“There’ll be snow on the ground by the time we get back.” Katy sounded pensive. “By then we should’ve just been finishing the first CKT show of the season.”
An ache spread through Dayne’s chest. He hated that the theater had been sold and, worse, that there seemed to be nothing anyone could do to save the Christian drama group from dissolving. If only the timing had been different, he could’ve stepped in and purchased the building before it was gobbled up by developers. He ran his fingers along her arm. “You miss it.”
“So much.” She looked up at him, and a sudden layer of unshed tears filled her eyes. “Those kids need CKT.” She blinked and looked back at the water. “But God allowed it to end. The theater, my directing career. I guess the end was meant to be.” She stood a little straighter, as if she were steeling herself against the pain of the loss. “But, yes, I miss it.”
They talked a little longer, and then Katy ventured into town for groceries since she was still the less recognizable of the two. She wore little makeup, old jeans, and a lightweight sweater, with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She returned to the house with a carful of food and a report that no one with a camera had seemed to notice her.
Dayne barbecued chicken and grilled vegetables that night. But their conversation grew more strained as eight o’clock neared. Earlier that afternoon, he’d called his father, who reported that the entire Baxter family was tuned in, ready to see what the first episode of For Real might bring. They would see the show three hours before it was aired on the West Coast, but his dad said he wouldn’t call until the next day so the family’s feedback could wait until after Katy and Dayne had seen the show too.
“We’re praying for you, Son.” Kindness and deep concern marked every word. “Remember, this too shall pass.”
“Thanks, Dad. I’ll try to keep that in mind.”
The hours passed slowly, but finally, at just before eight, Dayne joined Katy in the living room. The TV was already on, and she sat curled in the corner of the sofa, a pillow clutched to her middle.
“I’m shaking.” She managed a weak smile. “Sit by me. Please.”
He did as she asked, but frustration was building inside him. Why did they have to put up with this? They could turn off the television and catch the next flight back to Bloomington. Tell the producers they were finished with the movie industry. Let someone else play their roles in the upcoming films.
Dayne settled into the sofa and took hold of Katy’s hand. As he did, he reminded himself of the reality of the situation. He was in a contract. If he broke the deal, he’d be sued, and worse, he would no longer be a man of his word. His word had always meant something to him, even back when he was living the shallow life of Hollywood parties and different women. But now that he’d given his life to God, his word meant even more.
When they talked about the movies Dayne still had to film, his missionary friend Bob Asher had agreed about keeping the commitment. “The answer isn’t to bail on your promises,” Bob had told him a few days ago. “It’s to carry them out in a manner that pleases God. Do that and everyone will win.”
Dayne agreed in theory. But now, with the first episode of For Real about to begin, he wasn’t so sure about the winning part. Still, regardless of his desire to walk away from the movie industry, Dayne was committed to making good on his contract and his word.
Katy passed the remote to him. “In case you have to turn it off.” She flashed him a nervous smile.
The Chevrolet commercial on the screen ended, and at the same instant the reality show’s techno opening filled the room. Dayne tightened his hold on Katy’s hand. Images of Katy and Dayne flashed, one blending into another. A few of them were video clips when Katy had maybe been squinting into the sun or he’d been wiping his brow. But the way the clips were edited gave the appearance that the two of them were upset with each other.
“This is going to go from bad to worse.” Katy uttered a sad laugh. “I feel like I should cover my eyes.”
She was right, of course. The hour-long episode started with loving images of Katy and Dayne, but it changed quickly. Between video sections the program’s announcers established that Katy and Dayne had come into the project as newlyweds, in love and ready to prove as much to the world.
“But by the end of the first week, the reality,” the man’s chipper voice told the viewing audience, “was something entirely different.”
Just minutes into the program, the focus turned to the tabloids and rumors of spats between America’s favorite new couple. “Fighting and fury over the other women in Dayne’s life,” the announcer quipped. “But the worst was yet to come.”
