CHAPTER TWENTY NINE.
MR. TURNBULL "SETS HIS HOUSE IN ORDER"--MRS. T THINKS SUCH CONDUCT VERYDISORDERLY--THE CAPTAIN AT HIS OLD TRICKS WITH HIS HARPOON--HE PAYS HISLADY'S DEBTS OF HONOUR, AND GIVES THE APPLICANT A QUITTANCE UNDER HISOWN FOOT--MONSIEUR AND MADAME TAGLIABUE WITHDRAW FROM THE SOCIETY OF"CES BARBARES LES ANGLAIS."
It was on the Sunday after the picnic party, when, feeling I hadneglected Captain Turnbull, and that he would think it unkind of me notto go near him, after having accompanied Mary to church, I set off onfoot to his villa near Brentford. I rang at the porter's lodge, andasked whether he was at home.
"Yes, sir," replied the old woman at the lodge, who was verycommunicative, and very friendly with me; "and missus be at home too."
I walked up the carriage-drive of one hundred yards, which led to theentrance-door; and when I rang it was opened by a servant I had not seenbefore as belonging to the establishment. "Where is Mr Turnbull?"inquired I.
"He is in his own room, sir," replied the man; "but you must send upyour name, if you please, as every one is not admitted."
I must observe to the reader that I was not dressed in jacket andtrousers. The money I earned was more than sufficient to supply all myexpenses, and I had fitted on what are called at sea, and on the river,_long togs_. I was dressed as most people are on shore. The servantevidently took me for a gentleman; and perhaps, as far as dress went, Iwas entitled to that distinction. Many people are received as such inthis world with less claims than I had. I gave my name; the man left meat the door, and soon returned, requesting that I would follow him. Imust say that I was rather astonished; where were Mr Mortimer and thetwo men in flaunting liveries, and long cotton epaulettes with thingslike little marline-spikes hanging to the ends of them? Even the liverywas changed, being a plain brown coat, with light blue collar and cuffs.I was, however, soon made acquainted with what had taken place on myentering the apartment of Mr Turnbull--his study, as Mrs T called it,although Mr Turnbull insisted upon calling it his cabin, a namecertainly more appropriate, as it contained but two small shelves ofbooks, the remainder of the space being filled up with favouriteharpoons, porpoise skulls, sharks' jaws, corals, several bears' skins,brown and white, and one or two models of the vessels which had belongedto his brother and himself, and which had been employed in the Greenlandfishery. It was, in fact, a sort of museum of all he had collectedduring his voyages. Esquimaux implements, ornaments and dresses, werelying about in corners; and skins of rare animals, killed by himself,such as black foxes, etcetera, were scattered about the carpet. Hissea-chest, full of various articles, was also one of the ornaments ofthe room, much to the annoyance of Mrs T, who had frequently exertedher influence to get rid of it, but in vain. The only articles offurniture were two sofas, a large table in the centre, and three or fourheavy chairs. The only attempt at adornment consisted in a dozencoloured engravings, framed and glazed, of walrus shooting, etcetera,taken from the folio works of Captains Cook and Mulgrave; and a sketchor two by his brother, such as the state of the _William_ pressed by aniceberg on the morning of the 25th of January, latitude ---, longitude---.
Captain T was in his morning-gown, evidently not very well, at least heappeared harassed and pale. "My dear Jacob, this is very kind of you.I did mean to scold you for not coming before; but I'm too glad to seeyou to find the heart now. But why have you kept away so long?"
"I have really been very well employed, sir. Stapleton has given me upthe wherry, and I could not neglect his interests, even if I did myown."
"Always right, boy; and how are you getting on?"
"I am very happy, sir; very happy, indeed."
"I'm glad to hear it, Jacob; may you always be so. Now, take the othersofa, and let us have a long palaver, as the Indians say. I havesomething to tell you. I suppose you observed a change--heh?"
"Yes, sir; I observed that Mr Mortimer was not visible."
"Exactly. Mr Mortimer, or John Snobbs, the rascal, is at present inNewgate for trial: and I mean to send him out on a voyage for the goodof his health. I caught the scoundrel at last, and I'll show him nomore mercy than I would to a shark that had taken the bait. But that'snot all. We have had a regular mutiny and attempt to take the ship fromme; but I have them all in irons, and ordered for punishment. Jacob,money is but too often a curse, depend upon it."
