But in further conversations with Mrs. Parsons, the social worker explained that some clothing for Grace was necessary if the child was to be brought to them as soon as the hearing took place.
Hannah and Jenny set out one night intending to buy a single outfit and a pair of pajamas. Instead they came home with leggings and flowered T-shirts, jeans and frilly socks, two dresses with smocking and lace, a floor-length pink nightgown, and a package of multicolored hair bows. Just in case she had long hair.
Matt chuckled at the array of clothing spread across the dining room table that night. “I think Grace is covered for the first few days, anyway.” He put his arm around Hannah and kissed her forehead.
“Actually, we held back.” Jenny grinned as she ran her fingers over the soft cotton leggings. “My little sister needs nice clothes, you know.”
Later, when Jenny was out with friends, Matt and Hannah took a stroll along the beach. The night was warm, signaling the coming summer. Matt wove his fingers between Hannah’s, and for a while neither of them spoke. Hannah savored the ocean breeze on her face, the warmth of Matt’s strong hand in hers, the way she felt safe and protected in his presence. The way he had always made her feel since the accident.
Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined a life with anyone but Tom Ryan. But now she was in love with life once more, amazed that God had provided her with not one, but two men capable of capturing her heart.
Matt broke the silence first, his voice as gentle and soothing as the winds from the Pacific. “Are you worried? About the risk?”
It was something they hadn’t talked about. Mrs. Parsons didn’t expect there to be a problem. If Grace’s mother was put in prison, the judge would begin the process of terminating her rights that same day. And only then would Grace be placed in their home. The process seemed safe enough to Hannah.
“Are you?” Hannah had already dismissed the risks associated with adopting Grace. If the child’s mother was sent to prison and Grace came to be their daughter, no one could ever take her away. Hannah was sure of it. Imagining risks now made Hannah’s future feel no more stable than the sand beneath her feet.
“There’s a risk.” Matt’s steps were slow and thoughtful as he caught her gaze and held it. “No matter how small.”
Hannah swallowed. “I can’t think that far ahead.” She sidestepped a pile of seaweed. “If the judge starts the termination process, then the law’s on our side. I have to believe that.”
They walked a bit further, and Matt stopped. He reached for a piece of driftwood and flung it out to sea, watching as it disappeared beneath the waves. “The law’s a funny thing.” He looked at her again. “It won’t be final until her mother’s rights are legally severed. You need to understand that.” He paused. “Just in case.”
Hannah shifted her gaze toward the dark ocean and felt the sting of tears. Alicia’s face came to mind—beautiful, intelligent, and kind. Alicia’s future had been brighter than the sun, but today she lived in heaven. “Nothing’s for sure.” She faced Matt and placed her hands on his shoulders. Her eyes held his, and she waited for the lump in her throat to subside. “I learned that much four years ago.”
“Okay.” Matt nodded, love overflowing from his heart to hers. “As long as you understand.”
“I don’t want to think about it, but I understand.”
Matt wove his hands around Hannah’s waist and clasped them near the small of her back. The chill from the wet evening air disappeared. “What should she call us? Have you thought of that?”
Hannah smiled. “Mommy and Daddy. Because that’s what we’ll be.”
Matt brushed a lock of her long hair back from her face. “So you’re not worried.”
She smiled despite the tears that pooled in her eyes. “Worrying doesn’t help. I worried all the time before the accident and it didn’t make a bit of difference when Tom and Alicia were killed.” Her throat was thick with emotion, but a single ripple of laughter made its way up. She rubbed the tip of her nose against Matt’s. “If Grace comes to live with us, then she’s our little girl.” She closed her eyes and she could see Alicia waving good-bye from the backseat of the Bronco that long-ago summer day. “Whether we have her for a day or a lifetime.”
The waiting was worse than anything Matt could remember. Especially because there was a chance it was ushering in a season that might end in devastating loss. He tried not to think about the fact, but his legal background told him anything was possible.
