Cameron lets out a soft moan and I flatten my hand against her lower back as she arches her body and stretches her arms out straight before turning her head on the pillow to face me.
Sliding my hand up her back, I move the tangles of her hair off her shoulder.
“How long have you been awake?” she asks, her voice raspy and still full of sleep.
I trail the tips of my fingers over her forehead, tracing over one perfectly sculpted eyebrow and down her cheek, before running my thumb over her full bottom lip.
“Long enough to know you talk in your sleep,” I reply, chuckling softly when she rolls her eyes at me.
“I do not talk in my sleep.”
“Then it must have been one of the horses whispering, ‘Everett, Everett, oh, Everett!’” I say, laughing again when she smacks my hand away from her mouth.
I watch her cheeks heat with embarrassment, and I scoot my body closer to her on the bed, resting my hand on her hip and pushing gently so she rolls to her side to face me.
“Hottest thing I’ve ever heard,” I whisper, staring at her mouth when her tongue darts out to wet her bottom lip.
“No regrets now that the sun is up?” she asks.
I can see the worry written all over her face, and I hate it. I hate that after what happened between us last night, she still has doubts about me and how I feel, but it’s my own fault. I was too stubborn for so long that I couldn’t even see what was right in front of me. I couldn’t even fathom that she might feel the same, and I was too fucking scared to say anything, worried that I might lose her. And yet I lost her anyway. I pushed her away, and I have no idea how she could have ever forgiven me.
“I have a million regrets when it comes to you, but not one of them has anything to do with what happened last night,” I reassure her.
Her hand comes up from resting on the bed between us, and she presses her palm against the side of my face.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” she whispers.
“Which time?” I ask with a small smile. “When you were fourteen and I was seventeen and you came waltzing into the stables while I was working and gave me the worst case of blue balls I’d ever experienced? Or when you were fifteen and I was eighteen and you got drunk up in the treehouse and I came up with a hundred different reasons why I couldn’t kiss you? Or how about when you were eighteen and I was twenty-one and you were dating that douche bag Grady Stevens and I wanted to rip his arm from his socket and beat the shit out of him with it when he put his hands on you? Or last night, when Amelia told me you ran into him a few months ago and started seeing him again, and I wanted to hunt him down, rip his arm from his socket, and beat the shit out of him with it all over again?”
Her eyes widen in shock, and I inch my body even closer to hers on the mattress, sliding my hand over her hip and around her back to tug her toward me.
“I was an idiot for a long time, Cameron. Longer than I’d like to admit. I regret every minute I spent with you that I never told you how I felt. I regret every time I was close enough to kiss you and never had the guts to do it,” I tell her, making sure she knows without a shadow of a doubt that I’m serious about this. About us. About everything that’s happening now and everything that will happen going forward.
I watch her eyes fill with tears, and she quickly squeezes them closed, letting out a small, shaky sigh before opening them again to look at me.
“You’re not the only idiot in the room right now. I should have said something, too, but I was scared.”
Moving my hand off her waist, I bring it between us and press my palm against the side of her cheek.
“What were you scared of?” I ask softly.
“That you wouldn’t feel the same and it would ruin our friendship. That you’d laugh at me and think I was pathetic for having feelings for you all these years. Maybe if I had said something sooner, you wouldn’t have thought all this time that I was in love with Aiden. It kills me that you stayed away because of that.”
With a sigh, I drop my hand from her cheek, slide it back around her waist, and pull her closer.
“We both made mistakes. You can’t take all of the blame. I should have asked Aiden more questions every time he bragged about being in love. I should have told him a long time ago I had feelings for you, but I was afraid if I ever said it out loud, my wishes would never come true, and you’re the only thing I’ve ever wished for,” I tell her.
“That was the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said,” she replies, lightening the deep mood I just threw us in by smiling up at me. “If you’d said that eleven years ago, I probably wouldn’t have given my virginity to Grady Stevens, or made the poor guy my booty call the last few months when I was lonely and sad because I still wished it had been you.”
A low growl rumbles through my chest, and my arm gets even tighter around her body. I had a feeling she lost her virginity to that asshole, but now that I know for sure, I want to kill him. That thought pisses me off more than knowing she’d been sleeping with him again. It’s not like I’d exactly been a saint myself while I was away from her all these years.
“You’re going to pay for that,” I mutter.
She rolls away from me onto her back, sliding her hands behind her head, and gives me a mischievous smile.
“And how exactly do you plan on punishing me?” she asks in a low, seductive voice.
Jesus Christ she’s beautiful.
With her hands behind her head, her tits are on full display for my eyes. Her gorgeous pink nipples are hard and begging for my mouth.
Pulling my arm out from under her body, I trail my hand over her hip, and stomach, inching it down beneath the sheet until I’m cupping her. The tip of my middle finger teases her opening and I stare down at her in awe that she’s already wet for me. In awe that she’s naked in bed next to me. Completely amazed that I can touch her like this after so many years of dreaming about it.
“Last night was too fast. I want to take my time now.”