"You'll not find many of your opinion, sir," replied I, laughing.
"Perhaps not; because those who have it are content with the importancewhich it gives to them, and won't allow the damnable fact; and becausethose who have it not are always sighing after it, as if it were theonly thing worth looking after in this world. But now, I will just tellyou what has happened since I last saw you, and then you shall judge."
As, however, Captain T's narrative ran to a length of nearly threehours, I shall condense the matter for the information of the reader.It appeared that Mrs T had continued to increase the lengths of herdrives in her carriage, the number of her acquaintances, and hermanifold expenses, until Mr T had remonstrated in very strong terms.His remonstrances did not, however, meet with the attention which he hadexpected; and he found out by accident, moreover, that the money withwhich he had constantly supplied Mrs T, to defray her weekly bills, hadbeen otherwise appropriated; and that the bills for the two lastquarters had none of them been paid. This produced an altercation, anda desire on his part to know in what manner these sums had beendisbursed. At first the only reply from Mrs T, who considered itadvisable to brazen it out, and, if possible, gain the ascendancy whichwas necessary, was a contemptuous toss of her head, which undulated thethree yellow ostrich feathers in her bonnet, as she walked out of theroom and entered her carriage. This, to Mr T, who was a matter-of-factman, was not very satisfactory; he waited perforce until the carriagereturned, and then demanded an explicit answer. Mrs T assumed thehighest ground, talked about fashionable expenses, her knowledge of whatwas due to his character, etcetera. Mr T rejoined about necessaryexpenses, and that it was due to his character to pay his tradesmen'sbills. Mrs T then talked of good-breeding, best society, and her _manyplaisers_, as she termed them; Mr T did not know what _many pleasures_meant in French; but he thought she had been indulged in as many as mostwomen since they had come down to this establishment. But to thequestion: why were not the bills paid, and what had she done with themoney? Spent it in _pin money. Pin_ money! thirty pounds a-week in_pins_! it would have bought harpoons enough for a three years' voyage.She must tell the truth. She wouldn't tell anything, but called for hersalts, and called him a _brute_. At all events, he wouldn't be called a_fool_. He gave her till the next morning to consider of it. The nextmorning the bills were all sent in as requested, and amounted to sixhundred pounds. They were paid and receipted. "Now, Mrs T, will youoblige me by letting me know what you have done with this six hundredpounds?" Mrs T would not--she was not to be treated in that manner.Mr T was not on board a whaler now, to bully and frighten as hepleased. She would have justice done her. Have a separation, alimony,and a divorce. She might have them all if she pleased, but she shouldhave no more money; that was certain. Then she would have a fit ofhysterics. So she did, and lay the whole of the day on the sofa,expecting Mr T would pick her up. But the idea never came into Mr T'shead. He went to bed; and feeling restless, he rose very early, and sawfrom his window a cart drive up to the wall, and the parties who camewith it leap over and enter the house, and return carrying to it twolarge hampers. He snatched up one of his harpoons, walked out the otherway, and arrived at the cart just as the hampers had been put in, andthey were about to drive off; challenged them, and instead of beinganswered, the horse was flogged, and he nearly run over. He then letfly his harpoon into the horse, which dropped, and pitched out the twomen on their heads insensible; secured them, called to the lodge forassistance, sent for constables, and gave them in charge. They provedto be hampers forwarded by Mr Mortimer, who had been in the habit of sodoing for some time. These hampers contained his be
st wine, and variousother articles, which also proved that Mr Mortimer must have had falsekeys. Leaving the culprits and property in charge of two constables,Mr T returned to the house in company with the third constable; thedoor was opened by Mr Mortimer, who followed him into his study, toldhim he should leave the house directly, had always lived with_gentlemen_ before, and requested that he might have what was due tohim. Mr T thought the request but reasonable, and therefore gave himin charge of the constable. Mr Snobbs, rather confounded at suchungentlemanly behaviour, was, with the others, marched off to BowStreet. Mr T sends for the other two servants in livery, and assuresthem that he has no longer any occasion for their services, having theexcessive vulgar idea that this peculation must have been known to them.Pays them their wages, requests they will take off their liveries, andleave the house. Both willing. _They_ also had always lived with_gentlemen_ before. Mr T takes the key of the butler's pantry, thatthe plate may not consider