“Hungry?” Ethan asks.
Famished, and my response is scooping a forkful of the salad into my mouth. I sit at the island and Ethan joins me. “Where the hell have you been?”
I shrug and mumble between bites, “Living in my car.”
“Sounds cozy.”
“Fucking Four Seasons.”
I continue to eat and Ethan fills me in on the status of our household, which is the equivalent of saying nothing changed while I was away. Rachel’s still in the hospital. Mom’s still a basket case. Dad’s back at work.
Speaking of work. “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot,” says Ethan.
“Did Dad’s company buy Sillgo?”
“Sleep in your car for two weeks and now you’re coming home a corporate tycoon?”
“Not even close. I remember the paperwork around but don’t remember if the sale went through. Was it Dad’s company that bought it?”
Ethan shrugs. “Dad mentioned something over dinner last year that there were problems with the deal and that someone else might buy it, but I never cared enough to ask what happened. Why?”
“Curious.” Maybe I don’t have anything to be worried about. Maybe Dad isn’t responsible for the destruction of Haley’s family. Even though it’s a shred of hope, it falls short within me.
“Why?” asks Ethan.
“I told you, curious.”
“No, why did you decide to live in your car?”
My gut tightens—too much food too fast. I slow up. “Dad threw me out.”
“Not that why,” he says. “Why didn’t you crash with Jack? Hell, Gavin’s already living there. One more of us there wasn’t going to hurt.”
I move a potato chunk in the container, searching for an answer. Why the fuck didn’t I go to Jack’s with my tail between my legs, begging for a place to stay? I slam the top back on the container, toss it in the fridge and throw the chicken bone into the garbage. “I didn’t need someone else in my face reminding me how I failed.”
“You didn’t fail,” says Ethan.
“If that’s true, then tell me why I’m here and Rachel’s not.”
“Because this is your home!”
Home. According to Haley, home meant a safe, warm place to fall. I scan the room as if I’ve never been here before. It’s cold. It’s unwelcoming. Dad was right the night he threw me out. I’ve never felt like I belonged. “It doesn’t seem right. I shouldn’t be here without Rachel.”
I never should have come home. All this luxury, all the excess— I don’t deserve it, especially since Rachel isn’t enjoying a damn thing lying in that hospital.
Ethan lowers his head, and, when he doesn’t say anything, I head into the foyer, then up the winding staircase. My footsteps echo as I climb the steps two at a time.
Rachel’s in the hospital with no comfort on the horizon. Haley offered her soul to me when she thought I had nothing and I hurt her by callously dropping that I get to go home when Haley has no escape from her nightmare. I’ve hurt the two most important girls in my life.
At the top of the stairs, my foot angles to the right, toward my bedroom, but my head turns in the direction of the gravitational pull of Rachel’s room. How many nights have I ended up in there?
All the nights that I felt the guilt creeping up for the sins I had committed. All the nights of being in the middle of a crowded party and suddenly struck by the sensation that I was out of place. All those nights I knocked on Rachel’s door, walked in and found relief in my sister’s easy acceptance.
And there’s the punch in the throat...Rachel always accepted me for who I was...the bad and the downright ugly...and, in my mind, I repaid the debt by protecting her. I stood up for her. I took on fights for her. I made sure she knew she was never alone.
Standing in her doorway, I can’t find the courage to turn on her light. I strain to listen...to hear her soft voice tell me to come in...to tell me that she loves me...to tell me that it’s all going to be okay.
I hear a voice...a whisper in my mind. The voice doesn’t belong to Rachel, but to Haley, and it only reflects the loneliness inside me: “I’d give anything to go home.”
My fingers grip the edges of the doorframe. “Me, too, Haley. Me, too.”
Haley
Talk about a nightmare come true. I fidget in the seat of our school’s social worker’s office, feeling a little like I’ve been chained to the stake. Government officials give me the creeps. They have the power to destroy the pathetic remnants of my family by forcing separation.
With her blond hair slicked back into a bun, Mrs. Collins sweeps in and closes the door behind her. “Sorry for the delay. I had...well...a thing.” She smiles widely on the word thing. Do they get excited when they ruin families? Is it their occupational benefit?
“That’s okay.” I nibble on a fingernail as my mind searches for the reason for this meeting. It can’t be illegal for us to reside with my uncle, or is there a limit to the number of people that can live under one roof?
Her cluttered office reminds me of my grandfather’s except hers has a woman’s touch with pink polka-dotted curtains and cutesy frames with cutesy sayings on the wall. No wonder the two of them got along.
“Did your grandfather find a volunteer for the gym?” she asks.
“Sort of.” John was searching for a volunteer so he didn’t have to pay anyone to wash the mats and bags, but because West can’t pay gym fees, the two of us have been cleaning after we train on Friday and Saturday nights.
West and I have been training together for three weeks and I’ve been impressed. He does possess raw talent and he’s a quick study, but when I start to contemplate how much he needs to learn to go against Conner, I grow nauseous. There’s no way it can be done.
