Emotional, I hugged him back. “I’ll miss you too. You’ve been good to me and good for me. I won’t forget you. Tell the guys thanks for teaching me to play.”
“Sure thing. Come on.” He stood and helped me up, kissing my cheek softly. “Let’s get you home. And, Kelsey?”
“Yes?”
“If he ever does leave you, tell him I’ll come looking for him.”
I laughed forlornly. “I’m sorry I put you through this, Li.”
He shrugged. “You’re worth it. I have a sneaking suspicion that if I’d forced your hand when he showed up, you would have chosen him anyway. At least this way, I got to hang around a little bit longer.”
“It wasn’t fair to you.”
“Didn’t somebody say that all’s fair in love and war? This was a little bit of love mixed in with a little bit of war. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
I took his hand in both of mine and squeezed. “You’re going to make some woman very happy someday, Li. And I hope that someday finds you soon.”
“Well if you happen to have a twin sister somewhere, send her my way.”
I laughed, but I felt like crying.
Li drove me home. We were both silent, and I thought about what he had said. He was right. Ren was a careful, thoughtful person. He’d had centuries to think about what he wanted. For some reason, he wanted me. I knew deep down that he loved me and would never leave me. I also knew that if I had chosen someone else, he would’ve always been around to take care of me if I needed him.
My feelings for him were never in question. Li was right. I should tell him. Tell him that I’d made my choice.
I’d been deliberately trying to seduce the man for several weeks, and now that I was finally going to get what I wanted . . . I was nervous. My resolve wobbled. I felt suddenly vulnerable, fragile. My thoughts were incoherent and scattered. What should I say?
When he stopped the car, Li encouraged me one more time. “Tell him, Kelsey.” He hugged me briefly and then drove off.
I stood outside Ren’s door for too many minutes thinking about what I was going to say.
The door opened, and Ren came out to stand beside me. His feet were bare, and he was still wearing his muscle shirt and white pants from wushu. He looked earnestly at my face and sighed unhappily. “Tell me what, Kells?”
In a stilted voice, I said, “Heard that, did you?”
“Yes.” His face was tight, cautious. I suddenly realized that he thought I was going to choose Li.
He ran a hand through his hair. “What would you like to tell me?”
“I’d like to tell you that I’ve made my choice.”
“I figured that.”
I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, but he remained stiff and unyielding. I stood up on my tiptoes to get closer. He sighed, reached down to put his arms around me, and picked me up. He held my body snugly against his rock-solid chest while my feet hovered several inches in the air. I spoke softly in his ear, “I choose you.”
He froze . . . then drew his head back to look at my face, “So then, Li—”
“Is out of the picture.”
He flashed me a brilliant smile that lit up the dark night. “So then we—”
“Can be together.”
I pulled his head closer and kissed him softly. He broke away to study my face in surprise and then locked me tightly in his arms and kissed me back. His was no soft, sweet kiss. It was a hot, melty, smoldering one.
There are many different types of kisses. There’s a passionate kiss of farewell—like the kind Rhett gave Scarlett when he went off to war. The kiss of I-can’t-really-be-with-you-but-I-want-to-be—like with Superman and Lois Lane. There’s the first kiss—one that is gentle and hesitant, warm and vulnerable. Then there’s the kiss of possession—which was how Ren kissed me now.
It went beyond passion, beyond desire. His kiss was full of longing, need, and love, like all those other kisses. But, it was also filled with promises and pledges, some of which seemed sweet and tender while others seemed dangerous and exciting. Ren was taking me over. Staking a claim.
He seized me as boldly as a tiger captures his prey. There was no escape. And I didn’t want to. I would have happily died in his clutches. I was his, and he made sure I knew it. My heart burst with a thousand beautiful blooms, all tiger lilies. And I knew with a certainty more powerful than anything I’d ever felt before that we belonged together.
He finally lifted his head and murmured against my lips, “It’s about bloody time, woman.”
