Chapter 35
Apology
Days and then weeks went by without any word from Malini. Jacob tried to call but she refused to talk with him. He decided to send her an email, apologizing for the way he’d treated her. He sat down at the glass desk, which she’d picked out, and booted up the computer, that she’d also picked out. Everything in this room reminded him of her.
Malini,
I know there’s nothing I can say that can make up for what I did. I tried to force you to do something you didn’t want to do. I have no excuses. But I am sorry.
I’m not sure how to live in Paris without you. I decided to stay because of you but here I am without you anyway. It feels like I’ve lost everything. When I think about starting school again, everything hurts. Please forgive me. Hit me, scream at me, anything, but please talk to me.
If you ever talk to me again, I swear I’ll tell you everything; everything I know about the water, the tree, and me. I am still Jacob. You do know the real me. But I’ll tell you the rest, if you just talk to me again.
Love,
Jake
As hopeful as he was when he hit the send button, the last days of August faded away and school rolled in with no response. The first day of his junior year at Paris High School was spent in silence, moving from classroom to classroom in zombie-like indifference. He didn’t have to see Malini in trigonometry or foreign language because she’d passed into college-level Spanish, French, and calculus. For once, he was happy that she surpassed him academically.
But English was the great equalizer. He saw her take a seat at the front of the room. Thinking he didn’t want to feel her stare in the back of his head all period, he sat in the back. Unfortunately, the strategy backfired. He spent the entire period watching her and didn’t hear a word Mr. Brown said.
Lunch was an endurance exercise. He sat on the opposite end of the only empty table in the cafeteria. She seemed completely engrossed in her pulled pork sandwich, never even looking in his direction. Jacob, on the other hand, didn’t touch his lunch. He spent the period feeling like his heart was being dragged out of his body through his throat.
Chemistry was even more of a problem. There was no getting around being lab partners. Everyone else in the class paired up immediately, leaving the last table empty. Jacob sat down first. She eventually followed, taking the stool diagonally from him with a huff and never making eye contact. Luckily, they didn’t have to talk with each other. Mrs. Casey covered the requirements of the class and then ran a movie on taking accurate measurements. Jacob couldn’t stop looking at Malini, but she never turned her head. When the lights came back on and the bell rang, he leaned across the table and put his hand on her arm.
“Meet me at McNaulty’s?” he pleaded.
She didn’t look up but yanked her arm away. Grabbing her books, she was out the door before he could close his mouth.
After school, Jacob walked alone to McNaulty’s anyway and waited. He left alone.
By early September, Jacob was ready to chew his own arm off. With no place to go and nothing to do, he spent entire days staring at walls. He hated to admit it, but he missed working for Dr. Silva. Even a fight with Katrina would’ve been a welcome distraction, but she’d moved out at the end of August to attend college. So, when he saw the cross-country team gathering after school on the football field with Coach Schroeder, he found himself joining them for no other reason than an absence of nothing better to do.
“Coach Schroeder?” Jacob said.
“Yeah. What’s up, Jacob?”
“I know I missed the informational session but I was wondering if I could run on the team.”
Coach Schroeder stared at him blankly for a second, as if he was trying to tell if Jacob was joking. Then he looked at the group of four girls and two boys stretching in the grass. Most of them were freshman and all of them looked like this was their first year running. “Sometimes I forget you’re not from here, Jake,” he said. “This is Paris. If you want to run on the cross-country team, you just show up.”
Jacob showed up. Not only was he the fastest on the team but the rhythmic fall of his feet allowed him welcome respite from the guilt and regret that controlled most of his thoughts. When he was running he felt nothing. He’d always lived by two very important rules: don’t feel anything and don’t expect anything from anybody. Oh how he wished he could close himself off again and go back to the person he was before. But he’d changed. He felt something now and while he still didn’t expect anything from anyone, it hurt worse than ever when people lived up to his expectations.
Every day after practice, he waited outside of McNaulty’s, but Malini never even passed by. He remembered her birthday. He found a stainless steel bracelet with a heart that looked similar to the one he’d made her on the beach at Lake Stelton. He wrapped it in a section of a map he found of New Zealand from an old National Geographic that the Laudners had around the house. On September 21st, the night before she turned sixteen, he left it on the balcony outside her window with a note.