One week turned to two, and on May 11, Jade and Tanner came over to see Jenny off for her senior prom.
“Jenny, you’re breathtaking. You look just like your mother.” Jade hugged her.
“Jade’s right, sweetheart.” Matt stood nearby, his heart all lit up inside. “You and your mother could be sisters.”
“I don’t know about that.” Hannah giggled from across the room, her eyes shining with pride. “But there’s no doubt you’ll be the prettiest girl at the dance.”
Tanner put an arm around Jenny and squeezed her shoulders. “Ty’s at baseball practice, but he says hi. Oh, and not to worry. He’ll miss his game the day of your graduation.” He winked at Matt. “Thanks for letting us share your day.”
Jenny glowed under the attention and adoration, and Matt couldn’t help but feel his heart swell. Some days it seemed like only yesterday when he burst into Jenny’s room and found her nearly dead, bottles of pills spilled around the bed from her attempted suicide. Watching her now, tall and lean, with the curves of a young woman, it was hard to believe four years had passed since that awful time.
The distance Jenny had come since then was a race that could only have been run with God, and Matt was most thankful for Jenny’s faith. A faith that added an angelic glow to her considerable beauty.
Matt pulled Jenny aside before her date arrived and took her hands. “You’ll be the most beautiful girl at the dance.” He kissed her cheek. “I want you to know how proud I am of you.”
“Thanks.” Jenny’s eyes were watery and she smiled. There was a gentle silence between them, and Jenny’s face grew serious. “A long time ago I asked you whether you loved my mom, remember?”
Matt felt his expression soften. “Yes. Outside the jail. After the verdict against the drunk driver.”
“Right.” Jenny blinked and two tears left tracks across her made-up cheeks. She dabbed at them and laughed at herself. “I wasn’t going to cry.”
Matt reached for a tissue and handed it to her. Then he told her the same thing he’d always said when her losses seemed overwhelming, when tears overflowed the walls around her heart: “Tears are okay, Jenny. They mean you’re breathing.”
She smiled and nodded. “Anyway,” her gaze met his, and he could see how much of the little girl had faded from her face these past years. “I’m glad the answer was yes. You’ve made my mom so happy. And you’ve made us a family again.” She sniffed, her eyes more serious than before. “Maybe … maybe I don’t say it enough, but I love you, Matt. You may not be my daddy, but you’re my father. I think of you that way more than you know.”
Matt hugged her tightly. There would be other times like this … the day he would walk Jenny down the aisle in place of the dad she’d lost, the day she would have her firstborn.
But this day, this moment, would remain in the treasure chest of his memory forever. Her feelings for him were more of a gift than she knew, and it took him a moment to find his voice. “I love you, too, honey. You’ll always be my oldest girl.”
He wondered about Grace then, about raising a little girl who had suffered so little love in her early years. “I hope Grace grows up to be just like you.” He grinned at Jenny and reached for his camera. “Come on. Your mom’s waiting. I think she wants about a million pictures.”
By the time the hearing for Grace’s mother arrived two days later, Hannah had the photographs of Jenny’s night developed and in a scrapbook. In fact, she was more organized than she’d been in years. Anyth
ing to pass the time.
Matt and Jenny both stayed home with Hannah that morning, each of them silently finding ways to keep busy. Hannah pictured the courtroom somewhere on the other side of the Santa Monica Mountains and imagined what stage the proceedings might be at.
Do any of them know what’s at stake?
At eleven o’clock the phone rang. Hannah stared at it while Matt and Jenny hurried in from other parts of the house. Her heart pounded as she reached for the receiver. “Hello?”
“Mrs. Bronzan?”
“Yes?”
“This is Mrs. Parsons from Social Services.” She hesitated while Hannah held her breath. “Grace’s mother was sentenced to fifteen years. The judge ordered termination of her parental rights to begin as soon as possible.”
The tears were instant and Hannah smothered a cry with her hand. She glanced at Matt and Jenny and nodded. “So … so you can bring her here now?”
