friends after what happened between us the other night, but right then I would have done anything if it meant having space from my sister. “I don’t know what’s happening between you and Zane, but Jesus Christ, he has turned you into such a bitch.”
Stepping out of the car, I shut my door and began walking toward the sand without looking back. I knew after what I said, it would take Kira a few more minutes to leave the car—if she left it at all—and for a second I felt bad about using Zane against her just then. But then I remembered who she’d been using against me, and it didn’t take me long to get over it.
“Hey!”
I looked up to find Liam jogging toward me, and my body froze. Part of me wanted another taste of what he’d given me not forty-eight hours before, the rest wanted to run from him while I showed him how little he meant to me.
He stopped suddenly when he got close to me, and his eyebrows slanted down. “Whoa, are you okay? And where’s Kira?”
“She’s in the car.”
I’d taken a step to walk around him, but he caught my arm and pulled me closer. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.” I tried yanking my arm from his grasp, but he never loosened his hold.
“You’re lying to me. It’s all over your face.”
“Well then, it’s the sun getting in my eyes.” After another yank, I glared up at him and took a step back.
“Kennedy, why—”
“Will you let go of me?” I asked, my voice rising.
He immediately released my arm, but those ice-blue eyes still held me captive. “You need to tell me what I’m missing here. I know after what happened the other—”
“What happened Thursday night was a mistake.”
“M
istake,” he stated, his voice low and flat. “Are you—God, Kennedy, what do I need to do? Where am I going wrong, because even though you shut down again, I know damn well that ‘mistake’ is not even close to the way you looked after. You looked scared.”
I couldn’t respond to the last part, because even though he and I both knew he was right, I wasn’t about to admit it. “What you need to do is stop trying to make something happen—or stop thinking that there’s something happening. I told you the first day that nothing was going to happen between us. That hasn’t changed.” I started walking past him again, but hadn’t made it more than two steps when I was pulled back. “Liam—”
“Tell me why you’re doing this!” he demanded, but the harsh whisper of his tone had my automatic response dying in my throat. “Tell me what it is that has you running from me.”
The way his eyes were pleading with me was almost enough to make me crumble right there. The truth was bouncing around and around in my mind, begging to be voiced, but I couldn’t allow it. Getting Liam to think that nothing could happen between us was the only way to keep my heart safe. The only mistake I made on Thursday night was that I had given in and kissed him and, in that moment, had fallen for him a little more. That moment had made all of this harder. I hated seeing the pain and confusion on his face, but I couldn’t let myself fall in love with him.
Wait . . . love? That thought snapped me back to the present and to the way he was silently begging me for an honest response. That was the problem right there. Being around Liam had me entertaining the possibility of love again, and I knew better than anyone that love wasn’t real. It was an idea made up for couples. I knew if I let something happen between us, I would stop remembering that, I would let myself believe in it again . . . and then my world would be ripped from me. Just like it had been years ago.
“Kennedy, please.”
With a shake of my head, I pulled my arm away from him—this time there was no resistance. “I don’t know what you want me to say that I haven’t already said.”
When I began walking again, Liam didn’t try to stop me. I wanted to go back to the car and leave, but I knew doing that meant facing Kira—and I wasn’t sure either of us was ready for that yet. As I got closer to Liam’s friends, I continued walking straight ahead instead of joining them. I didn’t know if I knew any of them anyway, and being there meant facing Liam again too soon and without the distraction of my sister. The only reason I’d even agreed to come after what went down the last time I was on this beach was because Kira had told him we’d be there. And despite my own discomfort with the situation, I would do anything if it meant getting her away from the condo. Because the longer we were indoors, the more she fell into her Zane depression . . . not that I’d done much to help that by what I’d just said in the car.
As soon as I reached the shoreline, I walked along the hard, wet sand for ten minutes before turning around to head back. When I knew I was getting closer, I looked up to search out the group, and just in time to catch Kira as she came barreling toward me.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered as she squeezed me tighter.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have used what’s going on with you and Zane like that.”
She shrugged and shook her head as she took a step back. “No, you were right. I’ve had the worst mood swings since we moved here. I really shouldn’t have used . . . well, him. That wasn’t fair, I know. It was low, and I knew it would be before I even said it.”
I started to deny it, but a laugh bubbled up from my chest instead. “Yeah, that was pretty shitty. Didn’t know you had it in you.”
Kira smiled widely, but it fell soon after. “Tell me really, why are you pushing Liam away?” I started to respond, but she cut me off by talking over me. “And don’t lie to me again. You know you can’t anyway. I didn’t buy any of what you told me before the bonfire.”
I sighed heavily and my shoulders fell. “I just can’t let him get close to me. You were right . . . about the similarities between the two of them. I hadn’t realized it until I left the car, but I think I still knew before, and it scares me. I’m terrified of the way he makes me feel just by being near me.”
“Just because he was a dick doesn’t mean Liam will be too. You can’t write off all relationships because of one bad one.”