Malini,
Even if you never forgive me, I want you to be happy. Here is the heart I promised you. I’m so sorry I ruined us. It was the worst mistake I ever made. But someone once told me, a person isn’t the worst thing they’ve ever done. I can’t take away what I did but I can promise you that I’ve learned my lesson. The offer still stands. I’ll tell you everything. The absolute truth, if you just give me a second chance. Happy Birthday.
Love,
Jake
Two days later he noticed she drove a new red Miata to school. Uncle John told Jacob it was a gift from her father. He never saw the bracelet on her wrist.
The weather in Paris turned disagreeable in October. It rained almost constantly. Jacob ran for the cross-country team anyway. Coach Schroeder was ecstatic to have a runner who ran faster in the rain. In fact, Jacob could hear the hum of each drop as it fell around him. When his muscles began to fatigue, he would simply ask the water to lift his legs for him. The only reason he ever slowed was because he finished the race.
Near the end of the season, however, the storm was so severe that Coach Schroeder had to cancel. It was just too dangerous for the team to run in the lightning. Jacob walked to McNaulty’s in the sheeting rain without an umbrella. He could’ve asked the water to part. It was possible for him to walk through the rain and remain completely dry. But the cold sting of it felt good. It was an echo of what he was feeling inside, and for some reason it gave him peace.
Jacob entered the little restaurant dripping wet and took a seat at a booth by the window. Mrs. McNaulty handed him a dry towel and a Coke before he even ordered. He reached for his wallet but she shook her head. A sad smile crept across her face. Without a word Jacob understood she knew more about lost loves than she was willing to talk about. She returned to the kitchen and left Jacob staring absently out the window.
“Excuse me, may I join you?” a girl’s voice said. He assumed she was talking to someone else. A hand on his shoulder caused him to turn. “Is anyone sitting here? May I join you?”
“Yes, um, sure,” he replied clumsily. The girl was breathtaking, tall and thin like a runway model. She was wearing a St. Mary’s uniform—a plaid skirt and white button-down blouse. St. Mary’s was a small Catholic High School, the only other school in town and connected to the church the Laudners attended. The red plaid hit high on her thigh and he caught himself watching its hem move dangerously higher as she sat down. Her wavy blonde hair was swept up behind her head with pieces falling loosely on her shoulders. The effect was that his eye was drawn to her neck and then down the vee of her blouse, open a button lower than it should have been for a town like Paris. As she smiled, he tried to remember his name to introduce himself. No one on Earth could be this beautiful.
“My name is Auriel,
” she said, holding out perfectly manicured fingers.
“I’m Jacob,” he replied, taking her hand. Zaps of electricity coursed up his arm and his skin suddenly felt warm. He held her hand for a moment too long before nervously letting it go. “Do you go to St. Mary’s?”
“Yes, I’m a junior … and you?”
“PHS. I’m a junior also. I haven’t seen you around here before.”
“I’m new. Just moved here. Does it always rain like this?”
“No. But the weather is constantly changing. They get every kind here.” He noticed for the first time that she was completely dry. She must have hung a raincoat by the door.
“They? You sound like you’re not from here.”
“Actually, I’m not.” Jacob described how he’d come to Paris. She was easy to talk to and he went on and on about himself.
“It sounds like you’ve been through a lot,” she purred. She was leaning across the table toward him. A whiff of her perfume reached his nose and he closed his eyes.
“You smell nice,” he said.
“Thanks.” She tilted her heart shaped face toward him and his stomach went topsy-turvy. He swallowed hard and forced himself to blink.
Jacob checked his phone. “Crap, Auriel, I’ve got to go. I can’t believe how late it is.”
“Time flies when you’re having fun.”
As he got up to leave, his cheeks warmed when he realized he’d spent the entire time talking about himself and knew almost nothing about her. “I’m sorry. I’ve been talking the whole time. I’m usually not this rude.”
“That’s fine, Jacob. I know better than anyone how hard it is to make friends here. It’s only natural. You needed to talk. Anyway, I enjoyed hearing your stories.”
“Can I see you again?”
“Sure.”
“Tomorrow? Same time and place?”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she whispered and his heart raced as she stood up from the booth and the hem of her skirt fluttered against her thigh. A half-smile crossed her lips. “I’m glad we met, Jacob. You’re a rare breed.”
“You too, um, I mean, well, see you later.” He watched her walk past him, out of McNaulty’s, and then slapped his forehead. He replayed the conversation in his head. She was so sophisticated and beautiful. He would seriously have to get better at this if he were going to keep her around.
With Malini gone, she was his only chance at a friend in Paris.