There was no way that heaven was smiling down on Lucas Thorn and offering up top-notch guardian angels to do protection duty.
I wasn’t going to get paid for another week, so extras like coffee were out of the question, which just made my anxiety that much worse because I was completely exhausted.
Especially since Kayla had decided to call—again—to ask if she could visit. It wasn’t like Kayla lived in the wilds of Alaska, but she did live in Bellingham, which was a good two-hour drive from downtown. And since Kayla was a horrible driver and had road rage like something you’d see on Cops, it was probably better for everyone in Seattle for her to stay in Bellingham every weekend instead of visiting me.
A nagging voice reminded me that it wasn’t necessarily her driving skills that gave me anxiety—but the fact that I’d have to see her.
Face-to-face.
The girl I could never live up to.
The one who used to make it painfully obvious that I never would.
And the one with a boyfriend she had cheerfully dangled in front of my face. The hard part was she was always so sickeningly sweet, I was never sure if she was malicious or just plain ignorant of the fact that I’d had a thing for him.
Ugh. Four years later. And it still haunted me.
Seeing her just reminded me of all the things I’d tried to forget and put behind me. She was always so passive-aggressive that by the time we were done hanging out, I was emotionally spent.
The office building loomed ahead of me. I squinted up at it, covering my face with part of my hand as the sun cast its glare against the glass.
“What are we looking at?” Lucas whispered in my ear.
I let out a little yelp and jumped away from him, and I would have run into a passing biker if Lucas hadn’t pulled me out of the way with his coffee-free hand.
“Must you be such a pain in the ass?”
“Must you try to kill me?” I fired back.
He rolled his eyes. “Let’s go.” He started walking, hauling me with him.
We weren’t walking in the direction of the office.
“Um, Thorn—”
“I will seriously shove this Starbucks up that skinny ass if you don’t stop talking and just listen for once in your life.”
I shut up and followed, but only because he’d said “Starbucks” and was very purposefully moving in the nearest outpost’s general direction. If I looked pathetic enough, would he buy me coffee?
That was what my life was coming to.
Pity coffee.
My shoulders slumped at the thought when we walked into the building. The smell of fresh baked goods hit me with full force, and my stomach growled loudly, saying to everyone, I’m a hungry bear and may eat my young. Out of the way, please!
I followed Lucas to the line, still tempted to speak, but I figured if he wanted noise from me, he’d say something like, “You may grace me with your voice now, Avery.”
Even though I wasn’t talking, every time I heard someone order pumpkin bread I sighed, loudly, so loudly that the barista eyed me cautiously. Chill, Starbucks, I’m not going to steal a piece of pumpkin bread.
My mouth watered.
I mean, I wasn’t that desperate.
But if I took two, maybe three, steps toward her, yelled “Fire!” and then screamed nonsense about a bee attacking me, the pumpkin bread she had in hand would probably fall to the ground, and it would be wasteful if I didn’t rescue it from the ants.
All creatures deserve food—but pumpkin bread was too good for ants, too rich, and they’d explode all over the floor from the richness and it would be my fault—for saving the barista’s life, right? From the bee?
I think I just confused myself.
“Why are you breathing so heavy?” Lucas asked from my right.
I snapped out of my pumpkin-bread daydream and shrugged. “Sorry, low on sleep.”
He gave a noncommittal nod and then it was his turn. Greedy little bastard already had one coffee—now he was getting another one! “A venti macchiato and a large coffee with room for cream, two slices—”
I elbowed him hard in the ribs.
“Sorry, um, three slices of pumpkin bread, thanks.”
He handed the barista his card, while my greedy eyes locked on the pumpkin bread as the barista placed it into a bag and gave it to him.
With an exasperated sigh, he shoved the bag into my hands. “Just leave me one bite.”
“No promises.” I was already digging into the bag, my mouth watering as I followed him around the counter with a little pep in my step.