As if I’m a prisoner searching for an escape, I survey the room again. West, West, West, West. I can’t stop thinking about him. His family asked him to return home and he did, but I can tell by the hurt in his eyes that things aren’t fixed.
Thinking of West causes me to sigh and Mrs. Collins squishes her mouth to the side. She lets it slide as she clicks her mouse and her computer springs to life. “If you don’t mind, I need to send a quick email.”
“Okay.” West and I have never discussed the night he stayed with me. It’s like it never happened and sometimes I wonder if I dreamed it. But the memory of his lips hot against my skin, of his hand on my stomach— My breathing hitches. It definitely happened.
Actually, West did mention that night the first day we trained together after he moved home. He only said, “It’ll be simple. For now. Until I know you’re ready for more.”
For now... Ready for more. My heart flutters. No. No fluttering is allowed. West and I work better together as simple. Not complicated, but the thought of his mouth near mine....
Stop it! Focus on something. Anything.
With her fingers still moving, Mrs. Collins glances at me from the corner of her eye. “Is there something you’d like to talk about?”
“No.” Not at all.
She finishes. “You seem a bit nervous. I promise—I’m completely harmless. Though I have one ex-student who claims I can’t drive, but no need to worry. We won’t be leaving the office.” She winks and grins like we’re friends.
Guess I’ve been as twitchy as a rat in a meth lab.
“I pulled you out of class because one of your teachers told me you’re trying to apply for the Longworth scholarship?”
I nod. Is it a crime to ask for teacher recommendations?
“It only pays for books,” she says.
“I know.”
Mrs. Collins opens a file, slips out a piece of paper and hands it to me. “This is the Evans scholarship. It’ll pay for four years of tuition for a person majoring in kin
esiology.”
I sit straighter and handle the paper as if it’s gold. “A full ride?”
“Yes.” She brightens and I wait for rainbows to appear behind her and blue birds to land on her shoulder. Mrs. Collins definitely is too happy of a person or maybe I’ve been down for so long that I’ve forgotten what happiness is.
She loses a bit of the rainbow as she folds her hands on her desk and settles into her serious face. “But it’s an extremely competitive scholarship and this isn’t a simple essay and transcript situation. Students from across the nation will be sending in videos showing why they would be the best candidate.”
I scan the three pages while dread and hope battle for dominion. Oh, my God, I actually have a shot at winning this, but I’ll have to find some footage of my old fights and videotape me training West. I can show his training from beginning to end. And this is where the dread eats the hope. He’s going to need to spar, which means I will, too.
“Haley?” Mrs. Collins says. “Are you okay? You look a little pale.”
“I’m fine.” I run a hand through my hair. “Thank you for this. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.”
The smile on her face is so sincere that I relax in my chair. Maybe she’s not out to destroy me.
“Your grandfather speaks highly of you. He’s very proud of your accomplishments in his gym and at school.”
The relaxing turns to sagging. Great—guilt. One parent–teacher conference and they’re best friends for life. I pretend to read the application while she taps a pen against the desk. “When I first began social work, I was hired as a case worker in a homeless shelter.”
My eyes shoot to hers and she steadily holds my gaze. She knows. Dear God, she knows.
“It’s not easy to be without a home. It’s confusing and scary and if it’s that way for an adult, it has to be twice as terrifying for a teenager. I know you’re no longer there, but I also know things are still floating. Unfortunately, the state isn’t allowing me to take you on as a client, but because I work in this school you can talk to me anytime and my door will always be open.”
“How do you know?”
“Your parents didn’t sign up for the parent–teacher conference and then I couldn’t reach them by phone and the letter was returned, so I found your grandfather. Haley, he really does care about you.”
Care about me? I crave to crush his throat. He told her our family’s private business. Why didn’t he lie? Why didn’t he say it was a mistake? Why didn’t he tell her that we have a home?
I stand, wanting to leave, but not sure if I’m allowed. The scholarship application crackles in my hand. “Are you taking me away from my family?” The words slip out and I immediately wish I could take them back.
She shakes her head. “Regardless of what you believe, the state isn’t interested in destroying you or your family, and, from what I understand, you’re living in a safe environment. We’re here to help, Haley. I’m here to help.”
At the word safe, a bubble of hysterical laughter wells up inside me and bursts out of my mouth. The sound is definitely out of place and instead of making me feel better the laughter twists an already too-tight spring. Dizzy with the crazy emotions, I stumble for the door. Right as I touch the knob, I sober up and freeze.
Not that I’m complaining. “What do you mean you aren’t allowed to take me on?”
She leans back in her seat and the quirky set of her lips and eyes reminds me of how Jax stares at his opponent before entering the ring—as if she’s trying to figure out my next move. “My job at this school is to help those who the state believes need a little extra push in the right direction. Regardless of how I tried to convince the powers that be, you don’t fit the requirements for my program.”
I slump against the wall in relief. Oh, thank God, I can stop worrying about CPS arriving at the door and dragging me and Maggie away. “That’s good.”