8
Jealousy
Ren kissed me again and slid an arm under my knees. He managed to carry me into the house and kick the door closed without ever taking his lips off mine. I’d finally gotten my Rhett Butler moment. He lowered himself into the recliner, snuggled me on his lap, grabbed my quilt, and tucked it around me.
He kissed me everywhere—my hair, my neck, my forehead, my cheeks . . . but always returned to my lips like they were the center of his universe. I sighed softly and basked in the barrage of Ren’s kisses— drowning kisses, soft kisses, sultry kisses, kisses that lasted a mere second, and kisses that lasted an eternity. It was easy to believe that my warrior-angel had captured me and had flown me up to heaven.
A deep rumble echoed in his chest.
I pulled back, laughing. “Are you growling at me?”
He laughed softly, twisted my hair ribbon around his fingers, and pulled gently, loosening my braid. Biting my ear lightly, he whispered a threat, “You have been driving me crazy for three weeks. You’re lucky all I’m doing is growling.”
He trailed slow kisses down my neck. “And does this mean you’ll be over here more often?”
He spoke, moving his lips against my throat, “Every minute of the day.”
“Oh. So . . . you weren’t just avoiding me then?”
He put his finger under my chin and turned my face to his. “I would never avoid you on purpose, Kells.” He stroked the side of my neck and collarbone with his fingertips, distracting me.
“But you did.”
“That was regretfully necessary. I didn’t want to pressure you, so I stayed away, but I was always near. I could hear you.” He pressed his face into my cascading hair and sighed. “And smell your peaches-and-cream scent, which drove me absolutely crazy. But, I wouldn’t let myself see you unless you agreed to a date. When you started purposefully tempting me, I thought I’d go insane.”
“Ah-hah! So you were tempted.”
“Yours was the worst kind of pralobhana, temptation. I would have had you for a moment, but then I would ultimately lose you. It was all I could do not to grab you and carry you off.”
It was strange. Now that I’d admitted aloud that I wanted to be with him, I didn’t feel shy or hesitant at all. I felt . . . liberated. Joyful. I planted dozens of kisses across his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, and finally his chiseled lips. He sat immobile while I traced his face with my fingertips. We looked at each other for a long moment, his beautiful cobalt blue eyes locked with my brown ones. Ren smiled, and my heart leapt, knowing he, in all his perfection, belonged to me.
I slid my hands from his shoulders up into his hair, brushed it away from his brow, and said softly, “I love you, Ren. I always have.”
His smile widened. He snuggled me tighter in his arms and whispered my name. “I love you, my kamana. If I had known that you were the prize I’d get after being captive for centuries, I would’ve endured it thankfully.”
“What does kamana mean?”
“It means ‘the beautiful wish I desire above all others.’”
“Hmm.” I pressed my lips against his neck and inhaled the warm sandalwood scent of him. “Ren?”
“Yes?” He twisted his fingers through my hair.
“I’m sorry I was such an idiot. It’s all my fault. I wasted so much time. Can you forgive me?”
His fingers paused in my hair. “There’s nothing to forgive. I pushed you too
fast. I didn’t court you. I didn’t say the right things.”
“No. Believe me. You said all the right things. I just think I wasn’t prepared to hear them or to believe them.”
“I should have known not to rush you. I wasn’t patient enough, and a tiger without patience doesn’t get his dinner.”
I laughed.
“Did you know that I started to have feelings for you before you even knew I was a man? Do you remember when I ran around frantically during a performance at the circus?”
“Yes.”
“I thought you were gone. Matt had been talking with his father and had said that one of the new girls had left. I thought they’d meant you. I had to know if you were still there. You didn’t come by my cage that day, and I became distraught, despondent. I couldn’t settle down until I saw you in the audience.”
“Well, I’m here now, and I won’t leave you, Tiger.”
He growled, squeezed me, and teased, “No, you won’t. I won’t ever let you out of my sight again. Now, about all those poems you gave me . . . I think some of those deserve to be studied in great depth.”
