“No.” But my intestines twist at how close I was to taking a swing at Matt. I hate being played. “So what if Matt and I go at it instead of me and Conner? I’d rather go against that bastard.”
“Good, because you probably will. I’m ready for the spoiler— If it does come down to you and Matt in the cage, if he hands your ass to you, will Matt be right? Can you stand to look the girl you care for in the eye knowing that in public her ex proved he’s stronger than you?”
Haley
My mouth dries out and a weird pressure compresses my throat, almost as if a ghost cups my neck and squeezes. Sitting on the mats next to the ring, I slowly wrap my hands. Each layer a confirmation of a death sentence. It’s strange how I used to love this ritual and how I loved being in the ring. Stepping under the rope, I’d leave behind who I was in my everyday life, and I’d emerge on the other side with a clear mind—every thought and movement calm and precise.
With one hit, Matt stole my joy and made me terrified of the few things in life I enjoyed.
There’s a shift in the gym—a jovial mood among everyone else. The guys I’ve known a good portion of my life are eager to see my return to the ring and the new guys that have heard of me from rumors or have possibly seen one of my fights in person or on YouTube seem to be excited, too. Not too long ago, I held a national title. Now I’m a fraud.
Jax crouches in front of me, swiping my boxing gloves off the floor. “Me or Kaden?”
I lift my eyebrows, confused as to what he’s asking.
“Who do you want to spar with? Me or Kaden?”
He undoes the Velcro and holds out the hole for me to sink my hand into. I remain silent, too stunned by the offer. I love him and my brother. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them.
I shove my hand in and Jax secures the glove. “You’ve avoided sparring, so I’m guessing you’ve got a mental block. We’ll go easy. A few hit series, a couple of low kicks for shits and giggles. Nothing fancy.”
I slip on my headgear, then let Jax help me with the other glove. “That’s not what John had in mind. He wants me to spar.”
“You’re wrong. He wants you back.”
Jax stands and I place a glove on his arm. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For Matt.” For betraying my family. “For everything.”
Jax glances over his shoulder and I’m startled to see Kaden on the other side of the ropes. He nods and Jax playfully mocks a two-one combo in his direction. “Water under the bridge, but this doesn’t mean we’re good with West. If he’s with you, he’s got to earn our respect.”
I go to rip off the gloves. If they aren’t going to help me train West, then I’m not sparring. Jax plants his hand over the Velcro. “You go into the ring—we help you. The kid is bad news, but at least now we’ll be there to have your back.”
“You’ve always had my back,” I say with a grin to lighten the mood.
He shakes his head. “It’s hard to help someone when they’re damned insistent on doing all their own fighting.”
Jax offers a hand off the floor and I accept. “West’s a good guy and I care about him.” Possibly more than care.
“He’s an unknown and he’s got a temper. Remember, I saw him lose it last night.”
My heart plunges because Jax is right. West permits his emotions to rule him and that will be a problem in the cage.
John slams the door to his office. “If I wanted an audience, I would have sold tickets. Back to work!”
The smack of punches on the bags and the tap of fighters knocking out combinations against each other fill the gym, but it doesn’t take much to notice it’s halfhearted.
John grabs a pair of punch mitts, bends under the ropes and enters the ring.
“I thought I was sparring.” I motion toward the mitts on his hands.
“You will, but I told you we’re starting slow.”
I follow him into the ring. Since returning to the gym, I’ve only done bag work with John. I’ve used the mitts with West, but I’ve yet to really throw a punch at anyone. John holds the mitts near his head. I inhale deeply and my guard goes up. One second. Another.
I hit Matt in anger, but he struck me first and it hurt. If I didn’t fight back, would it have gone as far as it did? If I weren’t trained, would he have even hit me? Where do Matt’s choices end and mine begin? I drop my guard. “What if I can’t do it?”
John widens his arms so that the targets are at arm’s length. “Then we’ll ease you in slower. Jab, cross.” He shakes his right hand. “Then jab, cross.” And shakes his left. “Let’s warm you up.”
“Okay.” Some of the tightness unfurls. No punches toward the head. I can do this. “Okay.”
My gloves slide back to my temples and my feet rock into position. Okay.
West
With Abby’s words fresh on my mind and Haley’s decision to be made, I head straight to the gym. If she’s going to butcher my heart, she can do it now, not at school.
The bags near the front door are empty, but a crowd gathers around the boxing ring. A roar of approval ripples from the guys watching the show. In the corner of the ring, Kaden slips on his headgear and gloves, then says something to Jax, who stands on the other side of the ropes. The two of them confer like a coach instructing a student.
I work through the BO-laden crowd, bobbing my head to find Haley. The guys decked out in workout clothes yell again and I discover her in the last spot I’d thought to look—the ring.
John and Haley dance around each other, a demented tango. With mitts on his hands, John aims for her head. Haley ducks and fires back with machine-gun punches to the mitts near his face: double jab, right hook to the head. John grunts with each punch, just like Haley does with me—keeping up the tempo, rewarding her for the hit.