Lucas grabbed our drinks and motioned toward one of the tables. I sat, stuffed more pumpkin goodness into my mouth, and managed to chug some coffee almost all at once.
Lucas shook his head. “I always forget how seriously you take your pumpkin bread.”
I moaned and took another huge bite. “My theory is this.”
He leaned forward, a smile curving around his gorgeous mouth. “Alright, out with it.”
More pumpkin bread found its way into my mouth as I talked—I didn’t even care if I looked like a starved animal. “Pumpkin bread has the same addictive properties as cocaine.”
“That’s your theory? That it’s a drug?”
“Right.” I sighed and leaned back. “Except it doesn’t make you skinny, unfortunately.”
His smile widened, and he grabbed a small hunk of bread. “Want to know my theory?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking—I hope Lucas tells me his theory so I can eat his portion of bread.”
Lucas scooted the bag toward me and whispered, “Merry Christmas.”
“Oh, pumpkin gods.” I moaned again.
His eyes darted to my mouth.
“What?” I wiped my lips. “Is something on my face?”
“No.” He looked away. “So my theory is this . . . pumpkin flavoring is a conspiracy by the government to see how many ways we can market a flavor and make money off it.”
“Boo.” I gave him a thumbs-down. “Thanks, grinch. Oh, and stop ruining holidays.”
He smirked. “You’ve known forever that Santa isn’t real. Still doesn’t stop you from leaving him cookies every Christmas Eve, then sneaking downstairs and eating them all by yourself.”
“One”—I held up a finger—“it’s genius because nobody will touch them for fear that I’ll get mad. Two”—I held up a second finger—“when everyone else is sad about the Christmas cookies being gone, I know I’ll have them all to myself. It’s like . . .” I sighed, “. . . a Christmas present. To myself.”
“Except for that one time.” He smirked.
“Cruel man.” I glared at him. “How dare you eat my cookies?”
He shrugged. “They were sweet.”
Was it hot? In this little Starbucks? By the window where the sun was searing me alive like I was under a magnifying glass?
I tugged at my sleeveless blouse.
“About Saturday . . .”
Uncomfortable conversation, here we come! I strapped in and waited for the inevitable. And then realized, to my dismay, that he’d just bought me coffee and food without letting me go to the office.
My eyes filling with tears, I shook my head a few times. “Lucas, I may give you crap, but I really need this job.”
He frowned, like he was confused.
“Don’t say another word.” I held out my hands. “I’ll do anything, Lucas—and I mean anything—to keep this job. I wasn’t kidding when I said my parents were chomping at the bit to get me to move home, and I don’t want to. It’s not just about me being defiant; they want me to take over the family business.”
Lucas burst out laughing and then sobered. “Oh, you’re serious.”
“I can’t sell chicken, Thorn.”
“I mean, to be fair, Avery, your parents own a very lucrative organic meats company. I’m sure they could offer you at least five figures.” His smile was way too smug, but I still had to be nice to him rather tha
n throw him off a cliff, because he could fire me.
“Look”—I tried a different tactic—“Mom and Dad are great, I love them, but Brooke lives at home . . .”
“What? Brooke?” He frowned. “I thought she went off to LA to try acting or something.”
I gulped. “Or something.”
“Avery?”
“She slept with the wrong person, made the wrong friends, and is now very happily hanging out in her old bedroom and doing the books for my parents’ business. She hates life, and she’s grumpy, and she’s not a nice person. So, no, I don’t want to move home, and, yes, I do need this job. If you’re going to fire me, fine, but at least give me two weeks’ notice so I can build a nice shack by the water. All the good street corners are taken, and I refuse to be confused with a prostitute!”
“You done yet?”
“Yes.” I sighed, feeling slightly better but still shaky, like he was just waiting for me to calm down so he could run me over with a motorized vehicle, only to apologize and do it again, such were the ways of Lucas Thorn.