“I definitely agree.”
He kissed me again. It was lingering and sweet. His hands cupped my face, and I think my heart actually flipped over in my chest. He pulled back, kissed the sides of my mouth, and sighed deeply. We snuggled together until his time was up.
The next night I cooked a special dinner for Ren. When my mom’s famous stuffed shells were ready, Ren scooped a giant portion onto his plate, speared a shell, and chewed happily.
“This is one of the best things I have ever eaten. In fact, it’s only second to peanut butter, chittaharini.”
“I’m glad you like my mom’s recipe. “Hey, you never told me what chittaharini means.”
He kissed my fingers. “It means—‘one who captivates my mind.’”
“And, iadala?”
“‘Dear one.’”
“How do you say, ‘I love you’?”
“Mujhe tumse pyarhai.”
“How do you say, ‘I’m in love’?”
He laughed. “You can either say, anurakta, which means ‘you are becoming fond of or attached to.’ Or you can say you’re kaamaart, which means ‘you’re a young woman intoxicated with love or love-stricken.’ I prefer the second.”
I smirked. “Yes. I’m sure you’d like to advertise that I’m drunk with love for you. How do you say ‘My boyfriend is handsome’?”
“Mera sakha sundara.”
I dabbed my lips with a napkin and asked if he’d like to help me make dessert. Ren pulled back my chair and followed me into the kitchen. I was ultra-aware of his nearness, especially as he kept finding reasons to touch me. As he put away the sugar, he stroked my arm. When he reached around me to set the vanilla on the counter, he nuzzled my neck. It got to the point where I started to drop things.
“Ren, you’re driving me to distraction. Give me a little space so I can finish making the dough.”
He did, but stayed close enough that I had to brush up against him when I put away ingredients. I shaped the cookies, dropped them onto the pan, and announced, “We now have fifteen minutes until they’re done.”
He grabbed my arm and yanked me up against him. The next thing I knew, the timer went off and I jumped. Somehow, I’d ended up on the kitchen counter locked in a passionate embrace. One of my hands was in his hair; his silky locks were twisted around my fingers while my other hand had apparently grabbed a fistful of designer shirt and was slowly mangling it. His freshly pressed shirt was now crumpled terribly. Mortified, I released my unruly grip and stammered, “Sorry about your shirt.”
He snatched my hand back, pressed a kiss on my palm, and smiled wickedly. “I’m not.”
I shoved him away and hopped down. Pushing my finger against his chest, I said, “You’re dangerous, pal.”
He grinned. “It’s not my fault that you’re intoxicated by me.”
I gave him a look, but it didn’t faze him at all; he was too pleased with himself. I took the cookies out of the oven, and turned to get the milk. When I handed him a glass, Ren had already downed one very hot cookie and was on his second.
“These are delicious! What are they?”
“Double chocolate chip with peanut butter filling.”
“They’re the second best thing I’ve ever tasted.”
I laughed. “You said the same thing at dinner.”
“I recently readjusted the ranking.”
“So what ranks first now? Is it still peanut butter pancakes?”
“Nope—you. But it’s close.” His smiled dimmed. “It’s time for me to change, Kells.”
I felt a slight tremor go through his arm. He kissed me sweetly one more time and then morphed into his tiger form. He moved over to the stairs, leapt up in two strides, and headed for my bedroom.
Ren made himself comfortable on the throw rug near my bed while I changed into my pajamas in the bathroom. After brushing my teeth, I knelt beside him.
Putting my arms around his neck, I whispered, “Mujhe tumse pyarhai, Ren.” He started purring while I pulled my blanket over me. I hadn’t seen the tiger half of him since he showed up on Christmas Day and I’d missed him. I wrapped my arms around him and stroked his soft fur. Snuggling next to him, I used his soft paws as a pillow and drifted off feeling at peace for the first time since I’d left India.
On Saturday, I woke up in my bed clutching my stuffed white tiger. Ren was straddling a chair and resting his head on his arms, watching me. I groaned and threw the blanket over my head.
