“It was, too, Spencer! I saw him sneaking out of the labs that night. And you were wearing pajamas in the picture.” Ugh. I wanted to throw up, thinking of her with him. “You knew what kind of an a-hole Mike was. Why would you do something so stupid? And why in God’s name would you ever cover for him?”
“The picture was just a part of my plan to get him to drop his pants at the theater. I had to make him think I was interested. He’s just trying to get me back. I thought it was over, but then…”
“What?”
“That pinky wave thing I made up. Everyone’s been doing it. Not just the girls, but boys, too. This one freshman guy did it yesterday morning, and I thought Mike was going to explode. I guess that was the final straw. Honestly, I thought he deleted the picture. That’s what he’d told me, anyway.”
“So get him back! Tell on him!”
“Natalie, stay out of it.”
“If you’re going to be in trouble for this, then he should be, too, right? I mean, isn’t that only fair? He took advantage of you, Spencer.”
“I wanted to pose for the picture. He didn’t force me.”
“And that gives Mike free rein to exploit you? Spencer, you’re in trouble because of what he did.”
She brushed her hair back. “Look, it’s over. Mike and I are even. I just want it to go away.”
I laughed. “Go away? You’re being passed around school like a trading card! Don’t you have any self-respect?”
“Of course I do,” her voice was sharp. Of all people for her to be mad at, she was getting mad at me.
“Haven’t you learned anything from what I’ve taught you? You’re better than this, Spencer!”
She started laughing. “I love how you’re basically calling me a slut, but you’re doing the exact same thing with Connor.”
Now the edge was in my voice. “It’s not the same thing.”
“You’re letting Connor Hughes use you. Or you’re using him. Whatever. Either way, you’re a big phony. You play like you’re so good and that just because you fool around with Connor in secret, you’re somehow better than me. It’s easier for you to be mad at me, instead of at yourself.”
“I am nothing like you, Spencer. Nothing.”
“Just leave me alone. You’re not my babysitter anymore.”
“Well, that’s too bad, because you could really use one!”
I had enough. I was supposed to be in class, anyway. Spencer could walk home in the cold for all I cared.
I pulled away, and vowed that I wasn’t going to get involved any further. If Spencer wanted to destroy her life, so be it. But then, later that day, I saw Mike Domski at lunch, grinning like the Cheshire cat as people clamored to look at his cell phone. Suddenly, I understood why Spencer didn’t tell. If she kept Mike out of it, the naked picture would be something she was okay with. But naming Mike, telling on him for what he’d done, would signal she actually did have a problem with it. And then suddenly, just like that, Spencer would be a victim. It was not a role she wanted to play.
Or maybe it was more simple than that. Maybe Spencer just didn’t have the guts to stand up to Mike Domski. Because the Mike Domskis of the world usually won.
Either way, I knew I had to do the right thing. And I had to hope that Spencer would thank me later for it.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
As soon as I finished eating, I headed for Principal Hurley’s office. His secretary said he was busy, but I ignored her and opened his door.
“Let me call you back,” he said, and set his phone on the cradle.
I didn’t even wait for him to ask me what I was doing there. I just came right out and said, “I know who took that naked photo of Spencer. It was Mike Domski.”
He leaned forward and said in this ridiculously helpless voice for a principal, “What do you suggest I do?”
Wasn’t it obvious? “Mike should be held accountable in the same way Spencer was. One week’s suspension.”
Principal Hurley shook his head. “Spencer is the one who broke the rules here. Spencer is the one who disrobed.”
“Yes, but—”
“And I am sure that Mike Domski wasn’t the only one to forward the photograph.”
“Well, of course, but—”
“I’m certainly not about to conduct a witch hunt, trying to find out everyone who was involved.”
“I’m not saying you should. But like I just told you, Mike Domski was the one who started it all. He took the picture.”
“Perhaps he did. But it will be your word against his, since Spencer refused to implicate her photographer. And anyway, Spencer was the one who chose to expose herself on school property. Otherwise, there would be nothing to take a picture of.”
I could barely sit still. “So that’s it? You’re going to suspend Spencer, but Mike doesn’t get so much as a slap on the wrist?”
“I’ll have a talk with him,” Principal Hurley offered. “Though I doubt he will confess. Now, do you need a pass back to class?”
I did not need a pass. I walked straight out and down to Ms. Bee’s office. Except she wasn’t there. She was teaching. I paced the halls and finally found her classroom.
I knocked on the door and summoned her out. She looked shocked by my disruption to say the least.
“Yes?”
“Mike Domski sent around a naked picture of Spencer. She got suspended, but nothing happened to him. And it is completely, totally unfair.”
Ms. Bee closed the classroom door. “Natalie. Breathe. Now, what’s going on?” I did what she told me to. I breathed. And then I repeated everything slowly.
When I was done, she asked, “How do you know it was him?”
“Because Spencer’s wearing the pajamas that she had on at girls’ night. And you can tell the picture was taken in the science lab, which is exactly where I found Mike Domski hiding.”
She frowned. “I’m not following.” Except she was following.