“You said you’d do anything?” I didn’t like that look, that look with his eyebrows arching a bit, exposing more of his hypnotic eyes and damn cleft chin!
“I—”
“You said, and I quote, ‘I’ll do anything, Lucas . . .’”
“I don’t sound that shrill,” I snapped.
“Eh, pretty sure you do.” He took a long, smug sip of his coffee and then shrugged.
“So you need me—am I hearing this correctly?”
I shifted in my seat, avoiding eye contact. Napkins littered the floor by my feet and—oh look, a green straw. Maybe I could save it for later and use it to help build my shack by the water. Homelessness wouldn’t be so bad—I mean, I could bathe in the ocean, live off the land.
I once heard that grasshoppers taste like chicken.
“Avery, look at me.” His voice was smooth. Slowly I lifted my gaze to his stupidly beautiful face. “Dinner. Tuesday. Those are my terms, take them or leave them.”
I jerked back in response. “Dinner? That’s it? Lucas, is this your idea of a sick joke? You know one of my favorite things to do is eat. I take food very seriously.”
“Don’t I know it.”
Okay, so it’s entirely possible that I once fell asleep at his house and woke up screaming, “Hamburger!”
But in my defense, I’d forgotten to eat after soccer practice, and the parents had been gone again, which meant I got scared and went to Lucas’s house, because, well, he had bigger muscles and was strategic in all his monster-fighting ability. The man had fake ninja stars.
“Just dinner,” I said, my eyes narrowing.
It was his turn to look uncomfortable. “Dinner and polite conversation.”
I pointed my finger at him. “I don’t trust you, Thorn.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you under the impression I want your trust?”
Okay, well, that was unnecessarily mean.
“Look, dinner with me Tuesday and you won’t get a bad assessment. In fact, I may just give you a perfect review when the internship is over.”
“Fine,” I snapped, narrowing my eyes at him. “Where are we going?”
“El Gaucho.”
I gasped.
His smile was huge. “What? Mouth already watering?”
“No, I just—too much pumpkin bread.”
“Right.”
We stared at each other in silence.
Until two really pretty girls in Delta Air Lines uniforms approached our table.
“Lucas,” they said in unison. “We’ve only got a few hours left because of the weird schedule. You ready to go?”
“Yup.” Lucas stood and greeted both girls with a full-fledged kiss on the mouth.
My mouth dropped open at the attention he paid both of them, in front of one another, like it was completely okay to swap spit with two people on a Monday morning.
In Starbucks.
In front of me.
I quickly glanced away when Lucas looked down at me. “Avery, meet Tabatha and Cary.”
“Hi.” I forced a pained cheerful smile that I really didn’t feel like offering. Why were they okay with this? How? They were both really cute girls, dark hair, dark eyes—just normal girl-next-door types. I didn’t get it. At all.
One was maybe a size twelve or fourteen, and had curves that would make most girls feel extremely inadequate. The other—I wasn’t sure if she was Tabatha or Cary—was a little bit smaller but not by much. They both resembled a guy’s fantasy girl, at least in my mind.
I looked down at my own frame and frowned.
Maybe that’s what he meant when he said he didn’t date children. I realized how young I must have seemed to him; with my hip leather pants and sleeveless shirt, I might as well have been a boy.
My boobs were nowhere near as big as theirs.
Honestly, I hadn’t wanted to involve myself in his weird bedroom shenanigans; they made my chest feel too tight. Emotionless detachment was the only way to go where Lucas Thorn was concerned. But now, now he had me, because I was curious.
Cary and Tabatha had a little something to hang on to, and they wore their confidence well.
Story of my life: I think Lucas and I are back in friendship territory, only to discover there’s another girl (or two) standing in the way.
Not that I’d ever admit that to him. Ever.
It was hard enough admitting the truth to myself.
“Lucas, you’ve been drinking,” I reminded him. A lot. It was the night before Kayla and his wedding. I’d never seen him drink so much.