Halfway through the hour, Dayne was filled with rage, ready to have the show pulled from the air. But even as his anger blazed, he knew the truth. There was nothing he could do to stop the program. He and Katy had given the show permission, trusted the producers that the program would reflect the truth.
Instead, between the accusations and headlines flying wildly across the screen, the glow of new love darkened, and their relationship did unravel until the show’s film crew almost had what would be perfect for their ratings—another Hollywood marriage on the rocks.
At the commercial break three-fourths of the way through, Dayne hit the Mute button. He tried to draw a full breath, but the tightness in his chest made it impossible. “We should’ve asked for a preview clause.” He clenched his teeth and faced her. “Why didn’t my agent think about that?”
“We didn’t know.” Katy leaned her head on his shoulder and nuzzled closer. She waved her hand at the TV. “We couldn’t have seen this coming.”
Dayne resisted the urge to snap at her, because she was wrong. He’d seen it coming, and he knew better. He’d had much more experience with the paparazzi. It was Katy who had wanted the show, believing that if they gave the cameramen what they wanted on the set, they might leave them alone in their private moments. But even so, none of this was her fault.
He should’ve known better. A preview clause could’ve allowed them the chance to see the episodes before the public, a chance to pull the plug if the producers hadn’t put together a package in keeping with the discussions they’d had months ago.
And there was no question now. The show was definitely going that direction. He dug his elbows into his knees. “I should’ve seen this coming.”
“Dayne . . .” Katy sat up. Her voice was soft, filled with understanding. “It was my idea. This isn’t anyone’s fault.”
“It is.” He met her eyes, his anger suddenly gone. “I know this business. Of course they’d turn the thing against us.” He touched her shoulder, searching her heart. Despite her fear, he could also see the strength that would have to carry them through in the coming weeks. “Happy couples don’t sell.”
“Hey . . .” Katy touched his face. Her fingers were light against his skin, but even her body next to his couldn’t shake the dread welling inside him. She sat a little taller and brushed her lips against his. “I’m here. Remember? With God we can get through this.” She kissed him again, this time with enough desperation that her own fears were obvious. “That’s gotta be enough, right?”
Dayne let himself get lost in her eyes. For the past month their relationship had been everything he had known it would be when he asked her to marry him. They were stronger than ever before, stronger in their commitment to each other and, more importantly, to God.
Even so, Dayne knew what was coming. The premiere—with every camera looking for the cracks in their marriage, for some sign that the strife that plagued them during the filming of But Then Again No might still be there or, better yet, that it might be worse. After the premiere would come their trips to different countries for filming their separate movies. Already the tabloids were hinting at the inevitable trouble ahead.
He ran his hand along her back. Fear would not win this battle nor would a world full of strangers hoping for them to fail. He pushed aside the fear that was all but strangling h
im and clung to her, held her as if by doing so he could keep anything and anyone from coming between them.
“Yes, baby.” He pressed the side of his face against Katy’s. “God and each other and our family. That has to be enough.” Dayne repeated the words over and over in his mind. Yes, Katy was right. Of course she was. What they had together would be enough to pull them through.
Even if the rest of the world disagreed.
They were two days into the new school year, and Ashley missed having Cole at home all day. Three o’clock couldn’t come fast enough, especially today. Landon had worked an early shift, and he was home in time to meet Cole at the bus stop.
Ashley moved a stack of mail off the dining room table, and on her way back through the living room, she grinned at Devin. “Daddy and Coley are coming, baby.” She scooped him up and shifted him to her hip. “Let’s go see!”
They reached the front door just as Landon and Cole were coming up the walk. Ashley opened the door and smiled at the picture they made—Landon in his navy uniform and Cole with his blond hair and bright red backpack.
Cole spotted her first. “Mom! We’re doing a science experiment for school! I have a whole bag of mosquito eggs.” He stopped, dropped his backpack onto the sidewalk, and unzipped the top. Then he pulled out a thick plastic bag half full of a murky substance. “See.” Cole lifted the bag, a grin stretched across his face. “We get to see where mosquitoes grow best!”
