Page 33
"Actually its been a very recent development," Jazz tries to diffuse the situation, wise enough not to take sides in the silent argument between me and my girlfriend. "I mean Ive been thinking about quitting for months, but they kicked out another thirty people and cut our salaries, and I figured before I earn minimal wages for a shitty job Im better off trying my luck elsewhere. Ive recently met two of my buds from college, and weve been talking about opening our own business together, and that last week was kind of the incentive I needed to throw my lot in with them. And am now in the lucky position that unless we get a few projects soon Im pretty much completely broke. "
Which explains why he has shown up here instead of getting a hotel room -
besides the obvious comfort he must he seeking. Sometimes being able to just talk to someone is worth more than a fat paycheck.
"What exactly do you plan to do with that business?"
He shrugs at my question.
"Pretty much whatever we can get, at the moment. Barrys planning to get us a shot at outsourced project planning, but Id be happy with a few web design jobs, too. "
I hesitate for a moment, but then speak what comes to my mind nevertheless.
"I know Beth is thinking about getting a new software for the online part of her shops, and the hospital homepage is so antiquated that I think we could actually be losing patients because of it. If you want to, I can ask around if they wanna get back for an offer from you. "
Both Bella and Jazz seem surprised at my suggestions, and I cant help chuckle at the faces they are making.
"What?"
"Nothing," Bella huffs, then smiles. "I think thats a great idea. Dont you, Jazz?"
"Sure, thanks, that would be great if you could do that. "
"Youre welcome. "
The idea that Jazz of all people could get to manage the part of Beths website that deals with the non-standard sex shop items is rather amusing, but I keep that to myself. Money is money, and its not like he doesnt know about it all. And except for me - and by extension, Bella - he never seemed to have a problem with anything kinky. Thinking of that dampens my mood considerably, but before the heavy silence can get worse, Bella again rides to the rescue.
"Anyway, maybe it was for the best that you had that fight? She probably didnt realize she was leaving you no freedom at all, and now that thats out in the open you can work on making it better from now on?"
"I dont really think that theres a chance of us staying together," he admits.
Both Bella and I are waiting for him to elaborate but he doesnt.
"Why?"
He shrugs at Bellas question, then for the first time really looks at us.
"Because Ive never heard her say anything with so much hate and loathing in her voice. She wasnt just furious when she kicked me out, she calmed down right around the middle of our argument, and I could tell that she really believed what she was saying. She doesnt want me in her life anymore, not as her partner, nor lover, nor even as a friend. And the really sad thing is, I never saw it coming. Yes, it was clear wed have to work out the small issues like the stupid food or her messiness, but whatever made her snap is routed way deeper. And nothing can change anything about the fact that I still love her, while she obviously doesnt feel the same for me. "
Theres nothing either of us can say to that, and Jazz lets his head fall into his hands again. Bella hesitates, but then reaches over and squeezes his shoulder, some of the pain so heavy in his words now on her face.
"Its gonna be okay," she murmurs, but theres not much conviction behind it, and she falls silent when she realizes that herself. We stay like that for another few minutes, but I can tell that Jazz is at the end of whatever strength is still left in him, so I gently nudge Bella to get up.
"I think we all need to catch some sleep, its late. "
Jazz nods, clearly relieved, then glances at his bag.
"Sure. "
While hes busy in the downstairs toilet brushing his teeth over the small sink I stealthily extract the towels while Bella sets up the makeshift bed, and we go upstairs after wishing Jazz a good night. I dont think he will be sleeping all that much, and judging from the way Bella keeps tossing and turning next to me it doesnt look any different for either of us.
"Wanna fuck?"
Just as Ive intended that makes her go still, and after a few seconds she glances over her shoulder at me.
"Oh, Edward, youre so romantic, please lets elope to Vegas and marry and have ten children in our white picket fence house!"
Grinning, I pull her closer until Im pretty much keeping her immobilized with my body cocooned around hers while pretending to just cuddle with her.
