“Fuck, Syll, I can’t wait to see you come again.”
I didn’t know if it was what I said, or the fact that I’d spoken, but whatever it was made her freeze.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked, and she scrambled off my lap. “I’m sorry, Jax, I shouldn’t have – I have a boyfriend.”
A pitcher of ice water wouldn’t have killed my libido more. “Excuse me?”
“You know that,” she said as she bent over and picked up her shirt. “He punched you in the face, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.” I stood. “But I figured you’d ended things with him. Because why in the fuck would you have done any of this if you were still with him?”
“I’m sorry,” she said again. She looked miserable, but I refused to feel any sympathy for her.
I shook my head. “I’ll see myself out.”
Eighteen
Syll
I was no stranger to people trying to make me feel shitty about myself. Like that woman on the bus. She hadn’t even been close to the only person who’d questioned my father’s ability to parent. My mother had left when I was three. We had no money, and I wore thrift store clothes. I hadn’t gone to college. All the things that people had thrown at me over the years had never made me think less of myself.
What I’d just done…
I covered my face with my hands as I sank down onto the chair. It was still warm from Jax’s body heat, and his scent lingered even if he was long gone.
My stomach churned, and I couldn’t even muster up any pity. I didn’t deserve pity. I’d brought this on myself. I’d gone after Jax, telling myself it had been for the most innocent of purposes: to make sure he was okay. I could have let him go after he said I couldn’t do anything. It wouldn’t have made me a bad person. I could have walked away when he kissed me. Put a stop to it right away and told him that I wasn’t interested.
But I hadn’t done any of that. I hadn’t even hesitated to say he could come back to my place when he said he didn’t want to be alone. He had family at the hospital, and I’d asked him to come anyway. I’d seen them. He should’ve been with them instead of me.
The way he’d looked at me…my heart twisted painfully. I’d been so angry at him for trying to buy the bar and for kissing me, but none of that had even come close to the damage I’d done to him a few minutes ago.
Then there was the fact that I felt worse about what I’d done to Jax than I did about cheating on Billy. Sure, he’d been an ass lately, but he was my boyfriend, and he didn’t deserve what I’d done. Just because I stopped things before we had sex didn’t mean I hadn’t cheated.
Cheated.
I bolted out of the chair, barely making it into the bathroom in time. I hadn’t eaten much today, but what little I had came up. Even with my stomach empty, I didn’t feel any better. I let out a gasping sort of sob and then retched again.
I had to come clean about what happened with Jax. It was the only way I could even begin to make things right with Billy.
But first, I needed to shower, to scrub away the memory of Jax’s touch, of the way he’d made me feel. I couldn’t think about any of that though. Billy was the one who mattered.
I shivered the entire walk from the bar to the bus station but kept telling myself that if I hadn’t crossed a line with Jax, I wouldn’t have been outside when it started snowing. Billy’s place wasn’t far, at least, and if he didn’t kick me out, I could stay there tonight. I knew I wasn’t a perfect girlfriend, but I’d never done anything like this before, and I hoped that would mean something to Billy.
I could barely breathe by the time I reached his third-floor apartment, and very little of it had to do with climbing all those stairs. The elevator hadn’t worked in this building since before Billy moved in. I wasn’t going to complain today though. Whatever punishments the universe sought fit to dole out, I’d accept. I deserved every one of them.
I knocked on the door and waited. After half a minute, I knocked again.
“Pizza!”
I frowned, thinking I had to be hearing things. Maybe the woman across the hall had been waiting for a delivery and mistakenly thought I’d knocked on her door. The walls here were thin.
“The app says it’s not here yet, Ari.”
That was Billy’s voice. I’d know it anywhere.
The door opened a moment later, and I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.
Ariene Sward looked down at me with wide, startled eyes, and then she burst out into laughter.
“Oops.”
The smell of alcohol would’ve told me she was drunk even if she hadn’t been holding onto a bottle of whiskey. A bottle that I was certain had come from my bar.
It said something about me that I was angrier about the stolen alcohol than the fact that the half-buttoned shirt she wore – the only thing she wore – was Billy’s.
“Billy-boy, we have a problem!” She kept looking at me as she called over her shoulder, that obnoxious smirk plastered on her face.
“Ari, what are you – shit.”
I looked around her as Billy came into view. He wore a pair of faded boxers and white athletic socks, his usual post-sex clothing. I could see long, red scratches down his chest, and wondered, dispassionately, if he had matching ones on his back.
“Syll.”
“I came over to tell you that I cheated on you.” The words came out evenly, surprising me. “I didn’t fuck anyone like you obviously did, but I kissed him. And he made me come.” Why I felt the need to add that last part, I didn’t know.
A burst of giggles exploded from Ariene, but I kept looking at Billy. His face went red, and he stalked over to the door.
“What?”
“I kissed him.” I paused, then corrected myself. “Actually, he kissed me, but I didn’t stop him. And then I kissed him back.”
“It was that asshole from the bar the other night, right?”