Ashley took a step back. “Oh.” She glanced from Cole to Landon. His eyes danced, and he had his fist pressed to his lips, trying not to laugh. Ashley raised one eyebrow. “The answer is outdoors.” She pointed to the row of bushes a few feet from their front window. “Right there. That’s where they grow best.”
“But, Mom, that’s the whole fun of it.” He looked at Landon for backup. “Right, Dad? Plus, the teacher gave us containers, so the mosquitoes won’t get out. Not even one!”
“Right.” Landon shrugged, his expression innocent, as if he’d exhausted every possible option that might include keeping the mosquito larvae outside. “Cole needs five different environments.”
“The refrigerator.” Cole’s eyebrows moved halfway up his forehead. “My teacher said that’s a good place, ’cause it gives you something to compare.”
Devin tossed his head back and laughed, as if he could understand the thought of mosquitoes in a refrigerator and the idea was the funniest thing he’d ever imagined.
“The outside fridge.” Ashley motioned for Cole and Landon to follow her back into the house. “And nowhere in the kitchen, no matter what.”
“Except the oven.” Landon’s look turned sheepish as he fell in beside her. He took Devin from her and kissed her as they walked up the steps to the house. “I told him he could put some in the oven.”
Ashley moaned. “How long’s the experiment?”
Cole came up along her other side and put his arm around her waist. “Just one week.” He high-fived Landon as they headed into the house. “They take a couple days to hatch, but then some of ’em might not if they’re not in the right environment.”
“We definitely need the right environment for this to work.” Landon gave Cole a serious look, then winked at Ashley.
As he did, Ashley felt her heart lighten. This was what life was about, the joy of raising their boys and helping them grow in their faith, cheering for them and taking part in their schoolwork. Even if it meant keeping mosquito larvae in the oven for a week. With Landon and the boys in her life, healing from the loss of baby Sarah was only a matter of time.
They ate spaghetti for dinner, and afterwards the four of them walked to the park at the end of their street. Summer was drawing its last gasp, the skies blue and the evening warmer than usual for this time of year. Devin had cut a tooth the day before, so he was less fussy than he’d been in a week, relaxed in his stroller and sucking on his pacifier. Cole was dribbling a soccer ball a few feet in front of them.
The moment felt wonderful, with Landon’s presence beside her, the way his arm touched hers as they both pushed Devin’s stroller. The only way the evening could’ve been better was if Sarah were with them.
Ashley looped her arm through Landon’s. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”
He smiled at her. “Definitely. Sometimes in the morning I have to remind myself . . . that this is really my life.” He angled his head, his look curious. “This is the life Dayne wants for him and Katy. But after the other night . . .”
“I know.” A heaviness settled over Ashley. “I talked to Katy yesterday. Hollywood can’t stop talking about the show.”
“I’m worried.” Landon squinted at the bright western sky. “It’s not worth it, making movies—” he met her eyes again—“when they could have this.”
They reached the park, and Ashley helped Devin out of his stroller. She held his hand as he walked to the baby swing; then she lifted him in and buckled the belt.
“Swing!” Devin raised both hands in the air, his exuberance limitless.
Ashley laughed and gave her son a soft push.
Thirty yards away, Cole ran to the far side of the grassy field. “I’ll kick it to you, Dad. . . . Then you dribble it this way, and I’ll try to steal it.”
Soccer season was in full swing now, the first game coming up this Saturday. Cole liked basketball better, but soccer was starting to get in his blood. Ashley watched him kick the ball to Landon. “Come on, Dad. Don’t let me steal it.”
For the next half hour Cole and Landon worked the ball in a series of drills, and finally Cole took a turn walking Devin around the playground while Ashley and Landon sat on a nearby bench. Landon’s eyes shone, and his cheeks were dark from the exhilaration of the play. The role of dad suited him, even more than the role of firefighter and hero. Ashley was sure he’d never looked more handsome.
“Catch me up on your family.” He leaned back against the bench. “Your dad seemed quiet the last time he stopped by.”