She laughs and rubs her ass suggestively against my cock, but it seems more like teasing than real need. I even think I can get hard eventually if she keeps that up, but she stops soon, her loud sigh deafening in the silence of the room.
"This whole mess with Jazz and Alice is just too depressing. And I cant believe Im saying this after how our evening has started, but I really dont want to have sex right now. "
I kiss her neck softly in answer, then let my hold around her go slack. She still stays where she is, accepting the warmth and physical comfort I offer.
"Theyre not gonna resolve this, you know?" she finally speaks out the words we both know to be true.
"No, dont think so. "
I feel her nod her own agreement.
"What did she say when you called her earlier?"
"Nothing. "
Bella tenses a little.
"Like she wont say anything about their break-up?"
"No, as in nothing has happened. Everythings okay. "
Her silence is telling, and Im sure that if I could see her face I would find a frown knitting up her brows.
"You think he could be lying?"
The answer is easy.
"No. "
"Huh," she grunts, and when I nudge her to go on, she finally turns around, searching my face for something. "I would have thought youd assume he was if Alice told you she knew about nothing. "
"I didnt ask her if they split up, just if anything was wrong. And she said no, everything is okay. Maybe it is, in the way of now it is okay?"
Its obvious Bella wants to add a few choice words to that assessment, but she doesnt. The following silence isnt uncomfortable as I just feel so close to her with the way she keeps looking at me, like were both thinking the same things and dont really need to say it out loud for the other to know.
"Nothing we can really do about it, I guess. "
"No," I agree. "Just be the friends they need us to be. And if they dont need us, well, then not. "
Thinking that is one thing, but speaking it out loud makes me grow cold inside. Its as if Alice has shut that door between us once again, and the only thing Im really surprised about is how easily I can accept that. I dont like it, even hate it, but theres nothing I can do about that, either.
"Maybe she just needs time. You know, I dont think Alice ever really had to deal with something that didnt go the way she wanted it to go. She never had to deal with herself and how she reacts in such a situation. Maybe thats all just that outburst that needed to happen for ages and shes shutting everyone out until she can work through it. People sometimes do stupid things in situations like that. Like propose to you or something. "
I smile at Bellas last remark, and in return she raises one hand to stroke my cheek softly.
"Yeah, who would ever do something like that?"
"Someone really desperate. And I have to admit, Im not sure if I wouldnt have acted that much different than her if I hadnt run off and got some time to collect my thoughts and straighten out my priorities before I saw you again. As much as I want to call her a stupid bitch, in a way I can understand her. I just dont get whats been festering so badly that it made her explode like that. "
I know Im a man of many faults, but lying to myself has never been one of them. I guess thats the reason why I dont really understand her sympathy with Alice, but Im happy to just accept that as a fact and not dwell on it.
"Im the wrong guy to ask about that. All this hit me as out of the blue as you. "
"Except for the part where it was obvious from the cunt shes been acting like whenever it was the four of us out together that this all had to blow up in their faces eventually. "
I mull that over in my thoughts, and while I have to admit that I wouldnt have phrased it like that, Bella does have a point.
"Maybe. "
"Or hes a way better actor than either of us gives him credit for," Bella jokes, but her eyes hold more doubt than I feel over his motives.
"You think? Because if thats the case we should nominate him for an Academy Award. "
Now its her turn to seem surprised, but she gets over that quickly.
"Maybe Im just wanting him to be lying. But to me it feels like theres so much more to this than he told us. "
"Well, he didnt really tell us anything, except that she kicked him out and things werent going as well as they should have. "
"True," she admits, but the frown remains on her face. Then the set of her jaw turns stubborn, or at least determined, and her eyes remain fixed on mine.
"Something like that cant happen to us, right? You wouldnt just eat something up and let it fester and grow until its unsolvable?"
"No, I wouldnt. "
"Promise me. "
Im a little miffed that she needs that reassurance, but I can see how important it is for her, so I indulge her.