I don’t give her a chance to respond; I just slowly inch one finger inside of her tight, wet heat until I’m as deep as I can go.
“It wasn’t too fast. It was…perfect,” she sighs, her words stuttering out of her when I curl my finger inside her and press my thumb against her clit. “Both times were perfect.”
I leisurely drag my finger in and out of her, and her hips start to rock against my hand. I torture her by not going any faster, doing exactly what I told her I wanted to do by taking my time. I stare down at her, refusing to look anywhere else. I want to take my time and memorize everything. I don’t want to miss one single second of this moment.
I never want to forget how she looks with her back arched and her head thrown back on the pillow, her hands clenching the sheets down by her sides when I push a second finger inside of her. I never want to forget the flush blossoming over her chest and brightening her cheeks as I rub my thumb over her clit each time I thrust my fingers between her parted thighs. I never want to forget the way she bites down on her bottom lip as I work my hand between her legs.
Last night was hurried and amazing, taking her up against the door the first time and on the floor the second time because we couldn’t even get two steps inside the room without ripping each other’s clothes off again, but I missed all of this. I missed the beauty of watching her come apart slowly in my hands.
Her hips start moving faster, pulling my fingers inside her harder and deeper. I watch her lips part and my cock feels like it’s going to explode when she moans my name as I drag my fingers out of her, pulling her wetness up to circle the pads of my fingers around her clit.
“Oh, God. Don’t stop. Don’t stop,” she begs, her hips jerking against my hand.
How in the hell did I ever live so long without experiencing this?
How the fuck will I ever be able to function going forward now that I have?
One of her hands lets go of its hold on the sheet and she brings it up to wrap it around the back o
f my head, pulling me down toward her until our foreheads are touching.
I listen to every whimper she makes, pay attention to every jerk of her hips, and learn everything I can about her body and what makes her feel good. I alternate between pumping my fingers in and out of her, slow and deep, and bringing them back up to circle around her clit, soft and gentle.
I take my time.
I memorize the feel of her clenching around me.
I memorize her swollen clit as it pulses under my fingertips.
I memorize the breathy way she says my name and begs for more, not afraid or embarrassed about her wants and needs.
I pull my head back so I can watch her better, memorizing everything about this moment.
“Everett…Everett,” she pants, her hips thrusting harder as I pick up the speed, circling my fingers faster.
“Let go, baby,” I whisper, pushing my fingers inside of her and holding them deep, using my thumb to continue the soft friction against her clit.
She arches her back harder, her body suspended above the bed, as she does what I told her and lets go. Her hands are clutching so tightly to the hair at the back of my head that I’m sure she’s pulling out a few strands, but it’s worth the pain as I watch her orgasm wash over her and she screams my name.
The flush across her chest gets darker and I feel her clench tightly around my fingers, her clit throbbing with her release as I keep lightly brushing my thumb back and forth, pulling every ounce of pleasure out of her body.
She finally collapses back against the mattress, her chest heaving with quick puffs of breath, and I slowly pull my fingers from her body.
I memorize the way her eyes flutter open and she stares up at me.
I memorize the way she gives me a lazy smile, and starts sliding her fingers through the hair on top of my head as I position myself between her legs.
I memorize the way she smells and the feel of the heat from her body as I slowly push inside of her.
I memorize it all, knowing that everything has changed between us, knowing that there’s no going back to being just friends, as her legs wrap around my waist and her arms drape over my shoulders, pulling me closer.
And cursing myself a thousand times for not doing this sooner.
Chapter 33
Cameron
You need to have a talk with him. He can’t keep stomping around here, muttering to himself and glaring at Everett every time they’re in the same room,” I tell my mom with a frustrated sigh.
She laughs, pushing her toe against the floor of the porch and gently rocking the porch swing we’re seated on that hangs in front of the main house.
“Baby girl, he’s your father. And he saw his daughter half dressed, walking out of a room with a man not wearing a shirt. Give him some time to not have that image burned in his brain.”
Okay, so walking out of the tack room in the stables last week and coming face-to-face with my dad wasn’t my finest moment. Wearing my second dress from the previous night that was ripped to shreds all the way down the back just like the first one, and Everett standing behind me shirtless, because I’d been wearing his white dress shirt at the time to cover myself as best as possible, on top of my hair being a tangled mess and my makeup smudged under my eyes, it was more than obvious what the two of us had been doing in that room the night before. And the following morning.
But I’m thirty years old. Too old for my dad to be looking at Everett like he wants to kill him all the time.
Regardless of that, I can’t stop the smile that takes over my face as I look out over the grounds and think about the last week with Everett.
I was irritated when he first showed back up in my life because he fit so perfectly in it. And now we fit so perfectly together, it’s hard to believe it’s only been a week.
“It’s good to see you happy again and to have you prove me wrong about Everett. He’s a good man and he cares about you a great deal,” my mom says softly. “Your dad is going to see it for himself soon enough, don’t worry,” she reassures me.