“I guess,” she says. “But my gut says you need to talk to someone, and I have a sinking feeling once you walk out, I’ll never see you again.”
A twinge of guilt rocks me because every word out of her mouth is absolutely true: I do need to talk to somebody. I want to open my mouth and vomit out all that has happened, to take the darkness and give it to somebody else. I want the nastiness and decay out of my body, out of my soul, and maybe if I expelled it in words, then maybe, just maybe, the rot would be gone.
But it’s like my windpipe has collapsed and my voice box was taken hostage. To tell her about my life—losing my home, what happened with Matt—that would mean exposing myself.
I trusted Matt and that didn’t work out, and I was stupid enough to talk to West and he hasn’t acknowledged a word I said since it happened.
“Thanks,” I say to her while turning the knob. “But I’m fine.”
West
In the cafeteria, Haley drops into the seat across from me and immediately pops a French fry into her mouth. “I’m considering tying your hands to your head. Maybe that way you’ll keep your guard up.”
I chuckle. Haley isn’t a “Hi” and useless conversation type of girl. She’s direct, to the point, not capable of bullshit, and I’m falling harder for her every day. I’m completely fucked because she’s damned insistent that we keep things “simple.” “I’m keeping my guard up.”
“What. Ever.”
I’ve been waiting for some sort of confirmation that she might see us as more than friends. More than coach and student. I slather a French fry in the ketchup, then push my tray away, wondering how much Haley’s had to eat all week. “Want to go to dinner tonight? Before we work out? My treat.”
She shakes her head without looking at me. “I’ve got to work before we go to the gym. You know, bills and all.” Weak smile on her part.
“What time do you get off? I’ll pick you up and get you to the gym.”
Haley scowls at her plate. She hates accepting help, but she mumbles, “Seven.”
For the first time since Rachel’s accident, I spot Isaiah at school. He walks in the side door pure night of the living dead—pale, dark circles under his eyes, the whole dead-on-his-feet montage. I stare at him and he assesses me like I’m scum.
I glance away first. He’s been standing by my sister, holding her hand, making her happy when I can’t. That deserves some respect.
Haley’s gaze flickers between the two of us. “You know him?”
“He’s Rachel’s boyfriend.”
Both of Haley’s eyebrows rise. “No kidding.”
“Wish I was.”
“How’d that happen?”
I shrug because I only know what others have told me. “They met drag racing.”
“Wow. Adrenaline rushes must be a family thing.”
I chuckle, never having thought of it that way. “Do you know him?”
“He lives in the same neighborhood as me, but I don’t know anything more than rumors and we both know that rumors typically aren’t true.”
We drop the subject of Isaiah and move on to fight strategy. When a scuffle in the corner draws her attention, I toss my remaining French fries onto her plate. I hold my breath when she turns back and breathe again when she doesn’t appear to notice. If I got caught doing that shit, she’d kick my ass.
“So I have this thing,” she says.
Interesting. “A thing?”
“Yeah, a thing.” Haley rummages through her backpack and withdraws a stapled-together pack of papers. “It’s a scholarship. A full ride and I really need it.”
She pauses and I feel like shit.
“Anyway,” she continues. “I have to submit a video and I’d like to tape me training you and some of your workouts to show why I’m a good candidate for the scholarship.”
I wiggle my fingers and she places the paperwor
k in my hands. Haley sucks in her bottom lip as she watches me from across the lunch table. “I’ll understand if you say no.”
Like I could say no to that face. “You didn’t have to create a big deal to get a video of me with my shirt off. I’d take it off if you simply asked.”
“Bwha...” It’s a short, sexy sound that accompanies an open mouth and red cheeks. I love it when she blushes. Since our night together, I’ve cut back on the sexual innuendos, but if she’s going to draw attention to her lips, then all bets are off.
I flip through the scholarship paperwork and the guilt that’s been killing me for the past three weeks mushrooms. With Haley’s current family situation, she needs this money and my father may be to blame. I’m home. She’s not. My life continues on as normal. She’s still living the nightmare. “Whatever you need, I’m your guy.”
Those gorgeous dark eyes brighten and her fork clangs against the tray when she drops it. “For real?”
“Yeah.” The least I can do is let her videotape our sessions.
Becoming the exact opposite of the hard-core drill instructor busting my ass at the gym, Haley claps her hands. Last night she continually screamed at me to keep up my guard as I ducked and weaved while pounding out a three-one kick combination on a bag.
She pushes her chair back and springs to my side of the table, wrapping both arms around my neck. “Thank you!”
Her hair falls forward, caressing my face, and her intoxicating scent envelops me. The memories of holding her all night flash in my mind. Never in my life have I felt such belonging and peace as when I lay awake watching her sleep.
My arms slide along her spine and, as I go to stand, she shifts back and kisses my cheek. Soft lips caress my skin and my fist clutches a strand of her hair. My heart beats hard and I turn my head, hoping to catch her mouth with mine. Our gazes meet and lust darkens her eyes.