“Good morning, sleepyhead. You know, if you wanted to sleep with a tiger, all you had to do was ask.” He picked up the toy tiger. “When did you buy this?”
“The first week I got here.”
He grinned. “So you missed me?”
I sighed and smiled. “Like a fish misses water.”
“It’s nice to know I’m so necessary to your survival.” He knelt by the bed and brushed the hair away from my face. “Did I ever tell you, you’re the most beautiful in the mornings?”
I laughed. “No way. My hair is a mess and I’m in my pajamas.”
“I like watching you wake up. You sigh and start wiggling. You roll back and forth a few times and usually mumble something about me.” He grinned.
I leaned up on my elbow. “So I talk in my sleep, huh? Well, that’s embarrassing.”
“I like it. Then you open your eyes and smile at me, even when I’m a tiger.”
“What girl wouldn’t smile when you’re the first thing she sees? It’s like waking up on Christmas morning to the best present ever.”
He laughed and kissed my cheek. “I want to go see Silver Falls today, so get your lazy bones out of bed. I’ll wait for you downstairs.”
On the way to the falls, we stopped at White’s in Salem, a little diner that had been in business for decades. Ren ordered a Large Mess, which was their specialty: hash browns, eggs, sausage, bacon, and gravy scrambled together in a big pile. I’d never seen anybody finish it, but Ren polished it off and then stole my toast as well.
“You’ve got quite the appetite,” I commented. “Haven’t you been eating?”
He shrugged. “Mr. Kadam set up a grocery service, but I only know how to make popcorn and sandwiches.”
“You should have told me. I would’ve cooked for you more often.”
He took my hand and kissed it. “I wanted to keep you otherwise occupied.”
The drive was beautiful. Miles and miles of Christmas tree farms on both sides of the winding road led up into hilly, forested country.
We spent the day hiking to South Falls, Winter Falls, and Middle North Falls and were headed to three others. It was cold, and I’d forgotten my gloves. Ren immediately pulled a pair of gloves out of his jacket pocket and slipped them over my hands. They were too big, but they were lined and warm. The gesture brought me back to my awful date with Artie. Ren and Artie were like night and day.
We?
??d been discussing the difference between the forests of India and the forests of Oregon when I had a thought and interrupted, “Ren, during that whole time I was dating Li, weren’t you even a tiny bit jealous?”
“I was extremely jealous. I see red anytime someone else comes near you.”
“You didn’t really act like it.”
“I almost went ballistic. I couldn’t think straight. When another guy approaches you, I just want to rip him apart with my claws. Even if I like him—like Li. And especially if I don’t—like Jason.”
“There’s no reason for you to be jealous.”
“I’m not, now. Jason backed off, and I owe a debt of gratitude to Li for finally getting you to admit your feelings.”
“Yes, you do owe him for that. By the way, he said if you ever left me, he’d come looking for you.”
He smiled. “It’ll never happen.”
Passing a clearing, I noticed him stick his nose in the air. “What do you smell?”
“Hmm, I smell bear, mountain lion, deer, several dogs, horses, fish, lots of squirrels, water, plants, trees, flowers, and you.”
“Doesn’t it bother you to smell everything so powerfully?”
“No. You learn to tune it out and focus on what you want to smell. It’s the same with hearing. If I concentrate, I can hear little creatures digging underground, but I just tune it out.”
We arrived at the Double Falls, and he led me over to a mossy rock that served as a lookout point. I shivered, my teeth chattering, even in my jacket and gloves. Ren quickly whipped off his jacket and secured it around my body. Then he pulled me back against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. I felt his silky hair brush against my face as he leaned his head down next to my cheek.
“It’s almost as beautiful as you, priya. This is so much better than having to worry about Kappa chasing us or needle trees puncturing my skin.”
I turned my head and kissed his cheek. “There is one thing I miss about Kishkindha.”
“Really? What’s that? Let me guess. You miss the arguing.”