All my guilt was gone. “You do realize how hypocritical it is of you to be angry with me when you just finished fucking her, right? Because that’s what you were doing before I got here. Fucking. And since you two have such cute little nicknames for each other, I’m guessing this isn’t the first time.”
Ariene snorted. “No, it’s not the first time. We’ve been doing it behind your back for months.”
I waited for the pain of betrayal, but it didn’t come. I’d worked myself up about what’d happened with Jax, thinking of how unfair it was to Billy and how much my betrayal would hurt him. And the entire time, he’d been balls deep in Ariene.
Well, not the entire time. I knew from experience just how quick he was.
Without meaning to, I snickered.
“What’s so funny?” Billy snapped.
My laugh was the crack in the wall keeping back everything I was feeling, and it all came rushing forward. To no real surprise, anger outweighed hurt.
“This,” I said, “this is what’s so funny. I came over here upset that I’d hurt you, and I might as well have stayed home for all you cared.”
Billy’s expression twisted into something ugly. “You can’t blame me for this, Syll.”
I shook my head. “For what I did? No, I can’t, but you screwing around on me? Yeah, that’s all on you.”
He sneered at me. “It’s not like you left me much of a choice. You couldn’t expect me to be monogamous with someone who’s so shitty in bed.”
I stared at him. “Are you kidding me? Do you know how many times since we’ve been together that you’ve actually made me come during–” I stopped and shook my head. “No. There’s no point in having this conversation. It’s clear that neither one of us want to be in this relationship anymore.”
“I should’ve dumped your ass years ago.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, maybe you should have.”
I left before either of us could say anything else, but I could still hear Ariene laughing behind me as I headed for the stairs.
Gilly was right, I though
t as I walked back outside. She’d seen what I hadn’t been able to – or maybe just what I hadn’t wanted to. I’d tell her tomorrow. I wasn’t in the mood for an I told you so, and I didn’t think I’d be able to talk her out of doing something like breaking one of his windows. That sounded pretty good at the moment, especially since, the more I thought about it, the more my gut told me this hadn’t even been Billy’s first-time cheating. Sex was the same now as it’d been when we’d first started sleeping together, so if he thought it was so bad he needed to find it somewhere else…
I was suddenly even more glad that I’d always insisted on using a condom, and not only because I was grateful no kid had been caught in the middle of this. Who knew where his dick had been.
Maybe, deep down, I’d known all along that I couldn’t trust him.
I needed a drink. Or two.
Maybe more.
Nineteen
Jax
I looked down at my phone – again – and saw that Slade had called – again. I ignored the call and let it go to voicemail.
Again.
I didn’t want to talk to my brothers. We didn’t have anything we needed to say to each other now. Last night, Grandfather had told all of us that he’d made all the arrangements for his funeral years ago and had met with Ms. K regularly to keep everything up-to-date. Everything had already been paid for, and once he passed, all I would need to do is let Ms. K know, and she’d take care of everything else.
Which meant I didn’t have anything I needed to do, including talk to my brothers.
I wished I had something to do. Anything to get my mind off how my horrible day had gotten even worse.
When I left Syll’s place an hour or so ago, I automatically came back home. By the time I thought of going to the office, I was already home, and the snow had been coming down twice as hard. I knew that even if I did decide to brave the weather, I wouldn’t have anything at work to do, and Hunter Enterprises had almost as many memories of Grandfather as the house did.
Besides, the only scotch I had at the office was for the occasional drink after closing a deal. It was good stuff, but I never indulged in drinking for pleasure, not even when I worked late or on a weekend. Drinking at home, however, wasn’t a problem for me at all.
I’d taken a shower first though. I needed to get her scent off me. It’d driven me crazy the whole way home.
It hadn’t helped.
I was currently sitting in front of one of my floor-to-ceiling windows, working my way through my third glass of scotch, and I still couldn’t quit thinking about Syll.
If I closed my eyes, I could still taste her on my tongue, stronger than any alcohol. The first time I’d kissed her had been nothing compared to this afternoon. Hot and sweet, so eager. Then, watching her come on my leg…I could only imagine what it would be like to make her come on my mouth, on my cock. The sounds she would make. The things she would say…
“Fuck,” I muttered as I thought about listening to her talk dirty. Keeping her on the edge of orgasm and not letting her come until she told me everything that she wanted me to do to her, all the secrets she was keeping.
I frowned as a sound cut through my little daydream. A dinging sound that it took me a moment to recognize. Someone was ringing my doorbell. I considered ignoring it, but then I remembered that my brothers were in town, and I doubted they still had their house keys.
Grumbling nonsense, I stood up and made my way downstairs, half-hoping they’d be gone by the time I got there. I wasn’t in any mood for company.
“I’m sorry.”
I processed the words before my brain recognized that the person in front of me wasn’t one of my brothers. Syll was covered with snow, but I could still see her shivering as she peered up at me, looking as miserable as I felt.
“I was an asshole.”
And she sounded like she’d been drinking a little too.