And then I realized that I was going to be in trouble, too.
“Some boys snuck into the girls’ night, after you fell asleep. I tried to chase them out. I didn’t want to upset you. I handled it.”
“Oh? Did you?” Ms. Bee shook her head. It looked like I’d only managed to delay the upset. “Natalie, you’re lucky that you haven’t been officially implicated in this. Principal Hurley might suspend you, too.”
Maybe Ms. Bee was right, but Spencer was my friend. I had to defend her. “Please. You have to help.”
“What I have to do is get back to my class.”
“You have influence over Principal Hurley. You could tell him that Mike should be held equally responsible. He’d listen to you. I know he would.”
“Natalie, someone like Spencer needs to learn that her actions have consequences. You tried to help her after those ridiculous Rosstitute shirts, and I supported you on that. But I’m afraid this time, she’s going to have to suffer her punishment, whatever Principal Hurley decides.” She wiped at a bead of sweat on her forehead. “I will certainly see that Mr. Domski’s participation is investigated. But that won’t let your friend off the hook. Now get back to class immediately, or I’m going to have to write you up.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
You’d think I would have figured it out a little quicker. After all, I’d seen it happen before to Autumn. And then, just two days earlier, to Spencer. But it took about halfway through the Wednesday before I realized that everyone was talking about me.
Granted, I was in a fog. I’d given up hope that Mike would be brought to any real justice. And I knew that once Spencer found out that I’d stuck my nose into her business, she’d probably never talk to me again. Connor and I weren’t speaking. Ms. Bee thought I was a moron for standing up for Spencer and, even worse, for letting boys into girls’ night. And my friendship with Autumn felt like a distant memory.
It turned out that Principal Hurley was true to his word. Maybe he realized that taking pictures of underage naked girls was illegal—so he wanted to
get involved before the police did. Who knows? But he called Mike into his office for a stern talking to. Mike denied everything, of course. And, really, how could it be proven? The photo was texted to so many cell phones, it was impossible to determine where it had originated from. And none of the boys at school would out Mike Domski.
Principal Hurley must have mentioned there was a witness, because when Mike left that office, he knew I was involved. And he didn’t waste any time in getting his revenge.
I was packing up my books after school when Mike walked right up to my ear and whispered, “I know all about you. About what you do with Connor. I’ve known since the first night you snuck over his place, you stupid little nympho.”
I’d never been scared of Mike Domski before. But at that moment, I trembled.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I managed to say.
“He’s my best friend, bitch. You think he hasn’t told me everything? I practically know what you look like naked.”
There was no dignified exit to take. So I just ran. I left my locker door open and dropped my books on the floor and I ran.
In a way, I did save Spencer. Her naked picture was only infamous for about forty-eight hours, before the torch was passed to me.
I stayed home sick the next day, thinking it might temper things down. In fact, the opposite happened. Without me there, no one had to whisper.
Friday was the most awful day of my whole life.
It started with Connor walking up to my locker. I got there really early to avoid people. But he’d gotten there earlier.
“Please,” I told him. “Leave me alone. I don’t want anyone to see us talking.”
He looked like he hadn’t slept, in the same way I hadn’t slept. He looked haunted, in the same way I was haunted. He looked mad, in the same way I was devastated.
“You are unbelievable,” he said, launching right into me.
I launched right back. “I told you I didn’t want anyone to know what we were doing! And of all people, you told Mike?”
“Mike is my best friend. He didn’t say anything about it until you tried to get him in trouble! I told you not to get involved.”
“Oh, so am I the wrong one here? Mike takes naked photos of a fourteen-year-old girl and spreads them to the whole school, and I’m the one who did something wrong? Is that what you’re saying?”
“No. Believe me. I want to kill Mike right about now. It’s just that…”
“What? It’s just that what?”
“Look, I wish he hadn’t done it. I really wish he hadn’t.”
“And I wish that Spencer had kept her freaking boobs covered up. But I also wish you wouldn’t protect Mike, and I wish that the whole school didn’t think I’m a slut. I trusted you to keep it between us, and you didn’t. You let everyone into our private world. I thought you cared enough about me to never let that happen.”
It was the first time I’d seen him so angry. His forehead crinkled up, and one vein became really prominent. He had his hands clenched.
But I was just as mad. Madder, even. “I never wanted any of this. In fact, I never wanted anything to do with you! I knew that you—”
“Save it, Sterling. I’m not going to force you to stoop to my level.” He said the last part sarcastic.
“I told you we needed to keep things quiet from the very beginning. So don’t make me out to be the bad person here. It’s my reputation that’s been damaged. Everyone’s laughing at me, not you!” I was screaming, shaking. How could Connor not see? He escaped from this whole thing unscathed. He had another notch in his belt. But me, I was a joke.
“I’m sorry. I know everything sucks for you right now. But can’t you see that’s your own fault.”
I laughed. “You’re really great at this cheering up stuff. Thanks so much for making me feel better.”
“You’re the one who made it seem like we were doing something wrong. Maybe you still feel like that, because for whatever reason, you think I’m not good enough for you. But I like you, okay? I’ve liked you from the very beginning.”