"I promise, I will never keep anything from you that could turn into such a disaster. Even if I know it will hurt you, I will tell you and be completely honest with you, because I know in the end, it will hurt a lot less than when it all comes out later in a fight. And I know youll do the same. "
She nods, still serious, but then a smile spreads on her face.
"Speaking of things that might become a problem . . . "
"Yes?"
Her gaze turns downright shrewd.
"If its getting over fourteen days Im so gonna safeword my ass out of this hellhole of frustration and fuck myself raw on your cock! Just so you know!"
Her words - and also her forceful sincerity - make me laugh, to the point where shes a step away from being offended.
"I really mean it!"
"I know you do," I reply, then give her the most stern look I can manage, which is probably still more playful than fierce. "I knew all that compliance and meekness couldnt last that long. "
Bella huffs but cant hide a hint of chagrin at having gotten caught.
"So what, Im selfish, I need to come eventually! This whole spiel wouldnt work if I could just go on living in frustration forever!"
"That would just be boring," I admit, then lean down to kiss her roughly.
"Tomorrow evening, seven sharp, I expect you kneeling in the playroom, and you better be asking me to punish you for that little diatribe just now. "
She laughs into my mouth, not even in the least bit frightened.
"Id love to, but you know we cant. "
"Says who?"
"Says that card over there on the dresser. Or have you already forgotten our appointment?"
I actually have, with all that drama that our guest has brought with him, but now I know again why Ive wanted to make sure that she wont go to bed unsatisfied again tonight.
"Shit, thats tomorrow?"
Bella laughs, then lightly kisses my throat, her lips vibrating with her chuckle.
"Yes, tomorrow. Or are you getting cold feet?"
"Nope, just forgot. "
"So, no playroom fun at seven?"
"Doesnt look like it, no. "
"Too bad," she retorts, her laugh leaving me guessing if shes really relieved or also disappointed in parts. Then she turns over so that her back is once again pressed against my chest, and before long I can hear her breath even out as she falls asleep.
No playtime, as it seems, because tomorrow my beautiful girlfriend and I are going to get inked.
Chapter 23
Theres one thing Ive never expected I will think of myself - that Im a wimp.
But today Im obviously proven wrong.
It all starts pretty relaxed - weve been to the tattoo studio twice before to see the artists works firsthand and talk about our designs. While Bella has been fussing over hers together with Mandy, the owners daughter who Bella instantly connected with, Ive decided to pretty much wing it. Carlos, the owner himself, is an acclaimed free hand artist, and I trust him to get the dragon on the canvas of my left upper arm right.
Its weird how downright giddy I feel, but for obvious reasons I cant be as exuberant about it as Bella is - at breakfast shes been pretty much unable to concentrate on anything else, and when we meet up at the tattoo studio after work she seems a step away from squealing with delight. I still wonder if part of it is due to Jazz not hanging around, as he chooses to go running instead of eating with us.
As she and Mandy have the design all planned and already drawn up, the stencil is quickly transferred to Bellas right shoulder over her shoulder blade, and after a last check that everything is where it belongs, Mandy sets to work. Bella barely winces as she remains hunched over her chair, looking serene and nearly relaxed except for the constant chatter going on between her and the woman wielding the tattoo gun. She has decided to get a heavily shaded Calla lily, no extra colors added, but the outline alone promises to yield a stunning, elegant flower to soon bloom on her back.
Meanwhile Carlos is busy sketching the dragon on my arm, and we dont really talk that much - then again I get the impression hes equally amused about Bella and his daughter giggling and laughing away like old friends, and I dont feel like breaking his concentration. Its fascinating to watch him draw a few lines that seem only like a natural emphasis of my muscles at first, then keep building up on them until I have a red penciled fierce predator curled around itself all over the outside of my arm, from the shoulder down to nearly my elbow.
"About what you had in mind?" Carlos asks, and I nod.