him too vulgar to remain in the house, andthen walks to the stables. Horses neigh, as if to say they are allready for their breakfasts; but the door locked. Hails the coachman, noanswer. Returning from the stables, perceives coachee, rather dusty,coming in at the lodge gate; requests to know why he did not sleep athome and take care of his horses. He was missus's coachman, notmaster's, and could satisfy her, but could not satisfy Mr T; who paidhim his wages's and, deducting his liveries, sent him after the others.Coachee also was very glad to go--had always lived with _gentlemen_before. Meets the lady's maid, who tells him Mrs T is much too ill tocome down to breakfast. Rather fortunate, as there was no breakfast tobe had. Dresses himself, gets into a pair-horse coach, arrives at theWhite Horse Cellar, swallows his breakfast, goes to Bow Street, commitsMr Mortimer, _alias_ Snobbs, and his confederates for trial. Hires ajob-man to bring the horses up for sale, and leaves his carriage at thecoachmaker's. Obtains a temporary footman, and then Mr T returns tohis villa. A very good morning's work. Finds Mrs T up in the parlour,very much surprised and shocked at his conduct--at no Mr Mortimer--atno servants, and indebted to her own maid for a cup of tea. Morerecriminations--more violence--another threat of alimony, and thecarriage ordered, that she may seek counsel. No coachman--no carriage--no horses--no nothing, as her maid declares. Mrs T locks herself up inher room, and another day is passed with as little matrimonial comfortas can be expected.
In the meantime, the news flies in every direction. Brentford is fullof it. Mr T had been living too fast--is done up--had been had up atBow Street--creditors had poured in with bills--servants discharged--carriage and horses seized. Mrs T, poor creature, in hysterics, andnobody surprised at it; indeed, everybody expected it. The Peters ofPetercumb Hall heard it, and shook their heads at the many upstartsthere were in the world. Mr Smith requested the Right Honourable LordViscount Babbleton never to mention to his father the Right HonourableMarquis of Spring-guns, that he had ever been taken to see the Turnbullsor that he, Mr Smith, would infallibly lose his situation in _esse_,and his living in _posse_: and Monsieur and Madame Tagliabue were evenmore astounded; but they felt deeply, and resolved to pay a visit thenext morning, at least Monsieur Tagliabue did, and Madame acknowledgedto the propriety of it.
The next morning some little order had been restored; the footman hiredhad been given in charge of a sufficient quantity of plate, the rest hadbeen locked up. The cook was to stay her month; the housemaid had nowish to leave; and as for the lady's maid, she would remain as long asshe could to console her poor mistress, and accept what she was inclinedto give her in return, in any way of clothes, dresses, etcetera,although, of course, she could not hurt her character by remaining toolong in a family where there was no carriage, or gentlemen out oflivery. Still Mr T did obtain some breakfast, and had just finishedwhen Monsieur Tagliabue was announced, and was received.
"Ah! Monsieur T, I hope madame is better. Madame Tagliabue did nothingbut cry all last night when she heard the very bad news about de debt,and all dat."
"Very much obliged to Madame," replied Turnbull, gruffly; "and now, praysir, what may be your pleasure?"
"Ah! Monsieur Turnbull, I feel very much for you; but suppose agentleman no lose his _honour_, what matter de money?" (Mr Turnbullstared.) "You see, Monsieur Turnbull, honour be everything to agentleman. If a gentleman owe money to one rascally tradesfellow, andnot pay him, dat no great matter; but he always pay de debt of honour.Every gentleman pay dat. Here, Monsieur Turnbull," (and the littleFrenchman pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket), "be a leetlenote of Madame Turnbull, which she gave to Madame Tagliabue, in whichshe acknowledged she owe two hundred pounds for money lost at _ecarte_.Dat you see, Monsieur Turnbull, be what gentlemen call debt of honour,which every gentleman pay, or else he lose de character, and be calledone blackguard by all the world. Madame Tagliabue and I too much fondof you and Madame Turnbull not to save your character, and so I come byher wish to beg you to settle this leetle note--this _leetle_ debt of_honour_;" and Monsieur Tagliabue laid the note on the table, with avery polite bow.
Mr Turnbull examined the note; it was as described by MonsieurTagliabue. So, thought he, now the whole story's out; she has beenswindled out of her money by this rascally French couple. "Now,Monsieur Tagliabue," said he, "allow me to put a question or two beforeI pay this money; and if you answer me sincerely, I shall raise noobjection. I think Mrs T has already lost about six hundred pounds at_ecarte_ before?" (Monsieur T, who presumed that Mrs Turnbull had madehim acquainted with the fact, answered in the affirmative.) "And I thinkthat two months ago she never knew what _ecarte_ was."