“Yes.” The woman’s answer was quick, confident. “Grace is waiting. I’ll have her home in time for lunch.”
Hannah hung up the phone and hugged Matt and Jenny as tight as she could. “She’s ours!” Tears spilled onto her cheeks as she shouted for joy. “Grace is coming home!”
They made lunch together, guessing what type of personality their little girl would have. Would she be shy or silly, withdrawn or affectionate? And what would she look like? Most of all they talked about how right they felt about taking her in.
Fifteen minutes later Mrs. Parsons pulled into the drive. With Matt and Jenny at her side, Hannah saw the little girl for the first time—and her breath caught in her throat.
“Dear God …” She stared at Grace, at the child’s creamy complexion and the mass of dark blonde curls that framed her face. “I don’t believe it.”
“Mom … do you see what I see?” Jenny’s eyes were wide.
Matt’s face was blank as he looked from Hannah to Jenny and back. “What’s wrong?” He stared at the child. “She looks like an angel. So?”
Hannah shook her head, her throat dry. “No … she looks like.” She was too shocked to speak, too caught up in the vision of the child before her. Almost as though she were seeing a ghost.
“She looks—” Jenny took her mother’s hand and finished the explanation for Matt—“She looks exactly like Alicia.”
Mrs. Parsons and Grace were at the door, and Matt opened it, his eyes dancing. He smiled big. “Hi.”
The social worker grinned in return. “We’ve come to bring Grace home.”
Hannah stood two feet behind him, mesmerized by the child. Up close it was clear that though the resemblance to Alicia was uncanny, this little girl was more serious, older than her years. She would be her own person, not a replica of a daughter that was no longer with them.
But that was as it should be.
“Come in.” Matt motioned to Mrs. Parsons, stooped down, and placed his hands on his thighs. “Hi there, Grace.”
The child leaned into Mrs. Parsons and buried half her face. She barely lifted her hand and wiggled her fingers at Matt, looking at him with one wide eye. Then the part of her mouth that could be seen curved into a shy smile.
Grace and Mrs. Parsons stepped into the house, and Grace raised her eyes up at Hannah. “Hi.”
Hannah’s heart sang within her and she knelt near Grace. “Hi, honey.” She ran her fingers over the child’s feather-soft curls. “We’re glad you’re home.”
Grace nodded and looked at something near her feet.
A flock of questions invaded. Did she like them? Would she always be this shy? Hannah struggled to force them from her mind. It was too soon to make judgments about Grace’s personality. Of course she was shy! She’d never met them, and now she was being told this was her home, her family.
But even in those early minutes, after being brought to yet another family, Grace’s quietness faded when she met Jenny.
Hannah watched her teenage daughter kneel before the little girl.
“Hi, Grace. I’m your sister.” There was a mist of tears in Jenny’s eyes as she took the child’s hand. “My name’s Jenny.”
Grace blinked and let go of Mrs. Parsons. She came to Jenny and leaned into her arms. Then she said the one thing that convinced Hannah beyond a doubt that Grace was destined to be their daughter. More convincing than Mrs. Parsons’ phone call a few weeks ago. Even more convincing than the way Grace looked so much like Alicia.
With eyes hungry for love, Grace smiled at Jenny and said, “I always wanted a big sister.”
Edna Parsons spent nearly an hour at the Bronzans, taken by the loving way the family had welcomed the child. As Edna left, she gazed at the ocean and thought of the cozy warmth that made up the Bronzans’ home. The family had all the necessary means to give Grace a life she’d only dreamed of.
Edna sighed as she made her way back to the car, seized by a pang of fear. What if Grace’s birth mother appealed her case and was set free? What if the termination didn’t go through? What if something happened and Grace had to leave this family?
She slid into the driver’s seat and shook off the feeling. It wasn’t possible. Grace’s situation was simply too bad for any solution other than a termination of the mother’s rights.