“I’m not worried. Is that weird? I mean, Everett and I crossed a huge line. We went from being best friends all of our lives, to not speaking for four years, to sort-of-friends, to this. It all happened so fast that my head should be spinning, but it’s not,” I tell her.
“I think thirty years of knowing someone is the exact opposite of going fast,” she laughs. “You took the long way to get here, but it was the right way. You had to experience all of it—the longing, the pain, the heartbreak, the confusion, and the anger to appreciate what you have now. I don’t think the two of you would be where you are now if either one of you had admitted your feelings sooner. You had to experience being apart to realize you’re better together.”
I let her words sink in, knowing everything she says is true, even though I can’t stop wondering what would have happened if we hadn’t been so afraid to say something about how we felt to each other sooner. Everett might not have stayed away for four years, repeatedly signing back up for Doctors Without Borders just to stay away from me and what he thought was happening between Aiden and me, and beat himself up with guilt about not being here when Aiden died. We might not have wasted so many years apart, when we could have been spending them together, where we fit so perfectly.
I hear the crunch of tires and look up to see a cloud of dust surrounding Everett’s truck as he pulls down the driveway and parks in the turnaround in front of the house. My mom pushes herself off the swing, leans down, and gives me a kiss on the cheek before pulling back to stare down at me.
“I can see the wheels turning. Stop running all the what-ifs through that pretty head of yours. You can’t change the past, baby girl. You can only move forward and make different choices.”
I watch her turn and walk toward the front door, greeting Everett with a smile and a wave as he pounds up the front steps. My eyes lock on to his and my heart flutters in my chest when he stalks across the porch and, without hesitation, grabs my face in his hands and bends down, pressing his lips to mine.
“You can’t change the past…You can only move forward and make different choices.”
My mom’s words play on a loop in my head as Everett kisses me softly, his tongue sliding past my lips and swirling with mine.
I don’t know if I’ll ever stop being sad about the choices we made in the past, but I can’t help being deliriously happy about the ones we’ve made now that have gotten us to this point.
Everett ends the kiss, pulling his head back from mine to smile down at me.
“Hey.”
“Hey, yourself,” I reply, returning his smile as he sits down next to me on the swing and throws his arm over the back of it behind my shoulders. “How was lunch with your friend?”
Everett continues to go to weekly Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and he got a phone call earlier from of the same guy who needed his help the night before the charity dinner. Everett took off immediately to meet him in person and convince him again not to take a drink to deal with his problems.
He spends all of his free time here at camp, either just being with me, or helping out wherever he’s needed, and I know going to his meetings and hanging out with the friends he’s made there gives him something to do and a sense of purpose, but it can’t possibly be fulfilling enough for a man who traveled around the world, saving people’s lives. I’ve mentioned to him a few times that he should apply for a position at the hospital downtown, and he’ll smile and nod and tell me it’s a good idea, but he’s never done anything about it. I don’t want him to get bored. I don’t want him to regret coming home and leaving his work behind.
“Stressful. Exhausting. He was in a good place when I left him, but it took a while to get him there. I just want to take a shower and pass out facedown in bed.”
Wrapping my arms around his waist, I curl up into his side, resting my cheek on his shoulder.
“Poor baby. I was going to suggest I hop in the shower with you, but if y
ou’re too tired…” I trail off.
I almost topple over on the swing when Everett jumps up, grabbing my hands and pulling me up with him.
“Did I say exhausted? I meant exhilarated. Hurry up, let’s go before your dad realizes I’m here and silently threatens to kill me,” Everett jokes.
He laughs, but the smile on his face doesn’t quite reach his eyes. I know my dad’s behavior has been bothering him, and it pisses me off. Everett has been a part of this family since he was three years old. If anything, my dad should be happy that I’m with someone I’ve been around all my life instead of someone I just met that he doesn’t know. My mom accepted the idea of the two of us together in the blink of an eye once she started getting to know Everett again, and I don’t understand why my dad isn’t given him the same chance.
I open my mouth to give him reassurance that I’m going to have a talk with my dad, when a car pulls up the drive and stops right in front of the house, turning my attention away from Everett to watch a woman exit the vehicle, grabbing a box out of the backseat before heading in our direction.
“Oh, my God,” I mutter, butterflies flapping around in my stomach when I see who it is, happy to see her again, but knowing immediately she doesn’t feel the same going by the scowl on her face, aimed right at me as she stops at the base of the stairs.
Everett immediately moves closer to me, wrapping his arm around my waist in a protective manner.
“Michelle,” I whisper. “It’s so good to see you. Everett, this is Michelle. Aiden’s fiancée.”
The tight hold Everett has on me slowly eases as he leans forward and holds out his hand to her.
Michelle ignores it, her angry eyes never leaving mine.
“I’m not here for a social visit. I just stopped by to give you your things. I found them at Aiden’s place when I was cleaning it out.”
She thrusts the box roughly into my chest, and I quickly wrap my arms around it when she lets go and takes a step back, crossing her own arms in front of her as I glance down and see one of my old sweatshirts, a coat, a pair of flip-flops, and a few other random things I’d left behind at Aiden’s whenever we hung out.