“It was never going to go anywhere.”
“Because you wouldn’t let it go anywhere. Look, I know you’ve got a million and one reasons. I hear you. Most of them are true. We’re probably not going to be a couple after graduation. You’ll leave Liberty River, and I’ll be here. I get it. But you know what? I liked you anyway. I let myself have feelings for you despite not knowing how this would end.”
He turned like he was going to walk away, but then thought better of it. “I’m done trying to convince you of who I am and why I’m worthy of you. And you can spin that however you want. Go ahead and make me the bad guy, so you can be the good girl. Except deep down, I know that you don’t believe that’s the way things are for a second.”
“It’s too late,” I whispered. To him? To myself? I wasn’t sure.
He heard. “It’s only too late because you’re saying it’s too late.”
I said it again. “It’s too late.”
It was only after he was gone that I started to cry. It was only when everyone else started showing up for school that I felt completely alone.
It was crazy, the weight of everyone’s eyes on me. Their looks actually felt heavy; they made it hard for me to pick up my legs. I thought about Autumn, and how I thought I’d protected her from this. But I didn’t have a clue what it was really like, how terribly cruel and mean and judgmental people could be.
I ran to the girls’ bathroom near the teacher’s lounge, for an escape. I cried right there at the sink. I felt pathetic, student council president turned closet slut. It was too perfect—the kind of story that people loved to tell.
I had to accept this. As much as I wanted to blame Mike and Connor and Spencer, it was my fault I was in this situation. I’d known better than to get involved with someone like Connor. I’d known the risks, and I’d done it anyway. Except that what everyone thought of me didn’t even come close to how badly I thought of myself.
I grabbed a paper towel and wiped my face. It was so rough, like sandpaper. My whole face was red and blotchy and swollen. I ducked my head and splashed it with some cold water.
When the faucet was turned off, I heard a voice, unmistakable, through the vents over my head.
Ms. Bee.
“I didn’t think she was that kind of girl.” I scampered up onto the ledge and strained to listen. “I overheard two of my students talking about her in homeroom yesterday. I would have never thought Natalie would do something like that. Then again, she’s been acting out big-time. Fraternizing with that Spencer girl.”
I closed my eyes to stop the room from spinning. What would have ever made me think that teachers wouldn’t hear about this, too? After all, it was all over the school.
Another teacher agreed. “Natalie always seemed like such a nice girl.”
But I am a nice girl, I wanted to scream.
“I know. That’s the worst thing. I thought she was something special. I put a lot of my own time and attention into her for nothing.” Ms. Bee sighed a deep, painful sigh. “And Connor Hughes, of all people. You’d think she’d be smarter than that. I feel heartbroken over the whole thing.”
I had to get out of that bathroom, or else I was going to puke. I wanted to defend myself, but I knew Ms. Bee was right. I should have been smarter. I should have been a lot of things.
I had always known what kind of girl I was…until I didn’t.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
I’d hoped that the weekend would have made everything blow over, but of course it didn’t. People were still talking about me on Monday. Rightfully so, I supposed. By Monday after school, it was clear what I needed to do.
I spent my lunch period in my car, working on my letter of resignation for Ms. Bee. In the first draft, I said way too much. About how disappointed in myself I was. The whole big long sorry story of me and Autumn. How I’d messed up with Connor. I poured my heart out. You could tell by the
tearstains and the terrible penmanship.
Except when I reread it, it made me sick. I was groveling for her forgiveness. I was making excuses, when really, I had no one to blame but myself. It was childish. And I knew Ms. Bee would think so, too.
I made my next draft a single sentence long.
Though it has been a pleasure working with you, I hope you’ll accept my resignation effective immediately.
Sincerely,
Natalie Sterling
I slipped it under her office door.
I’d thought resigning would make me feel better.
It didn’t.
After school, I went to my locker. The agenda for today’s student council meeting was to finalize plans for the ceremony when my portrait would be hung on the library wall, and to address and mail the invitations Ms. Bee had printed. I’d quit just in time so the event could be canceled.
I got my books, closed my locker door, and there was Spencer, holding my resignation letter.
“What the hell is this, Natalie?”
“Where’d you get that?” I snatched it out of her hands.
“Where do you think? I went to Ms. Bee’s office to hand in assignments from my suspension. I saw you sliding it under her door. Thank God I scooped it up before she found it.”
I could have strangled her. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? They’re mailing the portrait ceremony invitations today. Now I look even more irresponsible for not showing up!”
Spencer was unmoved. “You can’t quit student council, Natalie. You’re the president!”
“I can too,” I said, and stormed down the hall.
Spencer kept pace. “Natalie, you were right. What I did with Mike was stupid. I wanted to pretend like I didn’t care. And you know what? Before you, I wouldn’t have cared. But now I do.”
“I’m very happy for you.”
“And here’s what else I know.” She grabbed my arm and made me look at her. “You stuck up for me when no one else would. And you did the same thing for Autumn. Which begs the question…When will you start sticking up for yourself?”