She thought about Grace’s file, reports she’d read again just that morning. They’d been no different from hundreds of other files she’d seen in the past year, but something about Grace tugged at Edna’s heart. Maybe it was the most recent report, the one detailing the child’s removal from her mother’s care.
The details were enough to turn Edna’s stomach, and though she wasn’t a praying woman, she took a moment from her schedule and placed before God two very specific requests. First, that the Bronzans be permitted to adopt Grace.
And second, that they never learn the awful things that nearly transpired the night their new little girl was taken into protective custody.
Six
Something was wrong.
Jade was utterly nauseous, her headaches more severe than before. And on several occasions her vision had doubled. She did everything she could to rationalize the way she felt. Her age must be a factor, she told herself, or her hormones. Maybe the baby was bigger than Ty had been at this point, or possibly the stress of the miscarriage a year ago had strained her system more than she realized.
Maybe she needed glasses.
Jade tried to calmly analyze her symptoms, but each night she lay down in raw, heart-pounding fear, terrified something was wrong with the baby. Sometimes, after Tanner was asleep, she’d sit straight up in bed and stare out the window, willing her heartbeat to slow down, desperate for a grip on her emotions.
Day after day the fear ate at her, but not once did she tell Tanner. Oh, she told him when she didn’t feel well or when she had to lie down because her headaches were so bad. But she didn’t tell him her deepest fears, that there might be complications with her pregnancy. She barely acknowledged the possibility to herself.
But now, six weeks after learning she was pregnant, Jade was worried about more than the baby’s health.
She was worried about her own.
That was why, when she awoke at four in the morning one Monday in June with a splitting headache, she promised herself she’d make the call. Whatever was causing the pain in her head, it had to be checked. She’d start with Dr. Layton, a neurologist friend who worked with her at the children’s hospital. He would know what to do.
No matter how great her fear, there was no better time to go in and be seen. Ty had spent the night at a neighbor boy’s house, and today he was going to the beach with the boy’s family. Jade had no plans whatsoever for the day.
Her head throbbed as she eased herself to a sitting position, careful not to wake Tanner. He would be up in two hours and he needed his sleep. He’d been coming home from the office earlier since Jade’s announcement, but he was so excited about the baby that they had talked until after midnight the past few nights.
Despite her pain, the
sight of her sleeping husband filled her with joy. There couldn’t be anything seriously wrong with her. Not now, not when she had everything she’d ever dreamed of with Tanner.
She brushed a lock of hair off his forehead and admired the angles of his face. He’d been treating her like a China doll since hearing the news, doting on her, bringing her ice water, and encouraging her to rest whenever possible. Because of the severity of her symptoms, he wanted her home from work, and she agreed. Her last day would be at the end of the month. She would reevaluate after summer, since the baby wasn’t due until December.
Whenever Tanner worried about her headaches and nausea, Jade would lean close and kiss him into silence. “I’m supposed to be sick. Morning sickness means I’m carrying a healthy baby.”
It was enough that she was concerned; there was no point worrying him also. For the most part Tanner was willing to believe her explanations.
She closed her eyes. Make it go away, Lord, please. Take the pain from my head so I know there’s nothing wrong with me.
Her skull ached in response, and images from the night before filled her mind.
She and Tanner had gone out onto their bedroom balcony to watch the moonlight glistening on the rolling hills behind their home. In the shadows they had spotted a pair of deer making their way to a thicket of oak trees. Tanner came up behind her and slipped his arms around her still-flat mid-section.
“You’re beautiful, Jade. More beautiful than anything.” He whispered into her ear and she leaned her head back against his chest.
“Mmmm.” She closed her eyes. “It feels so good to be with you.”
“I’m sorry you’re sick.” He left a trail of feather-light kisses along her neck. “But I love that you’re pregnant. I want to be a part of everything I missed when you had Ty.”
Tears had burned in Jade’s eyes. “I wish there was a way to get back the years we lost.” She drew a deep breath and savored the weight of his body against hers. “Sometimes I still can’t believe we’re together.”