“He is.” Ashley eased closer to her husband and wove her fingers between his. “He’s working on those scrapbooks for us, the ones with the copies of Mom’s letters. But I think he’s struggling.”
“With Elaine?”
“With himself.” Ashley kept her eyes on Cole and Devin, now walking around the back of the playground. “He’s thinking about marrying her. I mean, he hasn’t said so, but I can tell. It’s a big decision.”
“It is. But everyone figures it’s going to happen.”
“I guess.” His statement stirred a familiar pain in Ashley’s soul. Not because she had anything against Elaine at this point, but because her dad shouldn’t be single. Her mom should be home with him. “Maybe that’s why he’s so quiet. Lots to think about.”
Landon hesitated. “You’re okay with it, right? Your dad remarrying?”
“Yes.” Ashley’s answer was quick. Her father’s friend had reached out to her in a way she wouldn’t forget. “Elaine’s wonderful. But it’s still weird, you know? My dad marrying someone else?” She stood and helped Landon to his feet. “Let’s catch up with the boys.”
They started walking, their pace slow. “I wonder if they’d keep the house.”
Ashley stopped. “The Baxter house?” Her heart skipped a beat and then thudded into a faster rhythm than before.
“Yeah.” Landon raised one shoulder. “Elaine might not want to make a new life with your dad in the house he shared with your mom.”
A weakness hit Ashley at her knees, and she stared at the ground. After a few seconds she lifted her eyes to Landon’s. “I . . . I never thought about that.”
“I could be wrong.”
But he wasn’t wrong; Ashley was suddenly sure. The Baxter house represented her parents, John and Elizabeth Baxter, and every remarkable year while the two of them raised their family and shared that home together. Ashley tightened her hold on Landon’s hand and started walking again. “He can’t sell it.”
“He might have to.” Landon’s tone was kind, b
ut clearly he’d spent some time thinking about this. “Katy and Dayne are set, Brooke and Peter like the house they’re in, and Luke wants to stay closer to Indianapolis. The rest of us couldn’t afford it.”
Another shadow fell over the moment. “Luke isn’t doing well.”
“He and Reagan?”
Ashley frowned. They were closing in on the boys, and the sound of Devin’s laughter filled the air. “Luke’s traveling to New York a lot. Reagan says there’s tension between them when he comes home. Luke’s always on edge.”
Landon seemed to mull over the possibilities. “You don’t think . . .”
“He’s having an affair?” Ashley shook her head. “He watched how it nearly destroyed Kari. I can’t believe he’d take that route. No matter how strained things are at home.”
When Cole spotted them, his face lit up. “Devin’s walking good now.” He stooped down and used his most encouraging tone. “Come on, Dev. Show Mommy and Daddy how fast you can walk!”
Devin laughed, and his eyes danced. He lowered his head and made two little fists. Then he took off across the field. Ten steps into the fast walk, he tripped and flopped face-first into the grass.
But it was a victory nonetheless. “You did it, buddy. Look at you!” Cole used the toe of his shoe to tap the soccer ball in his brother’s direction. “You’ll be playing basketball before you know it.”
“Ball!” Devin pulled himself off the ground and tumbled toward Cole’s ball.
They played a little while longer, then helped Devin into the stroller and headed back home. Ashley was caught up in Cole’s enthusiasm, but she couldn’t shake the reminder about Luke. He had two kids, same as Ashley and Landon. This should’ve been a time when he and Reagan were enjoying the challenge of raising their family. Instead, Luke was busy traveling, and when he was home—at least from Reagan’s perspective—he wasn’t playing an active role with Tommy and Malin.
It was one more area where Ashley still believed Sarah’s life might make a difference, where having seen how precious and brief life could be, the cracks in the rest of the family might be smoothed over. Katy and Dayne certainly seemed stronger after Sarah’s birth and death. But Luke had always been strong-willed. In the months before little Tommy was born, he had nearly cut himself off completely from the Baxter family.