Haley is lean and gorgeous with a sheen of sweat over her body. Her long hair is gathered together at the nape of her neck and her face is barely visible from the headgear and with her held guard. There’s a lethalness about Haley. It’s more than the way her shoulders roll forward and how fast she strikes. It’s the serious gleam in her eye. Haley in that ring means business.
“Never forget she can kick your ass.” Jax saddles up beside me. “And if she doesn’t, I will.”
I ignore him as John combines both mitts and lifts them in the air. Haley nails a double high kick with a power that could kill a man. My eyes widen as the crowd shouts for more. John slams his mitts together and continues to dance around Haley. “That’s right, Hays. That’s right!”
John turns and shouts for Kaden. The guys clap as John whispers instructions into Kaden’s ear.
“What’s the big deal?” I ask.
Jax surveys me, head to toe, then back up. “You really don’t know, do you?”
I scratch my jaw, pride preventing me from giving an answer.
He grins at my nonresponse. “Haley’s a national titleholder.”
Shit. I never asked and she never told. I shift and Jax chuckles.
“Beyond that? This is the first time Haley’s honest to God trained here in over a year and in a few seconds this will be the first time she’s sparred in over six months.”
My head snaps to Jax, the shock registering an earthquake in my system. “She trains here all the time.”
“When she left Black Fire, she left fighting. She agreed to come back to the gym, but she refuses to engage. What you’re witnessing is her resurrection.”
“Last time I checked, you and I aren’t friends. So why the feel-good moment?”
“She’s more than you and better than you and I’m fine with you seeing it. Haley’s already been through hell and neither Kaden nor I will permit a return visit. Got it, amigo?”
I turn my attention to the ring, tryin
g to sort through Jax’s words. Haley left fighting when she left Matt. I run a hand through my hair to shake out the mental cobwebs. She didn’t stop just dating fighters; she stopped fighting. The image of her nursing her hand the night we met, the fight we had in my car and how angry she was that she hit someone and was hit in return—it all flashes in my mind.
In the middle of the ring, Kaden nods his chin and lifts his arm, glove out. Haley’s hesitant on her side of the ring as she leans against the post. The crowd yells at Haley to accept and I step forward. Jax throws out his arm like a railway gate. “She made a deal with John over this. Don’t embarrass her.”
“What deal?”
“Like you don’t know, and if you don’t, figure it out.”
I roll on the balls of my feet, gravity begging to rush the ring. “He’s bigger than her.”
“And Haley can drop his ass. This isn’t a real fight and she knows it. A few hit series. That’s it. If she’s going to be worth a damn again, inside or outside of that ring, Haley’s got to engage.”
I straighten and go toe-to-toe with Jax. “She doesn’t have to.”
His green eyes harden as he invades my space. “She does if she wants to save your ass like she says she does. Haven’t you wondered why you aren’t training with the rest of us?”
Fuck this. I round away from Jax and fight through the crowd right as Haley pushes off the post. Before I can reach the ropes, Haley taps her glove against Kaden’s and the two immediately slam their guards against their heads and begin to circle.
She’s smaller than him, possibly a hundred pounds lighter, and every instinct screams to slide in front of her. If he wasn’t her brother, I’d be in between them in a heartbeat. Kaden turns his guard, hiding his face and exposing his wrists. Haley answers with a jab, cross into his gloves. With their guards still in check, they move again and Haley turns her wrists to Kaden and he throws the same jab, cross.
Haley slips back and lowers her guard. Color drains from her face. “I can’t.”
“Come on, Hays. Don’t give in. Just a few hits.” Kaden turns his wrists out to Haley again.
She sucks in a breath and my pulse pounds in my ears. There’s fear in her eyes. With the release of air, she rejoins the dance. They continue to hit each other’s wrists, the punches increase in frequency, adding low kicks to the thighs, all of it methodical.
My grip on the rope tightens as the round continues and each strike grows in intensity. Kaden throws a jab and Haley fumbles with her guard right as Kaden goes for the hook. His glove connects against her headgear behind her ear. Her head snaps to the left with the blow.
Kaden’s hands drop and he reaches for Haley. “I’m sorry—”
The answering cross comes hard and fast, too fast for Kaden to raise his guard, and she lands the punch on his jaw. He reacts by tossing out an arm to block the jab, but Haley throws another cross, following up with a cut kick behind the knees. Kaden’s body pounds to the floor and the gym vibrates.
A flash of blond breezes past me and, following Jax’s lead, I’m under the ropes. Haley is already turned away, tearing her gloves off with her teeth, her breath coming out hard and fast. John’s in front of her, mumbling shit, and she screams at him, “Get away!”
Haley
John’s fingers wrap around my biceps and I freak. Completely. I jerk out of his grasp and throw back my arm, prepared to punch if he touches me again.
He tosses his hands in the air. “Easy, Haley.”
“I said get away!” The words tear through my throat with such force that the chords of my voice box strain. “I can’t do this! I told you I can’t do this!”
The world blurs from colors to shades of gray, then back to colors again.
John nods but doesn’t do what I ask. He’s too near. Everyone is too near. It’s like the gym is shrinking. I rip at the Velcro of the hand wrap and I need the material off now, but it won’t come off. It’s attached to me. Just like Matt’s blood is still attached to me.