I stepped to the side and gestured for her to come inside. I shut the door behind her and then turned around, unsure what I was going to say to her.
I wasn’t prepared, however, for her to launch herself at me. I caught her out of pure reflex, but I couldn’t stop the groan as her body collided with mine. She pressed her lips against mine, the kiss sloppy and uncontrolled, but there was a hunger in it that I recognized all too well.
I took two steps back, then leaned down to set her feet on the floor. “What are you doing here?”
“Well,” she blew out a sigh as she started to shake the snow off her coat. “I felt like coming to see you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And what does your boyfriend think about that?”
“Pfft.” She scowled. “My boyfriend’s an even bigger asshole than I am.”
I reached out and took her hand, wincing at how icy her fingers were. “I don’t like you calling yourself that.”
“But I was,” she insisted. “Kissing you when I was with Billy the asshole.”
Her words weren’t slurred, but she was definitely buzzed. I had a feeling she wouldn’t have come here if she wasn’t, but it didn’t change the facts.
“Then why did you come here and kiss me again?” I asked. I found myself almost smiling as she almost fell over trying to take off her boot, then reminded myself that nothing had changed. “If that makes you an asshole like your boyfriend?”
She came over to me and tipped her head back, so she could meet my gaze. “I misspoke. He’s my asshole ex-boyfriend.”
I regarded her for a moment, and then asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”
She shook her head. “He’s been fucking one of my waitresses for months. Nothing to talk about.”
Ouch. “Want a drink?”
She shook her head again. “Already had one. Or three. Now I want to fuck.”
Just when I’d thought my day couldn’t get any weirder.
“Syll,” I started.
She stepped closer and slid her hands under my shirt. My muscles twitched at the cold, but I didn’t move. My nipples hardened as her fingers slid over them, and my blood rushed south.
“I’m not asking for anything but sex,” she said. “I don’t want to think about anything, and I don’t think you do either. What do you say we help each other out?”
There was one thing I had to know before I answered, “Why me?”
“Because I like you,” she said. “Even though I hate you for trying to buy my bar.”
I wasn’t even going to try to figure out that logic.
“You smell good, and you’re hot.” She ran her hands down my torso and then hooked her fingers into my waistband. “Plus, you made me come, and it’s been a long while since someone besides me has done that.”
That was good enough for me.
The bed in the closest guestroom was only a queen, and it didn’t have any of the little additions I’d made to several of the other beds in the house but getting her naked was more important than having all of my toys.
“Pants off, now,” I said as I stripped off my jeans. Both of us had shed our shirts somewhere in the hall, and I drank in the sight of her bra-bound breasts again. “That off too.”
She grinned at me as she shimmied out of her pants, her flesh jiggling delightfully. I’d never thought of myself as having a type, but after tonight…
I kicked my pants off to the side and wrapped my hand around my cock, watching her slip off her bra and reveal a pair of the most perfect tits I’d ever seen. I stroked myself slowly, blocking out everything except what I had in this room right now.
“Panties.”
“You’re bossy.”
But she obeyed, and that was what was important.
“On all fours,” I said when she was completely naked. “On the bed.”
“I’ve got to warn you,” she said as she climbed onto the bed. “I’m counting on you making me come again, and I’ve never come in this position.”
I crossed to the bed and reached down to grab her hair, twisting it so that she was now looking a
t me over her shoulder, her eyes dark with desire. “I have two rules. One, if I do anything you don’t like, you tell me.”
“Okay.”
“And two, I don’t want to hear about the shitty lovers you’ve had in the past. Tonight, I’m going to make sure you forget your own name.”
“That’s what I’m hoping for,” she said, her voice breathless. I tightened my hand, and she gasped but didn’t protest. “Now, let’s talk about your punishment.”
“My what?”
The hand not tangled in her hair came down on her ass with a smack hard enough to make her yelp.
“I think you need to be punished for what happened before.” I slapped her ass again. “Don’t you think?”
She swallowed hard, telling me she was new at this, but she didn’t tell me no, so I was going to take that as a positive. We wouldn’t get into anything too extreme, but after the day I had, I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t get a little rough. I released her hair and spanked the other side of her ass just to even things out. Then I squeezed her ass and pulled her cheeks apart. She sucked in air as I slid my thumb down her crease and stopped at the puckered ring of muscle. I brushed over it, letting her catch her breath again.
“Not tonight,” I said softly. I wasn’t even sure why I said it, because tonight was all we had talked about. Still, the thought of taking her ass was one that made me wonder if maybe this didn’t have to be the only time.
I slid my hands around her hips, up her ribcage, and palmed her breasts. My cock slid between her ass cheeks as I pinched her nipples between my fingers, tightening my grip until she shivered. I straightened then, smacking her ass again with one hand, and reaching into a bedside drawer with the other. I ripped open the wrapper with my teeth and then rolled the condom on.
“Now,” I said, “let’s see if I can’t get you off like this.”
Twenty
Syll
Jax got me off twice, pounding into me from behind, one hand in my hair and the other slapping my ass until it burned.