“So wrong,” he whispered. “So, so wrong.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked, wrapping my arm around his waist while we walked back toward the house. The party was still in full swing, but he’d been done a few shots of tequila ago.
“You.” I stumbled with him toward the house and nearly slammed into the side of the garage as he barreled into me.
“Lucas?” I touched his cheek. “Are you okay?”
His eyes focused on me, and he cupped my face with both hands. It was dark outside, and I could barely see the outline of his mouth. He was always smiling.
Except now.
“Lucas, is it Kayla?”
He snorted. “Kayla? You think this is about Kayla?”
“You are marrying her tomorrow.”
“You think I don’t know that?” he sneered. “You think I’m not fully aware that I’m supposed to be her husband?”
“But—”
“I know,” Lucas snapped. “I know I’m getting married, just like I know that for the past year, the only girl I’ve wanted to kiss is you.”
My knees buckled. “Lucas.”
My eyes filled with tears.
Because I’d loved him longer than forever.
And he’d just said he wanted to kiss me.
But he was engaged to my sister.
My older, much prettier, much more stable and confident sister.
“Wrong,” he whispered. “But just once—God, just once I want to do the wrong thing. Do you think I’m a bad person?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I think you’re drunk and confused.”
“I’m drunk.” His forehead touched mine. “Not confused.”
“Lucas . . . you should sleep it off.”
He nodded and then, without warning, crushed his mouth against mine, his hips pinning me against the wall.
I didn’t know what to do except kiss him back and then very politely—because I was always polite—push him away.
“Sorry.” He hung his head. “I just . . . I wanted wrong.”
“And did it feel right?”
His smile returned. “Yeah, it did.”
My heart flipped. “Lucas, if you aren’t ready for marriage . . .”
“I’m not ready for marriage,” he said quickly.
He swayed on his feet. I let out a sigh, trying to play off that I was annoyed instead of c
ompletely frazzled, heartbroken, upset, excited. I was too many mixed-up things. I didn’t want that future for him, and I hated myself for even contemplating helping him get over his nerves about marrying Kayla, though I knew it was all wrong. It had been for a while.
“Fine, stay here, hold up the wall, and I’ll go get my room ready for you, okay? I’ll sleep on the couch. That way you won’t be in the same room as Kayla, and you can decide what you want to do, alright? The last thing you need is to go back to your parents’ house and grab keys to one of the cars or start confessing to your dad that you won’t go through with it.”
He nodded, his eyes completely unfocused. “Avery.”
“What, Lucas?”
“You always were my favorite Black sister.”
What was I supposed to say to that? Especially since I wasn’t the Black sister who had the ring on her finger. Guilt stabbed me all over until I felt numb.
Because he’d said exactly what I’d always wanted him to say.
But he was completely wasted. And marrying my sister.
“So I’ll see you at work this afternoon?” Lucas softly knocked on my head with his knuckles. “You home, Avery?”
“Ugh.” I shook my head. “Yes. Sorry. Home. Work. Dinner Tuesday. Thanks.”
I left Starbucks so fast that I almost ran into a poor old man trying to order a cup of Pike Place Roast.
Lucas Thorn was the devil.
I just sometimes wished that he’d stayed where he belonged—in hell.
Chapter Fourteen
LUCAS
We didn’t have time for sex. Okay, that’s not true. We had time. But I wasn’t interested. But admitting that meant too many awful things. Maybe it was the universe telling me to stop sticking my dick in multiple women—or maybe it was just bad luck.
Hell, at this point, everything pointed to the day Avery Black came crashing back into my life, all strawberry-blonde hair and judgmental eyes, with tall heels and kissable lips.
Tabatha kissed my neck while Cary slid her hand up my thigh. We were at brunch.
When Cary’s fingers grazed me, I had no choice but to either let her take it further or shove her away and tell her I was feeling . . . sick.
Tabatha kept kissing.