I’m stained and ruined. I hit my brother in anger and sent him to the floor. An ache develops in my chest, near my heart, and breathing becomes difficult. Why can’t I get these wraps off? “Get them off!”
But when John nears me, I step back and shake my head to the point he trembles in my vision. I need the material off, I need to get away and not fight ever again. I’m evil when I fight and if John touches me, I’ll hurt him, too.
“Let me do it.”
I suck in a breath when West dips under the ropes. Oh, my God, he’s seeing this. He’s seeing me. The real me. The poseur. The fraud. The patheticness. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
West moves toward me with the slow, confident swagger that only he possesses. “Only way you could do that is to tell me to stay away. You know kick-ass girls turn me on.”
As if there was a breeze, the haze clears just enough to create a small focused thought. “I want my wraps off.” I lift my palm to reveal how I’ve murdered the set on my left hand.
Like a thief, West slips into my personal space. “I can see that. Do you mind if I give it a crack? I’m quite talented when it comes to taking clothes off of pretty girls.”
I’d normally laugh because that statement is so West, but I don’t. Instead, I extend my arm. West cradles my hand in both of his and slides his thumb against the exposed skin. “I’ll do this slow and then we’ll get out of here. Just you and me. What do you think?”
Something wet threatens the corner of my eye. Sweat maybe? I’m not sure. “Okay.”
“Good.” He begins to untangle the material that’s knotted like necklaces shaken together in a jewelry box. “There’s too many people here for my liking. I prefer to kiss you in private.”
As if from a distance, someone shouts something about clearing out and I sort of recognize the voice as John’s.
“Kaden hit me behind the ear,” I say as if that will help him understand.
“I saw.” He meets my eyes and his hands pause. “Are you hurt?”
I’m broken. “No.”
Guilt rushes through me. My eyes dart until I spot Kaden, but I don’t have to look far. He’s beside me and Jax is next to him. How could I not have noticed? “Are you okay?”
He beats his chest twice. “Made of stone, remember? Plus it’s not the first time you’ve taken me down. How about you, Hays? You okay?”
No. “I’m sorry.” And I stop because my throat closes. I hold my breath when my eyes burn. I hit my brother. When Kaden’s glove connected to my head, my mind flashed to Matt and I hit my brother. I caused him pain—on purpose. I can’t fight. I shouldn’t fight. “I’m sorry.”
“She’s shaking,” says Jax.
Cold air caresses my fingers as West frees the wraps. “I’m getting her out of here.”
“Not to her uncle’s.” John walks up next to West. “Her blood sugar’s dropping. Get her something to eat and that’ll help with the shock. Kaden, Jax—meet Haley at the front door of the house at midnight. She doesn’t need her uncle’s crap tonight.”
West slides his jacket off and tosses it around my shoulders. He shouldn’t be nice to me. “I hit my brother.” In anger.
West brushes his fingers against my cheek and cups my face in his palms. “It’s okay.”
“John,” says Jax. “Maybe she should stay with us.”
“I want you,” I whisper to West.
“Then you’ll have me. Can you walk?”
I nod, but my legs don’t move. West bends over; then my feet are dangling and my body is cradled tightly to his. I rest my head on his shoulder because it’s too heavy to hold and plus...I like his warmth.
“It’s okay, Haley,” West says as he carries me past the bags for the door. “It’s okay.”
West
Fresh out
of the shower and in a borrowed purple sweater and jeans from Rachel’s room, Haley twirls the fettuccine Alfredo I heated for her onto the fork and slides it into her mouth. Dad’s away on business, Mom’s staying the night at the hospital and my brothers are God knows where. Long story short—we’re completely alone.
Haley and I sit next to each other on the floor of my room and lean against the end of my bed. Some girl-movie Rachel’s watched a million times plays on the flat screen. I put it on for Haley, hoping it would make her smile and distract her. She watches it, and, while color has returned to her cheeks, her eyes are flat and dull.
“This is a lot better than deer meat,” she says.
It seems like years ago when the two of us shared a simple meal on the floor of the attic. “We have a guy who cooks a couple of times a week. Our fridge is always stocked.”
She creates an H in her nearly demolished bowl of noodles. “That must be nice.”
Until I was thrown out, I took it for granted. Along with a million other things. “Are we going to discuss what happened earlier?”
In midbite, Haley coughs, then forces down the swallow. “Do we have to?”
“Yeah.”
“I got hit and freaked out. I guess I’m rusty.”
“What did Matt do to you?”
She slams the bowl to the floor and the fork clanks. “Nothing.”
Bullshit. “You turn white every time you see him, and Jax told me you stopped fighting six months ago—the same time you broke up with Matt. Jax also told me you held a national title. National titleholders don’t walk. Matt did something and I want to know what he did.”
A fire ignites in Haley—the same inferno as the night we met. “Jax needs to keep his mouth shut.”
“Maybe you need to learn how to talk.” And I hit the nail on the head and I’m much closer than I’d prefer. The pieces fall into place: Haley freaking about fighting, about dating a fighter, then how hard she’s fighting me now. A dangerous undercurrent of anger floods my veins. “Did Matt hit you?”