I raised an eyebrow. “But it was a really bad one,” I said in an attempt to help my case.
“They won’t all be.”
“But where will this even go? Liam lives here, we live in Florida. Who knows how much longer we’ll be here? It won’t be forever, and what then? There’s no point in allowing myself to get involved with him.”
Kira was quiet for a minute, her brow pinched together as she thought, and I knew she couldn’t deny that I had a point. “Maybe . . . maybe not. All I know is that when you let your guard down, I see a side of my sister that I haven’t seen in years. I remember the way you looked that day Liam first came up to us in the gym. And I still remember the way you thought about him for months and months after only one night with him. So whether or not this ends badly, I think you should let yourself have fun while we’re here, and while he’s close to you.”
“I don’t think I—”
“You’re already hurting both of you, Kennedy. Just think about it.”
And I did. For about an hour.
I didn’t let my walls completely fall like I had at the bonfire, but I was letting myself have a good time with Liam and his friends, and it was impossible to miss the way Liam was reacting to my mood. I kept catching him staring at me with a hopeful look on his face, and his smiles were never ending, but he was making sure not to get too close. I knew he was being cautious to protect himself, but I was still thankful for it. And without having to watch out for me and my bitchy mood, Kira looked like she was enjoying a day away from her Zane depression.
“See? Not so bad, is it?” Kira asked when we were grabbing drinks out of the coolers.
I tore my eyes away from where Liam had just stretched out on a towel, and looked up at my sister. “What?”
“Letting yourself go when you’re near him. It’s not so bad. It already looks like it’s easier for you than forcing yourself to be miserable.”
I bit back a smile and elbowed her side. “No one said I was changing my mind.”
Kira started to laugh, but cut off abruptly and grabbed my arm. I didn’t need to ask why, because I was watching it too.
A girl who had shown up only about twenty minutes before had walked over to where Liam was lying down, put a foot on either side of his hips, and sat down on his lap—like it was an action she’d done a thousand times. The second she was down, Liam pushed up so he was sitting as well, and then the next movements were so fast that it was hard to see who leaned in and reached for the other first. As soon as their mouths were pressed together, I looked away and into Kira’s confused and apologetic eyes.
“Do you want to leave?” she asked softly, but I shook my head and glanced back at the pair and found Liam watching me as the girl said something to him and ran her fingers through his hair.
“No. No, I think we should stay.”
After all the times he’d made me feel sorry for pushing him away, I didn’t even care about the way it seemed like something was painfully squeezing my heart. If that was how he wanted to play after everything that had already happened . . . I was game.
June 13
Liam
I’D BEEN TRYING to find Kennedy and Kira for the past twenty minutes. It shouldn’t have been hard, we were all in my apartment . . . but so were about thirty other people. It only took five minutes for me to regret letting everyone come back here after our day at the beach. I should have known that our group of fifteen would quickly double in number, and the last thing I wanted was to act like I was actually enjoying the night when all I wanted was a chance to talk to Kennedy alone.
A pair of arms wrapped around my waist. Fingertips found their way into the band of
my shorts, and I bit back a groan. Okay, I also wanted Cecily to stop trying to maul me every chance she got . . . which was also part of the reason I needed to talk to Kennedy. I hadn’t missed the way she’d been looking at me earlier after Cecily had kissed me—it’d been impossible to. Just like it had been impossible to figure out why Cecily was trying to bring back our relationship and make it public suddenly.
Sure, some people at work had known . . . but that had been it. Even if we had been at the same event or party, we stayed away from each other. That was the agreement. We only did anything in my office, or when we were alone in either of our places. Nothing more.
Grabbing her searching hands, I pushed them away and turned to look at her. Her dark eyes were pinned to me, the challenge in them clear. She wanted Kennedy to see this; she also wanted me to give in to her as much as she wanted me to publicly announce what we’d once had. I held her stare until I was sure she was listening to what I was about to say. “Cecily, you have to stop. Whatever it was we had is over—I thought I’d made that clear the other day.”
Her eyes narrowed marginally at my soft tone, and when her next questions came out louder than necessary, I knew I’d been right. She wanted a public scene—and she wanted one girl in particular to get a front-row seat. “Since when, Liam? What is your deal lately? You have never once tried to push me away from you, and don’t try to deny it. There are plenty of people who remember you pulling me into your office and the noises you had me making not long after.”
I grabbed the back of her neck and brought her close to me. “You really want to start this shit? No one will look bad after this except for you, believe that if nothing else.” Her eyes widened, and I knew I had her. She would do anything as long as she came out on top, and I would make sure she wouldn’t this time. With a heavy sigh, I released her and took a step away. “You know why things have changed, and you know they changed awhile ago. This weekend isn’t anything new. What I don’t get is why you’re suddenly letting someone make you act like you’re some insecure girl who’s been burned when there was never anything between us to burn.”