"Even better. Lets do this. "
When he starts mixing the colors Im still somewhat calm, but from the moment he turns on the tattoo gun, I feel my cool slipping away. And damn, that stuff is uncomfortable.
At first I try telling myself that the feeling will pass - after all its quite ridiculous that I of all people should have problems with a little pain - but it doesnt. In fact it only gets worse when he moves up from the fleshier part of my arm to the bones at the shoulder, and I feel myself break out in cold ysweat all over. For half an hour that goes mostly unnoticed, until Bella asks Mandy to take a break because she has to use the restroom - and when she returns and looks over to us to check the progress, she gives a strangled guffaw that doesnt sit well at all with my ego.
"Everything alright with you?" she asks, her voice unable to hide the laughter she tries to hold back, and at her words Mandy of course turns to us, too. Her critical gaze rakes me, then she shrugs.
"Maybe you should take a break. Eat and drink something, youll feel better in a few minutes. "
Carlos stops after finishing the next line, then glances at my face.
"Dude, you really are pale. "
"Im fine," I hiss between clenched teeth, then give up when I realize just how ridiculous Im acting. Bella bats her lashes at me as she sits down again, then ignores my glare when she resumes their chat with, "You know, normally hes not such a wuss. "
Oh girl, youve got it comin!
Carlos is nice enough to pretend he needs to call another client when Im done jugging down a can of coke so I get a little more respite. When we resume our session Im still not exactly enjoying myself but the discomfort is more tolerable; seeing the tattoo slowly come to life on my arm is helping a lot, too, and I cant help thinking that it would still be worth it even if it hurt ten times as much.
With the head start theyve had from Bellas tattoo being completely planned already when we got here, and the whole piece being smaller than my dragon, its no surprise Mandy is done long before her father. After giving Bella a short respite Carlos and Mandy switch places to include the parts Bella and I have agreed on before - a stylized black dragon soon circles the stem of her lily, while my half-finished dragon clutches a lily in the talons of his left front leg. Each of us will now bear a part of the other with us, wherever we go, come what may.
Once Carlos takes over again, Mandy and Bella leave the room, the tattoo artist murmuring something about showing her the rest of the studio. There are no other customers left as its very close to closing time already, and to me at least it seems as if Mandy is aching for a smoke.
Finally on our own Carlos clears his throat, then chuckles softly.
"Its usually the slight girls who are the toughest. Dont let her get to you, youre handling this well. Just last week Ive had to stop after twenty minutes because a guy couldnt handle it anymore. Not a problem, we all have our good and bad days. "
I try to take that with the humor the situation deserves, but my ego is still bruised.
"Sure. But its a little embarrassing. "
He gives a noncommittal grunt before he sets to switching colors one last time, adding green highlights to the blue scaled beast.
"Guess that depends. You one of the guys who cant handle his girl being better at anything than him?"
"Oh, I know shes better than me in pretty much everything. "
"But?"
"Im not used to being the squeamish one. "
Carlos seems to weigh my words as he cleans up some of the residual ink.
The tissue halts for a moment at the faint scar close to my elbow, right next to the lily.
"Single-tail?"
His question surprises me, but a glance at his knowing look hes giving me makes me shake my head, laughing.
"No, bullwhip. "
"Ah," he wisely surmises, then gets back to working on the scales. I wonder if I should say more, and part of me feels the need to clarify that Im more comfortable with being the one on the other end of the whip, but then I figure I might as well let him believe that Bella beats me up on a daily basis.
Eventually were done, too, and I take my time admiring the piece of art now covering my arm. The animal looks ready to jump right off my skin, sinewy and strong, while at the same time he is ready to protect his precious flower. I just love it, and when Bella and Mandy rejoin us, Im nearly as jumpy as shes been all day to show it to her. So much so that it takes me a full minute to realize that shes a little white in the face herself, but I figure that is most likely from her tatt hurting more now that its done than it did in the process of creation.