"Dat is true; but the ladies are very quick to learn."
"Well, but now, do you think that, as she knew nothing about the game,and you and your wife are well acquainted with it, it was honourable onyour part to allow her to lose so much money!"
"Ah! Monsieur, when a lady say she will play _comment faire_, what canyou do?"
"But why did you never play at this house, Monsieur?"
"Ah! Monsieur Turnbull, it is for de lady of de house to propose degame."
"Very true," replied Mr Turnbull, writing a cheque for the two hundredpounds; "there is your money, Mr Tagliabue; and now that you are paid,allow me to observe that I consider you and your wife a couple ofswindlers; and beg that you will never enter my doors again."
"Vat you say, sir! _Swind-lare_! God dam! Sar, I will havesatisfaction."
"You've got your money--is that sufficient, or do you want anythingelse?" replied Mr T, rising from his chair.
"Yes, sar, I do want more--I will have more."
"So you shall, then," replied Mr Turnbull, kicking him out of the roomalong the passage, and out of the front door.
Monsieur Tagliabue turned round every now and then, and threatened, andthen tried to escape, as he perceived the upraised boot of Mr Turnbull.When fairly out of the house he turned round, "Monsieur Turnbull, Iwill have de satisfaction, de terrible satisfaction, for this. Youshall pay. By God, sar, you shall pay--de money for this."
That evening Mr Turnbull was summoned to appear at Bow Street on thefollowing morning for the assault. He met Monsieur Tagliabue with hislawyer, and acknowledged that he had kicked him out of his house forswindling his wife, refused all accommodation, and was prepared with hisbail. Monsieur Tagliabue stormed and blustered, talked about hisacquaintance with the nobility; but the magistrate had seen too much offoreigners to place much reliance on their asseverations. "Who are you,monsieur?"
"Sar, I am a gentleman."
"What profession are you of, sir?"
"Sar, a gentleman has no profession."
"But how do you live, Monsieur Tagliabue?"
"As a gentleman always does, sar."
"You mentioned Lord Scrope just now as your particular friend, I think?"
"Yes, sar, me very intimate with Lord Scrope; me spend three months atScrope Castle with mi Lady Scrope; mi Lady Scrope very fond of MadameTagliabue."
"Very well, Monsieur Tagliabue; we must proceed wi
th another case untilMr Turnbull's bail arrives. Sit down for a little while, if youplease."
Another case was then heard, which lasted about half-an-hour; butprevious to hearing it, the magistrate, who knew that Lord Scrope was intown, had despatched a runner with a note to his lordship, and theanswer was now brought back. The magistrate read it, and smiled; wenton with the other case, and when it was finished, said, "Now, M.Tagliabue, you have said that you were intimate with Lord Scrope."
"Yes, sar, very intimate."
"Well, Lord Scrope I have the pleasure of knowing: and, as he is intown, I wrote a note to him and here is his answer. I will read it."
M. Tagliabue turned pale as the magistrate read the following:--
"DEAR SIR--A fellow of the name you mention came from Russia with me as my valet. I discharged him with dishonesty; after he left, Lady Scrope's attendant, who it appeared was, unknown to us, married to him, left also, and then I discovered the peculations to have been so extensive that had we known where to have laid hold of him, I should certainly have brought them before you. Now the affair is forgotten; but a greater scoundrel never existed;--Yours, SCROPE."
"Now, sir, what have you to say for yourself?" continued the magistratein a severe tone. M. Tagliabue fell on his knees and begged for mercyfrom the magistrate, from Lord Scrope, and lastly, from Mr Turnbull, towhom he proffered the draft for 200 pounds. The magistrate, seeing thatMr Turnbull did not take it, said to him, "Make no ceremony of takingyour money back again, Mr Turnbull; the very offer of it proves that hehas gained it dishonestly; and 600 pounds is quite enough to have lost."Mr Turnbull then took the cheque and tore it in pieces, and themagistrate ordered M. Tagliabue to be taken to the alien office, and hewas sent to the other side of the Channel, in company with his wife, toplay _ecarte_ with whomsoever he pleased. Thus ended the episode ofMonsieur Tagliabue.